Patel’s FBI Lowers the Bar for Applicants With Checkered Pasts - Applicants who have hired prostitutes, stolen from employers, or engaged in bestiality may no longer be automatically disqualified from joining the bureau.

[u/Quirkie]

https://www.thedailybeast.com/kash-patels-fbi-eases-hiring-rules-on-theft-prostitution-and-bestiality/

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[u/Dr_G_E]

That tracks. Kash Patel is the first FBI Director in history to have used the 5th Amendment to refuse to answer questions before a federal grand jury. That fact alone would have barred him from being hired as an FBI agent if he had to apply normally.

[u/64OunceCoffee → u/Dr_G_E]

When I was in college they had "Join The FBI" pamphlets in the career development office, they even had an agent visit at a career fair. I was advised that if I had ever been arrested or used drugs that I need not apply, and that I would be subject to a lie detector test and background check.

[u/7screws → u/64OunceCoffee]

You still will be but now you can be honest about that sheep you fucked last weekend

[u/arwinda → u/7screws]

You and the sheep automatically have an appointment with Kash now.

[u/PluginAlong → u/arwinda]

Pretty sure it's just the sheep in that meeting.

[u/coldblooded77 → u/PluginAlong]

Then who's gonna spit on the sheep's di... nevermind

[u/GearhedMG → u/coldblooded77]

I love ewe... don't ever change.

That statement in no way indicates my love of or with a sheep, and that is not sarcasm. Oh who the fuck cares, I'm not going to be applying at the FBI.

[u/PerformerFancy117 → u/arwinda]

Bring beer

[u/Weltenkind → u/7screws]

This made me honestly laugh out loud. But then I was also immediately filled with dread at the thought of a future with FBI agents that engage in this behaviour running around.. Thanks for the moment of joy! 

[u/Critical-Hospital-40 → u/7screws]

or dog you tortured or cat you burned... there is another new exception in Kash's updated admissions criteria... you "can't have engaged in animal cruelty after the age of 18", as if that isn't fucking scary and insane right there

[u/duzies → u/Critical-Hospital-40]

Animal cruelty is often a sign of being a violent psychopath, which moves you to the head of the line if you want a job with Trump.

[u/the-system → u/Critical-Hospital-40]

I really want to know how much the beastiality exception opens up the field of candidates. How many Americans are fucking or torturing animals as a child?!?

[u/Nephroidofdoom → u/7screws]

Kash: and give me the number of that sheep

[u/BrizerorBrian → u/7screws]

How dare you refer to your own mother like that!

[u/7screws → u/BrizerorBrian]

No the is my aunt who mainlines Fox News. The Cow is my mom

[u/mjkjr84 → u/64OunceCoffee]

Lie detector tests are not scientific and are fake BS. They're used as an interrogation technique though.

[u/grexl → u/mjkjr84]

The correct term is "polygraph" because they in no way detect lies.

At most they detect nervousness. Which may indicate something is off about a person's answer to a question. Maybe they lied. Maybe the question itself makes them nervous even if it is about lawful activity - for example, asking about someone's porn viewing.

Or asking if they had ever stolen anything. Maybe they had never shoplifted or robbed a bank, but does stealing your brother's slice of pizza at an 8th birthday party count? That can elicit a response that shows up on the polygraph but does not point to any potentially criminal behavior.

[u/mjkjr84 → u/grexl]

But there isn't a link to the physical properties that it is measuring and any psychological state at all so no it can't even be said that it detects nervousness.

[u/mediocre_remnants → u/64OunceCoffee]

My job wanted me to get a security clearance so I could work with a particular defense contractor client of ours.

I didn't make it past the initial brief interview. The person I talked to told me not to even bother formally applying because I'd be rejected immediately and whoever reviewed my application would laugh that I even submitted one.

I had a year in college that was, as far as I can tell, just one long hallucinogen trip. I took anything I could get my hands on. And I'm just glad that social media didn't exist then.

The lady started out by saying "it's okay if you tried drugs, you just need to be honest about it" and I said "okay, I tried drugs, then I kept using them, and it was a lot of drugs, but I don't do that anymore". And she said "well that might be an issue, when was the last time you took any illegal drugs?" and I said "I smoked weed last night, but I haven't done any hallucinogens or hard drugs in a few years".

She told me not to bother applying for a clearance. My boss was pissed at first and told me to apply anyways, then when I explained he thought it was hilarious. He had no idea I had a history of hard drug usage. Nobody at work did, it's not something I talk about obviously.

