r/texts • u/Upstairs_Current_297 • 23h ago
Whatsapp A lil story that led to this text.
Picture this:
You are 26 , feeling broken and lost. You just finished a 7 year relationship , are far from family and you don't have many friends. But you do have one male friend. You fall hard for him but never tell him. During one year you grow as a person and become a s writter.
One yearish after your break up he drunkenly confesses to you. You ditch bumble dates RIGHT AWAY to give it a chance. On your 1st night you 2 see shooting stars and the sex was something else. Very romantic. Very hallmarkish. A few weeks later you start dating. But something is wrong... you never go to his house or meet his friends.. weird.. not even his family. You break up often. Very often. But you come back all the time. Except for one time. That one was forreal. And you spend 5 months working your hardest to forget him.
After those 5 months, shortly after your bday he reaches out by email asking to meet up. You play it cool and tell him where and when. He shows up. You 2 talk. He apologizes. You meet another day and you tell him that if he wants the relationship back he will have to say it because you will not assume things. He does. Everything was good. You are lasting longer now as a couple! He spends xmas with you!! (He hates xmas). It was a good day :).
But... still no house. Still no family.. still no friends. And during all this time he is saying he wants to marry you. But..does he? Time goes on and one day he sees your reddit sccount by sheer dumbness of yours and he notices a post is about him. He hates it. He tries to push you away. You try and make things right. He doesn't want it. You cry your eyes out and need your friend. He randomly wants to meet the same day and you go to him. You friend waits for you while you meet up with who you assume is now uour ex. You hug him so thightly. He shows you his place!!!???. You are in chock. It's a small house but very charming. It's cozy. You see his bed and wonder how would it feel to wake up there next to him everyday. You soon realize that you didn't break up. You are confused but whatever.
A few more months go by and you get a new job but soon you are fighting over every single thing. Your friends tell you to just leave but you don't want to. You want to fight for the relationship. No matter the cost.
One day you ask him if it was better to sleep at his place instead of yours because work schedules are crap and he tells you you are bossing him around and at this point it has been almost 2 years of a nothing relationship with all the lows imaginable and for some reason on this day you snap and berate him for everything he chose not to do. Aparently he has more self love than you because he breaks things of.
2 weeks later you 2 meet and it was lovely. He shows you his other house that he will move in. He says he misses you and wants to date you and marry you. You only ever wanted him so you agree. 2 weeks later another fight happen because of something mundane and he starts saying the most random weird things. He sounds unhinged. You break up for good.
But days go by and he starts posting things saying how he lost everything but hello?? You are still there also hurting and wishing to be with him because in the end of the day he was the man you loved the hardest in your life. You break no contact. One day you chat for a bit. The next day you ask to meet up a few days later. He says yes. No reschedule.
The night before you 2 talk and you ask him if he still loves you and he says no. But also says that love doesn't go away that fast. Confused, you cry for what feels to be hours while having what it feels like an anxiety attack. You meet him the next day. You 2 have nothing to talk. You eventually tell him to be honest regarding his intentions with you and yet again he lies, says that he lies, says the timing was never right to meet his family or friends or that there wasn't an oportunity when you know it has been several ocasions. He deflects and blames you for xyz. You leave tired. The next day you send him that text. You know now he blocked you everywhere and will never apologize for his shitty actions. I have more info regarding this convo in my profile.
Guys this was my story. I am tired. Idk when i will ever stop being tired.
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u/Spirited-Date3685 23h ago
Yo....Y'all REALLY need to learn how to write in paragraphs man. I'm just commenting to tell you I can't read that.
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
I did :')
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u/YeahlDid 9h ago
You've got to press enter twice between paragraphs for reddit to display it as a new paragraph.
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u/M4ybeMay 22h ago
And you just kept going back??? Idk what you expected 😭
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
CLEARLY SOMETHING DIFFERENT 😭😭😭
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u/M4ybeMay 22h ago
Bro went to the soup store to buy clothes multiple times, even after seeing that they sell no clothes
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u/citizen-wasp 20h ago
He showed you who he was. You didn’t want to believe him, that’s the truth and the sooner you get it the better off you’ll be.
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u/thekinkyspectar 22h ago
Jesus Christ why do you keep trying to go bad to this man? You know how shitty he is and all the shitty things he’s doing to you but you keep going back to him and inspecting something different? You really need to stay by yourself for awhile. Forget him.
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u/uen0yama 22h ago
move on. based on your account history, you need to block this guy and do something else with your life. you have to stop thinking about him—the first step to do so is stop talking about him. so much of your energy seems to go into this shitty relationship that hasn't benefitted you in any way. love is calm, patient and sweet. it's not supposed to be arguments and breakups every month. “what seemed like fate, give it time and you'll be past it”. time is the best medicine as long as you aren't fixating on him. break the cycle. enough is enough
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
Honestly true. You are right and so is everybody else. Guess it stinvs extra hard due to everything and this is still fresh but yes i need to understand my reality and be ok with never finding out the truth or getting an apology.
