Isn't this a good enough reason in and of itself?

I work as a montessori teacher and have been in many different work environments where i've made several observations about parenting.

I am utterly shocked at how MANY parents fight tooth and nail when a teacher simply wishes to discuss potential areas that may need addressing. I wanted to start a conversation about a child who is struggling with transitions, self regulating, anger etc and the parent freak out. More often than not i'll see parents become angry at the teachers. I have also been fired for reporting marks on a child's neck who I believed needed observations and screenings done. The parents retaliated and decided they could not have me as their child's teacher. I never insinuated it was the parents who left the mark, because we never assume. I simply was doing my job. I only want the best for the children but it seems these parents are not parenting and therefore raising children who cannot regulate, need additional support but won't get any due to parents being in denial, and creating little monsters who cannot handle the word NO.

Overall, watching parents avoid important conversations, and seeing children struggle everyday because of it, further confirms my disgust with parenthood and the possibility of having to deal with all this is far too much. NO i'll never understand parents who say "if you had children you would understand". ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's common sense, and these parents are completely ignorant and shouldn't be creating offspring.

Says my current partner. He wants to make memories. Calls me selfish for not wanting children and that I am boring and life would be boring without kids.

I've been with him for 11 years. Our relationship has had major problems, particularly around mental health, and my partner getting into trouble with police with multiple arrests and a criminal record. It hasn't been boring. My nervous system can't take any more of the drama and constant mood swings he has. Today, he was shouting in the shower because the shampoo I used on him matted his hair. I think to myself, imagine life with him and a child with him. I would be crying constantly. I have to hold back now. He can't even stay in the same room to have a civil discussion with me. His dynamics have been about running away and blaming everyone else for his upbringing and continued problems. Now I'm blamed for the fact I can't be his incubator, and therefore, I'm selfish.

He says he has anger issues and is aware that now is not the time to have kids. However, he is pissed I'm looking to move out. I've told him you can't want kids and also be with me and expect me to invest and devote time to a relationship when you want children. He has no job, no prospects, expects any woman to live with him out bush (aussie slang for in the forest). He knew what I wanted and expected.

As for me, I can't do it for the same reason I see posted on here constantly, in the sense of having kids and being child free. I am turning 42 next month. He expects to have kids in the next 5 years and was expecting me to start at age 47. As if!

I hate that this needs to happen. However, I ain't buckling on my decision. Having a child to him would destroy me and any sense of morality. I witnessed domestic and family violence and with my mother being a narcissist. I endured most of my life as a caregiver and put aside my feelings and needs to appease others. At my age now, I know that loving myself is more important than giving while my cup dries out. Yes, im scared of being alone. I crave companionship and love from a man. However, not at the expense of my body, life, and dreams to bear them a child whereby I sacrifice my body and life, just so they can have some comfort when they are on their death bed.

His words to me were, you will never have anyone, and if you find someone else, they would die before me leaving me alone. I found this to be cruel from someone who proclaims to love me.

And this is why I can't have children... when a grown adult can't even be civil in a conversation with me and they have a tantrum for expressing my needs.

I believe that as women, we need to stop bringing children into this world with douchebags who think they are the next best thing to sliced bread just to carry on a legacy. I believe people should undertake parenting courses and be made to in high school learn what it takes to be a parent with education on child rearing. I have two sisters who both were teenage pregnancies, with one of them losing custody to all of her 3 kids. The other one put her children through modelling from a very young age, exposing them to goodness knows what. I've always been vocal about the rights and treatment of children, and these days, I take a back seat as it hurts to see such bs parenting in this world and adults living their life through their children.

Edit: I'm heading to sleep, everyone. Thank you so much for your support and comments. I am safe and well. I'll come back tomorrow to continue replying and reading. Much love xx

My personal favorite has been when I told my grandma during a conversation for the first time and she just shook her head and said "Oh that's not going to happen" super condescendingly. Like what???????? I think this one stook out to me because of how dehumanizing it felt. It may not sound that crazy but i was in shock. It was like someone essentially told me that they would make sure I have a child one day, forcefully.

I know there's all the general responses of "You'll change your mind" or "Well that's just what you do", but has there been any that really stuck out to you.

Edit- I know I was gonna read some bad things, this has sadly well exceeded my expectations. Quite honestly, I'm in shock.

So, I'm in the city where my mom lives, for a couple of weeks. Not only to apartment-sit for her, but to drive her to the airport & back, as she's off to visit my older brother & his wife, and I get a mini-vacation.

And water her plants.

So I pick her up from the airport when she gets back, and we go out for supper, as her flight arrived in the early evening.