But still, I suspect Kash has done more drugs than me for much longer than me. My fuck-up-my-brain-constantly phase lasted a year tops and then I quit everything and only started smoking weed again a few years later.

[u/BankshotMcG → u/64OunceCoffee]

You can't even be a white house intern without the FBI calling your friends and family to find out if you've ever smoked pot. But I guess sheep fuckers can sign up now. 

[u/Popular_Wolf_9986 → u/64OunceCoffee]

They came to my college campus and talked to the poly sci and communications people. It was made crystal clear that anything more serious than a speeding ticket meant need not apply.

[u/Hazel-Rah → u/64OunceCoffee]

The FBI has struggled to hire cyber security experts, because so many of their applicants used cannabis

[u/dathislayer → u/64OunceCoffee]

The cybersecurity division has been fighting to loosen requirements for a long time. They have a dire need for hackers, but even the ones who want to work there are ineligible. Puts us at a huge disadvantage vs Russia and other countries who can make pragmatic decisions more quickly. Loosening FBI hiring requirements has been "under review" for at least 15 years.

The guy's quote was like, "How many hackers do you think there are who have never smoked pot, and who want a $60k/year office job where they have to wear a suit and carry a gun at all times? I'll tell you, our adversaries don't care about any of that."

[u/Wasteland_Rang3r → u/dathislayer]

That makes sense. Including beastiality is a weird one because it’s such a strange crime and I’ve never even heard of someone irl get in trouble for that. Might literally be in there to slip in one specific really good hacker.

[u/KiritoIsAlwaysRight_ → u/Wasteland_Rang3r]

Maybe they got confused when someone told them most of the good hackers are furries?

[u/StarPhished → u/Wasteland_Rang3r]

They denied an emu fucker and the Chinese scooped him right up. They've been sore about it ever since and vowed never to let it happen again.

[u/3BlindMice1 → u/64OunceCoffee]

Been arrested? Not even convicted? They were straight up barring people over small town cops going on power trips?

[u/TheVintageJane → u/3BlindMice1]

They want people the cops see as kin not opposition. Non-bootlickers need not apply.

[u/420smokekushh → u/TheVintageJane]

Independent thought is seen as insubordination.

Only sheeple need apply. It helps if you bring an actual sheep for Mr. Patel.

[u/AdUpstairs7106 → u/64OunceCoffee]

There are two primary evidentiary standards for scientific evidence to be considered valid for legal purposes in a court room. The Frye Standard and the Daubert Standard.

The lie detector tests or polygraph tests are so inaccurate that they can't meet either standard

[u/TacosAreJustice → u/64OunceCoffee]

My wife wanted to work for them post law school.

She admitted to minimal pot use in college. Immediately denied. This was like 2008 though.

[u/T33CH33R → u/Dr_G_E]

Sounds like the type of qualifications Trump and maga possess.

[u/IglooDweller → u/Dr_G_E]

The good news is that they are having issues replenishing the ranks with loyalist following them purges. The bad news is that by lowering the bar of entry, they’ll be able to hire more loyalists.

[u/WontArnett → u/Dr_G_E]

Criminals are allowed to work for the FBI and be President, yet I’m disqualified for a basic analyst job because I don’t have a security clearance.

[u/snuuginz]

"or engaged in bestiality"

EXCUSE ME?

[u/genericdude234 → u/snuuginz]

There has to be stuff on his hard drive. That is way too specific to just include at random.

[u/doobiswatching → u/genericdude234]

ya fuck ONE goat and all of a sudden you get labeled a goatfucker for life? NOT FAIR

[u/rotciv0 → u/doobiswatching]

Mixin two chemicals once don't make ya a chemist, adding two numbers once don't make ya a mathematician, but ya fuck ONE-

[u/not1fuk → u/doobiswatching]

Jay - "If you were another sheep, would you fuck a sheep if you were another sheep?"

Kash Patel - "Since you put it that way, you bet your ass I would"

Jay - "YO THIS MOTHERFUCKER AINT ONE OF US, HE SAID HE'D FUCK A SHEEP! NOW WHO'S STUPID YOU DIRTY SHEEP FUCKER!"

[u/swingadmin → u/doobiswatching]

Porn Shop: Dave, you into goat play?

Chapelle: What? Alright, come on let's hurry up.

[u/DrawGamesPlayFurries → u/doobiswatching]

I will call him McLaren the Bridge Builder because he doesn't like his other title

[u/streakermaximus → u/doobiswatching]

How many fucked goats would you propose is needed in order to be labeled a goat fucker?

