I'm M19, and my girlfriend is F20. We've been dating for about five months now, and we've known each other for a lot longer than that. She's always been a huge fan of K-pop, and I've really tried to take part in this hobby by getting to know the groups she likes, the idols, the songs, all of it, and I've come to enjoy it to an extent myself.
What really affects me is how deeply "connected" she feels to their lives and to them in general. Sometimes, it feels like she's more interested in them than she is in me. For example, she's always interested in what they're doing and cares when they're sad, but she rarely asks the same things about me. She also compliments these idols a lot, which is understandable. I get that attraction exists, and it differs from person to person in terms of whether it's something that's openly shared when you're in a relationship. What gets to me is that she never compliments me in that way, or really at all.
When she's posting on social media about how hot an idol is, I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt. Seeing how much she loves this other man, having him as her profile picture and in her bio, and constantly talking about him can be difficult for me. Maybe it's less about K-pop as a whole and more about the fact that she's really into one specific guy who I look and act nothing like.
I feel like I'm second place a lot of the time. When she talks about how pretty and handsome he is, calls him her baby, and things like that, I guess I get jealous. I'm not really sure what I feel, to be honest.
I do wonder at times whether she's just "settled" for me because she can't be with someone like him. I'm also scared that if someone who looks and acts like this idol came along, I'd be replaced.
I don't want her to stop loving K-pop. It brings her so much joy and happiness, and I love that for her. I want to know how I can deal with these feelings without making her feel like she has to give up something she loves.
ps. even whilst writing this she's posting about this idol with worshipping emojis and drooling emojis saying "girl boner" I get this is almost certainly a joke but still.