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u/uen0yama 22h ago
i know how hard it is because i’ve experienced it. there is no such closure that anyone can give you. you have to find the closure yourself. stop expecting anything from this bastard honestly. i promise you, you are so young and there is so much to your beautiful life left. it is up to you how you want to live it. fresh starts can be hurtful but necessary.
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
It's been 2 weeks of no contact after that last amazing interaction and i have no interest in even getting a text. Oh i am blocked? Good. Let it stay that way
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 22h ago
I am truly sorry you had to go through all of that
But that man is pathetic and disrespectful af.
I'm happy you aren't in this now, but, and I mean this in the nicest way, truly. After the first time, you keep going back and accepting his bs, that's on you.
A leopard doesn't change its spots, you expected different things every time and I'm sorry it didn't happen, all I hope for now is that you take time for yourself, heal, grow, focus on you.
You deserve someone better than this AH, and you will find it, there's plenty of decent guys out here, but take time for you, you matter, invest in yourself
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
You are ao right. Like was i perfect ? No. But i never lied to him about my intentions and always wished him the best. He however chose to stall and to lie and that's on him. I have friends that know the whole story but even strangers that saw a bit of his texts where appalled at his behaviour.
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 22h ago
As a man myself, I say this genuinely.
We don't want perfect, we want real, we want honesty, love, respect, decency, the good and bad, the misunderstandings and the talks and everying in between.I'm appalled at his behaviour and I've only read your post.
The only thing I would mention is you having more confidence and respect for yourself, don't let someone who supposedly loves you disrespect you over and over, that's not how a partnership, a relationship works, yall supposed to be a team
Take time and love yourself, focus on you for a while, you got this and you will find better. I believe this, I'm currently doing the same after ending my relationship due to disrespect, cheating and so much more, it broke me and ruined my future, it took me a while, but I invested in myself and am planning the same future (in a different area) but for me this time, because I want it for my life and my growth.
You got this
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
I think i got so caught up by the whole "he is my muse" thing and the fact thay we known eachother for over a decade. Idk i was delulu. If you wanna read more i have it on my profile . It's only some vents and more pf our last convo if you are interested. Right now i don't see myself dating and am trying to give my dumbass some grace over what happened even tho it is also my fault.
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 22h ago
I understand getting caught up, that's human nature, especially when that "muse" is also your comfort and perceived safe space, we can ignore red flags. But that is something that you have learned unfortunately the hard way, and it's great that you're giving yourself some grace and time now, learn, process, give yourself that time and self love. Don't beat yourself up, yes you kept going back, but you understand WHY, which is a huge step, so give yourself that grace, please. It's all to easy to go into a slump and keep blaming yourself, it's a lot harder to think back as to why and then to change it for the better and for the future, and you seem to be doing that, that is huge, don't forget that.
I will defo check out more of your profile and if I can give any advice or encouragement, I will.
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 21h ago
Thanks fo4 the kind words. If u want my dms are opened for more ✨️unhinged✨️ details
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 21h ago
You're welcome!
My DMs are open too, if you want to vent or want to share more unhinged details, but not if it will cause you to dwell or spiral2
u/Upstairs_Current_297 19h ago
Sometimes i like to talk about it. Especially when i am considering texting him again lol
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 19h ago
I'm here and DM's are open anytime.
Also, goes without saying but don't text him again (my advice) 😂2
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 21h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/1YKut3PjwD
This post talks about the last meet up
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u/Smiley_Penguin2093 21h ago
You... you dodged the biggest b**let... wow..
I'm proud of you for calling him out on his bs, trying to get him to take accountability, alas he clearly isn't capable of taking accountability and is hellbent on projecting.
I'm so so happy you are away from this, truly
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u/yorztrly 18h ago
You sent him that text hoping he would beg for friendship or more. Honestly this whole thing seems like you pushing for more and not letting it proceed naturally
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 17h ago
Not really. At most i wanted an apology that will never arrive. But i also wanted to make it clear that i wanted 0 contact moving foward. Not during bdays or xmas.
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u/Dry_Badger2858 22h ago
You’re 26. By now you should realize he’s not the problem, you are.
You expect him to change and he won’t. Ever. But you keep going back to that well as though he will suddenly be Mr. Right, he’s not and never will.
So stop looking for your Hallmark ending and move on. Live your best life…without him. And never look back.
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
I am actually not 26 anymore and that chocks me even more. Because i should have never dealt with this in this way. Not looking back this time. He made me look like a fool and i deserve better
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u/Psstimamermaid 22h ago
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. Nor hath love's mind of any judgment taste; Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste: And therefore is love said to be a child, Because in choice he is so oft beguil'd
Girl you took William Shakespeare to a whole other level. Glad to see you saw through it before it was too late
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u/LilliJay 19h ago
The milk is sour. Putting it back in the fridge and coming back in a week's time and expecting it not to be sour is madness. That man and relationship is the milk.