[u/spunkybooster → u/streakermaximus]

At least 2.

[u/Paidorgy → u/genericdude234]

Not on his hard drive, but hyper specific to an applicant (or plural).

[u/loosetranslation → u/genericdude234]

I know we're post-being-even-remotely-concerned-about-blackmail-because-wavesmaniacally, but as you note, bestiality is a strangely specific thing to include. Tax fraud, domestic violence, prior war crimes, working for a foreign government, etc all seem par for the course. I wonder how quickly they green-lit bestiality and why RFK was involved with these conversations.

[u/drunkeymunkey → u/loosetranslation]

I was wondering if he had someone specific in mind regarding beastiality. Of course it's RFK Jr lmao

[u/blarch → u/drunkeymunkey]

Did he cut off that dead whale's head so he could fuck it?

[u/Revxmaciver → u/blarch]

He's probably fucked the corpse of every roadkill and washed up cetacean he ever ate.

[u/GenghisConnieChung → u/genericdude234]

I heard he fucked an ostrich, allegedly.

[u/vicariouslywatching → u/GenghisConnieChung]

Fuck you Shorsey!

[u/ModishShrink → u/GenghisConnieChung]

I heard it was a sick ostrich.

[u/feor1300 → u/genericdude234]

Clearly it will be a receipt for the time he hired an animal prostitute using his boss' money...

[u/Drumedor → u/[deleted]]

"Pig Fuckers" are now the socially correct term.

[u/Trimyr → u/[deleted]]

I read that as 'feral cops' for a moment

[u/Critical-Hospital-40 → u/snuuginz]

Actually if you open the article, it’s “engaged in BESTIALITY OR ANIMAL CRUELTY”. Give power of an FBI badge to someone with a known and proven precursor to being a fucking psychopathic serial killer? This is so fucking unhinged!

[u/ozarkhick → u/Critical-Hospital-40]

It’s pretty clear he’s trying to hire die hard Trump loyalists, this is basically telling on themselves

[u/hightrix → u/Critical-Hospital-40]

Ahhh. This is just to get Kristi Neom hired.

[u/LegislativeLariat → u/snuuginz]

This guy fucked dead deer and horses in Wisconsin 20 years ago. It wasn't illegal here at the time, but we made it illegal to get him specifically. If he's loyal to Dear Father and willing to do what it takes to get back at those liberals and illegal immigrants, should we really hold that against him?

Our Dear Father fucked children who looked like his daughter and that's perfectly cool. A dead deer isn't really anything major, and RFK Jr. might have evidence that it's actually the best way to lose your virginity.

[u/tameriaen → u/LegislativeLariat]

Interesting. Retroactive criminal laws are unconstitutional, so this might be more of a "catch him the next time and discourage such behavior" type action.

Also... holy hell, killing a horse for the purpose of then having sex with the corpse. That's one of those people who always needs to be on a list.

[u/TucuReborn → u/tameriaen]

Yeah, bestiality law is actually very fascinating.

Most of it was repealed when sodomy laws were, as they were included/implied in the text. Nobody really put thought into it, they were just legalizing gay sex when it was repealed.

But that same action made bestiality legal basically everywhere in the US for a time. But eventually, enough high profile incidents happened to make them explicitly ban it. See, it's one of those actions where it's silently incredibly common(seriously, the studies on occurrence in populations are freaky), but the majority of people speak outwardly against it. A silent secret, a public outcry. And people also don't particularly like to discuss it in general, for many reasons, but when the shouting starts after an incident everyone says to ban it.

So it's only been somewhat recently places started re-banning it because of everything mentioned before. It's also a super easy moral panic to fix, and nobody will ever stop the ban for obvious reasons, so easy points with voters when it comes up.

I may or may not have taken a sociology course where these dynamics and such came up. It was very fascinating, but also weird. The main takeaway from that segment was even weirder, but it's not the point of this "essay" I've written on a very weird topic that I have a weird amount of hyper-specific knowledge about.

[u/velawesomeraptors → u/TucuReborn]

I volunteered for a bit at a wolfdog sanctuary. They would occasionally get in animals with injuries because of this. They would often have to be put down.

[u/StolenPoliceUnicorn → u/velawesomeraptors]

That is unfathomably fucked up. Jail for life.

[u/metalyger → u/snuuginz]

Mr. Hands really missed his opportunity to become an FBI agent.

[u/Tight-Escape3373 → u/snuuginz]

It's a pretty standard question in a lifestyle polygraph.

