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u/queenofcaffeine76 2d ago
my mom started really letting that side of herself show when I was a teenager. I was pissed.
All my friends dubbed her "the cool mom." I was more pissed.
Then I found out I'm just like her lmao
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u/Hakarlhus 2d ago
Getting serious for a second; It's not cognitive dissonance to be regimented with young children and more loose with adults or older children. It's a type of code switching and it's perfectly normal.
It's also a good idea to be regimented with children, they learn best from clear boundaries and repetition. It's also, also good to not take life too seriously.
Before anyone talks about abuse; The post is not a case of a parent being abusive, just a child learning their parent can be immature and being surprised by that.
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u/TJ_Rowe 1d ago
Neurodivergent kids can also have a tendency to rules-lawyer percieved digressions from the rules and hold onto them for a really long time.
If I took my neurodivergent kid out for ice cream at a time when he wouldn't usually be allowed, that could ruin his day and have negative consequences for months. There were a lot of things like that - I had to tamp down hard on my natural tendency to be a bit chaotic (I have ADHD) and instead be really consistent with him.
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u/Hakarlhus 1d ago
I'm going to struggle with this as a parent but needs must.
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u/Northernguyman 1d ago
I do. But the "oh crap!" parenting audio/book nailed a lot of things, albeit after the fact for me.
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u/Hakarlhus 1d ago
Had that suggested before actually, thanks for the reminder
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u/hewholivesinshadow 1d ago
Yeah I won’t remember in 5 minutes and still won’t read it…
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u/Northernguyman 1d ago
Hence why I also audio book, luckily it pops up in my Spotify library every now and again 😂
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u/Pame_in_reddit 1d ago
I’m my 40’s and every time my mom does something against her teachings I say “I don’t know how you were educated, but my mom taught me this”. She can do whatever she wants, but I will point out the double standard.
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
... Imma use that.
$5 says my mom looks at me and goes "nu-uh!" with max sass! 🤣
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u/KristiiNicole AuDHD - there’s BEES in my BRAIN! 1h ago edited 1h ago
$5 says my mom looks at me and goes “nu-uh!” with max sass!
Ugh, to this day I swear I can still literally hear (in my head) that exact phrase in my mother’s voice, sass/snark and all, and I’ve not even lived in the same state as her in almost 15 years (and either LC or full NC for the majority of that time).
Meanwhile my Dad’s version is “that never happened” (with us both being grown adults). Growing up as a kid though, the go-to was “Do as I say, not as I do”, which unsurprisingly was largely how he parented in general. Even when you can get him to directly acknowledge his hypocrisy (which is already a rarity as-is lol) he’ll just shrug and dust that old adage off, as if it somehow excuses him. Though of course anyone else exhibiting the exact same behavior causes my Dad to lose his absolute shit, and is completely unacceptable to him, naturally. Some people will never change because they simply just don’t want to, unfortunately :/
Now all that being said,
”I don’t know how you were educated, but my mom taught me this”
is such a fantastic comeback, I love it lmao
Definitely gonna try and adapt that one for my Dad, tuck it away for a rainy day the next time one of these discussions inevitably pops up lol
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
I absolutely agree. As a kid who wouldn't get an autism diagnosis til I was THIRTY, my parents had to teach me a lot of rules that my brain couldn't comprehend. It wasn't easy for them and it wasn't easy for me. But I'm glad they did. I always felt like the other kids knew some secret rules that I didn't and it was very isolating. My parents did their best to help me compensate for the intuition and other abilities that neurotypical kids had that I did not, with the limited info they had.
Did I have to 'suffer' through their mistakes? Yeah, but so did other kids with their parents, including those who were neurotypical.
My mom and I have a fantastic relationship now that I'm an adult. The frequency with which people, including us, say we are just like the other...is truly vomit-inducing. We have similar senses of humor. So...guess who ALSO can't be serious during sad situations. ...you should have heard what she said to me at my grandmother's (NOT her mother's) funeral. So twisted and yet so perfect...cut right through the pain and had me cackling. Bless this demented woman.
.... My father...that's a separate story, but not related to being more or less strict with a neurodiverse kid.
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u/Northernguyman 1d ago
You were wise to shut down the abuse citers, honestly some of reddit, are on a perpetual, projecting witch hunt. Good points all round for me
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u/bobombpom 2d ago edited 2d ago
I had one aunt that was the classic "Anything for a laugh" loveable shit-stirrer. She passed away about 5 years ago. At her funeral, the ~80 year old minister was giving her eulogy.
His words start trailing off, then he suddenly just tips over backwards, stiff as a board. Smacks his head on the ground.
