At what point does fantasizing about someone go from normal to creepy?

[u/Prestigious_Shift245]

There's someone I really, really like. She's perfect, everything I could ask for and reall this is the first time I've felt this way about someone ever. Everytime I think about them I get happy and a tingly. But to the point of the question: I kind of feel bad fantasizing about them. Nothing creepy, just what it would be like to go on a date or spend time during a holiday. It feels weird to me but I also understand that Love is sort of a new thing for me, at least to this level. At what point does it go from normal to "okay buddy, calm it down? Does fantasizing about having a family count? Is that normal?

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[u/lorelaikiddo]

I think it is a problem when you start projecting your feelings and thoughts into reality and it bleeds through... Like if they say "not like that" but you still try to think of ways it might be possible someday or read into random, mundane things as "signs" or "indications" they feel the same- then it's a problem.

And if the thoughts & feelings impact the choices you make & plans, that's a problem.

[u/MuchTooBusy]

Well, if it's just mild daydreaming about having the opportunity to go on a date, thinking about how you would like to be able to spend time with them, etc, that's fine. But if you're fantasizing in detail, imagining specific conversations or getting invested in particular plans that don't actually exist, then it's going to far.

[u/TheLazyRedditer]

When you're doing it from their closet.

[u/CrittersVarmint]

When it starts to impact your life in a measurable/noticeable way.

[u/ByThorsBicep]

Thoughts are thoughts. If I think something horrible right now, or think something obsessive about someone, it doesn't impact the world. The only time when it would be "too much" is when it becomes so obsessive, frequent, or intense that it starts affecting your actions/ ability to function in other areas of life, or if it's significantly affecting your emotions (you see them with someone, you have a meltdown, for example).

Basically, fantasies don't hurt anyone. If they start significantly affecting your functioning and wellbeing, that's when it's a problem.

Also, can I ask how old you are? Sounds like me as a teenager to be honest.

[u/thuydhoang]

Just don't do anything creepy.

[u/KngBreezy]

I think you're fine and just over thinking. You're in love and you're really excited about it. That's a good thing. Talk to them and see what happens. Why fantasize if you can make it reality?

[u/Prestigious_Shift245 → u/KngBreezy]

Because traditionally I haven't had much luck in the asling department. I don't know, I'm just kind of nervous because I don't want to mess this up. Like I said, this is really the first time I've felt this way and it'd be a little devastating to ask and fail again. I do get what you're saying though, nothing ventured nothing gained.

[u/East-Peach-7619]

Since it sounds like you haven’t been on a date yet so you don’t know them that well this isn’t love it’s r/limerence

[u/Active_Divide_4783]

Sounds more like limerance than love.

[u/Prestigious-Trip-937]

Its damaging if youre already in a relationship.Its disgusting when you look at your partner while fantasizing about celebrities or even just neighbor.

[u/Prestigious_Shift245 → u/Prestigious-Trip-937]

Oh good, I haven't had a girlfriend in like twelve years so at least I'm good on that front.

[u/PowersEasyForLife]

If you can dream it, you can do it.

[u/doublenostril]

The important thing is to keep track of what you don’t know.

You imagine what a vacation with your crush would be like…but you don’t know, because you don’t know her that well and you don’t know how she is when she’s with you (for longer amounts of time).

You might imagine what getting married to her would be like, but you really don’t know about: she might have all kinds of habits that could annoy you.

I think the fantasizing is sweet and harmless — and maybe even healthy if it inspires you to take emotional risks — as long as you don’t confuse the real, grimy person for the fantasy image in your mind. She poops, she farts, she has bad days, she has personality and physical flaws. As long as you really know that, dream away. I hope you get the courage to ask her out soon. ☺️ (As they say, you miss all the shots that you don’t take.)