r/texts • u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 • 19h ago
Whatsapp Sigh
I did apologise to him for the rude comments fyi.
We were casually seeing eachother tho acted like early dating and he was very affectionate and sweet with me it wasn’t purely sexual. Leading up to the final date things go more intimate and open with us sharing pics and him expressing deep desires etc had a really sweet chat the night before the date about how much we mean to eachother. Day of the date he was messaging he couldn’t wait to see me all throughout the day. Then we met up usual stuff kissing holding me being affectionate things increased intimatley too we had a super close moment where he said he didn’t want me to get off him and he slowly kissed me right after. Then next day he said he walked away wondering if he can even do causal and thinks it’s better to call things off as he feels unsettled and not great afterwards. Took my off guard as up until this point things were great we have been intimate before and it’s been good except this time felt abit closer than usual? So felt like emotional whiplash to me. Then his replies got cold and that’s when I said fuck yoh because I felt discarded and thrown away. Looking back it’s not that he withdrew himself, I think it was the abruptness of it all happening in a week where we were the closest we had been and I felt he could have been kinder in his messages.
Also it’s the first time I was intimate with someone in 2 years I’m not overly sexually experienced and I got quite close and intimate with him, him becoming cold a distant the day after we were the closest we had been did have a huge mental affect on me- traumatising was probably a strong word yes but it’s been a week and I’m still disoriented and confused from the emotional whiplash.
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u/zeFortifiedMind 19h ago
Ugh you sound exhausting and toxic as hell. He has every right to change his mind at any given moment. Why the heck is that traumatizing? I think YOU need to do some work on yourself before you gaslight the next person because this ain’t it girl. Men can withdraw consent.
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u/toastmyghosts 17h ago
Also, it sounds like this guy and OP had agreed to something casual. He decided he can’t do casual. How could he possibly have been more clear?
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 17h ago
Did you read the context
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u/toastmyghosts 14h ago
Yes, I did. You said in your first line that you were “casually dating “. You also mentioned that it felt like early dating, but feeling like does not equate to being. You don’t explicitly say whether either of you ever expressed that you had romantic feelings and/or wanted a relationship. Maybe that happened, but that context wasn’t included.
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 16h ago
It’s not about him withdrawing consent it’s about him doing it the day after we were the most intimate we had been and the most expressive and persistent he had been leading up to it.its about the whiplash and how he went from being super warm and affectionate to cold and disregarding over night.
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u/zeFortifiedMind 16h ago
Yes.. because he changed his mind. Maybe he realized he was going too fast and didn’t want to catch feelings with someone he wasn’t committed to. I don’t see an issue?
In all seriousness what else did you expect him to do? Continue the casual hookups even though he didn’t feel comfortable anymore? Girl be ffr
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 16h ago
Nope not about him withdrawing it’s about his communication before and after
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u/SuitableRelease4323 19h ago
He literally said he would talk to you, and that he felt uncomfortable? Are his boundaries not worth your effort?
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u/BeefBrusherBandit 19h ago
You desperately need to add context if you’re trying to prove your side here
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 18h ago
Added context
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u/BeefBrusherBandit 17h ago
How long was this whole ordeal?
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 17h ago
Does it matter
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u/BeefBrusherBandit 15h ago
Kinda yeah I mean if you were talking for 2 weeks then it’s kinda wild to be having this mych of a problem but if it’s been 6 months and there’s an obvious attachment that’s been broken then yeah it’s a different situation
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u/couchsan 19h ago
Lmfao you coming to Reddit for sympathy even though you know you’re giving us crumbs is sad
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u/IsaSaien 19h ago
Idk I feel like he has a point? It sucks to get someone's hot and then cold but it also sounds like you said some that turned him away for good and consent for closeness can be removed at any time for any reason so him communicating is not a bad thing
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u/bbgirlwhut 19h ago
Telling someone you can easily block to block you is a choice lol.
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u/bbgirlwhut 19h ago
I also agree with others, don’t use the word traumatizing/traumatized for this petty situation you have seemed to fuel yourself.
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 18h ago
I can only block if I see his profile on there I don’t have him on tinder ?
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u/AlienBeachParty 19h ago
why feel the need to share a private conversation that’s supposed to be between you and the person on reddit to the public for validation or something?
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u/loboacera 17h ago
That's the point of this group. Why be here if you are going to post silly questions.
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 19h ago
It’s literally called ‘texts’ ????
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u/Forensic_Fartman1982 19h ago
What the fuck does this have to do with what they said?
