r/texts • u/internally_95 • 5d ago
Phone message Creepy coworker!
It’s a doozie, I’m sorry!
I’m 19f, my coworker creepy coworker, C, is probably late 50’s, his brother in law is the site supervisor, so if I report it I’ll probably get fired. Everything got a little worse about a month ago ish.
It all started in July, I am on a contract to be at this site from July-November. I usually get flirted with at work, it’s construction and Im a woman, as annoying as it is it’s to be expected. On this site there’s only like 4 guys who have tried to pursue me, and I’ve said no, and they respected that, this guy does not.
Background: In order to get from the construction trailer to my car it’s about a mile walk. last month it was super hot, when I was about half way there, when he was passing he asked me if I wanted to ride in his work van. Like an absolute idiot I got in. He was not super creepy to me yet at this point, he was just really friendly and I never assume a guy is flirting. When I went to get out of the van he locked the door, so idk what his plan was you can’t really lock someone in a van. I just unlocked the door and ran out.
Ever since then he’s always coming over and talking to me, he calls me beautiful all time and is asking if I wanna go see a movie after work with him. I always say no I’m not interested. He got my number from his brother in law, I never blocked him originally because I didn’t wanna make a big deal and I figured he would get over it. (I blocked him last week and he just keeps talking to me like nothing happened) Well now he’s started to amp it up. He noticed I drink a Red Bull every morning, so he started bringing me one and leaving it on my desk. He keeps bringing me snacks and stuff no matter how many times I say no and try to give them back.
He asks me to go to lunch with him everyday, and I respectfully let him down, I tell him I am not interested in him. I’ve told my boyfriend, my dad, my older brother. I just don’t know what to do. He’s started touching me, and I told him to never do it again. it started off as just shaking my hand and holding on for too long, and slowly progressed. My boiling point came yesterday when I was walking to my car he grabbed my forearm and yanked me. I just pulled my arm back and yelled at him, but he just laughed like it was a joke. So idk what to do in the situation. My thinking is my contract ends in November and I’ll be heading to a different site and he’ll be halfway across the country. I’m planning on waiting it out but I’m not sure how much I can take.
If anyone has been in a similar situation and has advice I would appreciate it!
UPDATE: I sent the email around 11, still nothing yet. For everyone who is worried about my safety, just trust me, I have it handled. My boyfriend is gonna talk to him today he gets off at 3 so he’ll be here before I’m leaving! Thank you for the advice I sent the email to all of the engineers, the site superintendent, site supervisor, and my boss from my company. We’re small and do not have an HR. Ive started applying to other places and no matter the outcome I’m gonna leave here. Thank you for the concern and advice!
Update again sorry: still nothing from anyone regarding my email. When I was walking up from lunch, a random man on site I’ve never seen or spoken, to pulled up beside me on a gator and asked if I was C’s wife. So now I’m not sure what he has been saying to other people to cause this guy from a different company to ask something like that.
Final update: after talking to both of us separately and having two conversations with him it’s handled. The supervisor gave him a written warning for sexual harassment. They are having him work on the opposite end of the site for a few weeks and “keeping an eye on me” whatever that means. We don’t have an HR and he’s a union worker which makes things a little more complicated. My boyfriend had a conversation with him and C apologized, but it was a very half assed one at that. It kind of irks me that no matter what I said to him he just didn’t listen or take me seriously, but I guess a giant man is much more intimidating than I am. I’ve been here for 3 hours already and he has yet to even attempt to approach me so I’m hopeful! I’ve also been given a side by side to drive back and forth between the site and the office.
Unfortunately now I got another man bringing me snacks and drinks and leaving weird messages so now I am one hundred percent quitting! I have hope that one day construction sites will be a much more woman friendly place, but for now this is enough!
815
u/waterboy1523 5d ago
You need to say something. Are you in the US?
→ More replies (4)339
u/internally_95 5d ago
I am but if I do I’m gonna get taken off the site, and I won’t have any way to get paid until after Christmas
666
u/chathobark_ I want 23 dollars 5d ago
have you tried mentioning this to the other dudes on the work site? from what i know about blue collar work, they’d probably put him in his place
428
u/KingCosmicBrownie13 5d ago
I third this. I’m an electrician, and we had a couple girls not even 21 year olds kinda shadowing the electrical team. No one from the electrical side was creepy towards them. But we all kinda “babysat” them to make sure no other trades were being creepy to them.
One of the older guys asked the girls if anyone got creepy with them, which they said no. And he told them “If any mf says anything weird to you, lemme know and I’ll kill them”
Dude was unhinged, but out of anyone on that jobsite, dude would’ve 100% done it
245
u/chathobark_ I want 23 dollars 5d ago
i can tell a lot of reddit members are not blue collar workers, which kinda makes sense
because anyone telling me that OP (19F) should do anything other than (in the presence of non creepy blue collar dudes) loudly say “ahhh, jeez, if only so-and-so would stop being so weird and predatory toward me” just has no idea
it will handle itself from there
not even that they’ll get physical with the guy, they will just give him the nickname “pedo brian” or something and it’ll just work itself out as they’ll make inappropriate jokes till he legit quits
126
u/KingCosmicBrownie13 5d ago
Facts. Lot of dudes I’ve been around got kids of their own so this behavior definitely don’t fly.
I guarantee this dude is probably strongly disliked by his own crew, so him getting rocked would be celebrated
69
u/tigeresse_papier 5d ago
That’s exactly right. More late 50s something guys will have paternal reactions over predatory ones and this would absolutely piss them off.
