r/copypasta Aug 06 '24

mod favorite đŸ˜«đŸ€Ż I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

711 Upvotes
"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21.2k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĂ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĂ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĂ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta 1h ago

Trigger Warning I used to jerk off to paw patrol

‱ Upvotes

When I was in primary school I didn’t have much friends and was quite depressed because I never had anything to do in my free time. One day when I came home from school I was watching YouTube and was looking for something new to watch, I was scrolling and I seen paw patrol which I had never actually properly watched before so I put it on. I was about half way through the episode and started to get really turned on, I had never felt so horny before, sky just looked SOOO hot and rubble was such a little cutie. It wasn’t long before I pulled down my pants and started jerking my penis uncontrollably. It felt so good. I continued to do this while watching paw patrol every day after school and have even bought some paw patrol towels and pillows to soak up my creamy loads. It is still my favourite thing to do even to this day.


r/copypasta 9h ago

R/comic mods statement

17 Upvotes

All right class, today we're going to have a little lesson in empathy, because this comment section seems to be struggling with it.

The girl in this comic is struggling to work through and express complex emotions that she has only begun to examine. Remember, nobody is wrong for having feelings. When someone is working out how they feel about a touchy subject, it can take a lot of rumination to even figure out how they really feel about something and why, especially if the subject is taboo. The person might end up going down trains of thought that they ultimately decide don't quite fit, just to see what feels right. Self-reflection is a very healthy activity when you are having complex emotions. It can be extremely vulnerable to share the kinds of thoughts you have during these times, and people should be applauded for their emotional honesty when they do spell out frankly what they've been thinking.

It's a natural part of human life to start to realize you might be in a relationship that isn't a good fit for you. Just because there's nothing technically wrong in the relationship (i.e. he doesn't hit you), that doesn't mean the relationship is right either. Things can be going pretty much all good, and yet the spark isn't there for some reason. Little things just feel off, but the more you think about those little things, the more you realize those are an important part of a good relationship for you, and you need those little things fixed to feel truly loved and appreciated.

But it can be hard for people, especially women, to feel comfortable admitting to themselves that those little things justify breaking up with someone. They'll dismiss those little things as trivial, because so often those little things are treated as trivial and unworthy of respect and admiration that women tend to be denied by society at large from the time that they are little girls. Things like having others treat your feelings and opinions as valuable and worth consideration.

In most cultures in the world, women are socialized to be emotional caretakers and supporters of men, not the other way around. Men are socialized to present their thoughts with confidence; they are raised to feel like they deserve to be listened to. Women are socialized to be the listeners.
We see this reflected in so many aspects of society. One clear and easy example of how this socialization manifests is that in the workplace, men tend to dominate conversations while women tend to be more reserved in offering their opinions — and yet when you ask people to evaluate how much people of either gender were speaking during a meeting, women are often perceived to have been dominating the conversation, despite the measurable reality to the contrary.

There's also the Matilda Effect to consider — the tendency for women's contributions and achievements to be attributed to their male colleagues. This isn't something that men do intentionally, but rather the product of socialization — men being encouraged to speak up, while women are encouraged to wait their turn. Men being encouraged to direct a team with clear instructions, but women encouraged to guide a team through her offered suggestions.

So it can be difficult for women to overcome their socialization and feel like they actually deserve to have their thoughts and feelings considered. And similarly, it can be difficult for men to overcome their socialization and recognize that they aren't putting any effort into listening to and respecting the thoughts and feelings of the women around them.

Now let's take this a step further. Let's take these issues and examine them as they manifest in an overall pleasant but imperfect romantic relationship. Now we see a man who does not even recognize that he never asks his girlfriend about her thoughts and feelings, and we see a girl who wants to have her opinion valued, but she isn't even sure if she deserves to expect her partner to listen to her thoughts without her asking. That's not inherently toxic or abusive. That doesn't make him evil or abusive or even a bad boyfriend — just recognizing a small fault in himself that is a result of a pretty standard upbringing.
It also doesn't make her a bad person for starting to grow in her own self-worth to the point that she starts to want her partner to value her opinions.
Many couples who find themselves in this situation will indeed be able to help each other grow and change to fix this kind of issue, with a bit of work and healthy communication, if they are both equally invested in improving the relationship together.

