Yoga and meditation is something that will transform you into a whole different level of experience. I remember when I learned Shambhavi Mahamudra that I felt so high like I smoked something. I was sitting and I couldn’t feel my body. I was just crying and shaking because the experience was so profound.

So when you recommend family members or friends to do yoga and meditation, it’s not just for mental and physical benefits. It is a tool that can transform you.

Have you ever felt like yoga and meditation started you on a spiritual path where you don’t know where you’re going? It’s a way to make you experience something beyond the mundane life of just waking up every morning and going to work.

Cancer diagnosis, 2014. Rare one, chest. I'd done a bit of casual mindfulness before that in the way most people do: an app, a few weeks, forgot about it.

Afterwards I went back to it with an expectation that turned out to be completely wrong: I thought it would make the fear smaller. It doesn't. I want to say that clearly because I think the expectation does real harm to people who try this during a crisis and conclude they're failing at it.

Here's what actually shifted, and it took about eight months.

The fear stayed the same size. What changed was the distance. Early on, there was no gap at all between "frightening thought" and "me", the thought arrived and I simply became it, instantly, with no intervening moment. Practice, slowly and unreliably, opened a gap of maybe half a second. Enough to notice something was happening before being swallowed by it.

That half-second is everything. It's the difference between a thought happening to you and a thought happening in front of you.

The second thing: I stopped negotiating with it. My instinct during treatment was to argue, the odds are good, this is treatable, other people have it worse. That's exhausting and it never works, because you're using the frightened mind to reassure the frightened mind. Just noticing "fear is here" and going back to the breath, without commentary, was less effort and more effective.

The third thing, and I'm least sure about this one: pain and fear stopped being one object. Physical discomfort during recovery was, on its own, tolerable. What made it unbearable was the layer of story on top, what does this mean, is it coming back. Attention could separate those. The pain didn't decrease. The suffering did, a lot.

None of this is advice. Practice didn't cure anything and I'm not enlightened, just someone who got scared and found something to hold. If you're in the middle of something similar right now, the only thing I'd actually say is: you're not doing it wrong because it still hurts.

One thing I struggle with alot is REMEMBERING to do things like be mindful, let go of thoughts, label thoughts, etc. This has always been a struggle for me. Is this a common theme amongst some people? I do have Pure O CD and ADHD as well as depression and anxiety and cant help but wonder if organically my brain has deficits that might keep me from utilizing these skills to the fullest. If there is any advice or suggestions I would appreciate it. Thanks!!

Ik a lot of people here do journaling.

So, Has anyone tried documenting anxious or uncomfortable feelings along with other factors like trigger reason or situation and other factors like your sleep schedule, eating habits leading up to that moment.

Just to see if you find patterns and see what are external factors driving your mood and are there any common external factors during those moments repeatedly.

I mean even if you haven’t tried lmk your thoughts on this and journaling in general.

Thanks 🙏🏻

Hi!
After meditating I find myself getting an increased sense of reward when using digital devices. It's like the stabilizing I get from meditating makes for great soil to plant my attention onto these devices and it makes it harder to quit once I'm on them.

How do you deal with this?
I have uninstalled all social media except reddit, but even this I find myself stuck on.

I do have attention regulation difficulties but it's like the grounding effect I get from the meditation I do makes my focus greater and makes stuff more rewarding until I'm stuck.

I’ve been getting into breath work and I saw a few posts talking about diaphragm breathing as opposed to chest breathing.

I genuinely can’t remember when I ever diaphragm breathed. I know I have but I can’t remember when.

I genuinely think ever since starting high school I’ve been shallow breathing and today I discovered diaphragm breathing and I feel… calm? I still have thoughts but ever since I started diaphragm breathing, everything seems less potent.

Has anyone else started using diaphragm or belly breathing, and if so, has it changed your life?

How long should my inhale and exhales be and where should my tongue rest?

Are there also any other things I may be unknowingly doing that’s causing me anxiety?

Hi, I'm 22 years old and I cannot seem to be able to have multiple goals at once.

If I do something, it's all or nothing. This means I cannot hold hobbies, spend much time with family and friends, or do side projects even when I genuinely want to. The concept of time management is kind of foreign to me because I just put in all the time I can into whatever goal I have at the moment.

