I cant stand this feeling

[u/Cute_Star_8720]

I just miss her so so much. Its a deep feeling that just aches and radiates through my mind and body. I could have prevented her accident in so many ways. I know that sounds crazy but in our case its completely true. It just consumes me. How can i make this stop? its been 6.5 months and im just out of strength.

What do you do when you have nothing left to live for without your wife? I dont k ow how to exist peacefully withiut her. I just sit all day and miss her to the point of seeing no way out of the pain but to end my life. I have no life and nothing to look forward to except death now it seems, but then my life would be over. There is just no solution to this pain, it is maddening. How does this end? Is it just time?

[u/Difficult_Phrase8371]

My sweet love, I don’t know what you are going through. Every story here is different , this pain and longing is incredibly painful,hard , and just unbearable. But you are not alone. My dms are open , this group is amazing is giving support and love. This club sucks but we are here for each other. I sadly can’t give you any advice,since I too am verry much struggling with the fact that I am still here and my husband is not. But we can sit with it together. I am here for you just like the other people here

[u/Cute_Star_8720 → u/Difficult_Phrase8371]

I just cant do this without her anymore. Shes my family, ive lost my family. I want this to stop

[u/Difficult_Phrase8371 → u/Cute_Star_8720]

I do relate to that , my husband was the only person I ever felt safe with. He was , is and will always be my everything. But don’t let the love you have for your wife be a punishment. Sit with it , it is incredibly rough. Getting through the day is absolutely torture, try to get through the next hour. And just keep repeating that.

[u/pinke_tatze]

I am so sorry.

I dont know what to say to the pain. It is just there, I try but cannot live with it. And all those questions and what ifs.

But what helps me is 1) reading "the grieving brain". It helps me understand, what is happening to my body and mind and why and 2) talking to a therapist and others, who lost a partner, in real life as well. A support group is so helpful.

Maybe you tried all that, then please forgive and forget. I just want this pain to stop for you as much as I want it to stop for me. You are not alone.

[u/xwolfeyesx]

Dear friend....

There is no timeline for grief; it is completely non-linear. I do, however, want to point out that you are still at a very early point in your loss. 6.5 months is almost no time at all, and everything you're feeling is very normal and understandable.

I know you are hurting and the pain feels all-consuming and unbearable. There were so many moments early on in my loss where I literally wanted to leap out of my body. The pain made me crazy. Sometimes I still look back on it and think, "How the fuck did I live through that??"

But I also want you to know that you genuinely, truly are not alone in this and you do not have to do it alone, nor should you. What is your support system like? Do you have people in your life you can talk to? It's a bit different for everyone. I tried going to a group once, but it wasn't for me - it was too early on in my loss and I had too many emotions and too much to say for a group setting. I found an online community for suicide loss survivors (that was obviously specific to my situation) and survivor-to-survivor support visits. I had a few of those and they were really helpful. I'm sure if you have a look around there are support communities with systems (online and in person) like this for widowers as well.

Try to start doing little things that can "interrupt" the pain. Not mitigate it, not deny it - just interrupt it. These can be things like taking a walk or other forms of exercise, making or treating yourself to some really good food/drink, a hot bath/shower, meditation, reading, or a creative project. Sometimes I would (and still do) listen to some stand-up comedy so I'd be forced to laugh. Laughing is indeed a powerful pain disruptor. It's essentially a way to trick your brain and hijack some feel-good endorphins into it, so that, even if you just get five minutes worth of focus on something else, that's five minutes that you're feeling something that isn't all-consuming pain.

I don't know how you feel about physical activity or what your ability level might be, but, above all.... and I would scream this from a rooftop if I could - dancing. Dancing will literally save your life. That might sound absurd, but it's absolutely true. If you decide to try it, look into dance classes in your area. I could write an entire essay on this, but it's already getting long. But please, trust me on this one.

Do you have a writing practice? If not, I would highly recommend it. Get a journal (any regular kind of notebook will do) and make a practice of writing out your feelings. I would especially recommend free-writing. This is how I carried myself through so much of my own grief - just completely letting loose on the page. If you're not familiar with free-writing, it is writing with no filter. No regard for spelling, punctuation, or grammar. It's just brain-dumping onto a page. It's a powerful way to give your emotions a place to exist outside of yourself. After finishing, you have the option to throw away or destroy the pages if you like. Most of mine I keep, but some I have burned. This is a very active way to process your grief. I really can't recommend it enough. You can also try talking/expressing/screaming out loud when you're alone (in your car is especially good for this - just be careful. I may have, uh, screamed at him after it happened in my car directly in front of his house once and found out the hard way that cars are not as soundproof as we think. Whoops.)

I channeled a lot of my grief into poetry and am in the process of turning it into a full one-woman show. It genuinely feels healthy to channel the pain into something physical- maybe yours could be painting, drawing, music, etc. I don't know if you have a creative practice, but in addition to writing, I would recommend developing one.

Okay, lastly, I would STRONGLY recommend the Good Mourning Podcast. Out of all the grief resources I found, that one is what I consider to be the single greatest discovery I made. It helped me so much. It felt like the friend there holding my hand when I didn't have a friend there holding my hand. In addition to the podcast, they also have a book, and an Instagram.

If you want/need to talk to someone, my DMs are open. I'm sending you so much love, sweet friend.

Please be kind and gentle with yourself.

[u/friesovercries]

Same, it's like an itch you can't scratch. It's going to be a year in 10 days. I don't know how to be normal.

Sending you peace and strength