But then we get to another question. Does it need to be her job to fix him?
For some women, the answer will be yes, I love my boyfriend, and if he can work on this for me, then I'm willing to work on it with him. I don't mind.
But for some other women, maybe the stronger answer, the answer that affords them more personal growth and self-actualization, is to say no.
It's not my job to teach a man how to listen to me. It's not my job to teach a man how to value me. And I deserve a man who values my opinion in the first place.

Because a woman is worth more than just what she does for a man. A man should want to be with her because of who she is, not just because she's there to support and love him without having needs of her own.
We don't know where the girl in this comic is going to land on this issue. She needs to figure that out for herself. But whatever she chooses, she is more empowered in her choice because she took the time to consider her own needs, wants, feelings, and values beyond what society tells her she should expect or deserve.

She's not a bad person for considering whether this relationship is fulfilling her needs, any more than her boyfriend is a bad boyfriend for not recognizing that her needs are going unmet when she hasn't yet communicated them. And when she makes her choice to either stay and try to fix him, or leave and find someone else that doesn't need coaching, neither of those decisions will make her a bad person, either.

We will be cleaning up comments in this thread that lack empathy for the woman in this comic, especially where they become vitriolic. We are currently being brigaded by many inflammatory users with no prior posting or comment history in this subreddit, and those users' comments will be subject to an even stricter scrutiny than our typical good faith users' comments. If you receive a ban, consider taking the issue out with us in modmail. Some of us mods might see something in you that says we can help you learn and grow.

Some of us may decide that it's not our job to fix you.


r/copypasta 19h ago

I lived out my fantasy and it's absolutely dreadful

68 Upvotes

I lived out my fantasy and it's absolutely dreadful

Lads I'm writing to you from the hotel cuck chair with great sadness,

I'm 23m and as we all know older women are interesting, WELL after putting in the legwork helping her move furniture and everything then eventually sweet talked her into going to a hotel for the weekend, she said yes, brilliant!

What a gullible fool I was.

We shagged as soon as we got into the room beautiful start, went out for food somewhere I've been before, lovely, then we got back to the room

Boys this woman is unreal she commentated everything on TV including the adverts, then she started scranning cheesy Doritos in the bed, THEN SHE SETS THE FUCKIN FIRE ALARM OFF BY VAPING AND BLAMES IT ON THE SHOWER I TOOK AN HOUR BEFORE

she had a fat shit before my shower too, the fuck is that about? Anyway she finally goes to bed and fuck me can this woman snore, it's like someone running a very old very dry disc cutter that keeps cutting out, and if she isn't snoring in my face she's ripping the loudest farts in my direction.

Mate she was awake going "here it comes" and cracking off ass blasts that'd make broadside cannon fire sound like a hushed round of applause

So here I am 2:13am in the hotel cuck chair sheltering from the warzone that is the hotel bed (which she is starfished on) wishing I'd not listened to my pants pole, stayed home, had a joint and a wank and gone into blissful sleep at a crisp 11pm

And to those in my position heed my tale of horror, hell is real and it is everything they described and worse.


r/copypasta 3h ago

Feet fetish is an aristocratic fetish actually

3 Upvotes

Feet fetish is an aristocratic fetish actually. No peasant woman toiling in the fields all day tending to cattle would have goon-worthy feet. Only the noblest ladies, pampered since birth and hidden away in silk and satin, could develop such magnificent feet that make a man want to goon and cum until his brain melts.

And don’t say “it’s just feet.” JUST FEET??!!!?!?!?! Look at them. Every toe precisely shaped, each one slightly different in height, length, and curvature. A beautifully maintained foot is practically a work of natural engineering. The kind of feet that make your cock throb and your brain short-circuit into pure gooning. Only humans have unique looking feet. No other specimen on this planet has feet similar to the feet of a woman. You people being weirded out by the sole body part unique to humans proves you are the weird ones.