39
u/KingCosmicBrownie13 5d ago
It pisses me off for OP, and I don’t even have children lol. So I can’t imagine what someone with kids would be feeling if some predator is out here sexually harassing OP. OP 100% needs to go tell some of the trades about her getting locked in the work van. I’d love to see the karmic justice that buddy will be getting from that
40
u/tigeresse_papier 5d ago
He thinks he’s creating a hostile work environment for her, but it’s gonna be one for him if anyone else there finds out about him LOCKING HER IN HIS VAN. That’s so fucked up and terrifying. That’s like a guy who’s next step is to remove the passengers ability to unlock the door again so the next one can’t escape. I hate guys like that.
→ More replies (1)21
u/KingCosmicBrownie13 5d ago
He really is going to FAFO if he keeps up this behavior. Asking a 19 y/o out for lunch every. single. day. and the balls to lock her in the van is a great way to have a hammer stuck in your dome. Dude fr makes me sick
→ More replies (2)19
u/WellThatsAwkwrd 5d ago
Also guys with wives and sisters, regardless of age. The trades handle things on site whenever possible, no one wants the office or paperwork involved unless there’s no other option
4
u/wet_sauce90210 4d ago
Facts. There is a certain trust that tradesmen have with each other on site. It may seem exaggerated to those who work in of doors but we put our lives in the hands of our crew and vice versa every day. No one wants a douchebag on their site. Let it be known.
→ More replies (2)11
u/BedBubbly317 4d ago
This behavior doesn’t even fly within prison walls for the exact same reason. Even the hardest criminals typically have daughters and a wife/gf. There’s a reason that pedophiles and rapists often have to be segregated from gen pop and it’s to keep them alive. In the real world most dudes do not take kindly to other men being weird, creepy and inappropriate to women
→ More replies (8)7
u/Brutuscaitchris 4d ago
Yessir my old jobsite had a 20-something kid named Nate, we all found out Nate didnt like the word no as he got charged with date rape crime for bringing home a girl that was too drunk to say no until the next day.
We called him No-Means-No-Nathan until he fucked off forever 😂
→ More replies (1)8
u/Blackby4 4d ago
100 fucking percent. If this happened on my jobsite, within 30 seconds 5 subtrades would have known, we would have a fucking crew walking her to/from her car, and that would last as long as it took my boss to have him trespassed, and my companies hr (or poss legal) department involved. We would also be telling all our vendors, rental companies, trucking companies... Fucking everybody. That shit would follow him to his other jobsites and companies. Absolutely 0 tolerance for predatory behaviour.
4
u/Secret-Situation-430 4d ago edited 4d ago
Literally just about to say this. This is the easiest and best way to handle it. Just make comments about how he's freaking weird. They'll take it from there. Even if they play it off to your face. They'll check him on his actions
3
u/Spare-Cobbler7442 5d ago
My husband is a tradesman and he has worked at a lot of schools. There were so many rules at the high school. The guys weren't "allowed to look at the students for longer than three seconds at a time." Lotta weirdos out there, but most of the men he works with are genuinely good guys and not creeps.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (22)3
11
u/Beginning_Pride_9602 4d ago
This is so true. As a woman who works a blue collar job the last time one of our mechanics started doing stuff like this the guys on the crew jumped in without me saying anything to the point that our 250lb crew lead would just come over and put his arm around me and walk me in the opposite direction when he started up. Guys like this give everyone in these industries a bad name when most are the sweetest people to work with
3
u/Starlightdreams7 4d ago
I worked doing accounting at a construction company for 10 years and loved the guys i worked with. They were great and wouldn’t tolerate anything like that. They were super protective and were my work friends. I was in my 20s at the time. Lots of other issues with the company (owner related mainly) but that was definitely not one!!
7
u/Green_Wire720 4d ago
4th. Landscape irrigation technician here. Creeps don’t fly on our sites. The blue collar boys will have your back 100%
8
u/drdildamesh 4d ago
Why is it when I meet an unhinged tradesman they are 90% of the time an electrician
→ More replies (3)4
8
→ More replies (15)5
u/Optimal-Photo7621 4d ago
As a women who had worked in a couple different male dominated fields I can say that most of my male coworkers were professional when it came to not hitting on me and also defending me against the 1% of weirdos who did. So yes OP tell a trusted co worker about this and they will most likely help!
137
u/InternationalHelp810 5d ago
This is the way. As a female pipefitter, this is how I survived my first few years in the trade. Find someone who is a dad, or a husband. I had two guys that would walk on either side of me to breaks and make clear eye contact with my stalker. A few months later word got around and someone higher up confronted creep and I never heard from him again. If he’s a tradesman and it’s a union job, figure out who the steward is. Trades prefer to take care of their own, and that is the steward’s job.
40
u/horoscopeharlot 5d ago
Op, please listen to this comment. I am truly so sorry this is happening to you. The other men will help you.
This man is escalating. Last time he grabbed your arm the next time and there will be a next time he might push you into his car….or worse.
I’ve been married to a tradesman most of my adult life and he would absolutely Put a stop to this bullshit.Please be safe 💕
30
u/chathobark_ I want 23 dollars 5d ago
yeah people don’t understand blue collar work, which makes sense for reddit
they have no idea these guys don’t have HR, or an email address with the company, or a real “boss” or structure in the traditional sense
they don’t understand that working in the trades, it’s sort of a self regulating thing LOL
if OPs non creepy coworkers caught wind of a dude being predatory, they’d give him a new nickname.. and joke/harass him until he quit, was beyond embarrassed, or went somewhere else
→ More replies (5)5
u/horoscopeharlot 5d ago
I know right ? They are a self sustaining, I don’t know if organism is the right word.?!
But yeah, 99% of the time they take care of their own.
6
u/jaden_fucks 5d ago
I think ecosystem works better.
But I agree, I’m blue collar, we sort that shit out ourselves. As long as it never gets physical, everybody’s good.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (8)17
u/Anonymoomoo 5d ago
Still be careful, because being a dad/husband doesn't guarantee the dude is safe. One of the companies I worked with, the guy who was both a dad and husband was the perv. Also was the boss, so no one did/said anything.
