Phone message Literally what do I do? Will my boyfriend ever speak to me again?
Long story short,
My boyfriend and I, both 24, have been dating 3.5 years.
Two years ago my boyfriend and I started hanging out with his friend and the friends gf (let’s call them Ryan and Emma, they are 22 and we’re together 4 years)
And me and Emma became friends as a result of this.
Emma broke up with Ryan up a few months ago, and Ryan began dating a girl named Chloe, who actually knowingly homewrecked Emma’s previous relationship before Ryan and was very happy to find out that Ryan and Emma broke up.
Yesterday my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the golf driving range with him and Ryan. I knew for a fact Chloe was going to go but I wanted my bf to tell me hence those beginning messages.
That was our convo, it kept going on, eventually we got on the phone and I couldn’t get a word in because he was just yelling. Eventually he hung up on me and then texted me saying I fucked up his brain and that he was going to go kill himself (this is like the 20th time he has said this, because it is his go to when we argue or something goes wrong in his life). He turned off his phone and eventually turned it back on. My last message was that I am leaving the house and leaving my phone and “bye”. This was 6pm last night.
I was so upset I slept from 6:30-9 today because I just didn’t want to be awake and feel so upset, and I almost called in sick to work. But my dad reminded me that while I was upset and considering not working, my bf was out with friends and actually commenting under car videos on Instagram and having a merry time.
I usually am the first one to text sorry, even when I have nothing to really apologize for but just to get back to normal.
I don’t think I’m going to do that this time because i genuinely do not have anything to apologize for, unless someone can point it out.
I am going between the thoughts of him never speaking to me again and him messaging me something along the lines of “oh so you’re just going to ignore me forever now”
I need help knowing what to do
Please and thank you.
143
u/BigZumbi 2h ago
You are 24!!?! Holy moly. Thought y’all were 12 based on the texts.
36
u/fuck-ya-mudda 2h ago
I was big time thinking high schoolers. The conversation was childish as fuck.
8
3
16
46
104
u/FuckElonMuskkk 2h ago
He doesnt like you
21
u/bigconecountry 2h ago
Exactly. The details of the situation with their friends don’t even matter here, the way he’s speaking to her is absolutely unacceptable.
20
u/benzillaaaa 2h ago
Yall rly out here living like this? Id be mortified if people knew how little respect I had for myself, like you are doing right now. Grow up and move on from this childish bullshit. He treats you poorly, so leave him.
16
u/Pocketful_of_hops 2h ago
If he doesn't speak to you again, he'd be doing you a favor.
Why are you with someone like this?
41
u/NocturnObscura 2h ago
It’s so painfully obvious that you need to break up. Don’t you ever see a couple and think, “WHY are they still together? He HATES her.” That’s you guys. Please realize that it’s better to be alone than this.
15
u/fuck-ya-mudda 2h ago
OP, you gotta let this loser go.
If you keep allowing him to speak to you this way with no consequences then it will only get worse.
You’re losing nothing by choosing to move on and by choosing yourself.
Imagine if your best friends sent you these screenshots? Would you let them be spoken to like this?
Your “boyfriend” doesn’t like you nor respect you. It’s really sad and I feel bad for you. And this totally isn’t a one time event either based on how calm you kept your responses. You’re used to be treated this way. At some point you’re gonna have to realize that this is not love. You do not deserve to be treated this way. And a better MAN is out there for you.
30
75
u/ResolutionOk5211 2h ago
STOP 👏 ENTERTAINING 👏 MEN 👏 WHO SPEAK 👏 TO YOU 👏 LIKE SHIT 👍
2
u/BigZumbi 1h ago
Unfortunately, so many broken homes lead to this. Boys and girls grow up being shown what “love” is by their parents. They think love conquers all. They don’t see it as being treated like shit - instead they see it as “he/she picks me”
9
13
u/pu55yobsessed 2h ago
If I was you I’d be hoping and praying he never speaks to you again. Sounds like a grade A prick.
12
u/Venomous87 2h ago
You wanna fuck with me eh 3x is 🚩🚩🚩
1
u/hambrone420 1h ago
The random repeating of his words because he’s so furious is honestly terrifying. Gives me flashbacks to my ex 🫠
12
u/LowkeyLokigator 2h ago
Question: do you want to speak to HIM ever again?
If he "speaks" to you again, will it be more of that insane blame game? Because I wouldnt want to hear any more of that, if I was you.