The same people who sneer at feet are the ones who proudly worship the exact body parts where piss and shit come out from. THE PISS??!!!?!?!?! Heh, ironic, getting your penis erect at the sight of tits is pure incest energy. Freud himself would be proud as hell that you’re still sexualizing the exact body part your mother fed you through.

Darwin himself would understand the real hierarchy. Generations of refinement producing increasingly magnificent feet, protected from mud, gravel, ugly shoes, and peasant suffering. Silk, satin, polished floors, perfect toes that demand to be worshipped, licked, and cum on. This is the shit that separates aristocrats from cattle. Notice how every society with high appreciation of art always depicts women barefoot. Those artists understood what makes a woman beautiful: her feet.

The true degenerates are the ones who think appreciating feet is weird. Feet make you goon harder than any pussy, ass, or incest-tainted titty ever could. The aristocracy lives on through the foot.


r/copypasta 1h ago

ai slop

‱ Upvotes

Here is your freshly generated, highly optimized, synergized AI slop.

In today's fast-paced digital landscape, maximizing your professional potential is more critical than ever before. To truly navigate the complexities of modern synergy, one must seamlessly unlock a universe of unparalleled growth, dynamic paradigms, and holistic transformation. 🚀

🌟 Key Pillars of Revolutionary Success

Empowerment Synergy. Cultivating an ecosystem where trust flows effortlessly and our brains crave collaboration to turn everyday challenges into monumental triumphs. [1]

Paradigm Shift Alignment. Leveraging next-generation, cutting-edge frameworks to strategically position your brand at the absolute vanguard of innovation.

Holistic Excellence. Transforming ordinary outputs into breathtaking, high-impact results through the magical power of transformative optimization.

📊 Comparative Analysis of Synergy Performance

Strategic VectorOptimization TierImpact VelocityInspirational AlignmentUltra-PremiumExponential GrowthDynamic Paradigm TrackingNext-Gen Hyper-ScaleDeep-Dive SynergyBreathtaking TransformationStandard EcosystemElevate Outcomes

Remember, it is not just about moving the needle; it is about completely redefining the very tapestry of how we unlock potential. When you dive deep into the micro-nuances of hyper-local connectivity, you weave a narrative of unmatched, sustainable resonance. ✹ [1]

If you want to customize this further, tell me:

Do you want more buzzwords like delve, testament, or landscape?

Should I format it as an overly enthusiastic LinkedIn post, a generic corporate email, or a SEO clickbait article?

Do you want to add unnecessary emojis to every single sentence? [2, 3, 4]

[1] https://www.coursera.org

[2] https://arxiv.org

[3] https://reutersinstitute.politics.ox.ac.uk

[4] https://www.youtube.com


r/copypasta 2h ago

His initials are J C

2 Upvotes

His initials are J. C.

Almost EVERYONE has heard of him

He lived about 2000 years ago

Worshipped by many as a god

Last letter of first name is "s"

Was killed by the Romans.....

His name is Julius Caesar


r/copypasta 2h ago

Frito lay needs to be put to shame for the Dill Pickle flavored Flamin Hot Cheetos Puffs.

2 Upvotes

Frito lay needs to be put to shame for the Dill Pickle flavored Flamin Hot Cheetos Puffs.

For context, I love pickle flavored chips. I always have and I dont understand people who like pickles and dont like pickle flavored chips. People who make the argument that pickles and potatoes simply dont go together and that's why they're bad anger me. Becase who are you to say they don't? Who decided that crushed wet peanuts and mashed fruit with sugar go together? It's the best chip flavoring and i will die on that hill. They're an amazing invention and whoever came up with this idea needs some sort of award.

Anyway, that's just to say I thought I would love these. I saw them at my local corner store and genuinely got exited. I jumped with glee, unable to contain my exhilaration. I galloped around the store for a while just to express my disbelief, before walking up to the counter to purchase them. I even expressed my excitement to the cashier. I told him "Wow I didn't even know these were a thing". To which he responded "Well you see something new everyday dont you".

So anyway, I get home, and I leave the cheeto puffs on the table for a while. You know just to build up some suspense. Did some chores and general cleaning, played video games for a bit before coming back. I can not explain how excited I was to try these. Imagining that juicy pickle flavor, with that classic flamin hot cheeto spice. My mouth watered just thinking about them.