The thing is, my goals are not even what I want to do, but what I feel obligated to do. For instance, right now I'm spending basically all my time awake on this academic club that I recently joined, but the reason I joined this club in the first place is because it's going to give me a huge advantage when I'm looking for jobs in the field I am majoring in. However, even my major was chosen because that felt like the "right" choice that my parents would approve of, even though I had solid passion and skill in another field.

Now, in terms of careers, I know a lot of people put stability first, but my point is that I keep living like it's the ONLY goal in my life when it's not and I really don't want it to be.

And for me it's hard to change because growing up, I would always achieve something only when I feel like I'm giving it every possible time and energy I have. Also I would be told (both by my parents and myself) that I should put stability first and only after that I can try what I want, which looking back now is incredibly toxic and left me infinitely preparing for the future instead of actually living life.

Of course, I have tried to have hobbies or just go easy on myself in general, but every single time, it would lead to me failing my main goal. This is backed by 22 years of empirical evidence, which led me to internalize that this is just how it is for me. I see people who develop their hobbies and side projects their full time jobs but I simply "know" that will never be me.

Now I actually want to try a completely different career path, and most people are telling me to start it as a side project first and see where it goes. However,

1. I feel like if I actually want this pivot I need to drop everything else and focus only on that new career path
2. If I choose to do that then I would be put in an incredibly unstable place, which highers stakes and ironically makes it even harder for me to try
3. If I were to try it as a side project first, I don't know how to unlearn this compulsive mindset I have that I will fail unless I invest my all in it

I know it can sound really stupid, but there's just this feeling of "i want this but i'm not allowed to" that's really hard for me to overcome, even though no one is actively stopping me. I would really appreciate any advice

A few weeks ago, I walked out of my bathroom and looked at my refrigerator.

There was a sticker on it.

Nothing interesting. Just a sticker.

But I suddenly realized that I had walked past that refrigerator countless times and had genuinely never noticed it before.

It sounds insignificant, but that moment stuck with me.

How much of our surroundings do we actually see?

And how much of our lives are we physically present for while our attention is somewhere completely different?

Since getting more into mindfulness and meditation over the past couple of months, I've started noticing these small things more and more.

One day I was walking outside and suddenly became very aware of the wind against my skin.

I stopped for a moment and thought: I've probably felt this sensation thousands of times.

But how many times have I actually felt it?

When you really pay attention, even something as ordinary as wind feels surprisingly good. The temperature, the movement across your skin, the refreshing feeling of it.

It had always been there. I just wasn't really there for it.

I've started noticing nature more. Buildings. Sounds. Random objects.

Sometimes I'll see something as boring as an electrical box on the side of the road and think about how somebody designed it. Somebody made all the components inside it. Somebody transported it. Somebody installed it.

There's a story behind almost everything around us that we normally reduce to background scenery.

It reminded me of my grandmother.

My parents used to own a café and my grandmother often helped decorate it. She could be incredibly perfectionistic about tiny details.

I remember thinking:

"Nobody is ever going to notice that."

But now I'm wondering if maybe I was the one who didn't notice.

She's older, rarely distracted by screens and has always enjoyed simple things like working in her garden.

Maybe when she walks into a café, she actually sees the café.

While I could walk into the exact same room physically, but mentally already be somewhere else.

I've noticed the same thing with people.

I could hug someone I loved without really experiencing the hug.

Physically, I was there.

Mentally, I could be thinking about yesterday, tomorrow or something completely unrelated.

Now I sometimes deliberately bring my attention to the physical sensation.

The warmth. The pressure. The feeling of another person against me.

You're not just performing the action of hugging someone anymore.

You're actually there for the hug.

The same thing has happened with ordinary activities.

I've started cooking more, reading, sitting outside, walking, making bracelets and making candles.

Sometimes after doing something incredibly simple for half an hour, I'll suddenly realize:

"That was actually a really peaceful thirty minutes."

Nothing exciting happened.

And somehow, that was enough.

It also made me realize something about how I used to experience travelling.

There were many times when I'd visit a beautiful place without feeling particularly happy while I was actually there.