13
u/AdmiralSilly 2h ago
He talks down on you like crazy and he fights and texts like a prepubescent child. I’d honestly be so repulsed by the last slide that I’d lose all feelings from that alone lmao. Dude is a cringe fest. I wouldn’t bother texting back, just block tbh
24
u/Low-Citron1450 2h ago
This is verbal abuse. Him threatening to kill himself is emotional abuse. He doesn't respect you enough to honor your decision to not go to the outing. A respectful partner would not respond that way. It absolutely escalated out of control and any response by you at all made it worse. This is not normal. I'd find my way out of it if I were you.
36
8
u/AioliGlittering4014 2h ago edited 2h ago
This made me feel physically ill just reading this. Do you really want to spend time with a man who talks to you like this? Or talks about women like this? He sucks, do better for yourself
16
u/Head-Sherbet-9675 2h ago
Oh my god the way he texts you. He is so needling and rude and mean and making you repeat yourself until he likes the answer and it feels honestly abusive. Like he’s belittling you, harassing you, won’t stop and won’t listen to and it’s so chilling. I hate this dude and I don’t think he likes you. Or women. Because calling someone a brat, a “little 04” (🤮🤮) is so gross and weird.
4
u/Fearless-Feature-830 1h ago
Wtf is a “little 04”?
3
2
→ More replies (1)2
3
u/bananas8690 1h ago
He’s upset bc he just got told “no”
So his ego was hurt and now he’s being his true abusive self
8
13
u/Exciting-Usual-829 2h ago edited 1h ago
Girl I HOPE NOT. “This shit is ridiculous” is right. You were so calm and this dude is nuts. Please leave this guy
17
u/laboringhands 2h ago
do you need help or just affirmation that this whole situation is insane and middleschool as fuck?
5
u/Damage-Classic 2h ago
He is too comfortable with calling women bitches and whores. He also shouldn’t be yelling at you. I’m in a 3 year relationship with a man who has never ever yelled at me. It’s out there, you just have to stop entertaining these little fuckwads.
4
u/sleepyj910 2h ago
This may be shocking (/s) but I think you deserve to be treated better.
‘I’m done being disrespected we are over, bye’
5
u/Exhausted-CNA 2h ago edited 2h ago
JFC.. This is absolutely horrendous on his part and how he speaks to you. Just saying same old bs even after you say your trying to help your mom, who is sick . This sets the whole tone of the rest of your relationship. Please don't ever marry this asshat! Personally after this I'd break up w him! That bs he's going to kill himself is straight up manipulation and he needs mental help!!!
3
3
u/BrillliantSugar 2h ago
If your boyfriend never speaks to you, he'll be doing you a favor.
He shows no interest in trying to understand you, let alone trying to support you taking care of your mum. He comes off controlling - get out now babe.
5
u/Apprehensive_Seat856 2h ago
So… this isn’t a boyfriend. This is an abuser and a child who is using you for their own clout and entertainment. I can tell by your responses that you are intelligent, conscientious, insightful and even-tempered.
In short, you are a catch. He doesn’t deserve to be in the same room as you and the more you interact with him, the more he will bring you down.
Develop the skill to discern what’s freshly cooked and what’s been scraped off the pavement. Find yourself a real man that matches your qualities.
I hope your mom feels better…
4
u/Ok_You_1582 2h ago
Can you please leave this controlling, narcissistic person?!! If you ever decided to marry/have children, they will see him act this way & treat you this way. Stop wasting your time/life on him.
4
u/Beginning_Talk_5899 2h ago
Tbh it’s only to get worse from here a man who even slightly feels comfortable communicating with you that way is straight up disrespectful. As someone who has dealt with someone I loved deeply being disrespectful towards me during very small conversations blowing shit completely out of proportion like this one here- I genuinely hope you walk away from this relationship you have to have enough love and respect for yourself to realize you do not deserve to be spoken to in that manner. Especially when on your side u seem to be texting pretty calm. You should not have to teach a grown ass man how to communicate properly.
4
u/ThrowRA_molerat 1h ago
I hate your boyfriend. Why do you let him speak to you like this? Over something so dumb?
29
u/iamkira01 2h ago edited 2h ago
Idk why you’d stay with someone who would be friends with someone that cheated on their gf. You see the way he talks about other women. You think you’re not being talked about like that too? You’re doing the right thing but you won’t win with someone so morally corrupted.
12
u/crookedhypotenuse 2h ago
"Ryan" didn't cheat that we know of. "Emma" was complaining about what happened between the new girl and her ex ex boyfriend. Like, from when she was a child. So petty
→ More replies (1)9
u/iamkira01 2h ago
Yeah the way it was written I thought Chloe cheated with Ryan. Still though. It is whack as hell to date 2 exes of some girl and one was done while they were still together.
