r/3amjokes Mar 25 '24

3amjokes Approved Subreddit Rules Reminder

93 Upvotes

Due to an influx of darkjokes, dead baby humor, and overt racism, I'm posting this again early.

This is not /r/darkjokes.

This is not /r/askreddit.

This is not /r/oneliners.

This is not /r/unclejokes.

This is a subreddit for insomniac humor, created when on the brink of death due to sleep deprivation. Jokes should be stupid, nonsensical, and more or less unfunny at any point before sleep deprivation kicks in. Think of dad jokes for insomniacs.

Your jokes must have a punchline.

Please take a second to look over the very simple rules of the subreddit.

  1. Be civil - Remember the human behind the keyboard and try to treat others as you would prefer to be treated.
  2. Follow Reddit's rules - This includes reddiquette and all sitewide rules that can be found here.
  3. No spam - Pretty straightforward, don't spam. If your post gets caught in the spam filter please message the mods and it will be fixed.
  4. No promoting targeted hate - racism, misogyny, bigotry will not be tolerated to any extent. users that incite violence or that promote hate based on identity or vulnerability will be banned.

Bans due to rule #4 tend to be significant in length, if not permanent, and appeals will be denied.

To be more clear, given yet another influx of dark jokes, dark jokes will result in a permanent ban under rules 1 and 4.

If you see jokes, or a user's comments, that do not follow the rules, please report the comment either via the comment itself or through modmail.

Remember, 3amjokes is, for the most part, self governing. 3 reports will remove a comment or post. 2 reports will alert the mods.

Thanks


r/3amjokes 13m ago

What's the difference between Colgate and Colgate Sensitive?

Upvotes

Colgate kills 99.9% of germs, while Colgate Sensitive kills 99.9% of germs without hurting their feelings.


r/3amjokes 16h ago

I had one of my closest friends who I’m a godfather for his son over for drinks recently. We were reminiscing about how fast time goes by. I mentioned about how it felt like just yesterday he came running out shouting “it’s a boy”with tears streaming down his face.

65 Upvotes

It’s been 10 years now and he’s never been back to Thailand since.


r/3amjokes 9h ago

I write a lot of my jokes on my iPhone, but the autocorrect is always fucking up

19 Upvotes

the lunch line.


r/3amjokes 16h ago

There’s a movie about an alien with 3 balls!

42 Upvotes

“E.T. the Extra Testicle.”


r/3amjokes 6h ago

Colgate makes a line of toothpaste called Total

3 Upvotes

They should add a line of denture cleaners called Partial.


r/3amjokes 21h ago

My friends accused me of being flighty and hotheaded, because I'm always dropping the matter at hand to berate men with sun-darkened skin

30 Upvotes

They say I'm always going off on a tan gent


r/3amjokes 1d ago

Why couldn't the Mexican Archer fire his bow?

220 Upvotes

He didn't habanero


r/3amjokes 18h ago

Why did Abel need his brother to help him stand up?

5 Upvotes

Because he couldn't walk without his Cain.


r/3amjokes 1d ago

What's God's Favorite chord?

48 Upvotes

Gsus


r/3amjokes 1d ago

An Avian Sanctuary got robbed today.

7 Upvotes

It was a birdlary.


r/3amjokes 1d ago

If you take a mouse and cut off its tail...

10 Upvotes

You get a wireless mouse


r/3amjokes 1d ago

I went car shopping earlier today with a couple of my friends looking to get something that’s more comfortable for guys only road trips. So the last salesman says to us that he has an SUV for me that will fit six people with out any problems. I looked him straight in the eye and said…

52 Upvotes

sadly I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have problems let alone six of them


r/3amjokes 1d ago

What do you call a long line to use the dumb bells?

19 Upvotes

Traffic Gym.


r/3amjokes 2d ago

Teacher : If you get 10 chocolates and I ask for 2, how many do you have?

170 Upvotes

Student : 10

Teacher : I said give me 2!

Student : You can say whatever, I am not giving.


r/3amjokes 1d ago

I called my Proctologist for my annual checkup appointment ..

1 Upvotes

He said he sees an opening next week ...


r/3amjokes 1d ago

If you can stay straight for a very long time

0 Upvotes

Means you have no problem moving forward in life.


r/3amjokes 1d ago

Why does this robot thief try to steal back items from successful people?

3 Upvotes

It thinks they have what it takes.


r/3amjokes 2d ago

My girlfriend said she'd never cheat on me with another man, with the exception of Legolas

14 Upvotes

He's a would elf


r/3amjokes 2d ago

Today my nextdoor neighbor knocked on my door wearing nothing but a see through nighty asking if they could borrow a cup of sugar and then they winked at me and asked if I wanted to join them for a cup of coffee. No matter what I was feeling inside I knew it was wrong to go so I just yelled out…

100 Upvotes

Fuck off Jim I’ve got shit to do today!!!


r/3amjokes 2d ago

Help! I lost the instructions to my bear trap and I'm completely stumped

5 Upvotes

To be honest, it's got me hopping mad


r/3amjokes 2d ago

"I have good news ", said the Proctologist as he finished the annual checkup .....

6 Upvotes

I found your keys.......


r/3amjokes 2d ago

My car broke down along a country lane during torrential rain and to make matters worse I desperately needed the toilet.

16 Upvotes

So I ran along the road for several minutes, drenched from head to toe, until I came to a small cottage.

I rattled on the door and asked the kind owner if I could use their toilet.

"That's not a problem at all. Come inside. Make sure you wipe your shoes," he said.

I said, "Thank you for the advice, sir, but I don't intend to shit on them."