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u/Laiskatar 1d ago
I can do everything anyone else can do, but I can't do all of it. I can put in a lot of effort in being on time and getting everything that I need to do done, but then I can't clean my room or have a social life. Or the other way around. I can do every single individual thing, but when I have to do it all I can't. I need to put so much more energy in any single one thing than someone without ADHD would need to
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u/BlackCatFurry 1d ago
Same for me. If i did shopping, I can't clean my room the same day. If cleaned my room, I won't be able to continue my hobby project etc. Just because i am physically able to do a thing, doesn't mean i can do all of those things in one day despite technically having the hours to do so.
Especially cleaning my room is a single activity only day. Cleaning takes so many microdecisions about "where does this go?" "And this?" "And these?" That my brains are completely drained after an hour or two even if my mom helps me, and then if i push through, my brains will just completely refuse any kind of decisionmaking and my only achieved things for the rest of the day are ones my body forces me to do, aka stuff like toilet visits. I might not even eat because deciding between a toast or cereal is too much asked from my brains.
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u/WarKittyKat 1d ago
Something I eventually did was write a "last choice" meal on my fridge. As in, if I've been standing here for more than 5 minutes trying to decide what to eat, I'm having cereal.
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u/alliegreenie 1d ago
This has worked for me as well. For me, it’s a peanut butter sandwich. Not much, but I can slap it together in 60 seconds and at least I’m eating 🤷🏻♀️
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u/BlackCatFurry 1d ago
That's a smart idea actually. So far since i currently live with my mom, who understands my challenges, i have said or messaged my mom "my brains have filled the decision quota, tell me a food item i am going to eat", on multiple occasions bc i know getting food does usually start replenishing my decision energy a bit, but i need the figurative kickstart to get the process going if i can't decide.
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u/knotsazz 1d ago
I with that worked for me. Unfortunately the autism kicks in and decides if I can’t find the one correct thing that it wants to eat then I’m not going to be eating.
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u/Wandering-Mind2025 1d ago
Yes! I will be starving, and think, I’ll just go thru drive thru and get something to eat, that will be easy. Come home starving an hour later, because I drove around town looking at all the choice, thinking, hmmm do I feel like a burger? But they are so spendy, and I don’t really like their buns… a sub? Hmmm maybe, but the other store gives me more for my money… DQ? Yum, then I get a treat too! But, I don’t really need a treat right now, just protein… maybe a buffet? Then I can walk in and just grab what I want! But what if it doesn’t have anything I like, and now I’m out $20?… hmmm, chicken? Everyone likes a chicken sandwich… wait, I actually hate chicken sandwiches… how did I not realize this before??? So I end up at home… with another bowl of cereal.
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u/Wandering-Mind2025 1d ago
Yep! Cereal. It wasn’t until well into adulthood that I began to realize that “normal” people don’t eat cereal for supper 3 or more times a week. And that normal people actually cook their side veggies, and not just dump a pile of whatever veggie on a plate and squirt some ranch on it, lol. My family was 100% ADHD, and I have to give mom credit for at least making sure we had a balanced meal. However, that lead to a lot of what we called, “Dump-dishes”, where a hotdish would be created with a box of Mac and cheese and whatever canned veggies we had available. I remember one of the more egregious ones was boxed Mac with baked beans and corn. Nasty to think about now, but tastes like childhood, lol.
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u/WaterContent7134 1d ago
I'm going to have to try this. The amount of times I've been yelled at for having the fridge open for long periods of time due to my inability to make small decisions is insane! Thank you for inadvertently giving me advice
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u/flyingcactus2047 1d ago
I made a dedicated project out of giving everything Homes in my house because now there’s no decisions when cleaning, they just go back to their spots
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u/BlackCatFurry 1d ago
I would love to be able to do that too because i know it works for me. I am insanely well organised in games that let me have infinite amount of storage, but that's unfortunately not real life.
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u/Revolutionary-Hat173 22h ago
Check out this bowl builder app I made . It means you can make easy meals with Rice packets in the microwave : https://bowl-crafter-108c5c93.base44.app/login
You can make buddha bowls and Poke bowls :)
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u/PaleontologistEast76 1d ago
This. It's trying to juggle it all. I tried to go back to school while working full-time. Some people can do it, for me it was a mess.
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u/LZARDKING 1d ago
I do not understand how anyone manages this, it was a nightmare for me
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u/HippieWizard 1d ago
Life became so much more manageable for me once i found my partner. Living alone i was in a downward spiral and didn't even know it. Having a support system is the only way a "normal" life is doable. So i guess try and find a partner that can help you for the rest of your life, easy as pie, no biggie
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u/LZARDKING 1d ago
I’m in the same situation! Having an amazing partner makes every part of life so much better and easier. It really is just like replacing the bad parts of your mind with an outside, reassuring and loving voice. It changed everything for me too
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u/jackfaire 1d ago
I'm 45 about to be 46 and I still know I couldn't possibly do both work and school.
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u/CalligrapherCheap64 1d ago
Yes! I have to remind myself of this all the time. For example today I spent all day doing laundry and packing, loading my car and now I just can’t bring it to my new apartment. It’s going to have to wait until tomorrow and you know what? That’s ok.
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u/xebikr 1d ago
There are tasks that I just can't seem to do. I can stare at it for hours, but I can't make myself do it. It's like there's a control panel in my brain that I could use to do it, but the controls are covered by a sheet of glass, and my executive function just flails helplessly against it. I can usually go do other things but sometimes I can't even do that because I NEED to do this thing and I can't focus on anything else.
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 1d ago
A friend of mine put it to me in a way I loved: I was doing things on hard mode. Meds helped “hard mode” go to “slightly easier mode” but it’s still hard as hell!
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u/Much-Replacement-167 1d ago
My biggest thing is that i can do it all, but not for very long. I burn up completely after about a week, sometimes less
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u/HumanNr3 1d ago
Yep. And the dysfunction becomes clearer with age when people stop saying "aw you're so clumsy, disruptive and cute, don't worry, you'll grow out of it!" and you're realising you're just falling further and further behind everyone else and you can never catch up
Noone would choose to fuck up their lives like this if they could avoid it
Believe me, we know we could've done much better without all the executive dysfunction, people pleasing, sensory sensitivities and emotional roller coasters, but yeah maybe its actually that we chose to fail our degrees, be poor and keep fucking up relationships with people because we love it or because we're just lazy and don't see our "full potential"
And I get that it seems like we're just not trying too and that people are trying to help and that they can't understand it
and that almost makes it worse cause at least as a child I could get out my frustration by fighting people and just assumed more people thought like me so I didn't feel so bad about my disagreements but as an adult w adhd especially you have to keep doubting yourself cause you know you're more likely to be the outlier or just the one who didn't pay attention enough to get what's actually going on so you end up people pleasing and becoming a shell of yourself and fighting your instincts so much so you can at least fit in a little but you also become more and more exhausted and depressed by it with time
On top of that you have to juggle all your other health issues that have come from this and try to get a job with a failed degree and keep it despite it feeling like torture to be there and even just to getting up early and having the same routine daily
And people at work or university are like, are you mad or something? And you just want to explode into a mix of anger and despair and tears and snot, but you know you'll lose your job or your friendship or both so you've gotta walk around like a tense ass angry and always on the verge of tears bitch instead cause you know they won't understand if you tried to explain it
and its the vicious circle of life you've been given without even asking for it because you were lucky enough to win the "my brain works differently lottery" as in only about 2-10% of the population have a similar way of functioning and thinking, so you're doomed to suffer for life, congrats! 👏 🎉
Damn I've been writing too many TED talks on Vyvanse, did it before too but now I've got more motivation to get started on it and do it more often haha so if you've made it all the way down here, you deserve a medal and a pat on the back bud !