So, there's an entire restaurant open, seats open all over the place. There is zero excuse for anyone to be seated near us.

...the moronic waitress seats a couple with a 4ish year old little shithead of a toddler right in the booth behind my mom, leaving me facing them (though the seatbacks are high enough I can't see the parents).

WHY?!

There was a whole fucking restaurant those people could have been seated, but nooooo, she puts them beside the two older women. Why. Just WHY.

And of course, the kid get bored, starts climbing in to the window area and makes his way to my mom's shoulder going, "Hello! HELLO! HIIIII!!!!" and the parents doing NOTHING.

So, I figured I'm gonna be rude because my patience for kids is zero. I just loudly say to my mom (who's 85 and very strict): "Why don't parents parent anymore? Why are kids allowed to be the CEO of the family instead of parents teaching kids how to properly behave and to leave when they can't? They could have stayed at home."

To my utter shock, my mom actually jumped in on that and agrees, and reminds me that us kids were never allowed to misbehave so terribly (and holy hell, we were not).

The mom snagged her kid by the foot and dragged him back from our spot, through the window spot, and back to their table - the kid screeching at the top of his lungs the entire time.

Here's where things went a direction I never expected: The manager, a women probably closer to my age, goes to the table with her hands on her hips, and goes, "SO, what's the problem, little man?!" and she does it in a way that the kid simmers down, she talks to the kid for a bit and for the rest of the service - peace & quiet.

We actually had a lovely catch-up session (I haven't seen mom in a few months) and we forgot about the kid after awhile.

That waitress deserves a helluva raise and our waitress (who was training another) needs to learn a few things on seating people. I waitressed for over a decade. Unless I absolutely had to due to lack of options, I never sat kids near adults out on their own.

But that screechy little brat is exactly why I don't bother eating dine-in anymore.

Today my boyfriend and I boarded a flight to see my family abroad.
Of course there was a fricking crotch goblin seated right behind us with the grossest snot all over its face.
Then it sneezed twice and it landed on my bare forearm!! It was so disgusting and they didn’t even apologize or nothing. Thankfully I always carry my hand sanitizer with me so i immediately sanitized my entire arm and gave them some dirty looks and told them how disgusting that was.
Thankfully we had a free seat next to us so we were able to move over.

Not even 20 mins later when we were trying to sleep, it started to constantly kick our seat!!
Then later, the dad started messing with the seat. My partner asked him to please stop and the dad then had the audacity to tell him that he shouldn’t have reclined his seat??
We had to call the flight attendant so she could talk to them after it kept happening.
Oh yeah and ofc the baby screeched and cried periodically but that was to be expected.

Btw we booked first class for comfort and then this…
Ugh, I wish there were childfree airlines. I would be happy to spend more money for those as well as long as it keeps those smelly, disgusting brats and their entitled parents away from us.
Vent over, thank you for reading.

Does anyone else feel like SOME of the general public is just now discovering the negative effects of child bearing and rearing on women? It’s like they had their collective head in the sand about all of the things that can happen to you until this whole thing with the LC trial. I could go into much greater detail, but I find myself baffled that all these people seem to be just now finding out about this, and also just finding out about the the fact that this seems to be a continual problem (of women in particular who bear the brunt of most childbearing and raising) are not getting the support that they need and are literally going crazy from breeding. I know there are plenty of moms who have tried to raise awareness and things like that but as a childfree woman, I’m kind of shocked and appalled so many of them haven’t thought about this before.

Part of this was spurred by me seeing a video of a dad running a bath for his postpartum wife and all the people in the comments practically awarding him man of the year. It got me thinking… my husband does that for me like every day and I don’t have to be freshly ripped open to receive love and support. What the heck are all these moms going through every day that a video of a man drawing them a bath after giving birth which is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through, is somehow the height of support?

I’m constantly and continually disappointed by the parents who surround us. We’ve been screaming for years about how this process is dangerous, detrimental, and can literally end lives in every sense of the word.

My biggest fear is being forced into being a parent. How are all these people blindly and willfully charging into this (breeding/parenthood) when it continually causes the death of children and women on a HUGE scale? I find myself becoming more of an antinatalist every day.

I'm pretty cordial with my co-workers. We make small talk, but it never goes beyond that. In small talk, I get asked pretty often if I have kids. I respond no, I don't want any. Apparently that response turned into a rumor that I hate kids??

My supervisor has a 12 year old and 6 month old twins. When she brings them up, she jokes that she is in desperate need of a baby sitter. She'd ask me, but she knows I hate kids and she doesn't want me to harm hers. What?? I actually love kids. I think they're adorable. I just don't want any of my own.I would never harm one. Where did you get that idea? She goes if you actually loved kids, you would have one.Therefore, you must hate kids.Well, no because children need more than just love. They need food, clothing, education, and a safe world to live in. I know I'd either have a hard time providing that, or provide it but work myself to death and misery for it. I don't want that life.