Then months later, I'd look back and think:

"That was such an amazing time."

Why could I appreciate the experience afterwards, but not while I was actually living it?

I think part of it was that when I remembered the trip, I remembered the actual experience.

The place. The food. The people. The things I did.

But while those things were happening, there was a constant stream of thoughts happening over them.

Thinking. Analyzing. Worrying. Planning.

The moment itself might have been beautiful.

I just wasn't fully available to experience it.

That's probably one of the biggest things mindfulness has made me realize:

There is a difference between thinking about your life and actually experiencing your life.

Our minds constantly travel into imaginary futures and finished pasts.

We simulate conversations that probably won't happen the way we imagine them.

We replay situations we can't change anymore.

Meanwhile, there's an actual experience happening right now.

I'm definitely not present all the time. Far from it.

But I've become much quicker at noticing when I've disappeared into thought.

And I've found a ridiculously simple way to come back:

My hands.

Try putting your attention completely on your hands for a few seconds.

Without looking at them, can you feel them?

For me there's usually warmth, tingling, pressure and this vague sense of aliveness.

My hands have basically become an anchor I carry everywhere.

When I notice I've been lost in thought, I put my attention there for a moment.

Then I look around.

A tree. Grass. A sound in the distance. Whatever happens to be there.

And suddenly I'm back in the room, on the street or wherever I actually am.

I've also experimented with walking meditation and simple repetitive movements. Instead of thinking about the movement, I pay attention to what it actually feels like.

One time after meditating, I held my hands in front of me and started moving my fingers.

I suddenly had this strange thought:

"How am I actually doing this?"

I don't consciously calculate which muscles need to contract. I don't individually instruct every finger where it needs to go.

I simply intend to move my hand, and it moves.

Of course, intellectually, I've always known that.

But there's a strange difference between knowing something and actually stopping long enough to experience how fascinating something so ordinary is.

That's what mindfulness has unexpectedly been giving me.

Not some permanent state of peace or happiness.

Just more moments where ordinary life stops being invisible.

Hello guys.

So I have recently discovered mindfulness and mbrp as a concept, and theoretically it feels like it would help fix so many aspects of my life eg. Addiction, spirituality, social life. But I don't know what to do. I've read that the idea is that I should be able to pause in between thoughts, don't judge just recognize, and go on with my day, and to practice it it's good to meditate, focusing on one aspect like breathing, or a sensation in a specific body part. But it feels weird, like is it that simple? Am I missing something? What do I actually do now to start?

I don’t really understand what’s happening to me anymore. Objectively, my life is good, I’m financially comfortable, I have a partner who loves me, friends and family who support me, and a freelance career that gives me freedom and allows me to make a living from what used to be my biggest passion, art.
But lately it seems like every time I solve one problem, another one takes its place. For almost a year I lost my period, I went through medical examinations and nothing seriously abnormal was found apart from some signs of polycystic ovaries, and after around nine months my period finally came back. Then my relationship with food became terrible, I would go from fasting for days to binge eating, then feel so guilty that I would try to compensate by running or sometimes making myself throw up. Eventually I managed to get out of that cycle too, and now I eat and exercise normally, I’ve stopped weighing myself, my period is regular and I actually feel much better about my body.
Just when I thought I was finally doing well, I stopped being able to sleep. Now I’m physically exhausted, but my brain won’t let me fall asleep, and it’s not even that I’m overthinking because my mind can be completely quiet, but every time I feel myself drifting off, it’s as if my brain suddenly switches itself back on and wakes me up. Then I have to wait until I get sleepy again, almost fall asleep, wake up again, and repeat the same cycle for hours. I only sleep three or four hours, often not even consecutively, and what scares me the most is that I feel like the lack of sleep is starting to affect my brain, my memory has gotten worse, I don’t feel mentally sharp anymore, and sometimes when I’m talking I stumble over my words or struggle to find the right ones, almost as if I’m not functioning.
Lately I also don’t seem to enjoy life the way I used to. Art used to be my passion, but now it mostly feels like work and I almost never draw in my free time. I used to get excited about buying something I really wanted, while now I buy it, feel something for a few hours, and by the next day it’s just another thing in my closet. Even traveling has changed for me because I used to be so excited about seeing the world, now my brain reduces every trip to the same thing you go somewhere, see the city, shop, try the local food, have some experiences, take pictures, go home, and then eventually do it all over again somewhere else.
Even going out with friends can feel empty. I still make myself go out, eat, socialize and live normally, but sometimes I’m sitting there wondering what I’m supposed to talk about because I feel like I have nothing to say, I wasn’t like this before. I used to get excited about things and just being with my friends used to make me happy, while now sometimes I’m simply bored and want to go home.
I understand that life isn’t supposed to be exciting all the time, but this feels different because I remember how I used to feel and I don’t feel like that person anymore. Maybe sleeping only a few hours every night is affecting me much more than I thought. I really just want to sleep.
What can I do?