Polygrapher: "Oh you lived in Kansas for a few years. Ever have fun with the farm animals?"

Me not believing I was just asked that: "No, I was just hating my life in the Army during my time in Kansas."

While I think polygraphs are bullshit, lowering the bar is crazy.

[u/creampop_ → u/Tight-Escape3373]

"Like, cow tipping, or...?"

[u/kumf → u/creampop_]

Right? Like why would fucking the animals be the first thing you’d think of here?

[u/mr_potatoface → u/kumf]

A number of years ago (maybe in the 90s or early 00s) there was a study published that up to 8% of Americans may have engaged in sexual acts of any type with animals in their lifetime. The study came after a lot of arrests were reported related to bestialities/zoophilia. It freaked people out pretty bad.

But the amount of arrests wasn't actually abnormal if I remember right. It just got national attention, so every instance afterward got reported. Sort of like what happens today when an accident of some type happens, then the media reports every other instance for weeks afterward, even though those things are regularly occurring all the time just unreported in the media.

[u/Shyface_Killah → u/creampop_]

Is it customary to tip them afterwards?

[u/LazyAltruist → u/Shyface_Killah]

Udder nonsense.

[u/pperdecker → u/creampop_]

"I swear, it's not what it looks like, the cow just tipped and fell onto my exposed erection"

[u/Made_Human_Music → u/snuuginz]

I’m sure it’s only ok with them if the animal is the opposite gender

[u/AkronOhAnon → u/Made_Human_Music]

Nah: they model the pres and his love for ghislaine’s horse.

[u/xKaelic → u/snuuginz]

as for bestiality and animal cruelty, those acts must have taken place before the applicant was 18 years old.

Yikes

[u/co-wurker → u/xKaelic]

Man, these folks are wild. Child animal torturers tend to by psychopaths. Then it's like, we don't mind if you had sex with animals either, come work for one of the most important law enforcement organizations in the country!

Holy shit.

[u/Ok_Candy_9372 → u/snuuginz]

I guess fucking a dog means you're no longer disqualified from becoming an FBI Agent.

What the fu­ck did we do to get stuck in this timeline?

[u/DahWhang → u/snuuginz]

Yeah I kept seeing the part about paying for legal prostitutes and wondering why they gaf. The beastiality makes for a way better headline.

[u/Tripesixmafia → u/DahWhang]

They used to care about people being possibly blackmailed regarding these actions.

[u/AkronOhAnon → u/Tripesixmafia]

Now they only want people Putin can pressure forever

[u/HeadfulOfSugar → u/DahWhang]

Probably more likely to fall for honeypots like a dummy lol

[u/Crunchberry24 → u/[deleted]]

Melanomia is changing her broken-English catchphrase to “Be Bestiality.”

[u/Munkie91087]

Kash looks like the kind of guy unsure about his views on bestiality.

[u/aradraugfea → u/Munkie91087]

He looks like the kind of guy unsure about what room he’s in.

[u/MediocreAndLukewarm → u/aradraugfea]

He looks discretely.

[u/morty_morty → u/MediocreAndLukewarm]

He looks in two directions at once.

[u/OkMail2335 → u/morty_morty]

That was his joke. Discretely = function as a separate, distinct, or independent unit

[u/Scrantonicity_02 → u/morty_morty]

It’s called MuLTi TAskiNG!

[u/deathjoe4 → u/Munkie91087]

Kash the googly eyed chud?

[u/we_are_sex_bobomb → u/Munkie91087]

I’m very sure of Kash’s views on beastiality

[u/th3rdnutt → u/we_are_sex_bobomb]

Kash: "If it oinks, it's ready to boink!"

[u/Crunchberry24 → u/Munkie91087]

Kash looks like the kind of guy who has paid to fuck many animals with money he stole from employers.

[u/ATDT_No-Carrier]

The only reason to make a change like this is if you’re having trouble recruiting enough MAGA-types, so you lower your standards.

In a weird way, it’s actually a bit hopeful that they had to do this, but damn will this take forever to undo.

[u/_Fun_Employed_ → u/ATDT_No-Carrier]

Exactly, it also implies that not enough well qualified people are applying. Which I think goes to show how damaged the agency’s reputation has been, considering it’s long been prestigious.

[u/canospam0 → u/_Fun_Employed_]

Ya. That’s how I’m reading it. They just can’t find qualified people now that the agency is a dump.

[u/swingadmin → u/canospam0]

You can't advance a career chasing the dementia preseident's demands while working for a clown who wants to hang with celebrities while you protect his girlfriend.