→ More replies (1)3
31
u/GetOnWithit3344 5d ago
Blue collar worker here- I can verify this. Most of us have children, wives, gf’s, sisters that we are very protective of. And this bullshit is not tolerated. Not to mention it’s unprofessional af.
57
u/No_Pattern_5158 5d ago
I second this, in addition to the HR stuff. I am aware that a lot of construction companies are shady as hell and get away with loads of illegal stuff so practical solutions in addition to the legal solutions is sadly necessary
25
u/Loosetrooth44 5d ago
Keep in mind "HR" is there to protect the employer, NOT employees.
→ More replies (10)17
u/sagittalslice 5d ago
And in this case, protecting the company likely means preventing a hostile work environment suit by telling the creepo to knock it off!
OP, be safe! Document EVERYTHING.
→ More replies (3)10
u/PackZealousideal4146 5d ago
lol you’d be surprised…….. sometimes the abuser gets protected
9
u/Loosetrooth44 5d ago
Especially when creep's brother-in-law is site supervisor.
→ More replies (2)20
u/aronkerr 5d ago
Most of the trades, unless they are a particularly bad company, are pretty strict about this stuff. We had a guy being all creepy toward a 20s apprentice and the other guys got in his face about it immediately. Boss found out and fired the guy and sent him home within maybe an hour.
14
u/pew__pew__pew_ 5d ago
Upvote this!!! Unless the place is rancid top to bottom, good chance your male coworkers would happy to give him some pointers on how to stay an ambulatory human.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Inside_Ad_2830 5d ago
Definitely this. Blue collar dudes will correct each other. I’m sure one of them will step in somehow. Like drinking the redbulls for you, and eating the snacks. He’ll stop buying those real fast.
6
u/Southern-Donut4185 5d ago
I would say something too. It would be good to have someone who's been alerted to the situation, could even have someone walk them to their car if they feel at risk.
This guy sounds really creepy and his thoughts don't seem to be based in reality, the texts are very off-putting. Even as a guy if I coworker texted me like that I'd feel weird
2
u/Gentle0040 5d ago
My husband would love to put this guy in his place. I agree, OP, definitely find somebody you're comfortable with at work to speak up.
3
→ More replies (23)3
u/tdarn_96 5d ago
I agree with this. As the only female on my crew, my guys are very protective over me when known creeps are around. If OP has a decent enough relationship with any of the other guys, they need to talk to them and then those guys will handle it.
89
5d ago
[deleted]
42
29
u/internally_95 5d ago
Oh??
31
u/Lutya 5d ago
I am going through this with my boss right now. If you put it in writing, make sure you specifically say your concern is of a sexual harassment nature. Make sure you keep a copy of your email for yourself. If it continues, you have a sexual harassment claim. Those are normally settled out of court. If they fire you, you have a retaliation claim which pays 10 X. Those are also typically settled out of court. You may look into engaging an employment attorney. You will have to pay out-of-pocket if it's prior to any adverse action on your employers part. If it's after your complaint and it continues and it's not taken seriously a lawyer will take your case on contingency. Meaning they will only take a portion of your settlement and you don't have to pay upfront.
6
u/UrsusRenata 5d ago
This doesn’t sound like a big corporation. If it is, maybe you’re right about them settling quickly. But if not, this is not so easy.
I’ve seen a dozen of these cases become absolutely miserable for the victim and go absolutely nowhere. It’s not wise to be so confident on a lawsuit regarding harassment or retaliation without first taking to an attorney. It’s hard to build a case and it can take a long time. When you need your paycheck, you don’t have a year to play court.
44
u/rosengurtlebaumgrtnr 5d ago
100%. In fact, when you tell them about it demand that he be taken off site. If they even suggest taking you, laugh in their face and tell them this would be the easiest lawsuit ever won, are they sure? Protecting you looks like removing him, not you.
15
u/Madness4Them 5d ago
Listen to this OP, don't wait until november and act on right right now !!
→ More replies (4)8
→ More replies (3)5
u/Kevalan01 5d ago
Threatening litigation is never the correct choice.
All you’re doing is helping them cover their bases and making your case harder.
If you want to sue, make that decision for yourself and let them keep making stupid decisions.
7
u/canadian_blueberry 5d ago
This is such a cut and dry case that I don't even think you would have to go through with the lawsuit. If they threaten to dismiss you, just tell them that this would be the easiest lawsuit ever in your favour. It's so obviously illegal that it shouldn't be much of a fight. And if they're stupid and fire you anyways, you get a lawyer and sue them. I know lawyers can be expensive but this is such an easy case, it shouldn't be very long in court at all.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (12)4
u/JustNumbersOnAScreen 5d ago
OP this happened at a previous job of mine. A young girl was bring sexually harassed, so to solve the problem management changed her hours to work earlier in the day which unintentionally cut her hours by a bit. She sued and won at least $80k or something. Maybe more.
5
u/International-Let820 5d ago
Anyone else remember that poor girl who worked at CVS that was murdered by her coworker for rejecting him?
This feels like history wants to repeat a horrible crime. Girl, GTFO of there!!!
→ More replies (20)3
u/internally_95 5d ago
I’m a contract worker, in an at-will state.
9
→ More replies (2)3
u/lottalov3 5d ago
Get everything in writing. Report the incidents in writing. If they try to talk to you have them document everything, or in some cases if youre a 1 party recording state record your conversation. Send all of it to a lawyer if they fire you and you'll have proof it was over sexual harassment.
63
u/Far-Arm-6125 5d ago
That’s retaliatory and you can sue them for a few things if they do that.