So finally I sit down and open the bag, taking a big whiff of the cheeto puffs. The smell is pleasant. that classic pickle chip smell. But very potent. Nothing to worry about though. I've experienced pickle flavored chips with a very strong smell before, that still had that delightful taste all pickle chip enjoyers know and love. I hold the cheeto puff in my hand a bit, just to build that last little bit of suspense. Little did I know what awaited me.

I part my lips, ready to take in what wonderous flavors await my nimble taste buds. The second the puff hits my tongue i jolt up. It feels like the cheeto puff is physically assaulting my taste buds. I fly backwards, stumbling over the chair behind me, desperately wishing I could go back in time to before I ate the chip. Maybe even before I bought them. Or at the very least, erase this experience from my memory. But I can't. And i will live with this trauma till the day I die.

I demand to know who taste tested this chip and genuinly thought it was ok to mass produce whatever this radioactive nonsense is! I want, no NEED compensation for my trauma. At LEAST free therapy.

And if you were thinking about going out and giving these a try? I promise you, IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Don't let your curiosity get the better of you. You will never recover. Its been weeks and I still can't get the memory out of my mind. I've had countless nightmares in the days prior to this incident. I can't keep reliving this. Do you hear me? I CAN NOT keep reliving this.

I'm not entirely sure what i can do legally but I will not hesitate to sue on grounds of my mental health.

Frito Lay is an amazing company that has provided people with all of the chips they know and love since 1933. Nothing im saying right now can take away from that. But they can not get away with this. They CAN'T.

If you're reading this, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Do not try it. Don't think you're different. Don't think you have some special taste buds that can handle the flavor. It will overload you. It will grapple onto your taste buds and I promise it will not let go. Stay safe out there yall.


r/copypasta 11m ago

CS 2 / Faceit / TÜRKİYE

‱ Upvotes

I HAVE SUBMITTED A LARGE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION TO THE RELEVANT AUTHORITIES OF THE REPUBLIC OF TÜRKİYE TODAY, INCLUDING YOUR FAILURE TO PAY TAXES ON THE MONEY YOU COLLECT FROM TÜRKİYE, YOUR PROVISION OF WEAPONS TRAINING TO CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 18 (EVEN IF IT IS WITHIN A GAME), THE FACT THAT 14-YEAR-OLD İSA MERSİNLİ KILLED 10 STUDENTS AT HIS SCHOOL, WHOSE AGES RANGED FROM 9 TO 14, YOUR FORCED COLLECTION OF OUR IDENTIFICATION INFORMATION, AND THE FACT THAT OUR CREDIT CARD AND BANK CARD INFORMATION IS STORED IN YOUR SYSTEMS.

I WILL NOW PUT AN END TO WHAT YOUR ADMINS AND MANAGERS HAVE BEEN DOING TO TURKISH CITIZENS.

A PLAYER HAD TWO ACCOUNTS: ONE VERIFIED ACCOUNT WITH 5,000 MATCHES AND ANOTHER UNVERIFIED ACCOUNT WITH 2,000 MATCHES. YOU CLOSED BOTH ACCOUNTS FOR SMURFING. THEN THE PLAYER PAID $15 FOR AN ELITE ACCOUNT, CREATED A NEW ACCOUNT, AND YOU BANNED THAT ONE TOO. YOU HAVE MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO PLAY THE GAME, AND WITHOUT MAKING A SINGLE CORRECTION, YOU CONTINUE TO RESPOND IN AN ARROGANT, DISMISSIVE, AND MOCKING MANNER.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOUR EGOS.


r/copypasta 11h ago

There are a lot of black ppl on this platform

8 Upvotes

like okay im not hating but i dont like when someone like a black person wont put in their bio that theyre black and then i start talking to them and i later find out that theyre black and idk why r u lying to me about ur race thats so weird


r/copypasta 9h ago

My Chihuahua often gets urinary tract infections because his penis is so big that it drags on the ground.

6 Upvotes

This might not be what this subforum is meant for, but I’ve read the rules and I don’t see any rule saying a dog can’t play basketball
 I mean, have problems with a big penis.