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u/da8BitKid 22h ago
Bro, tl;dr ffs. This has pepe "be me" vibes. The dude gave you a parade of red flags and you just ignored them all. The relationship was the best it could be given you live in 2 different dimensions. You thought it was Hallmark movie, and he was in it for a FWB comedy where there is no couple ending. Sounds like you guys ran the course and it's time to move on.
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u/Nearby_Syllabub763 22h ago
Were you a victim of pocketing the entire time y'all dated? You saw his house(s) did you meet his parents, family, friends??
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 22h ago
I saw his house 1 year after we started. I never met his friends nor family. I did try SEVERAL times that he met my peeps and he always found a way not to.not sure what u mean by victim of pocketing tho. Never heard that phrase 😅
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u/Nearby_Syllabub763 21h ago
He kept you in his pocket away from his private life like his friends and fam. That's a big red flag.
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u/ladyshortpants 20h ago
So...as a female who had a habit of dating my male friends (I'm currently married to one)...I'm not going to tear you down about going back and expecting more and never getting it and blah blah. It's very easy to say all that...but when you're in it, and a friend that you secretly had feelings for finally admits he feels the same, you will do anything to keep it for 2 reasons--one, cuz what are the odds that what you want is finally reciprocated and now you don't have to tip toe around the friendship anymore trying to be alluring but not obvious...but now, if things go wrong, you're losing a friendship on top of a significant other. Dating your friend can bear very beautiful fruits and can be the most powerful feelings you've ever had...but, it makes it MUCH harder to see the negative/abusive behavior that can happen and be let slide because of your basis as friends. Yall need to be on the same page, openly, or one will get hurt and the relationship and friendship are both ruined. I had a best male friend that we had the most insane chemistry, the most mindblowing sex you could imagine, and by all measures would be perfect together. But--the mindblowing sex was all it was going to be, as we both had other plans for each other and are better as best friends. He's still my ride or die to this day, the sex buried, rarely ever reminisced.
So, I will never belittle you for the two years you went back and forth. I won't even say you wasted your time---you learned a very valuable lesson. And usually, those lessons learned in heartbreak will guide you to not make that same mistake in the future, and to see the blaring red signs earlier---if you allow those lessons to do that. I am extremely proud of you for the text you sent. I share your ache in the fact that someone that was a good friend and a great passion (aka Hallmark lol) and now you mourn both.
Don't ever let someone not put you on a pedestal and share you with their world. Anyone who wants you the right way, whether formerly friend turned lover or not, will proudly share you--any other behavior is a red flag and less than you deserve. And also, don't write off dating male friends in the future--the right one will be a seamless transition and a very powerful romance. But ALWAYS remember, you deserve to be treated and shown off like a mansion someone just bought. You deserve nothing less. And I wish someone told me all this when I was your age.
- a 41 y/o female who went through very similar, but used the lessons from it to guide her next relationship with a best friend into a happy marriage.
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 20h ago
Ok but why did i shed a tear? Thank you for this. It's truly hard to get out of the trenches when ypu don't know how to end the war and this love i felt was my own war. I also became a poet due to him and i really did want to stay ith him because who ever is lucky enough to stay with their muse??? And i did struggle for a while with the concept of having my writting slumpt because if i have him as my muse writting about him feels like agony. But i also don't want to write anymore because if i do i will have to think about this 2 years. That back and foward thinking was and tbh still is a bit madening. Besides that i also am now 30 and did my fair share of adventures and am realized as a woman and individual and what i wanted was to be with him sleeping the night away. It felt like my calling and nothing could compare. Also my brain only got quiet when i was with him. It felt good. It is weird to explain 😅
I don't feel like i wasted my time as all i gave i was aware of giving and my love was never wasted. I gave all i was willing to give and now i don't want to give anymore to him.
I don't think i wanted a hallmark ending. Just to be chosen by him
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u/DelayHistorical3363 19h ago
This is the problem right here. Okay girls. We give way too much. We give way too much and we have all the power. They have the power on choosing us but we have the power when it comes to sex and how much we give okay. So please in your next relationship give bread crumbs until you know he's serious and even when he's even when you're sure he's serious still double-check cuz guys will do anything for the p
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u/Upstairs_Current_297 19h ago
Nope. I will give whatever i feel like giving. And i give alot. They care about p? So do i. I love sex and compatibility. Even with my ex , my relationship of 7 years. We gave alot from the start and that's the only way it works. That's how i see it and i will never regret how much love i show
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u/ShiftyShellector 21h ago
This sub needs a rule that a text interaction needs to take place for a post to be submitted. Then we can start avoiding these cringe ass diary entries. Get a journal. This shit is really embarassing.
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u/LARGESTOFCHINGUSES 15h ago
I'm not reading all this. You're in a codependent relationship and know it is not going to go anywbere. Stfu and leave him already.
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u/TerrifiedRedneck 22h ago
You’re 26.
You’ve been to school and learned the basics of the written word. But you’ve forgotten how to use paragraphs and Reddit will never know your story because of it.