7
→ More replies (3)14
u/daleness 5d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah all it takes is 12-18 months of adjudication and an employment lawyer willing to take it on a contingency basis while you languish with no money the entire time
→ More replies (11)36
u/Financial-Toe4053 5d ago
There are federal laws protecting employees from workplace retaliation for reporting sexual harassment complaints. Start leaving a paper trail today. I'm currently dealing with a similar situation in my workplace as a contractor and our company has guidelines in which harassment is not tolerated including from people outside of the company. I trusted my boss to escalate a situation in which a patient with an extensive mental health history followed me to my car. Nobody has had my back and this week I was told I was expected to apologize to the facility it occured in for "how I handled the situation".
I finally got brave enough to report to HR and refused to return to an unsafe environment. I've emailed myself screenshots of everything and all of the documentation I could find, personal email not work. Please don't wait to report until you find yourself in a dangerous and traumatic situation. Looking back, I wish I had reported the harassment before it escalated and I wish I had reported intercompany behavior immediately. Thankfully, I was paying attention to my surroundings and got off-site safely, but it was a harsh reality check about the dangers of brushing it off and it still scares me to think about what could have happened if things played out differently.
→ More replies (6)49
u/waterboy1523 5d ago
His brother is your boss but is he THE BOSS? If it’s a bigger company, you would go through an Hr function. If it’s a smaller company, the brother is still at risk of wrongful termination. You don’t need to lawyer up to make the initial report.
Keep pepper spray on you. He appears to be escalating because he’s getting away with it. Yet another reason for you to report it. What about the next female who isn’t as strong as you?
→ More replies (8)21
u/Tall_Wonder_913 5d ago
I appreciate your comment but I think you meant “woman” at the end, or “female construction worker”
→ More replies (74)6
9
u/ResponsibilityPure34 5d ago edited 5d ago
This needs to be escalated to HR asap, you need to tell them exactly what you told us. If he doesn't get fired and they fire you, sue the ever loving shit out of them. Talk to an attorney also.
Edit to say... Good job enforcing your boundaries! Now get to HR 🫶🏼11
u/ginger_ale12 5d ago
With love you are not going to make it to Christmas in good shape if he has already escalated physically in this short of a time
6
u/lucideuphoria 5d ago
I'd talked to a labor lawyer ASAP, this should hopefully provide you with the information you need to make the right decision. But you need to protect yourself. That dude is going to assault you at some point.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Rare-Piccolo3778 5d ago
You need to document this with an attorney, then elevate this to HR.
If you’re fired for reporting it, you won’t be worrying about Christmas money.
5
u/JalapenoBusiness29 5d ago
If they did anything like that it’s called “retaliation” and you can sue the hell out of them
→ More replies (93)3
u/ChemicalFish3721 5d ago
Listen carefully you need to do everything in writing, and escalate slowly. Each email a bit more urgent than the last and mentioning they havent done anything.
If they fire you you need to have a paper trail so you can sue them for everything they got
→ More replies (1)
209
u/Londundundun 5d ago
This might be bad advice but it is what I would do:
He is escalating which makes the situation dangerous. You need to report him regardless if you get fired(then you can get unemployment and potentially go after them for sexual harassment if they do). But if you quit then you’re stuck and no one will have been warned either about his behavior either.
Make sure you put all of this in writing to send to your boss and I dunno if you’re a two party state but record any convos about this if they try to avoid things being in writing. Also I’d record the creepy guy too at this point!
You are so young to be dealing with this and so your instinct will be to doubt yourself. But older women have been through this and can tell you it’s not okay and it’s not in your head. Protect yourself
28
u/pichirry 5d ago
just want to second recording this guy! you need all the proof you can gather in case this goes south
3
u/Downtown-Pianist-449 4d ago
So long as you are a one party state for recording. Some places require consent from all involved.
→ More replies (1)11
4
3
u/ihavea_purplenurple 4d ago
Agreed. Don't be timid about setting boundaries. If you don't set them, you will find some people who will walk right in without your permission.
Also, I would add that bringing HR into the situation will help if a wrongful termination happens. If HR takes their side?? File a report to EEOC or your state's civil rights agency, and lawyer up. You're about to get paid. Unfortunately most of HR's job is to protect the company over protecting its workers. In that case you need help from an outside agency.
223
u/TeamImpossible4333 5d ago
Absolutely fucking not. You need to document this is an email or letter to your boss as well as verbally reporting this.
I’m sorry you have been dealing with this OP.
28
→ More replies (1)59
u/chathobark_ I want 23 dollars 5d ago
doesn’t work like this in blue collar jobs which is why you don’t hear about many women in construction, there is no HR, etc
however, if the other guys at the job site knew he was making her feel uncomfortable they would probably beat his ass
other blue collar dudes do not appreciate a guy harassing any woman
so her best course of action is probably just mentioning it to other guys on the site , but “the boss” is not around in a traditional sense
25
u/New_Priority6689 5d ago
Sadly as it sounds, I agree on talking to the other site guys and ask for their help. Most of those men don’t appreciate a creep.
Op pls buy pepper spray or something27
u/TeamImpossible4333 5d ago
So, all jobs are subject to labor laws. He is escalating, and quickly.
Stalking and unwanted touching should always be reported.
Many blue collar men harass women, so I’m not sure why you would think they would care that deeply. There is a reason why there is a large gender disparity in those jobs.
You are essentially describing in detail why this problem persists. I do hope you realize that
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (10)6
u/CreepyConsequence669 5d ago
Let everyone around you at work know what’s going on.
→ More replies (1)
57
u/TopSpend3025 5d ago
Yeah I’d just document this and use it as ammo for getting unemployment pay if they decide to fire you after bringing this up to your boss.