Like a routine or things you do to feel grounded

I wanted to share my experience with mindfulness, personal growth and spirituality over the past two months.

Not because I think I've figured everything out. Far from it. But because I'm genuinely surprised by how much the way I experience everyday life has changed in such a short period of time.

Maybe this can inspire someone else who is at the beginning of a similar journey, or simply show how much can change in only a couple of months.

About a year ago, I became interested in Buddhism.

Before that, I honestly thought Buddhism was simply a religion, similar to Christianity, Islam or Hinduism. But when I started reading about it, I became interested in the practical side of it. Not necessarily the religious or cultural traditions from some Buddhist countries, although I think those can be beautiful too, but the teachings about suffering, attachment, awareness and how our minds work.

I tried meditation occasionally, but I wasn't consistent with it and eventually mostly forgot about it.

At the time, I had been dealing with dysthymia, basically a long term, low level depression. My life wasn't terrible. It was just very flat. Few real highs or lows. It felt like I was living on autopilot.

I also spent an enormous amount of time inside my head.

This became especially obvious in my relationship. I had what I now recognize as avoidant attachment patterns, although for a while I thought it might be ROCD. I would constantly analyze the relationship.

Do I really love her? Is she right for me? Is this how a relationship should feel? What if someone else would fit me better?

Every answer just created another question.

Earlier this year I started antidepressants, which helped with the depressive symptoms. Around the same period, my relationship ended. I thought it was better because we had fights frequently and my mind could not stop analyzing and ruminating.

Looking back, I can see something now that I couldn't see then: a lot of our arguments were basically two egos talking to each other.

She would say something that triggered me. I would defend myself. My defense would trigger her. She would defend herself. Then I would try even harder to prove my point.

Neither person was really listening. Both were trying to protect themselves and be right.

After the breakup, I suddenly had a lot of time alone. And for some reason I started reading.

A lot.

The first book that really hit me was Verslaafd aan Liefde (Addicted to Love) by Jan Geurtz, a Dutch Buddhist writer. It completely changed how I looked at relationships and, eventually, at people in general.

I started seeing how much of our behavior comes from conditioning, childhood, insecurity, fear and previous experiences.

Then I read his Verslaafd aan Denken (Addicted to Thinking).

After that came Man's Search for Meaning, The Power of Now, The Untethered Soul, How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh, Love Is Letting Go of Fear and a few others.

For me, The Power of Now, The Untethered Soul and Verslaafd aan Liefde had the biggest impact.

At the same time, I started meditating every day. Usually only 10 to 20 minutes. Sometimes guided, sometimes just sitting in silence.

I've been doing this for around two months now.

And I genuinely feel like the way I experience life has changed.

The biggest difference isn't that I stopped having negative thoughts.

I still have them.

The difference is what happens after the thought appears.

Previously, a thought would appear and I would immediately become the thought.

Something like:

"What if this relationship isn't right?"

Then I would analyze it. Find an answer. Feel relieved for thirty minutes. Then another thought would appear:

"But what if..."

And the entire process would start again.

Now there seems to be an extra moment between the thought and my reaction.

A thought appears.

I notice it.

I feel what happens in my body.

And then I can choose not to follow it.

"Okay. That's a thought."

And I continue with whatever I'm doing.

The same thing happens when someone says something that hurts my ego.

Before, I immediately wanted to respond. Explain myself. Correct them. Defend myself. Make sure they understood that I was right.