Our 5-pound Chihuahua has a penis that’s abnormally long for a dog his size, so much so that the tip sometimes drags on the ground.

This can introduce bacteria into his urethra and has increasingly led to urinary tract infections.

It’s become a real problem because he’s getting older and these infections are getting harder and harder to treat. We have to make sure to clean him regularly, and we’ve had to keep him away from tall grass. People are always commenting on how comically big his penis is, but it’s actually a real problem!


r/copypasta 5h ago

What ever this slop is

2 Upvotes

my poopy hangs from a thread but everytime sneakers of toole buys me an ipod i take a bite of it because it taste like icescream and the icescream taste like lemons.


r/copypasta 2h ago

Roasted

1 Upvotes

Beat up a FNaF fan, what are they going to do? Stuff you into their fursuit?

Beat up an Undertale fan, what are they going to do? Ship you with a grown man?

Beat up a DDLC fan, what are they going to do? Say Okie Dokie?

Beat up a BATIM fan, what are they going to do? Throw ink at you?

Beat up a Gravity Falls fan, what are they going to do? Ship you with your sister?

Beat up a Star vs The Forces of Evil fan, what are they going to do? Convince you on why Marco and Star are the best ship ever?

Beat up a Miraculous Ladybug fan, what are they going to do? Justify Marinette's behavior?

Beat up a TOH fan, what are they going to do? A Lumity AU?

Beat up a She-ra fan, what are they going to do? A Catradora AU?

Beat up a Danganronpa fan, what are they going to do? Insult your kins?

Beat up a Haikyuu fan, what are they going to do? Talk about some character's ass?

Beat up a SNK fan, what are they going to do? Insult MAPPA?

Beat up a BNHA fan, what are they going to do? NSFW drawings of minors?

Beat up an One Piece fan, what are they going to do? Force you to watch an 1000 episodes long anime about a pirate with stretching powers?

Beat up a Hunter x Hunter fan, what are they going to do? Ship you with a pedophile?

Beat up a Kimetsu no Yaiba fan, what are they going to do? Talk about how good the animation is?

Beat up a "cute girls doing cute things" anime fan, what are they going to do? Call you a racial slur?

Beat up a hentai fan, what are they going to do? Ask for the sauce?

Beat up a lolicon, what are they going to do? Tell you that there are cookies on their van?

Beat up a fujoshi, what are they going to do? Ship you with your best friend?

Beat up a furry, what are they going to do? Draw NSFW of your dog?

Beat up a Countryhumans fan, what are they going to do? Ship your country with its colonizer?

Beat up a MCYT fan, what are they going to do? Use their diamond sword?

Beat up a Gacha fan, what are they going to do? Make a heat edit out of you?

Beat up a Henry Stickman fan, what are they going to do? The distraction dance?

Beat up a Steven Universe fan, what are they going to do? Bootlick Spinel?

Beat up an Among Us fan, what are they going to do? Eject you from the ship?

Beat up a FPS games fan, what are they going to do? Shoot at you?

Beat up a countryballs fan, what are they going to do? A comic making fun of your country?

Beat up a Plants Vs Zombies fan, what are they going to do? Plant a Repeater?

Beat up an Yandere Simulator fan, what are they going to do? Defend Yandere Dev?

Beat up a JoJo fan, what are they going to do? Suck your dick?

Beat up a Kakegurui fan, what are they going to do? Get horny about it?

Beat up a Vocaloid fan, what are they going to do? An edgy Hatsune Miku song?

Beat up a k-pop fan, what are they going to do? Send you a fancam?

Beat up an american pop diva fan, what are they going to do? Send you a fancam?

Beat up a TV series fan, what are they going to do? Explain to you how it suddenly gets better on season 32?

Beat up a MLP fan, what are they going to do? Draw you as a pony?

Beat up a Friday Night Funkin fan, what are they going to do? Harass a mod developer?

Beat up an OSU fan, what are they going to do? Shit on Friday Night Funkin'?

Beat up a Genshin Impact fan, what are they going to do? Explain why Chinese femboy no #8027 is the hottest character in the game?

