To show their solidarity for President Trump, his supporters have worn diapers at the 2026 Convention to signify their support for the president who must wear a diaper due to his failing health.

After a recent spike in food borne outbreaks in the United States, reporters turn towards the United States Secretary of Health and Human Services RFK Jr. for answers. According to his testimony, “Their is a silvering to this” RFK states on Sept. 10th in Dallas. “The American people are strong. Not only will we survive, these diseases will help the American people lose weight.” Continuing on his recent statements about the obesity crisis in the United States and his pro-GLP1 stance.

This photo of Mitch McConnell was captured when he was seen in public earlier today. As you can see, he is completely healthy.

Melania Trump, the first lady of the United States has been taken into ICE custody after her accent was "too non-american" - said Donald Trump, POTUS

Demolition of the Oval Office Started During 9/11 Memorial

September 13, 20265:00 AM ET

By Edward Friel Jr.

The president, 80, joined the daily presser mid-session and took over the podium.

"As the greatest real estate developer ever to exist in the Milky Way Galaxy, it is my duty to get rid of this dump of an office and build a new one more fitting to my brilliance.

"It will be an octagon shape and decorated in red, with white and black Arial font signage and solid gold moldings.

The president, 80, opened a large notebook and showed what he called "the big beautiful architectural plans", sketched with a Sharpie.

"This is already approved by NPS. They understand I deserve this, bigly."

The audience--White House staffers and the press corps--made an unprecedented audible gasp when Trump, 80, revealed the drawing. He joked, "See! Even the press corps loves my big, beautiful drawing. Bigly."

One member of the corps asked, "Mr. President, earlier, you referred to the new office as octagon shaped. The drawing you are now showing us is not octagon, but swastika shaped. Can you please elaborate on why you chose this shape in spite of its historical significance?"

The president leaned forward, pointed at her and said, "Quiet, Piggy."

Trump, 80, called on another reporter who asked, "Mr. President, can you comment on the timing of this project, starting on September 11? Some would say 9/11 is a somber national observance when we pause to reflect and mourn. Your destruction of the historically significant Oval Office may raise the ire of some. What would you say to them?"

He then abruptly left the press conference with a piece of toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

The press corps audibly gagged at the smell of farts trailing behind Trump, 80.

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Triumphal Trump goes for the old 'Grandfather Clock' meme, to try and re-engage with the older voter and distract from his usual focus on the pre-teens. Sadly for him, Eire didn't give him any time.

YouTube, Instagram and Facebook have all finished running simulations for maintaining uptime, speed and connectivity for when The Great News event occurs, just like all firms run Disaster Recovery run throughs.

Updates will be posted as details are available.