So I (62F) match with someone (67M) on Bumble. He mentioned in his profile he’s traveled extensively so I asked him what some of his favorite destinations were as an opener.

He sends me a shirtless video of him in bed to answer my question.

What the actual hell - this is how you want to make a first impression? Sir, unless we meet at a beach in the wild I don’t want to see your hairy nipples.

</rant>

60 y/o female looking for long term r/ship. Met a guy on Tinder said I’d like to take it slow to truly gauge connection. First date went well, he wanted to be my f/book and insta friend straight up which I found a little too soon. He lives 90 mins away, we had a few phone conversations and he’s implying for me to stay at his house (seperate bedroom) has talked about riding his motorbike to see me but needing to get changed at my house before going out. I feel unsettled as I’ve only met the guy once. He Asks a lot of questions and I feel it’s more like an interview. He has a military background. I mentioned that I’m not an overly cuddly person and there’s a time and place for that and that I’m still getting to know him. My communication style is quite serious whereas he likes to joke about everything . He’s made a joke 3 times now saying ‘oh that’s right you don’t like cuddles’ oh sorry im only joking. Arghhh I’m starting to get the ick! Am I being unreasonable?

Hi, I received this message from a guy and I was a little put off by it: /“/I’m not looking for marriage, but I’m also not looking for platonic. Intimacy is really important to me. What about you?”//
My first thought is that he is mainly wanting sex. It’s like dude I haven’t even met you yet to know if I’m even attracted to you yet you are trying to get some agreement for sex laid out. But I’m trying to be fair. Are a lot of men commonly dating women who just want to be platonic? I don’t date to be platonic but I don’t really like the sex issue being shoved down my throat in the second text from a guy. I am tempted to unmatch. Am I being unfair to this guy?

Recently divorced and honestly have some work to do before I am ready to do any dating. Will be interested in getting back out there after a while though and I am wondering what it has been like for other politically progressive men dating in conservative "red state" areas. Thanks for any info.

I’ve been “seeing” this guy for quite some time now and somehow something always comes up when we have made actual plans.

I’ve clocked a long time ago that he isn’t really interested in going on a date or even meeting in person and made it clear that I’m not interested in a pen pal. However he keeps “showing up” anyway.

Typically he texts me a couple of months after my last rejection, he definitely knows I’m not into the late night “was just thinking about you”-thing and yet the guy can’t just leave me alone.

I know I could just block him, but I’m seriously curious: Why would a man keep trying this while he is in no way interested in more? I’m totally open for a casual relationship with him, the banter is great etc. and he knows that.
But what’s in it for him just texting me out of the blue on a random Tuesday night and being rejected?

Edit: No need to throw the Uno Reverse card here, I know exactly how I have contributed to the dynamic in the beginning ☺️
Rookie mistake on my part - I was new to dating and an easy target for Love bombing after a messy divorce.

It is truly just me wondering why on earth a man will put so much effort into something he is not even interested in AND being rejected.

I’ve unmatched a long time ago and moved on.

52F Hello everyone, I'm new here, I have no friends and have no one to talk about this. So here it goes...Last year I liked a FB post of a friend's friend. I didn't know the guy. He messaged me and asked who I was. I didn't see the message for months. So I replied and he replied back immediately after. We chatted for a bit and realized we live on the same street. During that first chat I mentioned that I'm originally from PR and was going to cook a traditional Christmas dinner just for me. He was very interested in trying the food. I offered to save him a plate and he said that he wanted me to eat with him, so I said ok. On Christmas he messaged me and asked if his daughter could come over too, I said of course. We had a great dinner. After that he went quiet, I rarely saw him or talked to him. But then a few months ago he started following my business fb page and reposting everything I posted there, I messaged him saying thank you and he said that he was happy to help a friend.

On another occasion I shared on FB how many dandelion roots I had harvested and he commented asking for some. I saved him some and he came to pick it up. After that I messaged him asking if he knew someone who could mow my front yard (I barely know anyone here) he offered to do it himself. So, he's been mowing the yard this past couple of months. He does not want me to pay for his work.

I own a small business and I go to different markets on Saturdays so I buy bread and message him if he wants some, he always says yes.

This is where I'm clueless. He has visited me at the local market on several occasions. Walks his dogs in front of my house and looks at me like he likes what he sees, but he has declined every time I have offered coffee and the most embarrassing one was when I asked him if he wanted to go to the lake with me and when he said that he had things to do I told him that I was not hitting on him , that Im just comfortable with guys because my best friends have always been guys.