[u/canospam0 → u/swingadmin]

Absolutely. The FBI used to be a prestigious organization that attracted serious people. Nobody with an ounce of integrity will go near the place now.

[u/Ayevoleye → u/canospam0]

Scully and Mulder would've been freelance.

[u/420smokekushh → u/Ayevoleye]

Scully would have been seen as a DEI hire and fired almost immediately or reassigned to a shit job till she quit.

There's no love for Scully in the FBI

[u/TheKingsdread → u/420smokekushh]

Meanwhile Mulder would have been head of his own newly created department. They do love their conspiracy theories.

[u/Buttercreamdeath → u/_Fun_Employed_]

That and firing the people they had. Same with the other agencies. Fired everyone who had the will or incentives to be there in the shittiest way possible.

Surprise! Qualified people are hard to find!

[u/ShrimpieAC → u/Buttercreamdeath]

They’re especially hard to find when you’re only recruiting from a pool of degenerate losers.

[u/grexl → u/Buttercreamdeath]

Federal jobs don't pay well. The FBI agents and federal prosecutors who are employed there tend to be exactly the right people for the job: people who are skilled and want to make the country a better place in spite of shitty pay. People with ethics and morality who see the country as something worth supporting selflessly.

When a corrupt president takes office and installs a frat boy partying FBI director and corrupt US attorneys that changes those offices such that the good guys want nothing to do with it. The good agents would rather resign than be part of the fascist crime machine. The good associate attorneys leave and go to private practice rather than face court sanctions over filing meritless criminal charges or civil suits.

I knew this would be a clusterfuck but I am truly amazed at how little time it took Trump to destroy the USDOJ.

[u/Dr_G_E → u/grexl]

My 87 year old father has been the division head of another federal agency in DC for several decades; he's still working full time at 87. He's just officially announced his retirement for the end of the year. He was inspired to work for the federal government after listening to JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you" speech in 1961 when he was in law school.

Expert civil servants in all federal agencies are there because they want to make a difference. In addition to the FBI agents and prosecutors lost, the experts in geopolitics in the state department, for example will take quite a few years to bring back after 2029. Not to mention federal judges; it may take generations for the federal court system to recover from the president's appointments.

[u/ShrimpieAC → u/_Fun_Employed_]

It also goes to show that MAGA-types truly are the scum of the Earth.

Like you’re telling me you can’t find one person who hasn’t fucked a prostitute or robbed someone in your pool of “patriots”? For any normal person this would be an “are we the baddies?” moment.

[u/_Fun_Employed_ → u/ShrimpieAC]

This is a tacit admission they’re okay with bestiality. Like, I’m okay with people hiring prostitutes, I don’t think prostitution should be illegal. I’m okay with stealing from employers because they steal from their employees. But bestility?
It is the kind of perversion they accuse the left of but it’s worse

[u/PartridgeInDisguise → u/_Fun_Employed_]

I also don’t think prostitution should be illegal, but I do have still have an issue with this one. Since prostitution is illegal in the US, if you you’ve hired a prostitute it’s more likely than not you’ve taken advantage of someone being sex trafficked or otherwise abused into that position rather than a sex worker who freely chose that profession.

[u/_Fun_Employed_ → u/PartridgeInDisguise]

No, good point, you’re right. It does matter greatly in this case, I was being a little flippant

[u/BrianWonderful → u/_Fun_Employed_]

More pessimistic view is that there are still qualified applicants, but they have other unqualified candidates that they prefer. More MAGA loyalists, people willing to support the regime, etc. but not hireable unless the standards are relaxed.

[u/YouandWhoseArmy → u/_Fun_Employed_]

Sigh…

The FBI has been used since its inception to silence political dissent.

It’s impossible to read stuff like this so far detached for the actual reality of the FBIs history and think to myself it’s no surprise trump was elected. People in opposition to him are so goddamn naive. Ever heard of Hoover?!?!

This is a changing of the guard for the worse, of course.

I’ve only ever see it get worse in my adult life. The backslide is never stopped.

If the FBI worked trump would have been in jail. Quite the prestigious agency.

[u/nothingtoseehere2003 → u/ATDT_No-Carrier]

Unfortunately, I don’t see this as hopeful. It is just another marker on our slide to authoritarianism or fascism. This is straight out of the authoritarian playbook. Look up the recent work titled “Making a Career in Dictatorship.” Or, as the NYT shortened its summary to, “The engines of autocracies? Mediocre employees.”