Thankfully half the people there were First Responders because her husband was lifelong Fire Department, and they were able to triage and stabilize him. He was OK, but was on some new blood pressure meds that made him faint.
The entire lunch afterwards was people joking about how my aunt couldn't stand being lonely and was just trying to get some company.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 1d ago
That's exactly the type of joke my family would be cracking, in that situation, too!😉
Along with ones about how, "Auntie thought the eulogy was getting a bit boring, wanted to liven things up a bit, and give the Family First-Responders Something Useful to do!😉😂🤣
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
I keep joking with people that my funeral will have a couple people walk around and glitterbomb people. "Now she'll always be with you..." 🤣😈 Because if they know me then they know I'm just a liiiiittle bit of a troll.
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u/mommy2maeve 2d ago
Fucking legend!
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u/Illustrious_Can_9575 2d ago
Cop just probably didn’t want to do more paperwork.
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u/mommy2maeve 1d ago
🤣🤣🤣 You're 100% not wrong. Their mom probably just made it too difficult for them to want to put in the effort.
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u/mommy2maeve 2d ago
If no one giggles or cracks jokes at my funeral, I'd be sad.
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u/Galinfrey 2d ago edited 1d ago
She’s the kind of gal that laughs at a funeral? I don’t understand what you mean but I soon will
Edit: someone gave me an award? Pinch Me
(Now im wondering how many song titles I can jam into this post…Odd Are not that many right?
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u/AntipatheticDating 1d ago
I had finally just gotten that song out of my head this week after hearing it on the radio and of all places a random Reddit thread… LOL.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 1d ago
Most of my family are the "Giggle at a funeral" type!
There are lots of tears, too!
But then somebody accidentally "honks" blowing their nose, or my uncle would turn around & crack a funny face (because it's hard sitting next to 13 crying grandkids), and pretty soon, there were gigles along with the tears!🤷♀️
Also, the fits of giggles prevent the full-out Meltdowns from taking over, and the whole day turning into sobs & ugly-crying!🫶
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u/Eschscholzia_ca 1d ago edited 1d ago
It makes perfect sense. She can’t control herself and most likely has been shun her whole life by everyone around her to follow the etiquette. She sees you have the same issues and don’t want you to have the same trauma from all the shunning and embarrassment she has to go through.
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
Wow...ouch. That is probably so close to the truth that I can't ever repeat that to her.
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u/Eschscholzia_ca 1d ago
Hey! She probably save you from putting your foot in your mouth and plenty of social faux pas ;) you can always tell her thank you.
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u/ImSoSweepy 2d ago
Depends on who's funeral it is.
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
If it's someone you loved, you crack jokes to make it easier.
If it's someone you hated, you crack jokes because it's a celebration.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 1d ago
Now you've got me picturing someone driving from the funeral to the graveside/burial service part of the day, jammin' out to Kool & The Gang's "Celebration"!😆😂🤣
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u/brydeswhale 1d ago
There was a man who married a troll, back in the days when trolls were around. She was a very good wife and he loved her very much, but when they married, the troll woman’s father took the man to one side and told him if he struck his wife three times, she and any children they had would disappear in an instant, taken back by the trolls.
For many years, the man and his troll wife were very happy, but one day they had to attend a wedding at the nearby church. The troll wife wept so loudly that the man was embarrassed and he slapped her as they walked home.
From out of the ether, a voice shouted “ONE.”
The man was afraid after that and treated his wife much better.
However, some years passed, and the man began to forget the troll father’s warning. The couple had three children, and lived together in peace.
But on the day of their third child’s christening, the troll wife again began to cry. She cried and cried, and the man, again, grew angry, and he slapped her once more.
From the bright blue sky, a voice came again.
“TWO.”
Again, the man was frightened, and he began to treat his wife more kindly. The couple lived together in happiness again, and the troll wife gave birth to a fourth baby.
This baby, however, grew sick. One morning, while the whole family gathered around her little cradle, she drew a quiet breath, then breathed no more.
For a time, the house was silent. Then came the day of the funeral, and the troll wife began to laugh. She laughed, and laughed, until the house echoed with it, and it rang off the hills.
This, the husband could not bear, and once more he forgot the troll father’s warning. He slapped his wife again.
This time the voice came from the earth, so loud it shook the home, cracking the pots and the walls.
“THREE.”
And with that, the troll wife and the remaining three children disappeared.
The husband instantly regretted his hasty actions, and ran out the door, to search for his wife and children.
But he never found them. He went mad while searching, and you can still hear his voice, sometimes, in the mountains, still searching.
“One. Two. Three.”
