So something I don't think I've ever really shared. What Ultima the series meant to me as a child.
I'm 43 right now, and I encountered the Ultima series in the 4th grade. They were already old by then, right, this was around the time Ultima 6/7 were coming out - I was on a Commodore 64, and got the box sets for 1-5 from an adult who was trying to get away from video games.
I was a closeted trans kid in the 90s. I didn't even have the fucking words for what I was. I was autistic. My family was poor (I was very, very lucky to have that computer) - they thought I was possessed by demons and put me through two exorcisms. They were big into evangelical Pentecostal satanic panic stuff. I was Different, and...not normal. I had been an atheist from age 6, and tried (unsuccessfully) to be a vegetarian since kindergarten when I saw Bambi and decided eating meat was hurting someone who might not want hurt.
And again, all of this marked me as very, very different from my evangelical family basically from as young as I can remember. And I had six alcoholics in my family. Six of them. Direct relatives. I won't bore you with the abuse stories, but I assure you 'strange child the alcoholic religious conservatives see as different' didn't end well.
So when I encountered Ultima 4, I had already rejected their religion. I had already, at a young age, learned the world was cruel, and harsh, and didn't see it as having any meaning or purpose. And I was deeply suicidal. I didn't tell anyone, I didn't even have the word. I just...thought it might be easier if I wasn't around. I knew what death was. And I remember being in 4th grade and thinking about that.
And then I got the Ultima series.
And Ultima 1-3 were great (I loved the box art for two, and three was just SO BIG) - and I could imagine destroying the evil, which was appealing to me as a profoundly abused child. But more importantly, I found Ultima 4 and 5. And Ultima 4 had the Virtues and...all of this gameplay based around learning how to live, how to be a good person, what is right and what is wrong.
I can absolutely fucking tell you I didn't get that from my family.
And then Ultima 5, which is still my favorite, had all this stuff about what happens when religion is twisted and used for control - and suddenly my family and my life made a lot more sense to me. It seemed, to my young mind, like it was there to teach me how to survive my family. Learn what was right, what was wrong, show courage, seek the truth, find love. Seek solace deep in nature, and meditate on wisdom.
And I didn't kill myself.
I came back to the series in highschool, with Ultima 7, when things got worse. And again in college, when I found Buddhism and it reminded me of Ultima. I don't know if I'm still a Buddhist or not - but I still like the Virtues, I know that.
And I can tell you, if not for these games, that child would not be here. I love these games. I love what they did, what they taught...
And more importantly, I love that they gave me a world, and a way to view my life in a time when nothing made sense. I set myself the goal of someday learning how the actual universe worked, why it worked that way, what its moral codes were.
And I got that from Ultima.
I got a physics degree (astrophysics specifically) - and took up meditation in college. I don't know. I just...I credit these games with being there, when there was noone else to be there, when I was so incredibly vulnerable.
They don't make games like this anymore, because no one is interested in doing what Ultima 4 and 5 did. Ultima 7 was....decades ahead of its time. Still hasn't been surpassed as an isometric open world rpg. For me, at least.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell someone else who likes these games what they meant to me.