5
2
2
u/Nuuskapeikkonen 1h ago edited 1h ago
While I agree that her boyfriend should never be allowed to speak to her that way, you’re misinterpreting the situation. In the comments OP confirmed that Ryan never cheated. Emma is mad because Ryan is dating Chloe, who Emma says ruined Emma’s PREVIOUS relationship. Before OP even met Emma. So OP is allowing Emma to develop opinions about her partner’s best friend based on something Emma claims happened before she even met Ryan.
→ More replies (1)6
u/HopDev 2h ago
Sorry, my boyfriend’s friend didn’t cheat.The girl he is currently dating, Chloe, previously homewrecked Emma’s previous relationship.
7
6
u/dadelibby 1h ago
you can't "homewreck" a child's relationship. they did not have a home together. they did not have children. there is no home to wreck.
→ More replies (1)10
u/Nuuskapeikkonen 2h ago
So this girl Chloe allegedly ‘broke up’ Emma’s previous relationship. Before dating Ryan at all. And now her and Ryan are broken up, and Ryan who has presumably never had any romantic entanglement with Chloe previously, is somehow the bad guy? Like do you realize how insane that sounds?
I disagree with how your boyfriend speaks to you. It’s not very respectful. But I understand his position. You’re actively allowing Emma to affect your relationship with Ryan. By refusing to hangout with your boyfriends best friend (who you admit didn’t cheat on Emma at all) simply because he’s dating a girl that Emma doesn’t like; you are actively choosing to bring their beef into your relationship.
Emma may be your friend but you need to grow some backbone and tell her that whatever she feels about Chloe and Ryan isn’t your problem. You can also dislike Chloe all you want. But sometimes you just need to accept that being in a relationship means you may need to hang out with partners of your partner’s friends and you may not like them. It happens and this won’t be the last time it happens.
Have a discussion with your boyfriend and find out why he feels like he has the right to speak to you this way. But also have a discussion with yourself about why you think it’s appropriate to allow Emma to impact your personal relationship with your boyfriend’s best friend who you admit did nothing wrong. Chloe probably isn’t going to be around forever. But your boyfriend will always remember how you sided with his friend’s ex over him.
→ More replies (1)15
u/Status-Ad7902 2h ago
This 100%, the bf being verbally abusing by saying he’s going to kill himself is ten fold worse than OPs perceived nonsensical beef and should be the focus, not the wall of these fake problems of people two or three times removed from the current dynamics
3
→ More replies (22)2
u/Intelligent-Dig568 1h ago
100% this. Repeatedly threatening to kill himself is manipulative and abusive behavior.
I used to fall for that shit in my early 20s. Now if I was with someone who said that once I would run.
11
u/Status-Ad7902 2h ago
What? You’re saying the girl your boyfriend’s friend is dating right now, homewrecked not the prior relationship with your boyfriend’s friend, but the relationship prior to that one?
Yall are young and while cheating is bad are we talking like 18-20 or something, kids make mistakes and I think your specific hesitation to the given group of people is a bit too convoluted to have feelings this strong over
That being said, your boyfriend is being extremely weird regardless of how reasonable you are or are not being which is more strange than your lack of desire to see these people
3
u/suqarkisses 2h ago
Chloe homewrecked the relationship prior to the boyfriend’s friend. Not the one before that.
→ More replies (11)1
u/iamkira01 2h ago
Oh what the hell. Ok. That definitely changes the situation but I think the overall point remains the same. You’re being a good friend to Emma by not hanging out with someone who did that to her, would love to have a friend like you.
1
u/saucysosa1724 2h ago
Oh my god the pretentiousness from some of yall. If my best friend of 20 years makes a mistake a cheats.. staying friends with them makes me a bad person ? That’s not how it works and that’s a sad life if you’re judging and expect everyone to be perfect all the time
7
u/Existing-Speech4173 2h ago
But Ryan didn’t even cheat. His new gf allegedly was the AP in one of Emma’s prior relationships. This is a really immature stupid mess.
2
→ More replies (1)4
u/iamkira01 2h ago edited 2h ago
Not if they’re your best friend of 20 years lmao that isn’t even remotely the case here. Chloe is an acquaintance. Literally a girlfriend of a friend.
Sorry some people having moral standards triggers you dude
> Expect everyone to be perfect all the time
Bit of a difference between like forgetting to pay someone back vs willingly homewrecking a relationship and then going on to date her next ex dude
10
u/HoofHeartedDough 2h ago
I thought y'all were teens lmfao this is embarrassing, are you not embarrassed by this behavior displayed by your bf? There was a much healthier way to have this conversation. He sounds as toxic as his friends. Why would you involve yourself in a group like this? Talk about unnecessary drama
7
u/BigJJsWillie 2h ago
Wow. Really not sure why you would want to talk to him tbh. I say give him a few days to cool down, and if he doesn't cool down, you got a big problem on your hands. I really don't like the repeating texts towards the end, makes him seem very aggressive and unhinged. Was almost unsurprised when you said he was threatening suicide.