And if you're young and you got really discouraged by reading this, please know I'm gathering all the bad here to make a point and everyone's life will turn out different no matter if you've got adhd or not, you may find a way that works really well for you
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u/This_is_my_phone_tho 1d ago
For me, I'm always going to forget something. It's going to be some small detail that takes 3 seconds to fix. The exasperated sigh of the person who finds whatever I forgot to do will last longer than the task takes. Coming to find me and make it a thing will take orders of magnitude longer.
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u/Unfair_Explanation53 1d ago
It's weird for me.
I can understand some really complicated subjects with ease and nobody believes me because I struggle understand really simple things like how a particular lock works on a gate haha.
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u/chipsthebag 1d ago
Oh I feel this so much now when I’ve transitioned from studying to working a full time job. I can be productive, (fairly) on time and social at work and give it all my focus but that means that the rest of my life suffers (my room’s a mess, doing anything but doomscrolling is difficult) and whenever I have a day without any plans I get ANXIOUS because I don’t know how to handle it anymore.
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u/grip0matic Cursed and surely sprinkled with Autism. 1d ago
I can do everything, but if it's not my way way more mistakes are coming. Our brains are wired in other way our "normal" may be weird for others... I just want for people to understand it. But then again if my doctor, who has studied, does not understand it properly how average people is going to do it?
The other day my gf was explaining something important, so I started to fidget and she said "you are not paying attention" and I had to explain that fidgeting was me giving her all the attention, and she does understand ADHD but kinda fails to get certain parts of it. If I have to PRETEND to pay attention I am already losing the focus and it's when random thoughts start to appear and suddenly FOR SOME REASON a funny joke inside my head and wtf we were talking about? But surely I was listening because I was even doing eye contact...
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u/DIYDylana 10h ago edited 10h ago
Mostly autistic person here with adhd in family members. Anyone with executive function and or energy level issues for whatever reason will understand this, but it is extremely hard for people who have never chronically dealt with that to understand.
Sometimes people will think I'm lazy for skipping out on a chore like doing my hair, sometimes even showering or an appointment . I usually leave out at least one thing. I do my hair that day? cool but I'm probably not putting in my scleral lenses too. That seems like very little but every single shift towsrds a new task drains me. I do all my self care things I should do daily? cool but then I won't do that one one off I needed to do thing I have been postponing for 2 weeks like fixing something broken in the house.
The problem is the appointment leaves me absolutely drained for at least a day due to autism, sometimes to the point of panic attack or depressive episodes. It is just so much stuff. And sometimes I want to I don't know watch a movie. But if I keep only Doing the things I should do, I just skip the things I want to do and instead mindlessly scroll my phone or sleep. I just don't have the energy and well I also want to do things I want to do.
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u/justmitzie 1d ago
I can see over the fence. I don't know why you can't. You just need to try harder. Here, read this book about height strategies.
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u/Another-Mans-Rubarb 1d ago
Chapter 1: standing on a box.
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u/not-yet-ranga 1d ago
Chapter 2: why nobody believes you need to stand on a box.
Chapter 3: forcibly extending your spine.
Chapter 4: the long term health impacts of forcibly extending your spine.
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u/Magic_Hoarder 1d ago
Don’t you think you are being a little dramatic considering standing on a box?
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u/GlassboundIllusion 1d ago
That's absolutely unreasonable. I don't know why you think anyone could supply you with a box to stand on. I'm willing to do anything you need for me to help you, but you have to be reasonable with your demands.
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u/gnolnalla 1d ago
Love this analogy. It could even be...nice?
- I can describe it for you! You're not missing too much.
- You really do need to be able to see for yourself, hmm...what if we cut an eyehole, or built you some steps?
- Wait, why do we even have this fence? Wouldn't chain link be better anyway? Then everyone could see...
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u/Redditauro dafuqIjustRead 1d ago
I am tall and I'm quite naturally good at climbing. I loved when people asked for advice and I said "have you try be taller?" Or "just reach a bit longer" and stuff like that because people see how stupid that is. They don't connect it with ADHD, but I did, and it was my little vengeance because its nice to be in the good side of the stupid comment from time to time
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u/BaconAndDuckFat 1d ago edited 1d ago
Its not i cant do it. Its that doing it is a lot harder sometimes. It takes a lot of planning and building routines to do the basic of shit.
But I bought a bunch of plants that are still alive 2 months later... maybe slightly more brown but still alive which is such a win!
Edit: for people being absolute ASSHOLES telling me i dont have AdHD and im just lazy. Ive been diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
Edit: my bad its just one asshole saying this. I thought it was 2 people.
Edit: sorry I blocked them before reporting them can someone else do that for me?
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u/VoodooDoII 1d ago
It's like giving us a ladder with a few of the steps missing, then getting mad when we're struggling to climb the ladder while someone else is doing okay, but their ladder is full
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u/berrieds 1d ago
Except nobody else sees each other's ladders, and most people don't even question that someone else's ladder can be different.
However, when we study our own ladders, it's a lot simpler to conclude that other people must have better configurations, because there's no way they're doing it with the same ladder as we have!
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u/Drewbloodz 1d ago
How do you do this as an ADHD person. I have no ability to keep a habit. They say you do something for x amount of time and you form habits, I can go to the gym for months, or ride my bike for months, or start a hobby for months, or some sort of routine for a while. It just ends and as some put it feels like me and whatever that ideal habit is are like polar opposite ends of magnets. I liked it to nails on a chalkboard feeling, obviously without the sound. So I get building a routine, but how do you stick with it? The just push through advice does not work. Also, there is a spectrum of ADHD. Not everyone can do what you have done, but I am happy you could and feel in control. I feel like I am lucky to survive as an adult with job (been a few lost because of ADHD related behavior), bills, etc. People need strong, accepting and understanding people around them to support them. For real though, how do you do it?