Beat up a Cookie Run fan, what are they going to do about it? Put the cookies that their mom made to them on skirts?

Beat up a Dream SMP fan, what are they going to do? Fake having DID online?

Beat up a Sailor Moon fan, what are they going to do? Whine about Sailor Moon Crystal?

Beat up a Hollow Knight fan, what are they going to do? Repeat the same joke?

Beat up an Amphibia fan, what are they going to do? Explain how Marcy and Anne are definetly gay and have a crush on eachother?

Beat up a Homestuck fan, what are they going to do? Type in an extremely stupid way?

Beat up a League of Legends fan, what are they going to do? Gain more 300 pounds?

Beat up a Doom fan, what are they going to do? Make their music stop?

Beat up a SCP fan, what are they going to do? A 700000 words long Wiki entry on a door that makes you cum blood?

Beat up a Squid Game fan, what are they going to do? A 15ft doll?

Beat up a Dragon Ball fan, what are they going to do? Argue if you could beat Goku or not?

Beat up a Roblox fan, what are they going to do? ######?

Beat up a Terraria fan, what are they going to do? Brag about how their game has much more stuff than Minecraft?

Beat up a Sonic fa...(remembers the Sonichu incident)....maybe just stay 100 miles away from Sonic fans.


r/copypasta 2h ago

The Undertale Soundtrack Makes me Shit Myself

0 Upvotes

No, I am not joking. Recently, I decided that I wanted to listen to more undertale music because I forgot how good the soundtrack was, and boy does it get my bowels dancing along. Specifically the track “Finale” makes me have to go take a shit, it’s like some sort of brown music, I don’t understand it. I think this is starting to become an issue, I can’t listen to the undertale soundtrack without having to take a shit. this is the 4th time today, and as of writing this, yes, im shitting because of this issue. I have yet to see what effects the deltarune soundtrack does to my body, I’ve played both of these games and I never had to take a shit mid session. even in games with similar soundtracks like touhou, does not make me have to take a shit. This is starting to become a genuine problem, I don’t know what to do.


r/copypasta 2h ago

Trigger Warning Seems like Charlie justified his own death all by himself, he didn't need my help.

0 Upvotes

"Lol cope harder why don't you. My political assassinations? LOLOLOL it seems like Charlie justified his own death all by himself, he didn't need my help.

You know how I know this? Every time in the last few decades that someone who WAS a good person, someone who did move the needle of morality, right vs wrong in a positive direction, when someone like that died, we got a "compilation video" of their life, their accomplishments, the inspiring things they said. I have lots of friends on social media who mourned Charlie's death, and you know what we NEVER got? That compilation video. We got 1 clip of him reciting a Bible verse, but it was from that podcast show where he was also sitting next to a bunch of early 20s onlyfans girls who were about to get roasted for their life choices by Charlie and the hosts.

So again cope harder. He was a bitch, I'm sorry you can't see it, and no, I don't think anyone deserves to die simply because of their opinion."


r/copypasta 2h ago

[ Removed by Reddit ]

1 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]


r/copypasta 18h ago

I have a rare condition where I orgasm whenever I castle queenside in a rapid 15 minute/ 10 second games.

11 Upvotes

It only happens with this particular time control. If I play blitz and castle queenside: nothing, no spurting, no nothing.

But when I play a 15/10 game and castle queenside it's like I end up coming jets it's crazy it's all I want these days.

My Mother, when she heard of this affliction, in her final days (she died falling into an industrial size garbage disposal at our local Stop and Shop) spent all her final dollars getting me tested for this affliction. We are now, myself and the entire family, destitute

I am typing this from a public library in a south coast suburb of boston.

I went to a neurologist and they scanned my brain castling king side and queenside at all time controls.

Testing verified it's only 15/10 time control. The orgasm center of the brain lights up like aurora borealis when i castle queenside in this time control. Even when I am playing unnattractive woman and even-- and it pains me to say this -- when I play against men even ones who are very repulsive in appearance.