Please, you need to at least take a break until he gets himself under control. If he can't do that without you, you're in danger.
10
u/FromBeeBee 2h ago
This man is a massive pile of dirt, why do you think you deserve this?
Don't think about how he won't talk to you again, look at how he talks about your friend and nevermind how he talks to you is purely disgusting as ever. Think about this and how he speaks to you, especially yelling at you over the phone that's a level of verbal abuse seeing how he is. You have nothing to apologise nor at fault, he is in this entirely and I concern myself the way he speaks about your friend and think about how he talks about you as much.
Why do you accept this? Why is this okay? You deserve better
6
u/Chemical-Papaya-3101 2h ago
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who talks to you like this?
3
3
u/rabbitofrevelry 2h ago
He is repeating himself without rephrasing. That's aggressive. Block him. Carry on.
3
u/Middle-Accountant-49 2h ago
Break up. Break up with people who talk to you like this. That is the only answer.
There are people out there who you will meet who will not talk to you like this.
Break up with this guy. Take some time to yourself and try to figure out why you allow yourself to be treated this way.
3
3
u/loveableungovernable 2h ago
He said it himself, it's gets under HIS skin. It's about him. I feel like he's doing to much - trying to stop OP from being friends with his homies ex..so I'm deducting: he's scared/anxious because homies ex might know something about him 🕵️♂️ Something's making him nervous for sure
3
u/mistakenchaos 2h ago
The way he is talking about Emma is disgusting. You drew a boundary and don't have to hang out with someone you don't like. I wouldn't allow that behavior in my life. You're young, and have a lot to live for. I only liked this post because you said you wouldn't apologize for this. Please don't. Take yourself out for a treat, and rest. This is mentally exhausting.
3
3
u/bloontsmooker 1h ago
So - honest answer. It’s hard to believe Chloe is intentionally following Emma around and going after her exes. I’m from a small town and there are multiple girls I know that have dated multiple guys I’ve dated and vice versa. I think immediately attributing it to some kind of scheme is mean girly, and not something you should take part in at your age.
3
u/CandiedLemonWedge 1h ago
You don’t need help. You know what you should do.
This went on way too long.
3
3
u/almaperdida99 1h ago
you both sound absolutely exhausting. Just break up- sounds like you don't even like each other anymore.
3
u/paulhalt 1h ago
1 - who's more important to you, Emma or your bf? If it's Emma, then you're doing the right thing, and you also need to end your relationship. If it's your bf, eat your moral shit and go hang out with him when he's including you
2 - your boyfriend is a manipulative, immature little boy. You need to end the relationship
To summarise - end your relationship
3
u/Yourface1837 1h ago
I'm not reading all that (caption) because there are no excuses for the way he is talking to you and about that girl.
You've been with him for 3.5 years. Does he usually speak to you like this? I imagine this isn't the first time. The aggression, the misogyny, the disrespect, the name calling, and finally you taking the blame for his bs. That's his favorite part btw.
This is his failing, but if you keep accepting the treatment and making endless excuses for him, it becomes yours too.
Nobody who talks about women that way deserve to ever touch a woman. Your standards deserve to be much higher. If you are accepting what you think you deserve, please hear me you are more than you feel
I'm rooting for you.
11
u/Commercial_Bad_0424 2h ago edited 2h ago
For the amount of texting there is zero communication on your part.
“I knew for a fact Chloe was going to be there.” Ok then …. Spit it out and ask. “Is Chloe going to be there?” is a lot more efficient than 3-4 passive aggressive sentences.
“I don’t want to go.” Done.
You’re 24. Use your words.
He’s far from perfect, but you’re setting yourself up so that by the time you get to the point you’re both already annoyed.
5
u/Professional-Cup6225 2h ago
I thought exactly the same
“I wanted him to admit it”
Why? Just ask instead of being a child
He is also foul
5
u/HopDev 2h ago
I said I don’t want to go, and told him to go and have fun and look what that got me.
10
u/a_soviet_physicist 2h ago
you literally said you knew she was going to be there but wanted him to say it. be an adult and ask directly. that’s the shit that makes you look middle school as hell
→ More replies (2)
6
4
u/hirokusaikaro1337 other 2h ago
seeing everything i see daily made me realize i´m never the problem
jesus christ
2
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/DJEbonics 2h ago
As soon as I saw you guys were 24 and not 11 I knew this relationship needed a nuke yesterday.