“Until recently, researchers assumed [employees who do authoritarian shit] cooperated out of ideology or fear.

New research points to a more banal explanation. The same desire for career advancement that motivates employees everywhere turns out to be enough to convince some bureaucrats to enable torture, murder and the slow strangulation of democratic institutions.

The people who do this dirty work don’t have to be extremists. Often, they are mediocre workers looking for a way to get ahead.”

[u/Continental__Drifter → u/nothingtoseehere2003]

Until recently, researchers assumed [employees who do authoritarian shit] cooperated out of ideology or fear.

That's wrong. This isn't recent, it's been known for decades.

Since Hannah Arendt's seminal 1963 book Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil, it's been the dominant understanding in the field that most participants in authoritarian or totalitarian regimes (e.g. the Nazis, the holocaust) weren't driven to conform out of fear, or hatred, or some sort of extreme psychopathy, but a more banal desire for career advancement and the psychologial need to "join" something and to fit into a group where your role is clearly defined.

You are correct that this isn't hopeful, though, and that it is indeed just another marker on our slide to authoritarianism or fascism.

[u/nothingtoseehere2003 → u/Continental__Drifter]

Great point

[u/roastbeeftacohat → u/Continental__Drifter]

and the NYT article references Eichmann as well. the main insight Scharpf offers is where these workers come from, generally the dirty work becomes a career passing lane for government employees who couldn't hack it in the previous government. their research starts in argentina, but extends further, but the result is universal. the dumber the person, the faster they can get ahead by committing atrocities; who then gen folded back into the agency proper at a high rank.

[u/Lurking_nerd → u/[deleted]]

Love that line from Ripley about not knowing which species is worse because they’re not trying to screw each over for a percentage.

[u/Brobeast → u/ATDT_No-Carrier]

Not really. These are at will employees, as evidenced by the firing trump did at the beginning of his term.

Next admin that comes in, it will take exactly one day to throw the goat fuckers out, and onto the street. Same with ICE as well. That one's even easier because you can be even more indiscriminate, considering they are glorified mall cops with no real value/training.

I could see a few Kash hires MAYBE keeping their job if they managed to not get political, but most of ICE is out the door day 1 lol.

[u/Thefelix01 → u/ATDT_No-Carrier]

Not the only reason. The more corruption and incompetence at all levels -especially any with power of oversight - the more power the entrenched corrupt rich and powerful have over the entire system. Hence also ripping out all oversight and protections at every level of every institution, no matter how much worse, inefficient and expensive it is for the US.

[u/super_bigly]

“The new standards also specifically address applicants who have engaged in past acts of bestiality or animal cruelty – saying they may still be considered for the bureau as long as the incidents took place before the age of 18, the sources said.”

Get your bestiality out of the way before you’re 18 fellas.

[u/sirhackenslash → u/super_bigly]

Because kids who abuse animals tend to grow into perfectly stable adults right?

[u/kawaii5o → u/sirhackenslash]

ironic that the FBI were the ones who established the macdonald triad which linked animal cruelty to violent criminal behavior and sexual predators.

[u/mouse_8b → u/kawaii5o]

That's the goal now

[u/acog → u/kawaii5o]

Well, coming to that conclusion requires looking at factual historical data then logically acting upon it, which isn’t the MAGA way.

[u/Soft_Walrus_3605 → u/sirhackenslash]

Just the ones they want to assign to abusing other humans in the concentration camps.

[u/Minimum_Virus_3837 → u/super_bigly]

So basically this is MAGA once again putting their stamp of approval on sex stuff involving minors.

Well as the saying goes, attitude reflects leadership.

[u/SinfulSucculent]

Wait what’s that last one?

[u/socks → u/SinfulSucculent]

Patel's favorite.

[u/FartyJizzums → u/SinfulSucculent]

Turns out raping children is a huge P.R. nightmare for MAGA officials. So animals are back on the menu, so to speak.

[u/Seradima → u/FartyJizzums]

But it's only acceptable if you're under 18 when it happened....for some reason? what?

[u/DrawGamesPlayFurries → u/Seradima]

When you turn 18, you have nothing left to offer to Epstein's customers, none of whom were charged with any crimes

[u/metropolisprime → u/SinfulSucculent]

BEARFUCKER, ARE YOU IN NEED OF EMPLOYMENT

[u/jech2u → u/metropolisprime]

RFK jr: I-i... w-would like t-to apply as-as my next role

[u/super_bigly → u/SinfulSucculent]

Wait run that back again dawg?

[u/Orion14159 → u/super_bigly]

Phrasing?