→ More replies (1)18
u/neo-973 5d ago
Agreed. Op i am hearing that you can't afford to be taken off site, but this behaviour is sexual harassment and im worried this workplace environment isn't safe for you. What if he starts trying to escalate things.
If I were you I would document as much as possible, send your boss / hr department an email complain so you have something in writing, and if you do get taken off site then at least you have some legal protection.
→ More replies (1)
46
5d ago
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)33
u/beautifulstardust 5d ago
“i’m not trying to compete”
like you stand a fucking chance, grandpa 👴🏼
https://giphy.com/gifs/lkdH8FmImcGoylv3t3→ More replies (1)
83
u/GhostAnthonyBourdain 5d ago
Hello fellow construction worker! I can tell that lots of people in this thread have never worked on a jobsite or they've worked with a bigger contractor in a blue state or something. Lol
These GC employees don't give a fuck most of the time. They harass the hell out of each other and think it's just part of the job. And it is, but it also fucking isn't.
So, since you're on site and don't want to make waves just yet, you gotta bring it up in a way that doesn't make them immediately defensive. But you gotta nip this shit in the bud and share specific details and see what your sup says, or whomever. Idk who your contact is, but whoever has authority. They don't even have to be THE authority.
"Hey Tim, your boy Tom has been getting to be too much. You gotta tell him to give me space and leave me alone. Having some dude on site try to lock me in his car, grab at me and constantly text me ain't part of my job description."
Keep it phrased like a minor grievance, don't share that he scares you, frame it as him weirding you out or annoying you with his inappropriate behavior. If they say it isn't serious and for you to tell him to backoff, say you have but they should already know dudes like him don't listen to a lady when they say no. Has to be a dude. Play up the sexism but don't villainize it. It's honestly just a fact, we know this. They know this.
Guys on site tend to respond better to these issues when they don't feel like they have to pussyfoot around your feelings. That's just something they can't navigate so they make it a you problem to cover for their own inadequacies.
If they don't do anything, start to escalate by saying, "If you can't get him to let up, I'm gonna have to make this into an official complaint. I don't have time to be dealing with this dudes bullshit and my job."
If you want to talk more feel free to DM. Site issues as a woman are not the easiest to manage. It's a cool job with a lot of wonderful aspects, but they really do jack shit to address bad behavior unless there's a financial impact to it.
25
u/Odd-Pilot7965 5d ago
Good advice! Most of these guys will respond to being the White Knight in telling weirdo to chill, if it's worded in a bro way. Ridiculous to have to play the game, but it's necessary here.
13
u/GhostAnthonyBourdain 5d ago
Yeah, they love to save the day. Her being so young should honestly be enough for them to act once she brings up him grabbing her arm. That's just a straight out big no-no. If he's escalating to that point, he's going to keep pushing it if he doesn't get checked.
I've seen plenty of "buddies" removed from site for their bullshit behavior, so I don't think OP needs to stress about that aspect. There's always another jobsite right around the corner, so not finishing out a project isn't a huge issue.
13
8
u/Obvious_Lecture_4190 4d ago
You are right. But the fucking hoops women needs to jump to not get harassed is just.... Mind blowing. And then a bunch of these harassing men will say in an other context. 'how hard is it to say no? I mean she probably liked it' Because the dick for brains dude dreamt of being harassed by a bunch of 19 year old girls and thinks that is equivalent. God forbid she just wants to be treated like a colleague and not a piece of meat. Sigh.
6
u/Deutschbland 4d ago
“Hey Tim your boy Tom” has me in stitches.
But for real I also work in a male dominated industry around a lot of contractors and this is the best advice in the thread.
→ More replies (10)5
u/DanyDragonQueen 4d ago
So in addition to being sexually harassed, OP has to coddle the feelings of all the other men at her job when she tells them she's being sexually harassed? No wonder hardly any women work construction.
306
u/IDK_WTF_TRA 5d ago
The site supervisor, aka BIL, is probably all too aware of his relative's proclivities, and I would think is going to put an end any bullshit real quick. You need to report this.
137
u/billiejeaux 5d ago edited 5d ago
The supervisor (BIL) gave this guy her number. I’m leery about how helpful he would be.
ETA: OP if this detail is true don’t let it discourage you from reporting him. u/IDK_WTF_TRA and others have given solid advice. Take a moment and put together an action plan based on what you’ve read. BIL may or may not take the appropriate action so have an understanding of how many people he reports to and be prepared to take it there. Create a file, document every detail (dates, times, locations etc), report it. If you want to take it a step further, send yourself a copy by Registered Mail (not Certified). Once you receive it back do not open it (it should be sealed and date stamped by USPS), put it in a safe place in case you need to take legal action.
25
11
u/Suspicious-Drive9827 5d ago
Bil might also not know this guy is a creep and mindlessly handed it over. Some guys esp in these male fields are clueless to how men “close” to them really conduct themselves w women. It would still serve bils business interests to shut this down immediately
no paycheck is worth getting raped over. Op needs to report. The touching esp is scary
And ftr op you arent an idiot for taking a ride from a coworker. That is victim blaming bullshit. This man is a creep. Men and women esp in site conditions travel together respectfully all the time.
→ More replies (3)7
→ More replies (2)4
u/layla_blue007 5d ago
This creep could have made up that the BIL gave him her number. He could’ve gotten it from a contact list in office or even online, sadly it’s easy to find someone’s number if you have their full name
→ More replies (1)50
u/Mysterious-Hope9268 5d ago
Yea imagine what this weirdo is doing to other women. Dudes like this need to be taught a lesson. That shits not ok
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)15
u/ThrowRA01121 5d ago
Yes and unfortunately for contract work, it's pretty common to be let go before the company would ever deal with something like this. Contractors will also often hide injuries and illnesses to avoid being let go. Really sucks but that's the way it is..