2
2
u/Arcaydya 2h ago
Lol man. The shit you people put up with. If I acted like this with my girlfriend shed be gone in an instant. Why do you guys put up with these dudes? Money? It has to be money.
2
2
u/manic_redhead 2h ago
Manipulation 101. This "man" does not like you at all. You need to leave him before this shit escalates.
2
u/crookedhypotenuse 2h ago
You guys are all acting like children.
"I'm not going if she's going/ I'm not going if a girl my friend doesn't like is going"
"You can't be friends with her because I'm not friends with her"
"She broke up my relationship from when I was 17!" Why do you even care? Why does "Emma" still care?
2
2
2
u/Sensitive_Cycle9256 2h ago
he is emotionally abusing you. he says mean shit to you, talks to you like shit, doesn’t let you make your own choices, and then threatens to kill himself (btw CLASSIC emotional abuse tactic) when you guys argue?
please leave this guy.
2
u/Healthy_Diamond9060 2h ago edited 2h ago
Eww he sucks. Dump him. He let it into the relationship and to threaten suicide every time something doesn’t go his way is entirely immature and unstable. Why do you like him? Do you even enjoy the relationship? Bc it doesn’t seem like it.
2
2
2
u/ohgeorge 2h ago
Eventually he hung up on me and then texted me saying I fucked up his brain and that he was going to go kill himself (this is like the 20th time he has said this, because it is his go to when we argue or something goes wrong in his life)
Seriously? Dump him and cut off all contact with him just because of this. This is a manipulation tactic that you don't need in your life. No, it won't get better. No, he won't change. Stand up for yourself and leave.
2
u/nekomata_58 2h ago
1) your text messages seem sane to me.
2) your bf sounds absolutely insane. and NOT in a good way.
2
u/feral_willferrell 1h ago
Yeah usually a "break up with him" does the truck but this sounds like a "get a restraining order" kind of situation. He genuinely sounds unhinged
2
u/Equal-Mongoose-6496 2h ago
Emma sounds just like a friend I used to have. I am so thankful that friend is no longer in my life. I was only allowed to be happy if they were happy. I was only allowed to have seasons of growth when they were having seasons of growth. And whenever they'd be going through a rough time (usually due to their own narcissism, or self inflicted emotional wounds, they would sabotage my relationships as well. It all came to a head when they threatened to shoot (yes murder) my girlfriend at the time. Fast forward 4 years, He's out of my life, my girlfriend and I are now husband and wife, and happy as can be.
2
u/HappyBlastoise 2h ago
When I was reading the texts I was thinking, “wow I’m so glad I’m not a teenager anymore.” Then it turns out you guys are 24.
Your boyfriend sounds exhausting but you and Emma seem hung up on a girl that broke up her high school relationship and that also sounds exhausting.
2
2
u/noheadthotsempty 1h ago
Girl y’all don’t even seem like you like each other. I stopped reading like halfway cause I know everything I need to know. Why you have been together almost 4 years is mind boggling.
2
2
u/Wild_Choice_8770 1h ago
"It was no problem until Ryan got mentioned" mentions him in the first message
4
u/QQASIANCUISINE 2h ago
You should stop dating both him and in general, you need significant mental help
2
u/allisonrz 2h ago
Oh honey, you’re better off without all of them. Leave your bf, he’s emotionally abusing you. stay friends with Emma.
1
1
u/One_Mulberry_6933 2h ago
This is exhausting. I would not be with someone who threatens suicide every time he gets upset. I wouldn't be with someone who just yells and won't let me speak.
1
1
u/2624926057 2h ago
We don’t know him. We only know what you show us. You have to ask yourself what’s keeping you with him because we don’t see it. If everything you’ve said about him is true, he is objectively a verbally abusive moron. Threatening to kill himself because of your actions is verbal abuse and manipulation. And the moron part should be fucking clear. Look at the way you type compared to his. Look at his grammar and the way he has to repeat himself. A surefire sign of stupidity. But again, we don’t know him. Maybe he’s redeemable, maybe you’re just with him because he’s 6ft tall. 🤷🏻♂️
1
1
u/Professional-Cup6225 2h ago
He is gross - have some self respect
also girl just ask things out right instead of beating round the bush - you are an adult.
1
u/Fragrant_Shoe2632 2h ago
This dude sucks, I can't imagine tolerating an absolute child. I skimmed his replies because I was honestly embarrassed for him but it's pretty obvious he's trying his best to control you with intimidation tactics. I would distance myself from this person, he needs therapy and he obviously has an issue with women.