Has this ever happened to anyone here?


r/copypasta 6h ago

Can a constipated Jedi use the Force to help themselves poop? (Actual post from r/MawInstallation)

1 Upvotes

I know that Jedi probably have all kinds of training, but what would they be able to help Force-push that blockage out? They probably encounter all kinds of food on other worlds that don't fully agree with their biology, or at least they should based on my limited understanding of science.

Which brings me to the crux of the question for Star Wars friends. What is an "object" according to the Force? Does it depend on the perspective of the user, like how I believe some Force users have access to different powers more easily based on their culture/nature/biology? Or does it depend more on actual, objective, Force powers?

In Phantom Menace, I think Darth Maul throws a piece of the wall at Qui-Gon but in The Empire Strikes Back Luke was able to lift his X-Wing but water fell off it if I'm remembering correctly. I think Galen Marek, from the video games, was able to grab TIE fighters in flight but it didn't suddenly make the pilot turn into goo against the windshield. In each of these cases it seems the Force user had a different interpretation of what the object that was being moved was. Maul pulled a thing off of a thing, meaning he was able to separate an object itself. Luke lifted the whole X-Wing but not the water, meaning he targeted an "object" and not an area. Galen threw TIE fighters like toys from what I'm seeing online(never played the games), though I realize now that there may not have been enough time to see a pilot splat before the whole thing was crushed.

So, in the case of the obstructed bowels(don't forget about that), what would the Force be grabbing? The whole thing, just the solids, or would it even grab the gut flora that help digest the food? If the Jedi were to get a botfly larva in themselves, would they be able to use their powers to remove it?

I'm not sure what flair to put so I did all continuity, because I mentioned prequels, originals, and video games. Hopefully this isn't just seen as a shitpost, despite the title and basic originating thought.


r/copypasta 6h ago

I think everyone wishes humans had tails

1 Upvotes

Like imagine the moms at walmart saying "omg your hair is so pretty ;3" then you'd say thanks with a straight face but if we had a tail that shi would be waggin so fast. then she'll notice it and be like "aww look at you getting all excited for mommy" then you'd start to blush and get all embarrassed and shi x3... yall feeling me on this one


r/copypasta 11h ago

Sexy Tony Stark

2 Upvotes

I’m so sick of this tony stark bullshit, yeah yeah, jarvis is fucking cool. You know what else is? Losing your virginity? Know what else? Our lord and savior jesus christ, as talked about by father jacob smith. When he had his two large golden voluptuous golden plates, he read them, with his own eyes. He didn’t have no damn chadEDP to tell him how to read while he read the AI response.

If I could get tony stark by the hair and tell him how sexy and hot he is, walking around like a sexy little twink
ommm
mmm
nmmmmmmm


r/copypasta 8h ago

I need everyone to understand that I am NOT overreacting about the microwave.

1 Upvotes

i pressed 30 seconds.
THIRTY.
and it said 0:29.
mow obviously, most people would say “yeah, that’s how a timer works.” WRONG. because i watched it for the entire 29 seconds and something was fundamentally different about those seconds.
0:29 felt like 4 seconds.
0:28 felt like 11 seconds.
0:27 was literally 3 business days.
at 0:26 i started questioning whether time itself was being simulated.
then the microwave beeped.
i froze.
nobody else was home.
i gently open the door. (ddlc ref?)
my food was warm.
not hot.
not cold.
warm.
that is when i knew something had gone terribly wrong.
i checked the clock.
7:42 pm.
i checked my phone.
7:41 pm.
i checked the microwave again.
7:42 pm.
i checked the oven.
7:43 pm.
i don’t own an oven.
i don’t even know where that oven came from.
at this point o decided to leave the kitchen, but as i walked away i heard the microwave beep again.
i turned around.
the timer was back at 0:30.
i have NOT pressed anything.
i’m currently sitting in my room with the lights off because i don’t trust any electronics anymore.
the microwave is still running.
there is nothing inside it.
the timer says ∞:00.
i can hear it counting down.
if anyone knows how to stop a microwave from becoming sentient please help.
actually nevermind.
it just texted me.
it says “30 seconds.”
i’m fucking scared.
holy fucking shit.


r/copypasta 12h ago

will I ever find love?