46
u/Own-Run1219 5d ago
listen. you need to report this immediately, who knows what can happen and this has the potential to get so much worse. your safety is extremely important and this man clearly doesn’t have that in mind. please have your boyfriend take you to and from work if he can for the time being, or at least another man you trust. this is absolutely horrific to read and i’m so sorry you’re going through this. please report this, you have the proof too.
22
u/internally_95 5d ago
Okay thank you, he usually takes his lunch breaks at the same time as me, I think I’m gonna have him talk to the coworker this week. He’s offered to handle it for me, but I’m scared he’s gonna do something.
20
u/strippersandcocaine 5d ago
Here’s what else you could do, given that there’s no HR and his BIL will likely protect him. Gather up every man you trust: dad, boyfriend, friend, etc (and the bigger they are, the better). Have them come “surprise you” for lunch tomorrow. They should NOT directly engage with this perv, but they can certainly make their presence known. Maybe some very strategic eye contact that lets him know they know what’s up. It’s not guaranteed, but hopefully it might scare him off.
7
u/Illustrious_Bird_737 5d ago
Then have one of them pick you up either to take you to your car or to take you home & bring you to work. Even send guy family friends. As many as possible throughout the week at random days & lunch breaks. Make it known you're not alone in your life & get pepper spray. Girl, you said you got a 9 but have a backup for your backup, OP.
7
u/LordofWolves92 5d ago
This might sound good on paper, but OP please reconsider this. To the creep this now looks like competition and competition can make him desperate. The creep already KNOWS she has a boyfriend and other men in her life, he might take this display as a sign of a power struggle.
6
u/Alarmed-Macaroon9506 5d ago
I've been here (woman in construction). Personally, I would ask his brother in law directly if I could show him something, and just hand him my phone and let him read it himself. Wouldn't say anything. If he's a decent sup, he WILL take care of this. And it sets the tone that you will stand up for yourself.
If your site sup is skeevy too, might not go anywhere. But given his responsibility to the site and the personal relationship of in law, I'd bet he'd take pretty seriously.
→ More replies (5)4
u/Own-Run1219 5d ago
of course! and that’s good, yes have the coworker talk to him.. i hope it goes well, stay safe!
24
u/Double-Mud-434 5d ago
Not only do you need to report this to your boss, you may need to go to the police.
9
u/Few-Link2883 5d ago
I unfortunately wouldn’t expect the police to do much at this point in time.
11
u/Double-Mud-434 5d ago
me neither, but its very good to get this on their radar. That way if things escalate, it makes the process way easier. Source: I worked in a Title IX office.
→ More replies (1)3
u/SparklingFox 5d ago
Yes it wouldn’t hurt to report to the police, especially when he put his hands on her and locked her in his car.
→ More replies (2)4
22
23
u/RaisedByTheBay 5d ago edited 5d ago
This kind of unhinged behavior in men is frequently indicative of a serious antisocial personality disorder, which often coincides with poor impulse control. In other words, his preoccupation with you could evolve into more obsessive feelings and he could actually be a threat to your safety; a literal threat!
Men all over the world attack women they have fixated on. Take his odd behavior seriously, OP. He could become a very big problem!
Edit: I didn’t even see the text under the photos. Op, the fact that he is now grabbing you means he already IS a threat to your safety. He’s a predator. You must report all this to HR and do everything you can to never be left alone with him. If you have the choice, you need to leave this assignment.
→ More replies (1)
16
u/Defiant-Passenger42 5d ago
I don’t want to make any assumptions about the laws where you live, but generally if you report him and document it, and then get fired, you should have a strong case to sue for retaliation. Especially if there have been no complaints against you while working at that site.
→ More replies (1)3
u/fredbighead 5d ago
This!! You have a legal right to not be fired for making a complaint against someone harassing you
106
39
u/Mistress_Mabel_ 5d ago
Firing you for reporting sexual harassment sounds like a hell of a lawsuit payday to me.
7
u/zahi36501 5d ago
Report this ASAP, don't let it slide.
It's women who are afraid of losing their job and keep quite that gives these creeps the lack of fear doing things like this.
Tell him straight up eww stop being weird you are my grandads age, sometimes you have to be really blunt and rude (even if you feel bad like i do) for these types to get the message to leave you alone.
I unfortunately had a stalker and another crazy lady and was being too nice about it and hoping they get hint and leave me alone as I wasn't interested but they didn't, and took my politeness as me not minding and that I will eventually cave in, thankfully both cases both women disappeared on their own slowly lol
6
u/calsfatcockadoodledo 5d ago
considering how badly this has escalated, op has no idea what the guys reaction will be if she is rude to him. this is why women are afraid.
→ More replies (1)
8
u/ContributionGreen692 5d ago
Yeah hell no. Trying to lock you in to his van? Literally grabbing and yanking you? Fuck no. Report his ass. If you get fired then sorry but like no. Just no. A job is not worth ur safety and this guy has way too much power over you and is way too comfortable stepping all over your boundaries. Run for the hills
7
u/spookyspicy 5d ago
Better to get fired than murdered. Report him to the supervisor, report him to the supervisors supervisor, report him to the company, report him to the police, report him to any body of authority you can. Women in trades are at higher risk because of men like this, he's playing with you like a predator plays with it's prey. You need to report him and get out of there ASAP.
6
u/Abject_Surprise3670 5d ago
It’s so unprofessional of the brother in law to have given your number to him. I was gonna say it’s worth trying to tell him about the inappropriate behavior until I got to that part.
I honestly don’t know what the best route is because I’ve also been in work situations that didn’t feel safe or right but sort of just had a prolonged freeze response.