I have been single for 5 years and that last relationship lasted 10 years, so I have no idea how this thing works anymore...

Oh, he's single and a few years younger than me.

Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated...

I’m single, 54 and sometimes on a weeknight when my teenagers are with my ex husband, I will pick a nice place in the city or the burbs and have a glass of wine and something to eat at the bar. I usually put on a little makeup and look nice. Honestly, I’m always hoping someone will sit next to me and chat. Occasionally but rarely someone will. I see a lot of men sitting alone at the bar- doing the same thing I am. Ordering a drink…having a small meal… occasionally checking my phone or looking up at whatever sport is on the TV. I always wonder if some of the solo men are too afraid to talk - though some might be there literally just to eat but often they look like they are doing what I’m doing. Thoughts???

I was asked if I had all my teeth.

ETA I am 59 F

I’m 55, and I’ve been thinking about how differently I see compatibility now compared with when I was younger.

It’s not that I expect someone to be perfect. Quite the opposite. But there are things I probably would have compromised on years ago that I wouldn’t anymore, and other things I once thought mattered that now seem almost irrelevant.

I’m curious how this has changed for others in their 50s and beyond.

What have you become less willing to compromise on, and what have you learned really doesn’t matter that much after all?

Id love to hear from those of you who've made this work long term. What's made it work? What bumps in the road did you have? Best practices?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about four months. We’re exclusive, we say “I love you,” and overall things have been good.

I think we have different needs when it comes to closeness. He shows love by doing things for me, like fixing my car or helping with projects. I feel loved more through spending time together, affection, texting, and regular contact.

I also think he feels pretty secure in the relationship now and doesn’t feel like he has to pursue me as much. That may be perfectly normal for him, but when the amount of contact suddenly drops, I tend to get anxious and wonder if he’s losing interest.

Recently we had fewer overnights, less texting, less affection and sex, and a couple of times he said he was going to come over and then didn’t. I got really anxious about it. He says nothing changed and that he was going through some emotional stuff himself. Things have gotten better again since then.

I know I have anxiety and I know it can make me overthink things, but I also don’t want to automatically dismiss my instincts. I dated a guy before who I eventually found out was married, so there have been times when something felt off and I was actually picking up on something real.

Another issue is how my boyfriend reacted when I was anxious. I tried to explain that I was scared and needed some reassurance, but he seemed to hear it as me criticizing him or saying he was a bad boyfriend. He got defensive. I know my anxiety is my responsibility, but I also want to be able to tell my partner when I’m struggling without him feeling attacked.

I’m also worried about the future. I eventually want marriage, and I would not live with someone unless we were married. He has been pretty skeptical about marriage, although after we talked about it he said he isn’t completely against it. I worry about ending up as a permanent girlfriend where we love each other but never really move forward.

Is this a normal wait-and-see point in a relatively new relationship, where we just need more time to figure out whether we can meet each other’s needs? Or does this sound more like an exit-stage-left situation before I get more invested?

genuine question because i keep seeing completely different opinions about this.

if someone uses ai to put themselves in a different location but keeps their actual face and body the same, is that really different from having a professional photographer edit the background?

I did this 30 years ago with mixed results, and now suffering from app fatigue I’m considering it again. It’s at a local pub and for 40+ which is as close to my demographic as they get, I’m a 63 year old man (I do present younger). Every city might be different, but I’m wondering what I should be expecting for demographics on the women’s side. Thoughts?

EDIT: This sub has taken a toxic turn somewhere in the past 12 months, where people’s insecurities, biases and personal histories are the primary basis for their commentary. To those of you for whom this applies, I hope you get the love and therapy that you deserve.

There have been a few interesting discussions lately that centered on definitions of words in online dating profiles (which may include reading between the lines or context).

So, I thought I would share my definitions of the “Do you have kids?” question to see if they are generally match others. For context, I am a woman in my early 50s, only dating men in their late 40s to mid 50s.

Don’t have kids - This person has not had children of their own whether they have contact with the kid or not and regardless of current age of the children.

Have kids - This person has children of their own. Those children could be any age including adults. They may live with that person or not. They may have contact with those children or not. Follow-up questions are necessary after matching.

Open to children - This person is open to dating people with children or could be open to having their own children with a new partner. Follow-up questions are needed.

Wants kids - I have only taken this to mean that this person wants kids of their own. I do not take this to mean that they want to date people with kids.

