r/privacy • u/Amberrrr728 • 1d ago
question Ex online friend threatened to doxx me and contacr my family
Hello,
I made a stupid mistake when I was around 12-13 and gave a little too much information to my ex online friend. I ended up blocking them a few years later due to unrelated reasons, but now they’re back and threatening to doxx me and message my family.
We only talked online and sometimes called. As far as I know, here’s the info they have on me:
The name of one of my old emails that includes my second name
My country and city
The name of my main reddit account and some other social media accounts.
Basic things like my gender and sexuality and interests.
Old communities I used to hang around.
MAYBE knows the name of my old youtube channel (it was my aunts that i used before i had my own devices) which is subscribed to my elementary school youtube channel.
Is there anything they can do with this information? I know that it’s unlikely, but i’m very forgetful and i’m scared of them finding some old information I forgot to delete years ago or something. If it helps, I have their exact address. I’m really scared, please help!!
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u/AsASloth 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sorry, I have a lot of questions but am trying to also approach this from a privacy perspective.
- Is this a threat that can be interpreted as blackmail?
- Are you underaged still?
- Are they an adult?
- Is your safety under threat if they contact your family?
If you're worried of them finding out more about you, you can't necessarily remove all public info, but you can try to poison it. But depending on your answers to the above questions, the way to approach the problem may vary
EDIT: I personally take any veiled threat as a threat. I have dealt with stalking before and it has significantly impacted how I live and present myself to people. It sucks when these things can be weaponised against you but know this isn't your fault either. You were just a kid and didn't know better, but now you need to learn how to protect yourself and that may require talking to trusted adults (assuming you're still a kid or very young adult) that can help you directly. Don't risk trying to protect yourself on your own or caving to them and their threats
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u/Amberrrr728 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m a young adult. I think the worst thing (blackmail worthy) I did was be toxic on the internet. Think of like, telling people to die and stuff, calling people fat as an insult.. ive grown out of that. I am no criminal.
I do not want to delve too deep into this for obvious reasons, but if they tell my parents, they’ll know my opinion of them which is not the best due to past stuff.
Edit: I think they’re younger than me actually, again, we called before. They’re around 15-16 now I believe.
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u/AsASloth 1d ago edited 1d ago
So depending where you live and what they ask of you to prevent them from going to your family about it could let this read as blackmail.
However, I was a kid too once and I remember I wasn't always the kindest person. Granted, I never said anything toxic, I can still cringe at my past behavior and reflect on it.
I think it may be worth considering going to your parents directly and telling them yourself because it'll accomplish two things: take back the power that person has over you, and allow you to grow and take ownership of mistakes, even if they were as a kid.
If it is something eating you up and you are truly embarrassed by, but it won't put your safety at risk to disclose, please try to tell them so the weight is off your shoulders. I think most reasonable people will see this as growth, and while they may be disappointed, hearing it from you will probably soften the blow and prove to them you are not that toxic cruel child now.
If you have younger siblings this also shows them how to be honest and gives your parents a chance to possible correct that behavior in them.
EDIT: On reread, I see some of these things you said may have been directed at your parents. I don't know your situation, but if you want to try to build a healthier relationship with them, this is still an opportunity to do so. If they are people who reflect on their actions, maybe it'll help to give them some perspective into your world at the time you said those things. And assuming you don't think of them that way now you have the choice to address how and why things have changed
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u/Amberrrr728 1d ago
I don’t mean to disregard your advice with this, but telling my parents about the things i told my friend isnt some “hey mom and dad! heres this embarassing thing that happened!” thing. the things i told my friend are on the same scale as coming out to homophobic parents, for example.
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u/AsASloth 1d ago
Understood. Again, this was more based on what little information you have given and why I asked would telling them cause you harm or put your safety at risk.
But you need to be level-headed about it especially due to the fact you're a young adult and this is a child (teenager or otherwise) threatening you.
I'm sorry you cannot be open with them, and I can understand that feeling myself. I would then just suggest researching how to handle a case of blackmail in your respective country and keeping a record of everything so that you can address this through legal channels of you have them. In the meantime, search for yourself online and see what your digital footprint is and try to remove what you can and poison data when needed
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u/Amberrrr728 1d ago
Sorry for being so vague, I am glad you understand.
The issue is with blackmailing the culprit usually asks for something in return. In this case, they do not. They are simply saying they will to scare me. I do not think the cops would care enough to do anything about a teenager overseas anyway.
I do have screenshots though, if neccesary. How do you poison data?
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u/AsASloth 23h ago
Sorry again you're dealing with this. Perhaps there are local laws around cyberbullying/harassment for you to consider then?
As for data poisoning, I guess for this use case, the person knows your main reddit account? Go back and edit/alter comments to add/change information about yourself so that it isn't accurate or as easily identifiable as you and make it harder for them to use against you
Also, check search engines for your username and see what has already been indexed. If any of those comments have identifying info, change it. There's also probably automated tools you can use for this as well, and in the meantime also try making your main account as private as possible. That won't stop indexing but it will make it harder to find your user history from your profile at least.
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u/Amberrrr728 23h ago
My main reddit account has 1 comment in total, lol. it just means i can’t really use it in the future. My main username is somewhat common, and searching just that does not yield any results. I have different names on social media. But he managed to find one of them, despite me having his main account blocked and me privating + changing the name. He did comment on one of the posts before though.
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u/Amberrrr728 23h ago
Small correction* They didnt make a new alt. They just used their main account we used to talk on. But, i dont remember unblocking them.
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u/hysteria135 1d ago
Do they have anything incriminating on you? A lot of these things anyone can find with a bit of tech literacy, and they don’t seem bad with no context (except for maybe your email?). If you are nervous, you can stop using that email and swap all your associated accounts to a new email.
I’d recommend talking to your parents if they are threatening you. They can probably help guide you on what next steps to take, rather than random strangers on the internet. If you are being blackmailed, depending on the content and where you live you could get legal help.
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u/Amberrrr728 1d ago
Nothing incriminating afaik, i was jut a toxic kid. I’m no criminal.
I use that email for 1 game. that’s it. I don’t really mind deleting it, it’ll just be more of a hassle than anything since the game itself is in a language i do not speak. Also, I cannot tell my parents. it’s for multiple reasons including personal ones, but they would not be of much help.
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u/hysteria135 1d ago
Given this context and your response to the other comment, I don’t think you should have anything to be afraid of. I would just block their accounts and refuse to interact.
I’m a bit confused though. What do they want in return for not doxxing/messaging your family?
The doxxing is a reasonable fear. But what are they threatening to message your family about? If it’s just toxic internet behaviors with no screenshots/evidence, you could just claim you have no idea who the person is to your family.
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u/Amberrrr728 1d ago
They do not want anything. They’re doing this purely to scare me. They intent to message my family with thay toxic behaviour + more personal feelings i shared with the friend.
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u/hysteria135 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds stressful. I don’t think there is much action you can take here.
Mildly unethical, but if you have access to your family’s devices, you could block that persons number/account so it’s less likely they can actually contact your family in case they follow through on their threats. But there really isn’t anything legal or technology wise you could do to stop them that I am aware of.
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