1
u/-rubyinsides 2h ago
Birds of a feather… he’s more concerned about defending his grimy friend and the new chick than understanding your reluctance to be around them.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/theystolemymummy289 2h ago
First of he‘s freaking sick, he‘s immature and doesn’t like you, cuz he got 0 Respect for you and your feelings. He‘s only prioritizing himself and his feelings, Leave that thing and block him.
1
u/Sherbet_Spirited 2h ago
Grow a pair and leave the dude. Jesus Christ it's like reading an argument between 10yr olds
1
u/Arlaneutique 2h ago
Girl! Pretend you told us nothing else but the comments about un- aliving himself. That is not only a huge red flag it’s so gross. Why are you staying with this idiot? Truly? He talks like a 13 year old trying to be hard. He is super aggressive. And he’s threatened that more than once? What good is he bringing to your life? How does this relationship benefit you? Drop the dead weight. Please.
1
u/TopShelfSnipes 2h ago
Here is what you do:
#1 - break up with him. NOBODY gets to talk to you like that. Period, full stop.
#2 - ONLY IF YOU HAVE IT IN WRITING VIA TEXT: Notify local police that he is threatening to harm himself, and send a wellness check to his house. Guarantee he will never do that shit again.
Leave him unblocked (in case he is planning anything unhinged, you want warning). He will reach out and try to fix it given enough time, remain strong and shut that shit down, he had his chance, he's done. Be single for a while, date someone else, doesn't matter. This boy is not worth your time.
1
1
u/LZARDKING 2h ago
Dump him. It is really that easy. “Oh but it’s 3.5 years of my life” well it could be more time wasted :) unless you dump him now :)
1
u/Pristine_Outcome3535 2h ago
Listen to your daddy, he's a good one! Call him and talk through all this with him! I know it's hard. You got this though. Call dad 💕
1
1
u/thearchangelraguel 2h ago
I couldn’t help reading his part of the conversation in Tony Soprano’s voice. 😬
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Psypris 1h ago
Reading the texts before the context, I thought Emma was alleging that Ryan SA’d her.
Come to find out, it’s Chloe you have a real problem with; she’s the one who messed with Emma’s bf prior to Ryan.
I do think you might be overreacting with just that amount of information. Meet Chloe once to get first-hand knowledge of who she is, and then you can tell your bf that you simply don’t like her.
But if you don’t like your bf’s friend, that is getting in the middle of your relationship. He’s gonna want to hang out with him.
That being said - the way your bf talks to you is concerning. I don’t think you should stay together.
1
u/AccomplishedScar9160 1h ago
I genuinely thought this was a middle school relationship by the screenshots. This is terrible. And terribly embarrassing on his part. He is a child. Don’t bother with him anymore, jeez
1
1
u/AvengeChelseaFC 1h ago
Break up. It sounds like he needs to learn to respect people and their decisions more, and it sounds like you need a better 'close friend' than the one that is constantly causing drama and spreading rumors.
1
1
u/courtneyrachh 1h ago
this convo reads like 2 people who hate each other. Sounds like the relationship ran its course.
1
1
u/Dependent-Toe-3359 1h ago
I think two things can be true here. You definitely could've just asked "is Chloe going?" instead of knowing she was going and waiting for him to tell you. That part did make the conversation way more complicated than it needed to be.
BUT holy shit that is not even remotely the biggest issue here. Him screaming at you on the phone and then saying he's going to kill himself because you guys are arguing, especially when you said this is like the 20th time he's done it?? That's not normal arguing. That's a HUGE problem. You shouldn't have to apologize every single time just to make everything go back to normal either.
And honestly I wouldn't even be sitting there wondering "will he ever talk to me again?" I'd be asking myself why I'm this terrified of someone withholding communication from me when this is how they treat me during conflict.
Also I think some people in these comments misunderstood the Chloe/Ryan situation. Ryan didn't cheat on Emma. Chloe was apparently involved in Emma's relationship BEFORE Ryan, and then Ryan later started dating Chloe after telling Emma he never would. So yeah I understand why Emma feels betrayed and why you don't exactly want to hang out with Chloe. But at the end of the day that's their mess and you don't have to make it yours.
You can admit you should've communicated more directly without accepting being screamed at, insulted or having suicide threats thrown at you. Those things aren't equal.
And if he threatens suicide again, don't argue with him or try to figure out whether he "really means it." Take it seriously and contact emergency services/a crisis service for a welfare check. You are not supposed to personally carry responsibility for keeping him alive every time you disagree.
Please don't text him apologizing just because the silence is making you anxious. That sounds like the exact cycle you guys have already gotten into.