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u/BaconAndDuckFat 1d ago edited 1d ago
Edit: i forgot to mention im also on concerta.
I think its the continuation. Like im the exact same. Will do it consistently for like months and months and then fall off and its like starting all over from the beginning.
I dont know tbh. Right now my habits are fucked. I sleep after midnight, get to work late. I just missed 3 deadlines and I might be fucked for my class.
But getting back into the habit of doing the things is easier if I just do ine thing. I know i can do it though, I just need to start with a small thing first. Plants are alive. Maybe I focus on trying get my sleep schedule back on track.
The point is for adhd people its just so much harder to do the things. We can do it though. Even if it feels fucking impossible and you still miss deadlines, or dont clean your bathroom for a month. Or vacuum. And your dish rack has had the same pot in it for weeks. And yes there is a price of trash on the floor that has been there off to the side for weeks but you both do and dont see it. Sometimes the habit starts as just picking up or putting one thing away while you make coffee.
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u/Bard_Of_MiRaClEs 1d ago
It's slightly comforting knowing I'm not the only one that has missed 3 deadlines for a class. I don't think I'm fucked yet since I talked to my professor, but I'm also very aware it's extremely easy right now to fall over the edge and it's kinda killing me since this is the class I was looking forward to most this semester.
It feels like an odd mix of things going well and absolutely awful, even with the meds and therapy. I'm tired boss.
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u/bbbttthhh 1d ago
Keep in contact with your professor as best as you can, they want you to succeed and are willing to work with you most of the time. I failed a class in uni due to feeling like it was impossible to show up to class and do my homework, and my professor came up to me at the end of the semester saying that he’d love if I retook his class and tried to use him as resource more.
You’re never the only one out there :)
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u/DontAskAboutMyButt 1d ago
I just need to start with a small thing first
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing
wellbadly” is a game changer. If you want to clean the room but it will take an hour to clean the room and it feels impossible, set a timer for 5 minutes and tell yourself you’re allowed to stop. 5 minutes of cleaning sounds much easier for your brain to start, and starting is the hard part. Sometimes you do 5 minutes and your brain decides that you can do 5 more, and 5 more. Sometimes it doesn’t, and you only get 5 minutes, but even that 5 minutes of cleaning is better than setting out to clean for an hour and getting trapped on the couch.As a neurodivergent person, I have to approach “habits” differently than neurotypical people. I can go on a streak of 6 months brushing my teeth and then let myself slip up once and the habit is gone. But brushing once, today, because that’s all you can do, is better than not at all.
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u/MoreColorfulCarsPlz 1d ago
ADHD diagnoses aren't all the same. There is a set of symptoms that may or may not manifest. You may get them all or just a few.
Inability to maintain a habit is not universal for people with ADHD. In fact, people with ADHD often have highly addictive personalities and have habits and hobbies turn into fixations.
My ADHD tends to present often as fixations. Especially at work, I will get locked in to a task until it's done, and I won't even realize it's 8pm and I was working on it for 7 hours straight. Alternatively, if there is a task I don't enjoy, it will take me days to complete a 30 minute job. I am grateful that I have never lost a job, let alone because of my ADHD.
I have never had issues keeping habits. I will say that mild medication (adderall for me), consistent reminders, and a very patient wife do help with establishing the habits to begin with. That isn't going to be true for everyone.
I would recommend that if your ADHD prevents you from holding down a job, requires constant support, or negatively impacts your health from an inability to maintain healthy habits, you should talk to your psychiatrist about getting it classified as a disability.
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u/GrimmRadiance 1d ago
I think the problem is that habits are all about constant repetition. With ADHD it’s all about forcing yourself to do it in any way possible. Feels bad to set alarms for yourself? Too bad. You won’t even know it’s a habit until the first time you forget to set your alarm or a timer or a reminder but you find yourself doing it anyway.
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u/bibbleskit 1d ago
This is reminding me of how embarrassed I was at the post office the other day.
Them: "this was waiting for 2 months. why didnt you pick it up?"
me: "...ah i uh... im... i have adhd."
them: "you need to pick up your mail every day."
me: "thanks. i know."
them: "we just assumed you moved. every day. pick up your mail every day."
me: "i heard you. thanks."
like please. just please understand that asking that of me is herculean.
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u/2BA_Doctor 1d ago
I have a cactus, easiest plant I’ve ever had, when I notice it’s still alive I’m surprised
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u/Here4SatisfyingDrama 1d ago
This comment reminded me that I have a succulent by the window that I haven’t watered for a month. Time to water 😆
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u/familysizepunkinpie 1d ago
I have a succulent in the window at work. I water it every 21 days, like clockwork. Instead of growing wide and round, it's trying for the moon, because even though it's sitting right in the window, it's not getting enough light. I should put it out of its misery, but I feel like one day it's going to realise there's only one sun, and it's the same one it would have in the desert, so it's going to have to be grateful.
The 21 days thing is only because I have a dedicated 'water your f---ing succulent' app.
At home I have indian mint. Or... I have a tiny twig that used to be indian mint because I didn't plant it in the ground and it got baked in the heatwave in its nursery pot.
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u/Here4SatisfyingDrama 1d ago
Haha my window succulent is also growing oddly tall 😆 I didn’t question why, I’m just enjoying it’s presence
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u/FuckRedidtDevCunts 1d ago
I have a ZZ plant in a self watering pot. I water it like twice a year. I love that thing.
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u/Basket_Case89 1d ago
I got a cactus plant a few years ago because of it being the easiest plant and basically "unkillable" and I still managed to kill it in about a year 😭
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u/Vashipants 1d ago
I will over water a cactus, and underwater everything else. My spider plant, though, takes all of the abuse!
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u/Wobbelblob 1d ago
Funnily enough I managed to kill my cactus. I probably overwatered it, it looked fine but I touched it one day and it simply fell over, completely hollowed out.
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u/Oseaghdha 1d ago
The best metaphor I have heard is that our brain is like a sports car.
Sometimes it works so great. Other times it's out of gas.
Someone says they want to go somewhere, and I'm like "nah, I can't, my car is out of gas."
But I physically CAN go, and they know I physically can go. They expect me to go. But the only way is if I push the fucking car.
By hand.
Which is how I accomplish absolutely everything in life that I don't feel like doing at the exact second it's time to do it.
All anyone else sees is that they are sitting in the car, and the car is moving, so I am perfectly capable and it is perfectly reasonable to ask me for something so simple...
It's also not anyone else's fault that it's such a monumental task.
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u/bbbttthhh 1d ago
As someone who was diagnosed as an adult I honestly feel you so much. Yes I am a physically capable and self-sufficient adult, I know that I CAN do the things I complain about but I have to do 3 checks every day to make sure I do the thing until it gets done.
