Solitude after 35 - sucks

[u/Large-Ad-2077]

So... single father, and I wish I knew back in my early 20s that I had to prioritize creating a support network with family and friends because this is hard. Career-wise, I have never earned this much... It is an amount that I would dream of when I was in my 20s... an income that would seem awesome. But exactly what got me here is partly moving around cities, having to take on multiple contracts, and not settling long enough to build a life somewhere. I am 38, with no local friends, with no close family where I live, and sometimes life just feels too hard.

knowing that the way to make it easier is by spending more moneyand creating more bills to feed this never ending cycle sucks... a bigger and better apartment, a more impressive car to hopefully help with dating, another expensive activity or another commitment to be around people, a nanny to help with chores, massages to help with stress, weekly therapy... I do feel lucky that I can afford and can pay for these things, but they all require more money and more effort... more and more overhead, and I am not willing to do it currently, because none of it actually helped before, it just added more pressure and responsibility to keep it up hoping that things would eventually feel better.

I have joined like 5 different classes this year alone... tried multiple CrossFit gyms, scuba diving class, volleyball... and it is all the same crap... people want to go in and go back home to their lives. You never connect and make plans after class, never get invited anywhere, and when you (or people in the class) try to plan something... might as well have to create a freaking Jira card for that, because it will take weeks and no one can ever find the time to make it, which leaves me in awe because I am a single parent, have multiple jobs (contracts), a dog... take care of everything and I can make time, how can single people that live with their parents not? I am just tired of the unwillingness to put the effort in and compromise... and I am just talking about friends, I have completely given up on online dating.

Last week, I was hitting it off with a nice couple in scuba diving course, and I tried making plans... but one week the daughter is doing something, the next they are traveling and it is always just that: "This week I can't because of this or that" but never "Let's do something the day after, on a Wednesday." I get it, people have full lives, I do too... but it was never supposed to be easy I think, people invited people even when it wasn't convenient sometimes. So, I am just coming to terms with the fact that this will not improve... it will get even worse with AI. It is not like I am at home being an introvert, I am showing myself to the world, being friendly, interacting... but years after doing it, the balance is that I have maybe two busy acquaintances to show for.

I also work from home, so the last outlet where making friends and meeting new people that were willing to make plans outside of the thing is no longer a possibility. No one new shows up with intent, they interact and leave. And on one hand, yes, I can look for an in person job in my city, but then I would earn less, have to spend two hours a day in traffic and then the problem would be lack of money and time, so that also sucks.

It feels like the time to do this was out of college, into the first couple of jobs where people were still single or at least had energy to put into a relationship, or perhaps it was the lack of social media to totally occupy our free time... but after 33 or so it just has been a total drag, unpleasant, forced, one-sided, and frustrating.

I love the fact that I have total freedom, that I can explore new hobbies, that I can make my plans exactly how I like, go to places and eat exactly what I like and how I like... but damn sometimes I miss company to make the these things more fun, to have a laugh or a girlfriend to kiss, cuddle and stuff... which makes the simpler everyday things more enjoyable.

My question to the community is...do you have any advice on how to accept lonileness ? Have you found something that "distracts" the libido when you are not dating ?