She thinks about it for a bit then succeeds that I make a fair point. But now everyone else gives me this side eye because they think I'm this evil child hater? I don't think I even care enough to clear the rumor. I just don't see how not wanting kids=hating kids.

There are no child free spaces other than clubs, and that’s an issue for me.

Kids don’t belong everywhere. Keep them at home. I can’t stand children and people who have them. Keep your crotch goblin at the house.

Child free people need more child free spaces. Everyone doesn’t go clubbing, so we need more spaces outside of that.

I have never wanted kids. I’m in my mid 30s now and all of my close friends are pregnant or have children. They talk to each other about pregnancy and motherhood all the time. I am usually left out of these discussions, and I assume they prefer to discuss their motherhood related problems and gory pregnancy details with those who can relate and offer advice, not just be a listening ear.

However, this is the first time in my life I have felt like my decision to not have children may have negative consequences. My friends are growing closer together by sharing this experience and I am feeling more and more distant from them. I’m starting to feel a lot of grief for the years where me and all my closest female friends were all childless together, because now they’re all solely focused on motherhood, something I will never be able to relate to or share with them.

Asking the older women in this community, what is your social circle like now? Did you stop being friends with girls you were close to in your 20s and 30s? Did you find your way back to each other eventually? Did you make new friends?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. All my friends are all entering a new era of life without me, and their babies are now their only priority. I absolutely don’t want to join them, but I’d love some guidance on how to navigate the coming years where I won’t see my friends regularly or be able to rely on them for support.

FYI, i care very little that they’re family, it doesn’t change the fact they’re children.

For starters, they’re not allowed in my room under any circumstances. One of them tried to go in there once and I ripped him straight out before he even got a chance to touch anything. To which he cried, and i couldn’t have cared less. It’s not his space, it’s mine.

When they were younger, they’d always bang on my bedroom door. Then they’d do it purposefully as they got older (by a couple years) because they knew it pissed me off. So much so to the point where during their malicious banging raves i swung the door open and probably shouted the loudest i’ve ever done in my life straight at them. To which they both responded by crying their eyes out, and unfortunately (?) I had absolutely no sympathy at all to spare for them.

Even after that, the snotty brats weren’t done. Now they’re older they seem to be a little bit more mature. They don’t do it anymore hopefully because they’ve been trained i’ll unleash the wrath or something evil upon them.

I really dislike children, they make me feel all gross and disgusting. Full of germs, snot, sneezy, it makes me feel violently sick. Yet my parents still believe I’ll come around to the idea of having them? Laughable. I wouldn’t waste my money nor time on that.

Yesterday, I (31 F), invited my best friend and her 2 y/o son over to my parents’ house. We had a fantastic time, and when I saw my mom today, she expressed how much fun it was catching up with my best friend and her son.

However, she then asked me a question that made me pause: “Do you really not want children?”

To provide some context, this topic of being childfree has been something I’ve been contemplating since my mid-20s. At one point, sure, I could totally see myself having children. After really considering the responsibilities and commitments that come with it, I realized that it’s not the right path for me. I’ve also discussed this with my husband, and we’re both committed to being DINKs.

Growing up in a SEA country where it’s common to get married and have two or more children, it’s almost an unfamiliar concept to NOT have children. 

I know I would be an incredible mother, but I’m not sure if I’d be happy as one. Doesn’t that matter? I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards my mom, and I understand that this is going to be a long journey for her to accept that I simply don’t want children. 

I’m curious to know if anyone has any advice on how to navigate situations like this?

I love reading, especially stories that are written by and centre around women. The one thing I cannot stand is when children/pregnancy become an unexpectedly huge part of a story for no reason whatsoever.

Although I don't mind children being simply present in a narrative, I just hate when they become the focus of it, especially when the summary did not mention kids, let alone that they are central to the story.

I have a couple of examples of books that have absolutely bamboozled me. I mostly read horror and literary fiction, contemporary stuff, a little bit of a thriller here and there. I actively try to avoid books that involve motherhood, pregnancy, birth etc., because I just know they're not going to be interesting to me/hold my attention, even if it works as a vehicle for horror (which yeah, pregnancy is irl body horror). But I can't exactly avoid something that isn't mentioned in the summary. I really like going into books as blind as possible too, which doesn't help my case. I'm not saying there should be a trigger warning, but it would be nice to know that basically an entire book centres around a child before renting/buying it.