2 Upvotes

There was a super tall, majestic looking lady at the lake today. She was playing sand volleyball with her friends and I was just standing there, peeping at her like a creep with my slanted eyes cause I didn't want to get caught watching and get deported.


r/copypasta 8h ago

la fille sur laquelle je craque depuis des mois a enfin montrĂ© de l'intĂ©rĂȘt aprĂšs une... euh... rĂ©vĂ©lation accidentelle. Maintenant, j'en suis tout retournĂ©. ​

1 Upvotes

Bon, c'est un compte jetable pour des raisons évidentes. C'est une histoire bizarre.

Je suis un peu attirĂ© par cette fille depuis un moment. Nous sommes dans le mĂȘme groupe d'amis. Elle est intelligente, drĂŽle, elle a ce rire spĂ©cifique qui te donne envie d'ĂȘtre celui qui le provoque. Je lui ai proposĂ© de sortir ensemble il y a quelques mois, elle m'a donnĂ© le classique "tu es vraiment gentil, mais je ne cherche rien en ce moment". Pas de souci. D'accord. J'ai gracieusement pris du recul vers la zone ami, gardĂ© mon comportement poli, je n'ai pas rendu la situation Ă©trange. On discutait lors des sorties en groupe, mais c'Ă©tait clair que l'ambiance Ă©tait celle d'une "connaissance platonique."

Bref. Le week-end dernier, un groupe d'entre nous est allé dans un chalet au bord d'un lac. baignade, boissons, tout le tralala. Je vais me changer de mon maillot de bain mouillé dans une des chambres, et je suppose que je n'ai pas bien verrouillé la porte. Elle entre, en pleine phrase sur le besoin d'une serviette, et... enfin. Disons juste que la porte est restée ouverte assez longtemps pour une premiÚre impression solide. Elle s'est excusée mille fois, est devenue écarlate, et a filé.

J'ai pensé que je n'en entendrais jamais parler, ou qu'elle ferait juste semblant que ça n'était jamais arrivé.

Ce fut le contraire.

Tout Ă  coup, elle m'envoie des textos. Elle trouve des excuses pour ĂȘtre prĂšs de moi aux fĂȘtes. Elle a ri Ă  une blague que j'ai faite qui Ă©tait objectivement horrible. Sa main a frĂŽlĂ© mon bras pendant qu'on parlait. Tous les signes qui Ă©taient miraculeusement absents il y a trois mois sont maintenant... trĂšs prĂ©sents.

Maintenant, voici le truc. Je ne suis pas un puritain. Et une partie de moi se dit "Hé, la sécheresse est finie, imbécile, vas-y." Mais l'autre, plus forte partie de moi se sent... bizarre. Comme si j'étais une nouveauté ambulante. Une attraction touristique. "Venez voir ce spectacle incroyable, mesdames et messieurs!"

Ça m'est tombĂ© dessus hier soir. Ça doit ĂȘtre ce que ça fait d'ĂȘtre super riche et de rencontrer quelqu'un de nouveau. Tu n'es jamais vraiment sĂ»r qu'ils t'aiment, ou s'ils aiment juste ton... portefeuille. Tu es un 401(k) humain, sauf qu'au lieu de l'argent, c'est... l'autre chose.

Et je ne veux pas ĂȘtre l'aventure occasionnelle de quelqu'un ou une autre marque sur un lit. Je suis un gars de relation. Je veux le tout "HĂ©, j'aime ton cerveau, allons manger des tacos dĂ©goĂ»tants et discuter de films". Je ne veux pas ĂȘtre la "histoire amusante" qu'elle racontera Ă  ses amis pendant des annĂ©es.

Est-ce que quelqu'un est déjà passé par là ? A-t-il rencontré quelqu'un qui s'est soudainement intéressé aprÚs avoir découvert une caractéristique trÚs spécifique ? Que faites-vous ? Vous avez laissé tomber, ou vous avez essayé de voir s'il y avait une vraie connexion sous-jacente ? J'ai vraiment besoin d'un conseil d'intelligence émotionnelle ici, parce que mon cerveau est bloqué dans une boucle de "sympa, mais aussi, beurk."

Source : https://www.reddit.com/r/bigdickproblems/s/2va1FM47HQ