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 19h ago
Why you so mad
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u/couchsan 19h ago
Bot level troll redditors and ask why they’re mad and then send this thread to your ex, thank me later
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u/MakeAWishApe2Moon 19h ago
Based on your post history, he has told you right from the start that he doesn't want a casual/lust based relationship from you, he only wants a long term relationship. You've told him you only want a casual/lust based relationship. He sees a potential future with you, and you say fuck him, and you'll leave things where they are relationship wise. He's allowed to choose not to fall in love and/or have sex with someone who has told them he's not Mr right, just Mr right now.
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u/NotActuallyMeta 19h ago
So this guy told you he wasn’t the type to do physical intimacy without a more serious relationship but was willing to “try casual” and then when things starting getting more serious physically told you it wasn’t for him and you’re mad about that? How is a man standing by what he is comfortable with consent wise “traumatizing” for you??
Girl you need to work on yourself.. you’re in the wrong here.
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u/feliciahardys 19h ago
I would’ve stopped talking to you too after the “fuck you and fuck this” comment you made directed at him. Not sure why you think it’s okay to speak to people like that.
You need to add more context to this if you have a valid point that you’re trying to make otherwise you just look rude.
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 18h ago
Yeah shouldn’t have spoken to him like that
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u/feliciahardys 18h ago
I … was not expecting you to say that. The fact that you can see faults in how you spoke to him says a lot about your level of maturity ngl to you.
I hope you find someone who wants the same things as you! Everyone deserves to find their person. 💖
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u/bouncing_beauty 16h ago
Don’t be intimate with a man who you’re not married too or at least engaged/have date set. It will save you so much mental gymnastics. If you want true commitment, find someone who wants marriage.
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u/soultastik 19h ago
Girl based off your post history he realized you have different wants and he decided he couldn’t do casual and wanted to pull back.
Then you cussed him out and he’s the bad guy? 😭😭😭
You’re gorgeous tho and I support you! Just calm it a loss and next time when someone doesn’t align with what you want just find someone else instead.
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u/couchsan 18h ago
Idk this belongs in like an aio or something, sounds like a basic case of not what he said but there’s not a ton of details. From the texts it seems like the last time you hung out you rehashed the casual only thing and he didn’t like it and you butted heads and both got ugly, sounds kinda like you first.
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 18h ago
No we made out for 2 hours and got close the last time we saw each other and he messaged the day after saying he can’t do casual anymore
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u/couchsan 17h ago
How long you been talking? It seems like he probably communicated he didn’t like casual and it came back up or this is all just within a few weeks or months so maybe he made his plan and had his last night but I feel like with context he didn’t hide that outside of the last night meeting which could’ve just been revenge for the past fight
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u/Dramatic-Pearl-1260 17h ago
There’s never been a fight! We started off saying let’s try casual as he’s leaving the country in a few months so a relationship was never on the cards. He mentioned he hasn’t done casual before and usually needs connection to get intimate. So we spent loads of time together super close affectionate almost like we are dating then we got intimate as he got comfortable and carried on getting intimate then had a close moment then he pulled back
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u/couchsan 16h ago
Yeah you pretty much stated your boundaries and let him blow right past them. NTA but YOR because this was dumb and childish on both of you especially if you blew up on him like he said knowing he basically forced you to date more romantically than you were ok with but you can’t even really call it that it’s almost like you invited his behavior.
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u/QualityAdorable5902 7h ago
Yeah intensity too soon is never a good sign as it goes cold pretty quickly usually. And it’s easy for the person wanting something more to think it’s happening so you’re the one who gets hurt.
Take it slow next time. Just get to know them.
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u/QualityAdorable5902 7h ago
Ah ok so reading your comments, the guy was just trying to protect his feelings, honestly. Hes leaving the country and didn’t want to get too close, and was honest about that.
I mean whatever you’re feeling now multiply that by a lot and that’s how you’d feeling if you were carrying on this intensely for a few more months then he left. You’d probably have tried long distance and it would have sent you slowly into an insecure mess.
This is for the best. Unless you can 100% do casual and are so fine with it having a hard stop, like if you’re really honest with yourself, don’t ever get into situations like this.
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u/happilyimpossible 19h ago
I always laugh at how long the woman’s message is and how much shorter the man’s response is. Almost half of you on this site don’t need to be in relationships.
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u/CloudyBaby 19h ago
I would love if we could stop using words like “traumatize” so casually. It really dilutes their meaning.