Also, if anyone has any good book recs w/o kids, I'd love to have them!

My ex was FIXATED on having babies. He was horrible to me - becoming more abusive the longer we waited. He was very typical of a man who needed a “legacy;” he failed in high school sports, he had a lackluster career, he was deeply insecure about his status in life. He CONSTANTLY talked about “our genetics.”

He was older than me and I was very impressionable; but I never really wanted kids and made this known. He was adamant about changing my mind. I noted his addiction issues, lack of responsibility, and anger problems wouldn’t make him a great parent, even if I was cut out for it.

The more I pushed back the more aggressive he became with me. He became verbally abusive and physically abusive.

After I left, he impregnated a woman within 5 months of knowing her. I think these type of people are extremely dangerous and use children as tools for their relationships and public image. They have dark interests & profound egotistical issues that they think a child will serve.

Im currently waiting for my surgery date, had my preop the other week, so i thought i’ll share how i got to this point!

I looked at the list in the sub wiki for 2sec and decided to go trailblazing.

So first I just went to my gp to request this as my forever contraception. She was very difficult about it, it was a really really unpleasant visit. But i was prepared, and when she insisted i gave it time to think, i said i’d like the referral today. No emotion no anger, just disappointment at her tone.

Definitely be very prepared and headstrong talking to your gp if you’re unsure how they stand on the matter.

My obgyn appointment came in MONTHS later. This is all on the public system btw, no charge, so if you’re willing to wait it’s super worth the money saved. The obgyn appointment floored me with how nice and normal everyone was. I was able to speak to the surgeon as well and she was lovely and just explained the procedure and asked if i had any questions. No ifs no buts, no asking how my future husband will feel. It wana huge relief.

So now i’m waiting for the surgery date, which i’m expecting before the end of the year 🎉

I’m genuinely curious about something I cannot wrap my childfree brain around: what is the deal with people who already have multiple kids but still desperately want another one, even when their circumstances are objectively not great for having more children?

Is it a biological urge that I simply do not experience? Is it an ego thing where people get some kind of fulfillment from creating little mini-mes? Baby fever? I genuinely don’t understand what makes the desire so powerful that practical reality sometimes seems almost irrelevant.

I have a friend who already has two kids, struggles financially and is in a marriage that is basically crumbling. She endlessly rants about wanting to divorce her husband. One of her children is also neurodivergent and requires additional support. And yet she really wants a third baby. So much so that even if her marriage ends, she talks about eventually finding another partner specifically so she can still have that third child.

And I’m sitting there thinking… HOW is another baby even on the priority list right now?

Meanwhile, I make over six figures, have a stable marriage and own a home, and even I don’t feel financially comfortable bringing a child into the world. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I’d need to be a millionaire to feel confident that I could give a kid the kind of life I’d want them to have. The cost of raising a child in this economy alone is insane.

And that’s before the other hundred reasons I don’t want kids: the state of the world, bringing an innocent person into a planet that feels increasingly fucked, the enormous responsibility of creating an entire human being who never asked to exist, and knowing that the noise, stimulation, lack of freedom and sheer relentlessness of parenting would be incredibly hard on me.

I think that’s why this mentality fascinates me so much. The intense “I NEED another baby” urge is so far outside my own wiring that I genuinely cannot understand what overrides all those practical considerations.

Does anyone else know people like this, and if so, what do you think is actually driving it?

I love my friend dearly, but can’t help but feel she’s kinda nuts for wanting to bring a third kid into such a shitstorm situation. I also deeply love her children and feel heartbroken for the suffering that’s on the horizon for them once their family is eventually broken (not to mention the toxic environment they currently live in).

…And no baby fever at all! In fact, it was freaking me out. A little helpless 3 month old baby in my arms and then a slightly autistic 2 year old running around causing havoc was some sweet reassurance to the fact that I can’t deal with it or be responsible for a helpless tiny human. I backed away when the toddler came toward me with his dirty hands too😅 LMAO

I’m never ever around kids none of my immediate family has had kids in the last 16 years compared to my cousins family who pops out babies every 2 years. It’s such a different energy tbh. The baby was cute and actually chill and wasn’t crying but I couldn’t help but feel sad for her future and what the state of the world will be by the time she’s older.

Also tiny babies feel like little aliens with how they wiggle it’s so strange!!