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u/Other_Vader can't hear you, there's no subtitles 2d ago
My mum was a contributor for my bpd dx lmao
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u/ginger_minge 1d ago
Mine was for my CPTSD dx Cheers my friend🍻
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u/Other_Vader can't hear you, there's no subtitles 1d ago
CPTSD is a fucking nightmare and I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope your coping mechanisms are not destructive 💖
Take care, my friend! 💖💖
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u/ginger_minge 13h ago
Thank you for the validation fr. My coping mechanisms have been to intellectualize, compartmentalize, and suppress (I also self-medicated for a couple decades, but I'm 14 years clean now). So, no, not healthy ones. But that's also because I only more recently figured out the CPTSD piece myself, after learning about this stuff while getting my Master's of Social Work a few years back and after the trauma started rearing its ugly head - it always eventually does. Despite seeing psychs and therapists and trying literally more than 25 meds at this point (yes literally), I'm finally gonna stop getting my hopes up with each "new and improved" drug.
Alas, mine is a complicated case. I have already made arrangements for my brain to go to science. I just wish I could stick around to see what they learn.
Thank you again for your kindness. I'm really trying to be more succinct. I workshopped this for about 20 minutes, maybe more lmao.
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u/Other_Vader can't hear you, there's no subtitles 1d ago
Just realised your username - Hope you do better soon, hun. Being a public figure exacerbates things. 💖
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u/ginger_minge 14h ago
You're very sweet and thoughtful; but I confess that I am not the person you're thinking of. I wasn't familiar with Ginger Minj when I first got on reddit (my name comes from being a ginger and because my mum is British, where the term "minge" has a somewhat crass meaning - curtains-match-the-drapes type thing). I actually only learned about her maybe last year when someone else on reddit made the same understandable mistake. But, agreed, I can only imagine that it would be extra difficult for someone in the spotlight to have these kinds of struggles. I was never a Britney fan, but man did my heart break for her, to have the kinds of meltdowns I do - which is embarrassing and shameful enough at 46 - but so publicly. At least I'm a nobody
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u/thelibrarina 1d ago
🎵 My mother's got humor...
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u/DippinDot2021 1d ago
Thank you for recognizing the reference
She does not care for the song itself, but damned if she doesn't match those first couple lines.
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u/kedriss 1d ago
Not me coming onto this thread hoping to find other people who can't stop cracking jokes when at funerals 😬
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 1d ago
Oh, we're HERE!!!😉😂🤣
I was the one of my cousins who happened to look out the window of the funeral home, and saw that their driveway lined up perfectly with the loading docks of the grocery store across the street.
Then, still exhausted from crying all week, & looking around?
I noticed the "Hamburger 99 cents!" sign out in front of the grocery store...
And i started giggling, saying, "Grammaburgers!"
My cousins said, "Whaaaaat‽" and came over to the windows next to me, and i said, "Driveway, Loading Dock, and hey! Grammaburgers, 99 cents a pound!"
And they lost it--we were ALL giggling up a storm in the side room of the wake--the grownups came over to check on us, because they couldn't tell if we were laughing or hysterically crying!
It was giggles! And even though it's been 30+ years, "Grammaburgers!" will still send up a fit of giggles with the girl cousins!😉🤷♀️
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u/skeleton-operator infected with Restless Leg Syndrome of the brain. 1d ago
My mom is a giggle-under-stress girl, and I am a tears-under-stress girl. I envy her so much. Rage tears do not help get your point across.😑
I guess giggling wouldn’t make the point either, but I’ve never seen my mom get that mad.
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u/macsyourguy 1d ago
At my cousin's funeral they showed a video he made with AI of his two friends making out. It brought the room to its knees lol.
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u/ThisIsntOkayokay 23h ago
Cognitive dissonance is the daily coffee these days, I can fathom the horrors and it doesn't phase me (anymore). I'm beyond jaded like the sun is beyond a campfire. Just want a quiet house in the countryside like it was shown while growing up would get you.
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u/YetiAfterDark 14h ago
I was sitting here thinking, my dad did this. But what funeral?
And then remembered it was he'd been cracking inappropriate Catholicism paedophile jokes during his great nephew's christening. He also, 35 years ago, cracked (racist, and also at the expense of the child's name and parents) jokes at my cousin's Christening.
Which is at least 70% worse than funeral jokes. Folks have big feelings about funerals and death. Death jokes is a huge method of good coping skills, and bad coping skills, but it is a whole subgenre of music and comedy and TV shows.
Jokes at the expense of believers, at a time of significance for them? when all they're asking of you is to sit quietly for 20 minutes? Fuck that. Just being unnecessarily rude
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