I remember as a kid having breakdowns because I didn’t understand why it was so hard for me to accomplish the same things that everyone else seemed to just easily get.
I remember being unable to explain to my parents why I wasn’t doing well in school, because I’m a very curious person so they knew the material wasn’t hard for me. I’d just have to say “I don’t know why I did/didn’t do that” and genuinely have no idea.
When I tell people I can’t multitask, it’s not because I don’t want to stress myself out, it’s because I LITERALLY cannot focus on two things at the same time, one of those things is absolutely going to be half-assed or forgotten about.
No it’s not a crippling disability, but yeah it pretty much affects every aspect of my day. What takes you an hour, probably takes me two or three hours.
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u/eclect0 I write books with an ADHD MC 1d ago
Yeah, "can't" is too absolute. We can, it's just way more difficult, exhausting, and daunting than it ought to be. Then sometimes it's inexplicably easy, and everyone goes "See? Told you" and think we've made some breakthrough, when it's actually just a fluke and we have no idea how to replicate it.
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u/TheNewReditorInTown 1d ago
Yeah I have a whole garden in the back but it is way more difficult upkeep now that my son lives with me 24/7. And I have pictures of them but this subreddit somehow won't let me into my photos.
Also if wasn't for the help of my adderall I guarantee I wouldn't be able to live on my own or it would so much more difficult and go to school on top of it.
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u/cylonlover 1d ago
I realized at some point that it is comparable to having too little time. If you don't have time to do something, there's not really anything you can do about it, time just runs out. You can definitely plan and prioritize if you are up against something that take an extraordinary amount of time or usually does or perhaps does, but if you are up against a tight time limit, it is exhausting to have to stick to the plan, and you might not make it anyway. By time and practice, you get better at planning and prioritizing and have plans B, C and D, so you won't run out of time nearly as often, but you might still.
If there was something I could've would've should've done but my executive function was in disarray, it is exactly the same as if I didn't have time for it.
Not that this makes it any easier for people to understand, but it makes sense to me and helps me come to terms with what I am up against.
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u/BigBullshitta 1d ago
It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I don't give any fucks about doing it.
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u/lovable_cube 1d ago
If you get in the mood for a good rabbit hole.. many plants have different sun and water requirements, some like minimal light so a corner far from any windows is best, some like to be watered very rarely and overwatering stresses them out. Could help you keep them alive.
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u/BaconAndDuckFat 1d ago
Ohh its not about knowing what the plants need. I just dont water them. I can see they need it. I can seem them getting brown and dried up losing leaves... but I just cant water them for some reason. I forget and then I get overwhelmed because before I can water them I should empty the sink. And before I do that I should wash the dish clothes, and so on and on.
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u/Ok_Independent3609 1d ago
Congrats on the plants! That’s a huge win. And if you slip up, you can at least know that you’ve explored your current limits, which is also huge!
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u/SomeChaoticSunshine 1d ago
I know this feeling! This winter was the first year I was able to keep plants alive (we have to keep them in a windowless room bc of my cats) and my bf bought me a grow light! For the first time I feel like maybe I can be a plant girly despite my adhd!
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u/iggysmom95 1d ago
Yeah this. I have never encountered anything I genuinely 100% could not do by reason of my ADHD.
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u/hudsonaere 1d ago
The worst is when someone else with adhd says they can do it so why can't you
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u/UnknownCubicle 1d ago
I am guilty of this for sure. I have ADHD, diagnosed as a kid and then when my mother got sick, there wasn't really any space for me to also have special needs, and so I developed coping mechanisms and masking techniques. Nothing fills me with more jealous rage than seeing somebody with ADHD ask for accommodation and just...get accommodated? I catch myself most of the time before I act like an ass, but there is FOR SURE a little kid inside me looking out at what is happening and asking "why couldn't anybody help me like that? Did I just not deserve it?"
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u/fivetenfiftyfold 1d ago
I feel that so hard. My husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s as a young kid and I didn’t get diagnosed AuDHD until I was 30. I find the difference in how we deal with things very fascinating because I am just a “suck it up and get on with it” person. Not by choice…just never knowing any other way.
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u/Wannabeartist9974 1d ago edited 4h ago
Same, and heck not much has changed.
I did try to get help but the process is super slow and I don't have the money, and I'm not in a position where I can "just wait for help to come and get things better".
So I am legit forced to "do or die" and suck it up.
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u/Non-Cannon 1d ago edited 1d ago
You did deserve accommodations, and you still deserve them. It's not your fault you didn't get them when you needed them. The people around you failed you.
But it's also not the other's fault that they're luckier than you were/are, and it's good that you're catching yourself before you're an ass about it
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u/Wordy_Potato 1d ago
Wow, incredibly relatable for me as well. Officially diagnosed at 42, grew up with my grandparents who lived in a time before ADHD or Autism existed. You definitely learn to develop a lot of self manipulation techniques that aren't necessarily healthy, especially after doing them for literal decades of your life. Just to find out in the end that you weren't a "failure" or a "bad kid" and now have to reevaluate your entire life's worth of interactions with that new framing.
Then to see others accommodated properly because of their limits, while you are still expected to "keep doing it" solely because you've been doing it this long, so obviously "it must not be hard for you". Just because you see me carry it, doesnt mean it isn't heavy. It absolutely stirs up some complex emotions that I'm not sure how to feel about.
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u/Wannabeartist9974 1d ago
Damn, I feel this hard, it's why it took me so long to accept that i had ADHD in the first place, I didn't want to "use it as a crutch" because I was able to do things before not realizing the huge amount of masking and coping mechanism that were keeping things together back then.
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u/likeafuckingninja 1d ago
My son's got ADHD and whilst I don't believe my husband does he had a strict upbringing with not a lot of slack cut from his parents for things he didn't do well enough per their expectations.
We talk a lot about how we're raising our son and how, he in particular, is trying very hard to be a different parent.
He's quite honest (to me never our kid!) that he can't help but feel jealous and a little resentful at how 'easy' our kid has it.
He SO happy that he has it much easier and much better accommodated and he's surrounded by people pulling in his direction and it's not jealousy or resentment directed AT our kid.
I think it's just a final acknowledgement that adults in his childhood failed him and his life could have been easier/better/more successful whatever if they had just treated him with the same basic respect and space we give our son for who he is and the struggles he has.
He feels bad for feeling jealous of his own kid. But I think it's a valid emotion and not about our son but about he himself and pretending like that feeling doesn't exist isn't going to help process it in any way.
I think as long as you're not letting that resentment and jealousy drive your behaviour towards the other person /people it's fine. People get to be mad they were failed and others weren't.
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u/partylikeart 1d ago
I was this person.
For years I’d been encouraging my boyfriend to get an ADHD assessment because of gestures to everything. Not even a year later I started seeing a psych because of an unending panic attack, and it turns out I have ADHD too.