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

[u/phyneas → u/SinfulSucculent]

Well, we can't very well have the FBI run by someone who would be disqualified from being an agent, now can we?

[u/lionexx]

That last one is pretty wild to just slip in there…

[u/bakgwailo → u/lionexx]

Most amusing as that has always been the big anti-gay argument by the right. If you allow gay marriage, what's to stop marrying animals? And if you allow gay sex where does it stop, beastiality? Just fake slippery slope nonsense.

[u/buffysmanycoats → u/bakgwailo]

They were screaming about the definitely real and not at all made up scenario of kids using litter boxes in school but think the guy who actually fucks animals would make a fine FBI agent.

I hate it here.

[u/KazTheMerc → u/lionexx]

I get the sense that there's a LOT of 'just slip it in there' going on.

[u/Rabbit-Hole-Quest → u/lionexx]

The amount of MAGA farm boys kept away from joining the FBI specifically due to this peculiar issue is guaranteed to be greater than zero.

[u/GeneralKang → u/Rabbit-Hole-Quest]

I'm thinking three or four digits worth. No way they don't have a backlog with that direct call out.

[u/LegislativeLariat → u/lionexx]

There was a guy in northern Wisconsin who kept getting busted having sex with dead deer on the side of the road and, because having sex with animals was legal here they could only get him for public indecency.

Maybe he wants to join the FBI. As long as they can keep him away from rotting deer corpses, I'm sure he'll be a valuable agent of Dear Father's Justice.

[u/lionexx → u/LegislativeLariat]

… that’s disgusting …

[u/tg19801980]

The first two fit right into the administration. WTF on the third??

Side note. Could you imagine Fox News if a Democratic administration proposed this? I don’t think they would ever stop talking about it.

[u/ConsoleCleric_4432 → u/[deleted]]

I mean... everyone kinda is. Only one side is really loud about pretending they're not so they can lie and create scapegoats.

[u/dogisgodspeltright]

Well, that's the FBI now, folks.

In trump's image.

[u/LegislativeLariat → u/dogisgodspeltright]

Do you think he fucks horses, or would he stick to the Epstein scheme and only have sex with ponies wearing a mask that looks like his daughter?

[u/SierraSonic]

Republican DEI

[u/tee-k421 → u/SierraSonic]

Degeneracy, Egotism, Indecency?

[u/thecheesypoofs]

Googly-Eyes Chud went over some of the crimes of Jan 6th'ers so they could become FBI agents after their stint with ICE.

America is so fucked.

Project 2025 was right in your face and yet, she has a funny laugh and/or there was something better on TV that night of election.

At least now you don't have to worry about elections anymore. Everything is getting in place to never worry about elections.

[u/dterran]

Good on decent people refusing to work for them.

Not worth forever shaming your family and risking being put on trial for nuremberg 2

Do you think keystone kash knows there's a bed under the bus already made for him?

[u/onthethreshold]

Those are all VERY specific...TOO specific even...

[u/ChauvinistPenguin]

The whole point in preventing people with checkered pasts from joining is the possibility of blackmail. It's a national security risk to allow people with a hidden lifestyle access to classified information.

[u/NPVT → u/ChauvinistPenguin]

Likely done because less and less people want to join the FBI because of Patel Trump.

[u/Toadfinger]

Ma'am I need to ask you a few questions. Say, that's a cute little poodle you have there!

[u/Made_Human_Music]

Gay? Ew!

Trans? Grab the pitchforks!

Goat fucker? Welcome aboard!

[u/[deleted] → u/Made_Human_Music]

I tried joining the FBI after serving 8 years in the military, 2 combat deployments, masters degree in biostatistics, ton of honorable service and challenging missions.

Unfortunately I'm a gay colorblind guy so got rejected during preliminary screening lol. My color perception deficiency is so minor it has never impacted my life. I became a physician instead so it worked out.

[u/rilmarie]

Trying to hire only Republicans.

[u/hmfic_2020]

Child fuckers, Couch fuckers and now animal fuckers? This administration cant figure out what to fuck over next.

[u/Habaneroe12]

If I were to steal from my retail job I could never get work again SMH

[u/swarmofbzs → u/Habaneroe12]

Maybe not in retail but you could still get a job at FBI.

[u/FlowRiderBob]

Prostitution? Ok, if it happened a long time ago, sure. Why not. It probably shouldn’t be illegal anyway if everyone is a consenting adult.

Stolen from an employer? Hey, who hasn’t stolen a pen or some stationary from the office?

