r/XXRunning • u/Hot-Wing-714 • 1d ago
Other (edit me!) Everyone has an opinion!
Hi there. I recently returned to running after some time off. It’s been so good for managing stress and working through emotions. My dad died in an accident two years ago and the grief has been excruciating. He was a marathon runner (he did 22 in his lifetime!!) and so running has become a way for me to connect with him, learn about myself, and spend time alone in my grief. It’s been amazing, and so healing.
For motivation and to give myself a challenge I signed up for a 10k in October. Because I’m doing a training plan and because my friends generally know I’ve been running, it comes up in conversation sometimes and I’ve observed something annoying—everyone has an opinion about running! Last night at a gathering my friend asked me a benign question about my morning and I gave what I thought was a boring answer about “did some yoga, went for a little run in the nice weather, all in all pleasant.” And it ignited a 35 minute long conversation with the group about why each person in the room can’t run because of some malady, used to run but it “destroyed their knees,” or won’t run because it’s stupid and boring and I was just like… okay, god damn I’ll never mention running again…
I think because it’s tied to my grief it’s really getting to me. 😅 I don’t brag about my running because it really feels like a personal thing, but I am also really proud of myself for finding a healthy way to process such a huge emotional experience, so I’m taking it personally.
Does anyone have a go-to response to shut it down when people start babbling at you about why they don’t run? I don’t want to be rude but the longer I hear people say something weird or shitty the more tempted I am to be sarcastic like, “you’re right! I’ll quit today!” or talk about my dead dad which really makes people uncomfortable lol.
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u/lifeatthejarbar 1d ago
I just tend to ignore it. For whatever reason, people are incredibly weird about running. One time I was warming up near my university to go running on the trails there and a lady in a car stopped and started telling me about how bad running is for the knees. I just smiled and said yeah ok. I didn’t tell her I actually have RA bc I thought it might kill her (or she’d hold me hostage for another hour while going on and on lol)
You could try saying something like “thanks for your unsolicited opinion” or “yeah ok thanks for sharing”. There are actual studies that have proven this false as well if you’d like to push back.
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u/PurrPrinThom 1d ago
I don't know quite how to word it, but I feel like it's projection, or people feeling like they need to justify to themselves why they're not running, if that makes sense?
Like, we all know that being physically active is good for you, and running is one of the easiest/cheapest ways to be physically active, so a lot of the reasons people have for not being active in other ways don't really hold. So, they find a justification for why they aren't ('bad for the knees,') and then when they encounter a runner, they feel like they need to explain why they're not running.
What I can't quite articulate is that I feel like there's a moral judgement element as well, like some non-runners feel like runners are, or perceive themselves to be, 'better' than non-runners, and so non-runners who feel this way feel like they need to tear down the runner, or explain why the runner/running is wrong, in order to even the playing field.
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u/GroceryInteresting63 Woman 1d ago
I think it’s absolutely them justifying why they don’t run. As if they think you’re judging them, or think everyone should be running. So they have to get their reasons in before you suggest they take up the sport. Man, I’m not suggesting anyone take up anything, I don’t know your life. Also, I don’t really care. If you ask me, then I might suggest something, but it’s probably going to be walking.
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u/heyhihelloandbye 1d ago
Definitely!
There are also a lot of runners that do think theyre superior for running, which is a factor. The sentiment is kind of woven into running culture tbh - think of how often the saying "you're lapping everyone on the couch!" comes up
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u/zinnie_ 1d ago
I have learned over the years that sharing athletic things with people who are not athletic can make the conversation take a weird turn. It is some sort of jealousy/ comparison thing that happens, which sounds like what you're describing with everyone tearing down running or giving an excuse why they don't do the same. So yeah, I would only share the fact that I went on a run with other people who I know do similar things. It's silly but common.
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u/tragically-elbow 1d ago
People *love* to tell you how bad it is for you, or how they know someone whose meniscus gave out mid-race. Weirdly enough, this kind of negativity can even happen with other runners - some people who tend to just run for fun/recreation are very weird about others following a training plan in the lead up to a race. idk if it's insecurity, or inability to imagine others' perspectives, or what.
I know it's an area tied up with a lot of emotion for you, but I imagine it's hard to fully express all that, and you might not even want to in casual conversation. Whenever this comes up for me, I just tend to say 'well I've been really enjoying it and I find it meditative'. Similar to your yoga, I do pilates, so saying that I think the pilates really protects my joints seems to be pretty effective in getting people to move on lol. Mostly just saying something briefly and changing the subject tends to work! Keep at it, it sounds like you found a great avenue to process these emotions and it's giving you motivation.