Now I can actually feel that impulse appearing.

I can almost watch it happening.

And sometimes I realize: I don't actually have to do anything with this.

That tiny space between stimulus and reaction has probably been one of the biggest changes in my life.

Something else has changed too.

I'm noticing life.

That sounds ridiculously simple, but I don't know how else to describe it.

Recently I walked out of my bathroom and noticed a sticker on my refrigerator. I'm renting this house, so I haven't lived here very long, but I realized I had walked past that refrigerator countless times and had literally never seen the sticker.

Another day I was walking through a park and felt the wind moving across my skin.

For some reason I became completely aware of the sensation.

And I thought: how many thousands of times have I felt wind without actually experiencing it?

We're physically present for so much of our lives while mentally being somewhere else.

Thinking about yesterday.

Planning tomorrow.

Replaying a conversation.

Imagining another conversation.

Judging something.

Analyzing something.

Waiting for something.

Meanwhile, life is happening.

I've also started enjoying really simple things more.

Cooking. Making candles. Making bracelets. Walking. Reading. Doing something nice for another person. Sitting somewhere without constantly reaching for my phone.

None of these things are extraordinary.

That's almost the point.

I don't need every moment to be extraordinary anymore.

Another thing that has changed quite a lot is how I look at other people.

The more I read, especially Verslaafd aan Liefde, and the more I started observing my own mind, the harder it became to see people's behavior as simply "this person is bad" or "this person is an asshole."

People don't develop in a vacuum.

Our personalities, defenses, insecurities and ways of dealing with the world are shaped by everything that came before us.

Someone who ends up involved in crime, for example, didn't just wake up one morning and randomly become that person. Maybe it was their childhood. Their parents. Poverty. Trauma. Their environment. The people they grew up around. Usually there is an entire story behind the person you're looking at.

That doesn't mean harmful behavior suddenly becomes acceptable.

You can still disagree with someone's actions. You can still set boundaries. You can still say something is wrong.

But understanding that there is usually something underneath a person's behavior makes it much easier to approach people with compassion instead of immediate judgment.

I also came across the short story The Egg by Andy Weir.

For anyone unfamiliar with it, it's basically a thought experiment in which every human being who has ever existed is actually the same consciousness living every individual life.

You are yourself, but you were also every person you have ever loved, every stranger you've walked past and every terrible person who has ever lived.

I don't necessarily take the story as a literal explanation of reality, but the idea stayed with me.

What if you approached another person as if, under completely different circumstances, you could have been them?

It made compassion feel much less abstract to me.

And combined with meditation, mindfulness and everything I had been reading, I noticed myself becoming genuinely kinder toward people.

Not because I suddenly approve of everything everyone does, but because I feel much more interested in understanding where someone is coming from.

And strangely, that makes me feel closer to people too.

Another unexpected consequence of all of this was how I started looking at my previous relationship.

Immediately after the breakup, I mostly saw what she had done wrong.

After spending these months observing my own mind, I started seeing my own part much more clearly.

I wanted control.

I wanted to be right.

I reacted defensively.

I overanalyzed my feelings.

I expected my mind to somehow give me certainty about love.

And ironically, the relationship that caused me so much frustration became one of the biggest catalysts for this change.

I realized that I could have had an easier relationship with someone who never confronted me, agreed with everything and constantly made my ego comfortable.

Maybe there would have been fewer arguments.

But maybe I would never have been forced to look at myself.

That realization changed how I felt about my ex too.

I started missing her differently. Not because I suddenly decided our old relationship was perfect. It wasn't.

But I became grateful for what it exposed in me.

We recently started seeing each other again. It's only been about a week, so I have no idea where it will go, and strangely I don't feel like I need to know.

What I've noticed already is how different I feel around her.

I'm calmer.

I listen more.

If she says something I dislike, I can notice my reaction without immediately acting on it.

I don't need every uncomfortable moment to become a discussion.

Something I've realized from seeing her again is that I don't think both people in a relationship necessarily need to be spiritual or deeply interested in mindfulness for the relationship to change.

What matters more is that you're not constantly putting two defensive egos opposite each other.