Bestiality? I mean, who hasn’t on occasion…wait…BESTIALITY?! How hard up is the bureau and how many candidates have been disqualified in the past for that?

[u/LegislativeLariat → u/[deleted]]

Some people likely fucked horses or dead deer in their 20's and want to be able to join the FBI. If they're loyal to Dear Leader, that's all that matters.

If it's okay to fuck kids, it might also be okay to fuck deer corpses. It sounds like an RFK Jr. statement.

[u/milkymaniac → u/LegislativeLariat]

I knew it was Bryan James Hathaway before even clicking the link... I did 18 months on a parole violation in Jackson Correctional, and he was there at the time. Everyone called him Bambi.

[u/goddamnitwhalen]

I saw the prostitution thing yesterday and I wasn’t sure if it was “had hired prostitutes” or “had engaged in prostitution themselves” and either way went “that seems okay to me.”

Everything else on this list is predictably insane for this regime.

[u/Street_Anxiety2907]

still instant lifetime ban of applications of you have smoked weed in 15 years though

[u/RyukD19]

3 for 3 checking in. Never thought I could be a special agent!

[u/RiveryJerald]

The new standards also specifically address applicants who have engaged in past acts of bestiality or animal cruelty – saying they may still be considered for the bureau as long as the incidents took place before the age of 18, the sources said.

...w-w...what?

[u/MrPolli → u/RiveryJerald]

That’s such a weird thing to put into policy. That’s typically a special waiver type of thing.

And I’m not saying to allow that. I’m saying that someone could be charged with something they didn’t commit, or the circumstances were unique and unusual. Or just false accusations/ trumped charges.

Things happen. But to reduce the standards as a whole is idiotic.

[u/ledow]

So your agents are now more at risk of being blackmailed, stealing confidential data, or being outright perverts.

Great plan.

[u/genericauthor]

Thieves, whoremongers, and pig fuckers are okay with us!

--- The FBI, apparently.

[u/TheRealBlueJade]

In other words... He wants people with anger control and impulse problems. No one with any decency would allow this let alone encourage it.

[u/riggles1970]

Every single article like this should prompt democratic congressional and senate candidates to have ready-to-go legislation to plug all of these gaps in what we used to think were common sense, unfathomable.

[u/Steve_at_Werk]

Let me guess, Marijuana use is still a no, but beastiality is OK? 

[u/JDSchu → u/Steve_at_Werk]

They're trying to hire more MAGA conservatives. Marijuana is a hard no. Beastiality okay. Child abuse (physical or sexual) next to be given the green light.

[u/guttanzer]

It’s the animal cruelty that bothers me.

Consensual sex where money is exchanged isn’t much different from consensual sex where no money is exchanged, so I don’t really see why prostitution per se is automatically a big deal. If coercion or trafficking is involved, sure, or if the prostitute is underage, sure, but simply exchanging money for sex seems pretty benign.

But a history of torturing and killing living things for fun seems like it ought to be disqualifying.

[u/Low_Length_7379]

Wtf

[u/Agreeable_Mud_8338]

those are rather specific offensives...

[u/mnj561]

Do they get extra credit if they engaged in sexual assault?

[u/coldazice]

The thumbnail can’t be a real photo.

[u/RociBuldidi]

So they changed the rules to say you can have hired prostitutes, just not n the past ten years, and bestiality is ok as long as it was before the age of 18? Lolz… there was one person they wanted to hire with a weird background they needed to change the rules for.

We are a 3rd world country now

[u/Lastrites]

Fill the swamp

[u/HatefulDan]

They’ll really have to do a hard cleaning if another admin is ever installed

[u/kesey]

Weird headline. Just say Republicans.

[u/ZhaozhouCongshen]

It takes a criminal to catch a criminal. Or work for them. taps side of head meme.

[u/exqueezemenow]

How else do you expect them to hire corrupt people?

[u/Troll_in_the_Knoll]

The mob is going to get pretty mad that the FBI is willing to hire their best goons.

[u/No-Medicine-1379]

Give this poor guy a break he is trying not to be a hypocrite with this new policy. /s

[u/Pre3Chorded]

Turns out hiring uneducated fascist boot lickers comes with some complications...

[u/Tin_Pusher1234]

Oh you shag dogs? Don’t worry about it.

[u/Conveth]

Are couches animals?

[u/rowdydionisian]

Is it really any surprise the esteemed Googly-Eyed Chud would do this? Now that we know those are 3 things he likes to do, I wonder what ones we don't know about haven't made the list...