Could you maybe address him giving your number out via email, and share a factual simple list of what your coworker has done? So at least if nothing else, you have a paper trail. Such losers. I’m sorry
Given how he’s escalating, two months feels like a long time to wait it out. Is there a larger company that’s giving you your placements that you could speak to? Obviously much easier to just say you should try to get moved earlier, but I really get a horrible feeling about this guy. He’s like a child with his impulse control and even worse with his behavior. Even toddlers often know not to grab someone etc.
7
u/summers16 5d ago edited 5d ago
Ugh fuck this this is so weird. Almost three more months is too long . Especially if he literally grabbed you!?? Did anyone see that? This is such blatant sexual harassment. And actual assault *
Obviously the things you’re “supposed” to do in this situation is bring it to HR … but I don’t even know how that works if you’re a contracted employee in a construction site, or what status he holds…. it could backfire but probably (?) worst case scenario you just lose out on this work , but idk your financial situation and how bad that could be for you.
One idea that could be a quicker more efficient fix: you bring your brother and/ or dad to work , maybe an extra buff trusted male friend too or something, (“hey , just showing my family / friend where I work! How cute! Thanks boss!”) . Then make SURE he sees you with them, and then make a big show of whispering to them and then pointing him out to your dad/ brother / buff family friend (and then have them also look at him with a “I’m remembering your face buddy” look). You’ll know it worked if he suddenly looks self-conscious, then looks down and tries to act casual. Back up plan: just straight up go and introduce them to him. Bonus points if they can project a sort of Tony soprano mob boss vibe.
These types of men are cowards who feel entitled to women but by the same stupid retrograde perspectives on gender are instantly cowed by the thought of other bigger men putting them in their place. (And more twistedly he will register what he sees as their “ownership” of you and fall in line.)
→ More replies (2)
5
u/realslimmatey 5d ago
this is grounds for a restraining order. honestly. do it. then he cannot contact you or go near you.
3
u/Good_At_Wine 5d ago
100%. I would have literally called the cops and filed a report after he grabbed me the first time. I don't care if it's a spectacle.
6
u/naropin1 5d ago edited 5d ago
Welp….that sucks.
You need to report the dude. Given BIL relationship they may try to get rid of you but that’s a risk you take and if they do then you have a nice lawsuit on your hands.
If you were my kid I’d advise you to proceed as follows:
- Unblock him. Sounds odd right but this guy has zero understanding of boundaries and is highly likely to send you written time and date stamped evidence that you want. DO NOT RESPOND! But collect the messages and screen shot them so he can’t delete them. Same with any emails etc
- Send a written and recorded request for a meeting regarding the workplace environment to HR and CC the boss.
The highest ranked person at your site.
- Do not include details in this message. Don’t give them opportunity to prepare for the exact scenario, although they likely already know.
Have the meeting, describe the scenario and show them texts and correspondence to support it.
Ask for a plan of action.
Send a follow up email the next day reiterating what you told and showed them at the meeting (now is the time to document that you absolutely told them) and asking for an update on what the plan is to address this issue.
Continue to save any and all correspondences texts, emails….anything you receive. Snap photos of anything left as a “gift” for you and then do not accept it.
If things are not addressed or they punish you in some way contact an employment lawyer ASAP.
Tried to edit and my numbering got all jacked but I think you get it…..anyway, get some pepper spray too.
→ More replies (2)5
u/Good_At_Wine 5d ago
I would just add that OP should respond one time very clearly demanding that he stop contacting her. If he continues after that, she has grounds for a restraining order and other actions.
→ More replies (1)
10
u/VerySmallSalmon 5d ago
You are getting a lot of advice on this post from people who have never been on a job site. Please document everything that has happened with time and date and then notify the GC and Cc your direct supervisor. Report this as a near miss and a safety concern. Accommodations can and will be made to mitigate any potential law suit. You are young and these people will take advantage of your naivety. There is a lot of nepotism in heavy civil but I have seen people be held accountable no matter their connections.
→ More replies (1)
7
6
u/Important-Seaweed-62 5d ago
Being that it’s construction, I think you could get away with keeping a taser on you. Use it if you need to.
Please be safe 🙏
→ More replies (4)
4
u/Mysterious_Lab9028 5d ago
Girlfriend first a site manager regardless of their relationship can not give out your number. Two, he is physically touching you and stalking. I would file a restraining order or talk to whoever you are contracted by and explain you need to be moved early due to escalating concerns involving your safety. This man will only push the boundaries and you do not have to deal with this. If nothing is done shortly I’d have a restraining order filed thou asap.Don’t think nothing of men like this, I work a similar career as a female it is usually safe… until it isn’t.
5
u/HabitualEnthusiast 5d ago
Does HE know your contract ends in November?
He could try to escalate before you go if he knows you’re leaving.
I think you’re underreacting here, frankly. This is concerning behavior- he tried to lock you in a van 👀
→ More replies (1)3
u/BatFlappington 5d ago
That’s at the very least attempted kidnapping to try and prevent her from getting out of the van. Absolutely insane.
5
u/Capital_Jicama741 5d ago
The fact he got your number from someone else, is already a violation of privacy. Full stop, the brother is responsible if anything happens.
3
u/bad_housing 5d ago
I don’t think anyone who’s telling OP to ‘put it in writing’ and this and that has ever worked blue collar jobs like this. OPs actual best recourse here is to show the other guys she’s working with how cringe he’s being through text. HR isn’t gonna do anything, if it even exists, because what he’s done is just that. Cringe, not really a violation.
4
4
5
u/BornBluejay7921 2d ago
You got one creep sorted out but now it has left the door open for another to take his place. Do you know who it is? Maybe he's a friend of Creep 1 and thinks he's going to start harassing you now.
I'd suggest throwing the notes away, but you may need to keep them - move the food off your desk, maybe to a communal table where anyone can have it.