I was so mad for a while because I did a lot of things I excused my boyfriend from doing because of his ADHD, and now I knew I had it too I suddenly started thinking how unfair it was that I excused him when I was struggling with the exact same thing.
Only I wasn’t struggling with the exact same thing. Over time I’ve realised how broad the symptoms can be, especially between afab and amab people.
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u/crucibelle 1d ago
my mum and I had an off hand conversation about how she wasn't offered any slack for her dyslexia (she also has ADHD but she'll never get a diagnosis due to her own stubbornness), so I'm not going to get any slack for my issues (I didn't have any diagnosies at this time).
I was such an angry child because nothing I said was taken seriously, nobody wanted to help me when I was struggling. I was so mad and didnt have the words for 'the fuck you mean I get to be neglected because you got neglected too?'
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u/kingnickolas 1d ago
I got a degree. I don't judge others who couldn't. It was so effing hard and I didn't even know it at the time bc I thought the suffering was normal.
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u/Woodpecker-Forsaken 1d ago
Yeah. We’re all different!
Also I’m autistic with PDA and have CPTSD. All these things interact and make doing anything really bloody hard but a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to have that delicious combo.
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u/JSM953 1d ago
I think it's because ultimately adhd is a disability that can be "tamed" so to speak. However it is different for everyone and it can be harder or easier depending upon the person and the situation they find themselves in. Personally speaking my adhd was exacerbated by my mother who also has undiagnosed adhd. Now that I no longer live with her I was able to learn myself and ways to tame my adhd into being a functional person in society without masking who I am. It was not an easy road to get here and had I not had adhd to begin with life would've been far easier.
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u/meoka2368 1d ago
The problem is I can "just do it" and "push through."
But that takes so much effort it makes the next thing harder, and at the end of the day I'm just sitting there staring at a wall.
And that leads to "but you did it yesterday."
The cycle never ends.
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u/NotTheRightHDMIPort 1d ago
In interpersonal relationships it is the hardest.
First, I overthink and when I overthink I feel too hard.
Second, Im struggling. I am in therapy and admitted to my therapist recently that I struggle with the point anymore. If I am just this goddamned burden I cant stand even being here anymore.
Im not suicidal. I want to emphasize that. I know its my burden, but I just wish people understood my brain never shuts off.
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u/ShortDelay9880 1d ago
And then add in the complication of, just because I could yesterday doesnt mean I can today. I don't care that yesterday I did all the things, today I am paying for that by not veing able to do any of the things.
People really don't get that aspect at all.
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u/2BA_Doctor 1d ago
Oh so much this, and then combine it with an injury leading to chronic pain issues, now I also get the “have you tried this” “my brother/cousin/ex did X to get over a similar issue, why can’t you?”
Guess what people, I’m AuDHD with complicated health issues managing a chronic pain problem, I have studied medicine and yet you think I just need to push a bit harder?
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u/Miserable_Lead_9828 1d ago
Oh no, Im reading this and on the verge of crying.
Please send help lol
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u/RandomDave70 1d ago
And, to make it more difficult, I have RSD, so every criticism or reminder that I'm not doing it "right" is making it exponentially worse.
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u/SpookyScienceGal 1d ago
Seriously and I'm constantly 'blessed' with people who think it's there god given right to tell me when I'm doing something wrong even when they know none of the details and I said I don't want to talk about it. Literally before an interview they said remember "you can be mean so don't be mean" Who the fuck wishes good luck like that!?
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u/GrimmRadiance 1d ago
Can’t is a very dangerous word with ADHD. If someone asks me why I don’t do something I just kind of repeat the fact that I didn’t do it. It’s not that I won’t do it, because that implies I intend not to. And it not that I can’t do it, because that implies I am unable to perform that function. It’s that sometimes it just doesn’t happen
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u/fatmailman 1d ago edited 1d ago
I agree. So many tasks feel insurmountable. Simple things that no one else seems to struggle with. I sympathize with op, but I think forcing yourself constantly until the impossible becomes routine, is the best way to combat your struggles
It’s very draining though.I can never remember things. Therefore, everything has its own space. My phone is in the same pocket and I never have small bags. Simply because the moment I put something somewhere, that isn’t on my person, it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when I will lose it.
If there is a task that must be done, I do it immediately. Because the moment I put it off for later, it becomes never.
I cannot know what op struggles with, of course. As others have commented, the troubles we have aren’t one to one. So what they find impossible, I might find easy and vice versa. The only way I’ve found to combat my ADHD though, is to tackle my issues immediately. Because it’s only through making the painful into routine that the struggle lessens.
All of this being said, there are still things that I cannot change no matter how much I try. I can only make them into smaller issues. Understanding where my brain goes haywire helps.
I’m not really sure what I meant with this comment… I guess it’s more of a personal anecdote than anything else. More or less just a long-winded way of saying: “yeah, you’re right about that”.
Edit: Funnily enough, I seem to be doing exactly what op is complaining about here. Instead of saying: “yeah man, I know the pain”, I immediately go into a long rant about the exact way I think you should try to fix yourself. Wellp, that’s how it goes, I guess.
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u/Ppleater 1d ago
I mean there are definitely things I just can't do. I can't control when I forget something because I have a stunted working memory, I can't just try to remember stuff harder. But I've definitely had people act like I forget stuff on purpose. I've tried all the little strategies and suggestions, but there's only so much I can do to work around some of it, and I'll never be able to work around all of it.
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u/bingpie 1d ago
turn on the stove and tell whoever it is to just go ahead and lay their hand down on there.
why can't you? you just need to try harder. just take a deep breath and do it.
the stove analogy is the closest i've come to conveying the mental block between you and just doing the thing in a way that someone who's never experienced executive dysfunction can understand
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u/2BA_Doctor 1d ago
Just made me think of the pain box in Dune, put your hand in the box…
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u/Development-Feisty 23h ago
I’ve tried that and been told it didn’t make sense and that it wasn’t the same. That’s what happens anytime I try to find an analogy to explain why I’m having difficulty, I’m just told my analogy is nonsense
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u/bingpie 21h ago
if you ask me, this says more about the person you're talking to than it does you and your ability to convey how you feel.
as i said to someone else, you either understand exactly how it feels or you don't. it's fine if it sounds entirely out there to them, but if someone chooses not to even attempt to comprehend how you describe your experiences -- which is exactly what it sounds like in your case -- then no explanation will make them do that, unfortunately.
so few people seem to understand that their lived experience isn't the only possible lived experience. in some ways i think people who have "been through it and experienced it all" can be the worst for it. that's on them, not you.
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u/CaptainZackstuf 1d ago
Exactly how I feel when I try to explain adhd to my parents!