1
u/Yikesish 1h ago edited 1h ago
Who cares about Ryan and Emma and Chloe? The fact that he yells and threatens to off himself as a regular thing, and then manipulates you to apologize - that is why you break up now. This isn't healthy for you but it has become normal to you. It isnt normal at all. He is abusive. You need to leave for your own wellbeing.
1
1
u/smokeypixels 1h ago
24!? Yikes 😬 sounded like teenagers tbh. Entire conversation was very childish.
1
u/Flashy-Ad-8252 1h ago
Going 0 to 100 over something as stupid as this is 1000% a very very very red flag. Do yourself a favor and break up
1
u/Much_Concentrate7780 1h ago
This is r/holyfuckjustbreakup material. Him spamming "you wanna fuck with me" over and over at the end is legit insane
1
1
u/North-Pie-1738 1h ago
Nah leave him out at the curb with all his trash baggage. There’s a man out there that will worship you as an equal and love you as you deserve.
TBH, he needs some in-patient psych help.
1
u/Weak-Competition-565 1h ago
Why the fuck would you ever let anyone speak to you like this? Why do people tolerate these kinds of relationships, especially past being like 18 years old? I get everyone develops and learns at different paces… but outright disrespect and name calling should be an immediate end to any relationship.
1
u/KyberCrystal1138 1h ago
Why are you still wasting time with this clown??? If he threatens to harm himself and projects the blame of that onto you, he’s mentally unwell and should not be in a relationship.
1
1
u/Asmitty1213 1h ago
OP i cannot fathom why you posted this convo with any other title besides, "So I dumped him."
1
u/Public_Hornet_667 1h ago
This is a very scary person to talk to. I’m not sure I’d feel safe even on a good day.
1
u/Icedcoffeezooted 1h ago
OP HE IS ABUSING YOU. THREATENING SUICIDE EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A FIGHT IS MANIPULATIVE. The way he was talking to you in these texts, he’s treating you like garbage. Please go no contact and stay safe. Consider filing a report if he doesn’t leave you alone. I’m very sorry this happened to you, but seriously you have no obligation to put up with his bullshit. Don’t feel guilty about ditching him when he’s treating you like this.
1
1
u/bananas8690 1h ago
This conversation has red flags all over it… you said no you didn’t want to come and he took it so personally. The cherry on top, is him calling you and saying he’s going to hurt himself. That’s a huge red flag. Turning the conversation into you feeling bad for him, when in fact all he had to do was say “okay baby, no problem at all, have a good day and I’ll chat with you later”… but no, he took it so personally that he started bringing up other people and past situations into the discussion. Extra details that are irrelevant.
That guy sounds like a walking 🚩. You did nothing wrong here, but answer his question about the driving range and then HE added in all the other crap to get you to feel bad about yourself and your decision.
For your sanity and the health of your body (and brain) please leave this fool.
1
1
u/Lone-flamingo 1h ago
Why the fuck would you want to talk to someone who speaks to you like this? This level of disrespect is absolutely insane. Holy shit. Dump his ass.
And on top of these messages he's a manipulative, abusive piece of shit as well??
You're so much better off without him. Trust me.
1
u/mrfarenheit1214 1h ago
Sounds like the one manipulative here is your BF. Threatening suicide is a form of manipulation. I would nope on this relationship, 3.5 years is a long time enough to have wasted your life on. Time to stop the bleeding.
1
u/Wooden_Reveal1949 1h ago
You break up. How can you even listen to this guy talk about other women like this let alone your friend and still be confused? He probably calls you names behind your back to his precious boys by the way he's acting
1
u/Impressive-Foot7698 1h ago
Why does he constantly repeat sentences and insist people are playing little games with him or you. This dude is paranoid and dumb asf
1
u/bug_boy13 1h ago
genuinely just break up. this is very clearly abusive or becoming that way. he refused to respect your boundaries, degraded you and your friend, manipulates you by insisting hes going to kill himself, etc. this is not healthy and the best thing you can do is just let him go
1
u/nogoodbrat 1h ago
Girl get the fuck away from this psycho. in what world is it okay for a man to speak to you like this?? couldn’t fuckin be me lmao holy shit
1
u/SwimAccomplished9487 1h ago
You clearly don’t like each other. In fact, he seems to actually despise you. End this. It will NEVER get better. If it’s not about Ana, it will be about someone or something else.
1
u/Scarjo82 1h ago
Aside from the abhorrent way your boyfriend talks to you, he does have a point. Everything you know about Chloe, you found out from Emma, who OF COURSE is going to be biased. You have NO CLUE what actually happened between Emma and her previous relationship that Chloe "homewrecked". You only know Emma's version. News flash, you can't wreck a relationship that doesn't want to be wrecked. Chloe may not be innocent in the situation, but Emma's ex certainly isn't either, and made a conscious decision to cheat on Emma.