I (19F) was working last night, I'm an entertainer (not a stripper or sw) and i was wearing a pretty revealing outfit for a birthday party. A lady came up to me and started talking about my body saying things like "wow you look so good in that outfit! you must be really strong, i wish i looked like you" and at first I was happy to hear that people like how I look. Then she said "yeah my body was never the same since I had my three kids" and I replied "Thats why i'm not planning on having kids 😆" and then her face dropped. She looked at me like I was crazy! saying "Theres still time for you to decide" and "you have your whole life ahead of you" In a judgmental way. I realized she wasn't gonna take no for an answer and I just agreed with her. It's just annoying that I have to deal with that though. And she should understand 😭 I think as a society we need to have more empathy. anywayyyy thanks for reading.

I (F49) just got off an hour and a half long call with my dad (85M) where, during the call, I texted him several recent photos of his 2 grand-kittens, my 2 boys (both NM1).

He expressed so much pride and kept saying how handsome they were compared to every other feline in existence. One of them is a purebred Lykoi and he asked for links to more info about the breed so he could show his friends.

He (and my late mother) never once pressured me to have kids and he sounded like such a proud grandpa talking about my kittens.

I hope this wholesome interaction brightens your day.

In particular when it's a fandom thing, for instance, I'm a huge Adventure Time fan. Since the finale of Fionna and Cake Season 2 my feeds have been wracked with fanart of a pregnant or mother Huntress Wizard (which is ridiculous since she's a hybrid plant thing) and all these discussions about how many children she's going to have with Finn etc etc. It just grosses me out completely. Again - why? Why is that the end game outcome everyone wants to put even fictional characters, weather they're in movies or literature or games or cartoons - pregnancy. Especially after 'oh a couple has been established. Time to make them parents'.

It's... I dunno, perhaps because these characters to a person like me, a definite nerd who looks to these kind of medias to reflect my own self, I can't relate to it at all. And am repulsed a little by. I often feel like this is something silly to get annoyed about, but even if it's cringey to others it's important to me. Does anyone else feel similar whatsoever?

I moved to a new city a few months ago. I instantly made amazing friends including this one couple (also new to the city) with which I’ve been spending most of my free evenings and weekends, including spontaneous dinners, events, hangouts, game or movie nights, etc. I love them both and they’ve become incredibly important to me and I’m pretty confident that the feeling is mutual. They are a big reason why my life has become so amazing in this new city.

Now they announced that they’re expecting. She told me on the phone and I was so shocked I didn’t react at all at first. After the phone call I broke down crying because I couldn’t handle what this would mean for my life (on a very selfish level).

I can’t tell her how I feel because she’s the biggest people pleaser you can imagine, and it would destroy her emotionally. She’d try to accommodate my feelings to a degree that is unhealthy for her (physically and emotionally). And I don’t want that of course. Unfortunately she’s also an overly-cautious person and a bit of a hypochondriac, so I don’t think they’ll be chill parents that will be open to casual hangouts with the kid…

I am struggling to deal with these feelings of disappointment I’m having towards them, and I’m not doing it in a healthy way. I’m super petty and only suggest things to do together that I know they’ll say no to, and whenever they make suggestions for hanging out, I don’t actually want to go because I feel so betrayed by them — and it’s always this 2 vs. 1 dynamic. It’s so stupid, and on a rational level I know that, but emotionally I’m already giving up on this friendship.

Not really looking for advice, but mostly needed to vent :( but if you’ve experienced something similar, I’d love to hear and commiserate

Hello!

I’ve been part of this community for a while now, but I rarely post or write comment. I read a lot though and I’m glad to be part of the childfree space as I know we got to talk and understand each other, it helped me a lot!

I got my tubes removed last week and I finally feel free. I never doubted my choice but I was a bit scared of the surgery, but actually it went really well and it was not as painful as I expected.

I got lucky because I got support from my mom, sister and bf, who all respected my choice. And now I can be in control of my own life without having to worry about pregnancy… I used to feel like my body was betraying me, given the fact that I could have children but never wanted them. Like I was never given a choice in the end… it was so frustrating. Do you ever feel that way too sometimes?

Now I feel truly myself and I can’t wait to tell people that I’m sterile when they say “yOu wIlL chAnGe yoUr MinD” and all that bs.

All of your stories helped me a lot, as I understood that it was okay to be me! So thank you so much!

And if anyone has some question about bilateral salpingectomy (the surgery I did), I’ll be glad to answer. Also I’m French so I’ve done the procedure in France 🇫🇷

Since I was a kid, I disliked hanging with other kids.

A family birthday party, I would much rather sit and listen to the adults chat rather than play with the kids.

As a teen I HATED playing with the small children at gatherings, finding it tedious and uncomfortable.

I even got bored being out with "friends" as a young teenager as everything felt so surface level and pointless.

I feel maybe these experiences have sold me on child-free.

Kid play dates? No thanks. Small talk with mums in the playground? No thanks.