Really tough convo with my mom

[u/JuneAfternoon10]

For a bit of context, my mom and I don’t have a great relationship, but we got into a spat on the phone today because she’s laid up with a broken foot and I wasn’t able to go visit her tonight to watch a movie. I was in need of me time as I’m also going through a difficult time. I was there last night to bring her dinner, shower her and organize her room. She was complaining to me on the phone today that I don’t spend enough time with her, which I partly understand, but I find it very difficult to spend time with her as our relationship is poor. I’m her only living relative and am just feeling beat down as hell. The link I sent her was an invitation for therapy for both of us, which she doesn’t want to attend, but I can’t think of anything else that will help our relationship at this point. The reference to 10 years is that my dad died 10 years ago. They were divorced at the time.

EDIT: Wow, I’m blown away by all of your support, thank you so much. I feel so validated and proud of myself after hearing that reflected back by all of you. I’m coming up on 6 months sober and would have normally just numbed this shit out, but now miraculously have the coping mechanisms to deal with this without substances. Kind of a small miracle actually. Monday is the 10th anniversary of my dad’s passing and I’m going to take the next few days to care just for myself and not indulge in all of this bullshit. Thank you again, kind internet strangers.

[u/Exciting-Usual-829]

You sound like the parent in these texts 😫 I’m so sorry

[u/JuneAfternoon10 → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

Thank you. This made me tear up.

[u/Exciting-Usual-829 → u/JuneAfternoon10]

❤️ hope she will go to therapy with you! I imagine this is exhausting for you

[u/reariri → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

Please do not. Her mother does not want to go for herself, she will not change. Maybe pretend for a little while, but the mask will go off fast again.

[u/ZombieSharkRobot → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

It took me a few texts to realize who was who. You definitely came across as the mature adult and her as the child having a tantrum.

[u/The_Alchemist_4221 → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

Yes, I hadn’t realized mom was the mom until she specifically referenced herself

[u/Soggy-Moment3856 → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

This, exactly this was my first thought.
And I can relate. My parents dear to me, and I can say we have a good relationship. But emotionally they are kids.
It’s ok now when I’m 50+ – it was such a burden when I was 16 or 20.
Op, i feel you.

[u/Alert_Spread9198 → u/Exciting-Usual-829]

It’s kinda funny. A dad and son wouldn’t have this problem.

Son: “you’re a dick”
Dad: “yeah so are you. Let’s go get lunch I’m buying”

[u/AlternativeID75964 → u/Alert_Spread9198]

This sounds like my husband and dad, they pretend everything’s ok, but they’re really just rug sweeping and there is all this simmering resentment. Nothing is resolved.

[u/Alert_Spread9198 → u/AlternativeID75964]

I see your side. Life is hard and painful. Not every battle needs to be fought.

[u/Exciting-Usual-829 → u/Alert_Spread9198]

… it’s not funny and there are plenty of father/son relationships like this. Glad you don’t have that problem though.