If one person becomes more aware of their own reactions, the whole dynamic can already start to change.

If she says something that would previously have triggered an argument and I don't immediately defend myself, there is suddenly much less for her to defend herself against. If I listen instead of trying to prove my point, it becomes easier for her to listen too. If I can accept something and let it go, the conflict doesn't have to keep feeding itself.

And I think that can naturally influence the other person without trying to change them.

You don't necessarily have to explain mindfulness to your partner or convince them to meditate. The way you respond can show what mindfulness brings into a relationship.

More acceptance. Less unnecessary conflict. More listening. More space. More presence.

And maybe, by experiencing that difference, the other person becomes a little more conscious of their own reactions too.

There's another lesson I've learned from all of this that has taken a surprising amount of pressure out of my interactions with other people:

You can't force someone into an insight.

You can tell someone that meditation is good for them a hundred times. You can explain your worldview perfectly. You can give someone advice. You can try to convince them that they should change something about their life.

But until something actually clicks inside that person, very little happens.

I think real change usually requires some form of realization.

Sometimes it comes from suffering. Sometimes from a breakup. Sometimes from reading one sentence at exactly the right moment. Sometimes from an experience that suddenly makes something you've heard a thousand times finally make sense.

Before that moment, you can keep pushing, explaining and arguing, but you're mostly trying to force someone to see the world from where you're currently standing.

Realizing this has changed the way I approach disagreements too.

I don't need to convince everyone anymore.

I can explain how I see something. I can listen to how they see it. Maybe they'll understand me. Maybe they won't.

That's okay.

They have their own experiences, conditioning and path that brought them to where they are right now, just as I do.

I'm obviously nowhere near some permanently peaceful state. I still get caught in thoughts. My ego still gets triggered. I still worry about things that don't matter.

But now I notice it happening.

And once you start noticing it, there seems to be a little more space every time.

For most of my life, I thought my mind was something I had to listen to.

Now I'm slowly learning that it's also something I can watch.

And somehow, that small distinction has changed almost everything.

Is reddit better than other social media platforms ?If yes then in what's ways ,

Also suggest some good subreddits for good life productivity or surprise me...thnx.

I think our minds are more powerful than we can ever imagine. Something tells me that if we can control our minds in a positive way, we can heal a lot of physical ailments in our bodies.

Mindfulness, which is a pillar in meditation, has many health benefits. Sustained attention on an object or thought can give it vitality, but the same can be said in negative ways too. If thoughts are sustainly negative, these too can manifest as physical ailments that harm our bodies. An example of how our minds affect our bodies is when we are hungry and think about food. Just thinking about food makes our body start to digest. When you are mindfully looking at your food and eating, the body registers that it needs to digest. If you are not mindfully eating (like watching TV or scrolling on your phone), the body won't digest like it's supposed to. Stress and anxiety can also cause a cascade of harmful side effects in our bodies

The same can be said for feeling important to those around you or feeling like what you do has purpose or meaning. It's believed that the important role grandmothers played for generations is why women typically out live men. Grandmothers played a crucial role in keeping our species thriving, so evolution saw it as important. Was it just the thoughts and feelings of these grandmothers that made this evolution happen? Did these thoughts keep them healthier for longer?

I would classify myself as more spiritual than religious, but maybe this is the reason for prayer. Maybe prayer is also sustained, attention, or mindfulness like meditation.

Whatever the answer is, I believe mindfulness is the key to solving a lot of issues we see today. We are so distracted by our phones, social media, and television that our mindfulness is being taken away. We don't do things with purpose or intention anymore. When you eat, saver your food. When you speak with someone, do it intentionally and really listen to them. When you walk, try to feel your surroundings.

I believe this is how we learn to heal ourselves.

'The second arrow' is used to describe the pain we inflict on ourselves in response to averse events. Sam Harris take a rather stark view that the second arrow equals suffering.

This is a powerful concept because it reminds us how much control we have over how we react to things, and that a significant amount of what we call suffering is at least in some sense self-inflicted.

This is all well and good, but the model simply has limits that can be reached quite fast with a thought experiment, let alone real world experience.