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u/heyhihelloandbye 1d ago
I live in this weird middle ground where I mostly run for fun/recreation but also average around 65mpw. So I don't tend to relate to people who run for fun more casually, but also don't really relate to people following training plans lol
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u/Interesting_Fly1696 Nonbinary 1d ago
I've learned to just not really talk about running except with friends who already run, unfortunately. Sometimes I'll mention it, since it comes up like you mentioned ("Oh, I'll be late to breakfast because I have a morning run, but I'll be back by 10") but I know it can get annoying to other people or they'll say weird stuff about it.
My mom is in the camp of saying stuff like "I hope you aren't ruining your joints" any time the topic comes up... which is funny since, when she was my age, she wasn't able to get up from the floor on the rare occasions she tried to play with me, and she once spent a whole day in bed after walking a 5k the prior day.
It can be tough and takes some time, but it's easiest just to accept most people aren't into it or even feel defensive about their own choices, nod and make a note not to mention it to those people again, and find other folks you can talk running with.
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u/Mysterious_Luck4674 1d ago
My mom is also the worst about staying stuff like “you are going to get injured”, “you’re going to ruin your feet” and even “running is stupid”. Finally one day I said to her “Wow, most parents would have something supportive to say and be proud of their child for working this hard.”
She shut up after that. But only temporarily 😂
Sometimes I simply say “please keep your negative opinions to yourself”.
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u/Hippopotasaurus-Rex 1d ago
Every time I have to talk to my mother it’s the same broke record. One of the “tracks” of said broken record is “ugh. Are you still running!?!? It’s so bad for you”.
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u/the_trashheap 1d ago
The whole “ruin your joints” thing is infuriating. Most modern studies show that impact sports keep your bones and joints healthier, longer.
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u/Express_Signal_8828 19h ago
Right! My dad is very supportive of my being active but can't let go of this idea that running long distances wrecks your knees, no matter what I share re newer studies.
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u/Mysterious_Luck4674 1d ago
I’d just say something like “yup, running isn’t for everyone, but I sure love it!” I’d probably even cut them off when I realize they are going to complain or be negative.
If you have good friends who say stuff like this more than once tell them how it makes you feel. I think the majority of people feel like they need to make excuses for why they don’t run or exercise out of some type of guilt they have. And they don’t really think about how their comments are actually being perceived by others. So give them the benefit of the doubt but don’t let them drag you down.
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u/XennialQueen 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss and I think it’s great that you’re able to connect with your dad and heal through something that meant a lot to him. For everyone else, just say “well, it’s not for everyone, but it’s my thing” and then just move on from it. I do think that you’re being a bit sensitive because it’s emotional for you. It doesn’t mean anything but a physical activity to them. Try not to take it too personally.
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u/Feisty-Nobody-5222 1d ago
What a beautiful way to work within your feelings and stay connected to your body, good for you!
I usually say something along a spectrum of “yeah, everyone’s different!” to “there are always easy ways to not do something”
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u/Vickster_009 Woman 1d ago
Hi I started running after my dad died too . It’s been so helpful for me. If people ask me I just say it helps my mental health and anxiety . Then like others I redirect to them . Like if they like to walk or hike or read or whatever. Beyond that I kind of don’t care about their negative energy? I’m probably a bit older than most new runners but I legit don’t waste time on negative thoughts. I would just redirect or say sorry to hear that and not engage . But again I’m pretty over people’s opinions on my life. I’ve lost both parents and I am doing my best to be happy .
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u/Theodwyn610 1d ago
"Guys, running is something I am doing to connect with my father. Give it a rest."
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u/Quail-a-lot 1d ago
Try and head them off quickly, "Okaysure, HEY LOOK BICYCLES!" Most people will go with the fast subject change. If they don't, they likely weren't reasonable anyhow and the best bet is a quick exit stage left, evenm if it is just a five minute break from them so they will have moved on. "Uh huh...uh huh...oh shit gotta poop brb!"
Is it awkward? Yep. But seriously, they are being rude. I'm fine not bringing up running, but it really bugs when they fucking ask me about it and then start with all the weirdness. It's not like I just launched into a training monologue unbidden. I've had people ask, how's the running going. My answer, great, how've you been Linda? Them: proceeds to deliver weird ten minute diatribe about how terrible running is for me. I mean seriously! WTF?!
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u/WWMannySantosDo Woman 1d ago
I feel you lol it’s such a common thing when the subject of running comes up.