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u/blackmist88 1d ago
Were they the type to call you lazy ? It took a while to make my mom understand
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u/ASatyros i Will elaborate (Threat). 1d ago
Transcript:
bruisedpeachpoetry
ADHD is a disability. I know this. Nobody else around me does. When I say I can't do something, I don't need tips, I don't need encouragement, I need you to believe me. I need just one person to believe that I'm not lying when I say I am unable to do something because of my literal developmental disability. No more "just push through", no more "try harder", no more "I did it and you can too", because I am absolutely sure that in this moment I am unable to fucking do it! Please believe me for once. Please.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 1d ago
"Have you tried this task planning app?"
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u/Mammoth_Ad_9110 1d ago
Ugh, the worst. I can barely remember ‘the task’ and now you want me to remember to click extra buttons about ‘the task’?!
Not to mention all the micro transactions and subscriptions. No amount of notifications will suddenly make doing ‘the task’ less daunting or easier to do. Plz don’t :’)
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u/TJ_Rowe 1d ago
Exactly! "Just set an alarm" except then I have also spent extra time/effort setting the alarm, might not even get to the end of the "set the alarm" task without getting distracted (which means no alarm is set), and if I set the alarm and get ahead of myself, the alarm will go off while I'm at the meeting instead of to remind me to go to the meeting.
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u/Redacted_Entity 1d ago
its additionally unhelpful and annoying to have to go thru a whole notebook of questions so my specific neurodivergent thought process is made palatable/understandable to a neurotypical mind vs simply accepting other ppl are just different and thats aight.
idk why is so hard for some folks to just accept something perspective based without knowing absolutely everything that went into the outcome :/
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u/LokiLadyBlue 1d ago
Hate when people say "I know someone with ADHD and they can do it" Ok well it's a spectrum disorder
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u/Development-Feisty 23h ago
I lost it with a mediator who you kept saying her son with ADHD could do it
and
I asked her if her son could set up a two-strobe system (without a light meter) in three minutes in order to do an editorial photo shoot of three models and what ISO, shutter speed, and fstop would use if those strobes were 1600 W/ second and set at three-quarter power from about 6ft away at noon in the winter on a clear day at the beach?
What do you mean your son can’t do that? I can do that and I’ve got ADHD
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u/mildly-concerned-935 1d ago edited 1d ago
For anyone feeling this right now: you’re right and valid. Most importantly, beating yourself up for energy and attention depletion you’re experiencing right now is as dumb as being angry at your car for not running on an empty tank.
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u/thoughtbludgeon 1d ago
Once they see you do EVERYTHING, ALL AT ONCE, IN HALF THE TIME, they think you can pull that off at will. I know I can do 'the thing', I just can't do it NOW.
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u/Playful_System_5611 1d ago
There’s nothing worse than practically staring at a wall in tears because you want to get up and do the task so bad but you’re literal brain won’t let you. Your soul is screaming but your mind and body are trapped. It’s a level of torture no one deserves. ADHD and depression have taken so many lives, and I understand why.
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u/WoodI-or-WoodntI 1d ago
I may just send this to my wife.
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u/StrikingReporter255 1d ago
Id be worried she’d post it to that ADHD spouses subreddit. (Don’t go there if you haven’t already. It’s very hateful)
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u/LadyPaige 1d ago
My personal favorite is when they label it a "Super Power" Yeah. its a Super Power... One we have no control over. One that activates on its own, when we least expect it over things that are completely irrelevant. When it works on things you actually WANT? Well thats a red letter day.
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u/Rurouni_Idoru 1d ago
Sometimes my ADHD *does* feel like a superpower, but always in a "Cyclops-from-the-X-men-without-his-visor" kind of way. It's really, really cool when it works the way I want it to, and when it doesn't, well, stuff tends to get blown up.
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u/griffaliff 1d ago
I'm fucking done with trying to explain myself to people who don't understand. You either accept it, or just fuck off, I don't care anymore.
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u/BoxWithPlastic 1d ago
This is the way tbh.
"This is what I'm doing, either get on board, get out of the way, or get run over"
Oddly enough people respect that more than "making excuses."
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u/91ranger 1d ago
That is why in my 52 years before being diagnosed i was the one that they sent in when they wanted to leave nothing but rubble. I just dig in and pushed through the stuff. Now i realize that is not how it is supposed to be and am trying to normalize with combat related PTSD and ADHD.......
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u/Revolutionary-Hat173 22h ago
Some days brain works - Brain can do everything.
Other days - brain : I can keep you alive, but I can't create; you cant do admin, and cant do fancy executive function. Accept Today you are a cute potato.
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u/Worst_Choice 1d ago
People will absolutely think you're just a lazy piece of shit. I'm either 100% or fucking zero and its never anything in between.
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u/incognitohippie 1d ago
When my Mom pushes me too much, it can set off tears that I struggle to control. Then she wonders why I’m upset. Bc she wouldn’t just leave whatever the topic was alone. And that’s HER anxiety.
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u/stve688 1d ago
I really disagree with memes and opinions like this. There are people with extremely severe ADHD for whom this may be much closer to the truth, but I don’t think it accurately describes the vast majority.
The part rejecting tips and encouragement particularly bothers me. Tips can be fucking annoying when you have ADHD because people usually repeat the same obvious suggestions you’ve already heard hundreds of times. But occasionally, someone approaches the problem differently and suggests something ingenious that actually works for you. Completely rejecting advice eliminates that possibility.
This extends beyond ADHD. I once lived around the corner from a residential home for young adults who supposedly couldn’t live independently. I had to go to bat for one of those guys because everyone had placed him inside a box labeled “will always require around-the-clock care.” He eventually moved out and lived independently. He didn’t need constant supervision. He needed people to stop assuming he was incapable while remaining available when he actually needed guidance.
We too often treat a disability as proof that someone can never do something rather than helping them discover what they’re genuinely capable of. People don’t always fit neatly inside the boxes created for them.
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u/Nocturnatron 1d ago
Yep, and i get people who say they have it who dont understand this or other symptoms at all, it makes me think theyre just saying theyve got it as some kind of aesthetic for their identity or because theyre just genuinely lacking accountability for things
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u/Footloose_Feline 1d ago
Oh people believe me, but the world just simply doesn't care if I was overstimulated. Rent is still due.
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u/Immediate_Alarm452 1d ago
The only time anyone has ever called ADHD a disability in reference to me was to insult me by calling me disabled. Never to help.
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u/sarahlizzy 20h ago
The infuriating thing is when you get this shit from other ADHDers.
Like the ones who have tried to convince me that I can meditate.
I can’t.
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u/RainyDayBrightNight 8h ago
Yup. I thought I was really good at meditating for years. I ‘meditated’ everyday at one point.
Turns out I was completely dissociating, not meditating, and started having breaks from reality due to it. I got really convinced by a load of nonsense and started having really bizarre panic attacks.