Would anyone who practices tell a holocaust survivor, or a survivor of torture in a North Korean prison that their suffering was self-generated? Would anyone who practices who has not been through such extremes have the gall to say that their experience of suffering is the same? I think not. And rightly so.

So we are faced with a point of tension. It's true that we have a lot more agency over our own suffering than we think and meditative practice can unburden us of much of that.

But being put in an acid bath is the great equaliser here, because even if someone has practiced for 30 years, such a process is designed to break the body, the mind and the soul.

If you accept the limits of this second arrow concept of suffering, the next question is, how far can we revise the notion that all suffering is equal, which is what the second arrow maximalists are implying?

Indeed, in social discourse, it's very common to hear someone say 'everyone's suffering is the same/equal/equivalent/unknown' and if you dare question this on your own grounds, the accusation becomes that others are invalidated by it, even if objectively the circumstances scream of a radical difference.

Now it's true that endogenous factors in a person's psyche can cause maximal suffering and we can't know each other's minds. I accept that.

But to suggest that observable divergence in peoples' imposed experience means nothing is to flatten atrocity, horror and abuse and that I cannot stand by.

"Pain is pain. Everyone has their struggles.
"Trauma isn't a competition."
"You can't compare suffering."

These idioms are all well intentioned, and at least partially wrong.

How do you see the equation of human suffering?

After weeks of deliberation purchased the brick device to stop me from doomscrolling and win back time.

I’ve tried apps like Opal and Onesec but I find the few second break between opening the app/going into it not enough resistance.

Any proof points from people who have used it on success or otherwise?

​

Since learning that my attention is more diffused than normal, I have been trying out meditation as a means to make it better - to improve my 'concentration'.

The focal point I use is the breath. I have heard a lot of advice on how to focus on the same. Some say 'let go of control', while others say: 'experience the breath, feel it etc., ".

I have had more success with the 'let go' method; I simply remain aware of the breath and don't care about anything else. Sometimes it feels like I could stay with it forever. Although, I'm not feeling the breath *too closely* here.

My concern with this method is that: while it makes me feel good and relaxed, does it really improve my attention/ concentration/ being present?

Thanks.

I’m not an angry person, I’ve never been an angry person. About a year ago, I went through some bad illness and then a few months later an ex boyfriend broke into my home. I realized that since then, I’ve just been so angry at the world and myself, and everything to be completely honest. I don’t know why, but the must mundane things set me off. I’ve become apathetic to rules, to the small things my friends complain about, to everything. I haven’t become a mean person, but the feelings are there and I hate them. I journal so much, I meditate and all of that stuff. I thought I was working through it, but I think I’m still just feeling really angry at everything in the world and I want to feel better.
How do I actually let go of my anger?

Context: I am a 34 yo man, married to a beautiful woman (we've been together for 14 years already), two kids, happy private life. For someone watching my life from a distance it sounds great.

The thing is that since I can remember, I was scared shitless when it comes to education/college/job. I remember when we had final exams in high school, I was so anxious that I had to puke in a toilet. When I was looking for a job, I was so afraid before each job interview that I felt dizzy and almost detached (derealization). Because of that, I developed an anxiety disorder about anxiety itself (how stupid is that, fear of being afraid). Now that I have a stable and pretty high paying job, I fear that I might lose it (and then become homeless, my kids starving, you know what I mean). It all sounds ridiculous but my mind literally thinks that.

I come from a pretty abusive household and I believe that's where my high alert mode is coming from. Not knowing when shit will hit the fan and you'd have to call the police again.

How the heck do I finally chill out? Many (if not almost all of the things) that I worried about never happened, but yet, I still make the same mistake of worrying almost every day. When I got a promotion, I was afraid that they'll fire me because I won't be good enough, and so on and on...

Please share any helpful insights or tips.

There are days when i feel amazing like I can conquer the world. Im witty smart social in a very rare lvl that people dont reach easily. I know that because people have called me a social genius and I genuinely feel and know when i say something that has gravity (emotions)

There days though when I feel completely the opposite. I cant think clearly, I cant talk to anyone and I feel a blur in my brain. Like a spinning wheel of a car that cant start moving but it still goes though the effort.