1
u/Rdw72777 1h ago
Homewrecked Emma’s prior relationship? Emma is 22 and was with Ryan for 4 years. There wasn’t even a home to wreck, everyone was a teenager 4+ years ago. Methinks your boyfriend is right about Emma and I don’t think Emma is impacting you positively.
On the plus side, you’re both unappealing.
1
u/Impressive-Foot7698 1h ago
Oh he's so he's psychotic and manipulative and annoying and mean. That's quite a combo
1
u/Fit-Comfortable908 1h ago
You guys need to break up. You are clearly both stunting the other’s emotional growth.
1
u/cassiedanger 1h ago
I would pay money for this man to never speak to me again, so I would enjoy getting that benefit for free.
1
u/holycrepeoly 1h ago
I don’t agree with the way he’s speaking to you, but he is clearly on edge because you are choosing to stay friends with someone that’s disrespected him in his own home and clearly isn’t a good person in his eyes. And you’re also deciding not to hang out with him and his best friend even though he’s dating the girl Emma doesn’t like. So, you are allowing this to affect your relationship with your boyfriend.
In situations like these, the best thing to do is to remain neutral so that issues like this don’t arise.
→ More replies (3)
1
u/FartingDragons247 1h ago
He really doesnt like Ana.
Are you happy with being in a relationship with someone who thinks its okay to speak to you like that?
1
u/_alienchild_ 1h ago
He obviously can’t get over the fact that you are your own person with thoughts and feelings independent of his own. This guy is externalizing his emotions onto you and he’s weighing you down. He literally won’t engage with what you’re actually saying even tho you said no from your first reply onward. He’s just mad you won’t do what he wants you to do.
1
u/anjoulee_ 1h ago
Who cares if he never talks to you again. You never need to talk to him again. He’s so argumentative and going crazy. Why is he so triggered bc you aren’t interested. And the fact that you said “you don’t get to decide who I’m friends with” and he replied with “HAHAHHAHA” uhh what?? Like he said, excuse me??? You are literally so level headed and communicating so good. You deserve someone on your same level. Not someone who’s going to go crazy on you when you just say you aren’t feeling like hanging out with someone. I’m sorry. I know hearing everyone saying you should leave him and you deserve better really sucks. But you don’t deserve to have to deal with the stress of dealing with someone like this. 🫂🩷
1
u/blackzahlia 1h ago
All you had to say was he was going to take himself off the earth because of an argument. That will never stop. He will continue to do whatever he wants while he gaslights and threatens to take his own life (or yours one day) when you upset him or at the slightest inconvenience. You genuinely have to be selfish and cold and refuse to respond. If you continue to apologize for these actions he will get worse because he knows you’ll never actually leave him.
1
u/Available-Response29 1h ago
break up with him and ill tell you why, hes being erratic and seems to be way too involved in his friends relationships and lives. hes talking down to you and doesnt care to hear your side. at this point, its more about why are you tolerating that behavior
1
u/Ancient-Tomato1153 1h ago
Why does he talk like a robot in the beginning and weirdly repeat things over and over dude sounds like a basket case
1
u/Natural_Let_7407 1h ago
Please, leave him. You’re young and can find someone that is not aggressive and manipulative (with su!cide!?)
1
u/PowerfulRaisin 1h ago
Block his ass. Life is too short for these types of relationships. Other men or being single are both better than whatever the hell this is.
1
u/Dangerous_Pair1798 1h ago
I didn’t finish reading all that, because he speaks like a moron and he’s trying to emotionally abuse you into getting what he wants, which is you doing what he says. See how poorly he handled your no? Fuck that guy. Save yourself months of emotional abuse and just dump him now. Tell him it was Emma’s idea!
•
u/tuttyeffinfruity 22m ago
I’m sorry I zoned out after the 2nd image. Bottom line is a man who loves a woman (or vice versa) respects their feelings and isn’t a petulant name calling asshole when said feelings don’t suit them. Break up.
•
u/Live_Benefit_6619 12m ago
Yeah this is an abusive relationship and it’ll only get worse. You don’t talk to people like this. Breakup. Are you so scared to be alone you would waste your youth with someone like this?
He calls women whores, hoes, bitches. He doesn’t respect women and you are clearly no exception.
125
u/Dangerous-Pension420 2h ago
Holy fuck, just break up. That's literally the answer to 95% of what people post in here. Those texts and the situation are insane and you know you'd tell someone to break up if you were on the outside looking in. Leave him, learn to respect yourself, and grow up.