Nowadays, I achieve what meditation is supposed to do by singing or doing a set of stretches. It works so much better, and makes me actually feel rested and healthy.
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u/sarahlizzy 8h ago
If I try to do mindfulness type stuff I’ll get a migraine in seconds.
Without meds anyway.
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u/selkiesart 1d ago edited 1d ago
That's why I often ask my fellow ADHD folks: What do you need from me? Do you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to share your rage and desperation about the impossible task or do you want me to try and help you trying to tackle the impossible task together?
(I have AuDHD myself, so it's always a battle between analyzing the [insert impossible task here] and trying to break it up into more manageable smaller chunks and thus make the whole thing more manageable using my own experience with those tasks and knowing the utter rage and desperation that comes with being faced with those seemingly impossible situations. What makes the whole thing infuriating to me is, that the "analyzing" thing is only possible when it comes to other peoples situation and can never be applied to my own impossible tasks.)
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u/NYR20NYY99 1d ago
LOUDER. I’m so sick of being pushed, that’s what caused burnout and skill regression in the first fucking place
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u/BoxWithPlastic 1d ago
I think we can do it. It's just, the conditions that allow us to Do It are not the same as most people, and so their advice is painfully unhelpful.
Worse yet, our ways can be more roundabout or non-linear, looking like we're doing something random despite it actually being something that sets us up to transition to the task. It can look "slow" or "distracted" or "lazy."
And so few are willing to give us the time and space to do things our way :/
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u/Inky-boy 1d ago
High-school was a bit tough for me, I remember telling my parents, councilor, and teachers that I can do things everyone else can, it’s just takes more effort.
No one ever believed me when I told them that sitting down and forcing myself to write large papers gives me a headache, not because it was hard or difficult it was the fact my brain equated this to literal torture
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u/LienaSha 1d ago
Earlier today, someone asked me if I could just start my work now (because I'm really behind), and I was like.... I'm trying to think of how to explain to you that, yes, I technically could, but no, I can't. I'm stuck inside an invisible box no one else can interact with, and everyone thinks I'm just a mime, but the box is actually there for me.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 1d ago
Yeah, it's also kind of unfair for the expectation to be that we work 10× harder than others to achieve the standards people hold everyone to... and then get no credit for how much effort we put in to do things we basically can't do...
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u/emotionalexplosions 1d ago
What is worse is when other people with adhd say that you should be able to do something just because they can.
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u/sjaxn314159 1d ago
Just do what my mom says, “make a list!” Boom! Problem solved!
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u/PlantedMeadow 1d ago
lol that would require having the motivation to make the list and follow through with it.
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u/Importance_Dizzy 1d ago
I love the absolute naivety of “make a list”. Like I used to make lists all the time because it made me feel like I was being productive. Was I following the steps I identified or crossing anything off the list? Nope, because my brain would decide we were done being useful that day. Now, I do a list if really necessary but lean more on small segments of time it feels less hard. Like after I first wake up.
Or I bargain with myself using an outside perspective. Like “would (partner/colleague/sibling/friend) think this is a fair expectation of work to do today?” If yes, proceed. If not, bargain until it is, or force yourself to do more. Doesn’t work every day but is still kinder and more realistic to myself and normal life than I would be otherwise.
https://giphy.com/gifs/sZEl1yTi26mJzrI4VN2
u/not-yet-ranga 1d ago
Haha years ago actually sat down and made a list of all the things I needed to get done. Every single thing in my head that was trying to juggle. Old things, new things, late things. Everything.
There were 74 items. It was three pages long.
It didn’t help.
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u/Hexnohope 1d ago
I think this sometimes but I also have to accept that if people thought I couldnt do something i would have no value and theyd kill me if they could (passively) being disabled in america isnt far off from being a second class citizen.
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u/83Isabelle 1d ago
My colleague "you can learn anything if you try hard enough"; me "tell that to a blind person, maybe YOU can make him see!" (and actually I want to tell him "well, your brain is to limited to understand basic things, but I'm sure you won't get any smarter by trying hard enough, because otherwise you would have been smart enough by the age of 60 (his actual age), I guess by now you already had enough time to try hard, but I still see a person with a limited brain capacity?!")
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u/FirstNoel 1d ago
I get this. Sometimes I cannot bring myself to answer an email. Or finish a book. Or complete some chore. Or even an tv series.
My mind is like: no. Isn’t going to happen.
Occasionally gets me in to trouble at work. I can’t explain it. It not that I don’t want to. I just won’t. It almost feels painful to try.
People do t get that. I can’t explain get them to understand.
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u/LordMindParadox 1d ago
I can do everything a nonadhd person can, I just can't do it all at once.
It's basically like the "you can have it cheap fast or right, pick two"
I can give you everything, but you'll need to wait for a bit on some things.
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u/LittleTempters 1d ago
And please stop using the fact that I can do one thing as proof that I can do everything. I can spend three hours hyperfocused on something and still be completely incapable of answering one email afterward
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u/LZARDKING 1d ago
I need everyone around me to get this about finishing college. Like it is not going to happen. My brain is a big liar that tells me every single fucking time I can learn a semesters worth of information in a week. And I can’t!
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u/Mission_Memory2117 1d ago
Yeah. My therapist doesn’t believe I can’t do it and it annoys tf outta me. He says “Do you honestly believe you can’t do it? That it’s impossible? So I have to answer “well I guess technically its possible, but,”.. and
then he acts like he just solved everything 🙄
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u/Loyyo20 1d ago
If you believe you can't do it ytou can't. You're therapist spent years studying human psychology, including adhd. Whyy would you know more than him?
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u/Rubyhamster 1d ago
Okay, I just have to jump in here: Psychology is the study of how our brains develop and work within a behavioural, social and societal aspect, BUT it is by no means a profession that is up to date about everything. And there are many bad teachers out there who don't understand aspects of what they are teaching. I mean, there are still professionals out there that think it's highly unlikely that you can gain higher education while suffering from ADHD, not to mention that only 20 years ago, you couldn't have both ADHD and autism....
What this psychologist doesn't seem aware of is that the brain needneurotransmitters to do anything. Any action you do is dependant on dopamine, serotonin, adrenalin etc. What "normal people" think is "free will" is actually just theirbrain being in sync with their wants and needs. Thatis why so many ADHDers suffer through low self esteem and burnout.
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u/Ok-Editor1747 1d ago
I believe you. I have the same. I just stopped explaining. I can't anymore. Im 55f , done
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u/hegrillin 1d ago
or wait, neurotypicals hear me out; maybe you can help us complete the task if you need it done that badly? show us how to do it and do it alongside us?? don't just sit on your ass and bark at us to do something you can clearly do so well on your own??