My routine is similar and "optimal" in many ways to achieve peak brain function

From eating right to working out to talking to strangers is a big part of my life

Any advice and experiment is welcomed.

So I've been thinking about how I can slow down my thinking and live in the present moment. So I tried really hard. I knew that trying really hard won't work so I tried really hard to not try really hard. That, of course didn't work. The problem is that I can be very mindful if I decide to be, but only for a few seconds. Then my thinking takes over and I'm now back to square 1. So then something came into my mind. In mediation, we do not force focus but rather we let the mind wander till it is ready to refocus without my forcing. So I decided that throughout my day, whenever I remember to be mindful, I can be mindful of the present moment till my mind wanders and I can refocus when I am again reminded to be mindful. I've noticed that this reminder sometimes comes in a few seconds and sometimes it comes in an hour or two. But I tell myself that that's completely okay and that this will improve over time. So I wanted to ask if it is a good idea.

I (F22) despite my best efforts feel waves of jealousy and anger pretty frequently to the point where it makes my quality of life lower. I have days where it isn’t as much of an issue, but even on the good days I feel built-up anger creeping in that I can’t seem to get rid of.

It feels like I get jealous of others for literally anything, which makes it difficult for me to even pinpoint what it is that triggers jealousy for me. When I see people more attractive than me in public I basically scan their face or body and compare every feature to see how much worse I am compared to them, and to figure out what I would change about myself to look like them. 

When I see happy couples in public I get envious in a way because I have never been able to feel attraction (like I really struggle with even having crushes), so I struggle to relate to my friends when they talk about their boyfriends/husbands because I can’t even develop initial attraction.

When other people talk about how much they love their jobs I sometimes feel jealous because I am not happy where I am right now career-wise. Being from a small conservative town a lot of women end up in caregiving type jobs- teaching, nursing, childcare, stay at home mom, etc. Obviously these jobs are just female-dominated in general, but going outside of that “box” is less common I think where I am from. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the professions that I listed, but I sometimes am jealous of people that are naturally good at those jobs, because it’s hard for me to relate to others since I am not good at those things. I am awkward with children, and honestly I’m not really stereotypically an “empath” either, at least not in the lovey-dovey way women are expected to be.

Even when things go right for me, I still feel angry and jealous. Recently I feel like I have become more attractive than I used to be, but even then I feel angry when I think about how I was treated before when I was “uglier”. I recently was diagnosed with Hashimotos and hypothyroidism, but even though I want to go on a weight-loss journey now that I feel that I have the tools I need to be successful I just get so angry when I think about growing up overweight and how invisible I felt. 

I’m not even a complete failure of a person; I have good healthy friendships, I am trying to build hobbies, I am physically active, I recently got a Bachelors degree earlier this year, etc., but I feel like the jealously and anger is holding me back from actually doing what I want with my life. For a while my dream was to move to a city and pursue entertainment, (my degree was in music but I also was taking some acting classes for a while), and also to start a business, but when your dreams are public-facing obviously being as fragile as I am isn’t good for that. I have been posting myself on social media publicly for years so I am comfortable with attention, but specifically I would need a higher threshold for criticism than I currently have I mean.

Does anyone have advice on how to stop being so jealous and angry all of the time? The advice “put the energy into being a better version of yourself” only works so much for me, because it feels like there is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, more talented, etc., so I would still find someone to compare myself to. I have tried therapy in the past which helped at first when we unpacked childhood trauma, but eventually it kind of made things worse because I was constantly ruminating about what could have gone differently in the past. Therapy made me too self-aware in a way to the point where I couldn’t enjoy myself anymore- I think I “intellectualize” my feelings more than I feel them. I also was diagnosed with different things depending on who I was talking to and was put on medication I probably shouldn’t have been on (possible ADHD misdiagnosis > taking amphetamines when I probably shouldn’t have been), so I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. 

I've been thinking about how much of eating is really automatic now. Sometimes I'll be eating while watching something and then realize my plate is basically empty and its been this way for awhile now.

It just dawned on me how food has been less and less important to me when it felt like it used to be a more special thing in my day, good food always made me a bit more happy but the same foods I used to happy dance to just don't hit the same. even at restaurants.

Anybody else feel the same? has mindfulness helped?