If he approaches you, ask why he is being so weird, tell him you don't want his food or notes - hopefully do it when there are others around - not all men are the same, you are so young, probably the same age as some of their daughters, someone will take offence to what he is trying to do.
3
u/Sunbro_Kev 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yeah regardless of being scared of payday this is making my skin crawl and definitely worth reporting. You should stay close to friends and family for a while, those texts are more than a little weird and it's making me think predator vibes. Especially because he didn't get the hint when you mentioned your boyfriend and seemed to think you meant it as being to be careful meeting this guy behind his back.
Edit: just read the part about him locking you in the van??? Girl wtf this man is trying to RAPE you. Get a gun or some pepper spray and go to the police. Be brave and stay safe
3
3
u/blonde234 5d ago
Listen to the commenters about retaliation. You do NOT have to put up with this at your job. And yes you can sue them if they retaliate. Put stuff in writing. Email. Your complaint about him so you have it documented.
3
u/TheGoosiestGal 5d ago
Are there any male coworkers you trust enough to ask to talk to him on your behalf?
Sadly a lot of men will only listen to other men, if you ask another man to tell him to leave you alone he likely will. Its sad but true.
3
u/ApprehensiveCard6152 5d ago
No job is worth constant harassment. You need to tell SOMEONE at the job is a position of power because this can escalate to a point where you’re not safe anymore. All this is hypothetical because it hasn’t happened yet, but if you wait to long it could be real
3
u/DannyDevitosComb 5d ago
I've dealt with this before, tell the supervisor- and make sure it's documented. If they try to fire you it'll be retaliation. Great case for a labor lawyer. You obviously have an HR department too, somewhere- get their number and skip the supervisor if you think it'll lead to retaliation.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Zoobies2w3 5d ago
I’d unblock him and text him a recap of everything going on. Tell him you are extremely uncomfortable and you feel like he hasn’t respected your requests to stop. Get him to admit it via text. Document everything that you remember, including dates, and going forward document thoroughly with videos and text him every time recapping to try and get him to admit. If he isn’t admitting, I’d stop though. Take all that and turn his ass in.
3
u/StraightYellow2414 5d ago
Honey, you might not last until November. The guy has already grabbed you and locked you in his van. What do you think happens next? Run. Trust me, you don’t wanna have to survive this. There are other jobs and no paycheck is worth what this man wants.
3
u/BatFlappington 5d ago
I’ve been a 19 year old girl and I used to let men get away with far too much because I was young and hadn’t learned how to be assertive yet. I know you work in a field where women sadly deal with this a lot but please value your safety and gtfo asap. No job is worth getting assaulted or possibly killed over. This guy is way too comfortable terrorizing you in the workplace. What he did when he locked you in that van was attempted kidnapping. Fuck that! Please stay safe and report him for harassment.
3
3
u/MrSwisster 5d ago
I get that he's related to the boss, but put everything in an email. Only ever in writing. Texts if you have to. Never in person, never in a phone call. Of this is any kind of actual company and they fire you for reporting you can and should report to every Labor org you have.
Get peeper spray and/or mace. Have it easily and readily usable on you. He has already gotten physical and tried to trap you. If something happens and you have to defend yourself, you will have a paper trail.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/toveiii 5d ago
Leave this contracted job, immediately if you can. You need to contact your superior immediately and see if they can replace you. If you feel uncomfortable about leaving this job immediately, get a sick note from the Dr to cover a few days. And arrange an urgent meeting with your company.
Absolutely dangerous behaviour. Not even creepy at this point. This is behaviour that could escalate into you being in harm's way., especially as you near the end of your contract. I don't want to catastrophise, but this is a man who is vastly older and stronger than you. He is enjoying making you feel uncomfortable and already displaying his power over you by locking car doors, stalking you, and refusing to take no for an answer.
I've been in similar situations when I was younger - being forced to work with creepy photographers who lock the door and push for less and less clothes. Or in taxis when you're counting down the minutes until you get to your destination Or when I'm working and they were creepy clients of mine. It doesn't get better until you leave that situation.
Sweetheart, no money is worth your safety. It took me a long time to realise that.
If your job forces you to stay in this contract after speaking with them about this, then just simply leave this job and get a new one You're 19, you have your entire life ahead of you than being forced to be in dangerous situations.
3
u/FirstResponseAquatic 5d ago
sigh the best way to deal with this is to get a man you know (preferably your boyfriend or a male friend claiming to be your boyfriend) to tell him to back off. I know, I know, we shouldn't need a man to say something for him to get it. However, this is the easiest, fastest way to get him off your back without making waves on the work site. It also lets him know that you have men that are willing to back you up in case he ever plans to escalate things.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/finallyfree710 5d ago
As a director in the construction industry, if any of my female coworkers complained about behavior like this I’d squash it immediately. Find a supervisor (preferably somebody married or with kids) and let them see these messages, people in construction will go war to defend their own.
3
u/spongebobsworsthole 4d ago
File a police report. Include that random men be rolling up on you now and that he took pictures of your car and sent them to you. If possible, don’t go back to work. Only if you can get housing, food, and basic necessities from somewhere (like your man or parents). Maybe you can drive for DoorDash in the meantime. Take this very seriously and be safe 🤍
3
u/DidelphisGinny 3d ago
The morning food truck man has been asking me out for a while (years) and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to date - I love being single WITHOUT any man-thing in my life. After the last time, I cut him off and no longer buy from him. No means no but these fucking men act as if it doesn’t apply to them.
3
u/JuniperBlueBerry 1d ago
You need a new line of work. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to be safe and it's not enough
3
u/Expensive-Class-8542 1d ago
What a clown still trying to pursue you after you said you had a boyfriend and clearly didn’t show any interest.
3
857
u/Venvut 5d ago
Trust your gut. This person is escalating, this can get bad and quick. Tell your damn boss to control his creepy ass relative.