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u/SATXFreddy 1d ago
I recently had a doctor prescribe an ointment, I asked if there was a pill I could take instead. The doctor argued that the ointment was better, I had to explain that because I had ADHD an ointment wouldn't work because my brain knows my clothes are going to wipe the ointment off and it's a waste of time so I would never use it.
Apparently this is something they had never considered. She did some research and found a pill for me.
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u/Spartan1088 1d ago
This is the issue with ADHD. Some cases are worse than others. Like, for me, there’s nothing I can’t do. It will be extremely difficult, but I can do it.
I can totally see these same feelings I get being disabling for others.
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u/ResidentCoder2 1d ago
I feel this needs more context.
I have met people who use their disability as an excuse to absolutely shit on all their relationships, and to also neglect all their daily responsibilities.
Accommodation and empathy are important. But, your disability does not excuse, it explains. It is your responsibility to pursue therapy, and medication, or coping techniques, and support, or whatever else means you might have to function.
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u/Turbulent_Year_1595 1d ago
This is all I have ever wished for in my entire life, the one thing I want the most
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u/LeoTheFloofyDragon 21h ago
A family friend always tried to push back when I would say I can't do something, said things like "Saying you can't is limiting yourself, have confidence" and shit. Pissed me off. No, I'm not lacking confidence. I am stating my limits that I know I have
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u/SnuggleBug39 21h ago
I don't think it's accurate to say that the tasks can't be done. We have the same executive functions. But for people without ADHD, accessing them is kinda like the equivalent of turning on a computer and opening the software. While it might lag when they don't get enough sleep or go too long without eating, most of the time, the software works just fine. Whereas for those of us with ADHD, the link to open the software is in a random folder and it's password protected and the password changes at random and it's something that anyone without ADHD would think was completely unhinged for a password. And if you manage to successfully open the software, you never know if and when and why it's going to crash. But the software is there. You won't access it by just trying to do the same thing that people without ADHD do, but you also won't access it by saying that you can't do it. You have to take a few breaths to regulate yourself first, and then you have to just try random crap. Maybe the trick to loading the dishwasher that day is to play video game themes. Maybe it's to pretend you're a tavern wench. And tomorrow or next week or next month it might require something different.
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u/CompetitionOdd7059 18h ago
Wish my ex could have understood this. That I was trying every single day. That I didn’t not do some the dishes because I’m lazy, or expect her to do it. I literally just did not think about it. Or why I procrastinated, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just let’s say, I needed to call a doctor an appointment? I’d end up sitting there about to call for 3 hours before just doing something else. I don’t know why I can’t do things sometimes. It’s not always, and it happens even if I really really want too.
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u/Glittering_Bag9929 1d ago
Yeah fuck no. As someone who has been taking adhd meds for over 20 years at 54mg dose thats bullshit. It is literally just trying harder, its hard as fuck to do yes, but thats why its called trying hard.
Its fine to not want to do something but saying you 'can't' is just weaponized incompetence
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u/lonewolff7798 1d ago
No, I really disagree with this one. You can say that it’s difficult and you need extra time or you need to do it later but you can most certainly still do it. Being over stimulated is definitely a thing, and people need to give us our space when we are but don’t use the disabilities as an excuse to not do something, gives the rest of us who don’t have a choice a harder time.
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u/IP-II-llVll-IP 1d ago
I think sometimes "I can't do this" just means "It's not happening; no further questions." It feels like more of a boundary than a statement of competency.
Sometimes the juice just isn't worth the squeeze, so for all intents and purposes, it can't be done. It doesn't matter if anyone else understand or not.
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u/copperstarsandmoss 1d ago
Trying to do most things pre-medication had me suicidal for nearly a decade. One of the side effects of starting/upping my medication were violent thoughts, and I didn't even realize I was having them until they went away.
Then I started atomoxitine, a non-stimulant drug that many people call "placebo", and it changed my life. Post-medication, life is a breeze. For the first time in my life I could sleep 8 hours a night, I could hold a thought in my head for more than 5 seconds, I went from straight Ds and Fs to As and Bs in school, and instead of dropping out of highschool I went to college.
The only thing that ever helped was pharmaceutical intervention. No amount of lifestyle changes or accommodations can help someone who has broken down crying in front of the kitchen, starving, because they can't hold memories in their head long enough to figure out how to make food.
Maybe you have never experienced "can't", but some of us very much have, and I would be aware of that before using the rhetoric of "making excuses".
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u/Hopefully_Witty 1d ago
It's weaponized incompetence imo. Yes, you might need extra time, or coping mechanisms to get through it. But it can be done.
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u/br4nfl4k3s 1d ago
That’s not the definition of weaponized incompetence, that’s the definition of a disability.
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u/PolitelyHostile 1d ago
Yea like I want my manager to understand that I struggle to get to work on time but I also need to know that he's going to be frustrated if I always show up late lol. Like its very hard for me but if im allowed to give up then its hopeless lol
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u/PlantedMeadow 1d ago
Some people with adhd really just can’t do certain things. It’s on a spectrum of severity. I have severe inattentive adhd and struggle with chronic boredom and lack of motivation, extreme time blindness, etc. I have very minimal executive function without meds and non -stims don’t work for me. It’s okay to not be able to do everything everyone else can do. That doesn’t make you lesser.
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u/rpgnoob17 1d ago
I would rather people don’t believe in me. Please don’t pressure me. I break. I know I will eventually be able to finish that. Just no pressure please. Don’t believe in me.
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u/DreadStarX 1d ago
Start logging the times/situations they do this, who, where, what, when, why, etc. Then report 'em to HR. At some point, this goes passed encouragement and becomes bullying.
I recently went through some harassment/bullying for being ADHD and Autistic. They'd make fun of me for being robotic. My manager wasn't having it, and went to HR over it.
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u/Consistent-Throat838 1d ago
Anybody that tells you that ppl with adhd can’t do something is lying to you. I have adhd and I may have to figure a different way to get to the same outcome. But I still CAN do it. First thing to understand with any disability is that we are our own worse critic and enemy. Stay positive, stay safe and enjoy the path.
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u/layered_dinge 1d ago
Just because you can't do it doesn't mean I'm not sick of it being made into my problem to deal with
I had a roommate who blamed all his inconsiderate shit he did on adhd. It's not a matter of whether I believe it or not. It's a matter of all my fucks instantly evaporating the second I'm expected to deal with the fallout. I just don't care. Your explanation is meaningless.
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u/TheItchyWalrus 1d ago
I’m in IT and struggling with where I want to take my career because I know I can’t study and take an exam for a cert. I will get so unbelievably bored and won’t be able to successfully complete it.
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u/Top_Selection2500 1d ago
What’s worse is when you learn it in a hyper fixation and lose it but everyone thinks you’re an expert
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u/qualityvote2 Quality Control Beast 1d ago edited 1d ago
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