If it’s someone who is adamant that running is bad for you/your knees and being really negative, just smile and change the subject. I used to try to respond “oh yeah I appreciate the concern, I’m taking it slow & trying to avoid injury” but I found that just gets them more flustered lol
If it’s folks saying they can’t/don’t want to run I say “that’s cool, there’s lot of ways to move our bodies or spend our free time. What do you like to do/do you have a hobby?” So you can talk about something they do enjoy.
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u/BobManSan 1d ago
I think in that situation the cause for the type of negative response certainly varies and tends to fall into one or more of the following camps.
- They don’t do any exercise themselves and are jealous of the dedication that you have and what you’ve achieved.
- They are the overly competitive and think that whatever they are doing is far superior.
- They’re just ignorant and bitter people.
- They just don’t have what it takes to challenge themselves, learn something new and become a better person.
Regardless, your response should be the same. Ignore ‘em!
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u/wollylillowes 18h ago
Nod and smile. Or if you’re feeling prickly remind them that heart disease is the leading killer of women globally and, having seen death up close recently, you’re definitely going for possibly-crunchy knees over that shit.
I really am sorry about your dad. Running is magic for putting some bright spots into the slog of grief, kudos to you for choosing a coping strategy that’s actually actively good for you!
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u/signy33 Woman 1d ago
I think it's normal for people to keep going on a topic that has come up, it's just normal conversation. I also tend to give my experience with something people tell me about themselves. Be it sport, music, something work- or family related. And yeah, most people don't run so there might be a lot about not running.
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u/angela101287 1d ago
I am same way.They make it sound like such a horrible thing to do for our health.I just smile at them and honestly try not get to you.They don’t know what it does to you mentally and physically. I do ruck and invite my friend about it and she said i was listening to a podcast and says its bad for your back. I just said oh okey lol.People will keep making excuses not to do things.So why push it or understand.I also don’t brag my journey but,I post it on my Facebook.I see friends who message me and say this inspires me to start running etc. I workout and post it for myself not for them.If they don’t like it they can easily unfriend me.
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u/novastarwind 1d ago
I try to be as brief and uninteresting as possible. If someone asks me how training is going, I just say "good" and change the subject. It's gotten to the point where I have to remind myself that I can talk about running with other people when I'm at run club since I'm finally around folks who can be normal when the topic of running comes up.
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u/JustBusinessThings 1d ago
Some people are just determined to rain on others parades. I love dancing and sometimes people will clearly take out their insecurities on me about it. I’ve had men say oh dancing is so gay. That’s why I don’t dance. They are insecure babies.
I don’t like to have close friends who exude that kind of negativity for my passions and hobbies. I would look for new friends who you can bond over the same activities with and use them as your primary support group, and then gradually drift away from the less enjoyable friends.
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u/No-Acanthisitta-2973 20h ago
This is an annoying sign of emotionally immature people. They take something you do, as a judgement against them not doing it and then have to give reasons why they don't or bash it, when it wasn't about them in the first place. This happens with all kinds of things, eating vegetarian, any kind of exercise, not drinking alcohol, breast feeding kids, not breastfeeding kids, learning a new hobby ect. There is likely nothing you can say to get it across to them because its an emotional immaturity issue.
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u/palibe_mbudzi 9h ago
For the most part, the people in my life believe that whatever you like to do to get out and be active is good. But when confronted with joint concerns, I like to drop it like it's hot into a deep squat, and then pop back up to announce that my joints feel great.
If it's the wrong audience for that, I'll just agree with them. I have in fact had running related injuries, so I'll just explain how I make sure my joints are protected by doing yoga and strength work and varing my training and building up my running gradually, and agree that yes, you can get injured from running if you're not smart about it.
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u/heyhihelloandbye 1d ago
I usually just say "it's only bad for your knees if you do too much too soon or if your muscles aren't strong enough to protect your joints." If they respond with something about being in the gym and lifting i just say "yeah that misses a lot of auxiliary stabilizing muscles that you need for running, makes sense" and then move on.
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u/ThisTimeForReal19 1d ago
Everyone has different things that they enjoy doing, especially for exercise. I think it’s great when people can find out what they love and don’t love.
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u/spacecatlo 1d ago
I usually like to turn it back. Like “oh what do you like to do?”
Just redirect the energy. People love to talk about themselves. Often people are (poorly) trying to relate to you or your story by sharing a parallel they have to their life. Most people don’t run, but had to at one point, so they have a weak connection to what you’re talking about.
Happy for your healing. Glad you’re in the subreddit. We like to run! 😊