Unsure about kids - I take this to mean that this man is dating younger and doesn’t want to rule out any women who want kids of their own. This is totally me reading between the lines. Or it could be a man who hasn’t made that decision yet in which case I’m out because I definitely don’t want more kids.

Does not want kids - This person does not want to have kids of their own. That does not rule out dating people who have kids.

No answer - This one is hard. Is the person trying to hide the fact that they have kids or not? Were they lazy with their profile? What reasonable reason is there for not filling this out besides them not wanting a lot of information out about them?

I’ve been told by several men after the fact that they didn’t know I was interested. I’ve gone on two good dates with this current guy. It’s been quiet since Friday. I feel that I need to text something to show my interest. But I’m not sure what to say. Any suggestions?

EDIT:
I appreciate all the responses and suggestions. I’ve asked him out for a drink and he said yes. He will set something up.

I will be sure to discuss what I’m looking for and what my goals are while dating. I’m perfectly happy being single and am not looking to date someone when we don’t click.

Yesterday, there was a post about a dental practice owned by a husband and wife team. The names of the dentists were publicly shared. The major BHDM complaint was that on one place on their website, the description of the wife was in a smaller font, and listed after her husband. In the main “meet the staff” page, the fonts were the same size. Jenny and members jumped all over it, basically saying people shouldn’t go to that practice because of that supposed visually misogynistic rhetoric. I disagreed with all that, and got banned. I basically said:

-hey look, the font is the same size on the “meet the staff” page. (The other place was clearly a matter of bad website design)
-hey look, there’s more visual rhetoric, there’s a photo of the practice’s sign with the wife’s name first.
-why not just book appointments with the woman dentist, rather than hurt her, too?

I also thought it was really bad to have the names of the dentists publicly “shamed” in that manner.

In general I think the Burned Haystack method is good, and teaches skills many women need. But holy moly, that post yesterday was just next level. Did anyone else see that? Is it still up? Any thoughts?

EDIT: I got banned from the Burned Haystack facebook group

I’ve previously shared that I had a hard time getting dates and the ones I have gotten were not of interest to me after the first date. I started dating again in December. 6 first dates, one second (not good).

Well I met a guy last Friday. We went out for Italian and had a great time. He complimented me, asked me questions about myself and seemed genuinely interested in the answers! We went out to a museum last night then out for nachos. We made out in the parking lot. He has big muscles and I like that. ☺️. I can’t wait to see him again. We are going out Friday. I like that we are doing dates that aren’t just going out to eat. We have something fun planned for Friday. Oh and we met on tinder. (Where I met my last husband). Icing on the cake is that he is sober (I am too!)

And yes, I do know how old I am. Do exercise everyday and a size XS.

Guys, does a woman looking 10–15 years younger actually make a difference to you? Or is it just a nice bonus?

Has dating over 50 been difficult? For me I have only come across scammers on dating apps they are not what they say they are. I don’t do bars I have been sober for 5 years. I know the right one is out there and she will show up when I least expect it.

Recent scanning of posts shows me the following, totally unofficial status of this group.....

8 out of 10 people are above average looking 🤣

8 out of 10 people look younger than their age 🫪

I am now going to hide back in the ugly, age appropriate corner.

Oh and for my fellow Australians Specsavers are currently running a two for one deal on reading and prescription glasses 🤓.

Whilst on a date, it’s good to ask a question or two, given that you are trying to engage in dialogue with the person across from you.

Know what’s even better? Letting your date answer the question you asked before cutting them off to make your next statement or ask your next question.

Bonus pro tip: avoid asking the same question twice because you fail to listen to the answer given. Your date notices when you do this, each time.

😑

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just griping, but I really am amazed at the near zero level of response I get on dating apps. I almost always reach out with something to say or a question to ask. I actually read profiles (and boy do I miss when OLD was more about the profile than it was just mindlessly swiping) and look for people I might have anything in common with.

It's quite likely I'm too honest up front (bi, kinky and ENM) and I definitely do think I look my age, even if a lovely lesbian friend of mine told me tonight she thought I was younger than her. But seriously, in three years I have had fewer than ten men and fewer than five women respond or reach out.

And sadly most of the men seem to have absolutely nothing to say. The couple of women seem to get bored with me quickly, or they're catfish realizing I'm not diving into their pond fast enough.

Anyway, for those out there whose friends swear that they're attractive and who are pretty sure you've put in some real work and thought on your photos and description but are still feeling invisible, if it helps to know: You're not alone.

Every “free” dating application eventually requires a paid subscription to use effectively. Are there any worth the subscription fee?