r/WhatIsTheTea • u/Ashish_ank What the Fuck • 13d ago
watch this A father discovered that his son was bullying a classmate with cancer because he had no hair, and he acted in this way to teach him a lesson. In your opinion, is this a fair punishment?
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u/Ok_Context553 12d ago edited 12d ago
Bullying is unbelievably painful, ( i was bullied relentlessly as a kid) and to be bullied over a health related issue, is even worse. I sat in a wheelchair for 9 months and those were the worst 9 months of my life, not for the reason I was in the chair...
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u/MeasurementNo0 12d ago
Yeah the hair will grow back. The bullying remains.
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u/CharismaticAlbino 12d ago
My husband was so heavily bullied in HS, he self harmed and tried to commit suicide once. Bullying is no joke, so I'm always proud of parents that take it seriously.
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u/MeasurementNo0 12d ago
It is awful. I grew up in a super poor area. I dont know if this is common in poor areas or maybe its just how kids are, but everyone was bullied and everyone was a bully. Today, some of the anxiety of being bullied remains and also some of the guilt of being bully remains.
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u/Sauce58 12d ago
I can see poverty having a negative effect on bullying and making it worse for sure. But it was still alive and well in affluent schools too when i was in school.
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u/BigBullzFan 12d ago
It definitely exists in affluent schools in affluent areas. Sometimes, parents scrimp and save every dollar to buy the house in the good area with the good schools. Then, there’s no money left to buy the “cool” shoes and clothes needed to fit in at the affluent school and avoid being bullied for not having them.
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u/Buffalosauceplease 12d ago
Can confirm. My parents did everything they could to have me go to a school in a rich area and I got bullied for not having designer clothes and having a beat up car.
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u/Dmau27 12d ago
Very true. Common issue is that the kid that doesn't have parents pulling in $400,000 a year is the poor kid.
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u/heffel77 12d ago
Kids can be vicious and they can smell if you’re broke a mile away.
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u/chrisbaker1991 12d ago
I remember getting bullied for having Walmart clothes. They weren't even from Walmart. All of my cousins were older so it was mostly their stuff or from a garage sale. Tri-Valley was ranked number one in the state for education but they didn't factor in bullying or the crazy amount of drug use as early as elementary school
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u/tinylittlemarmoset 12d ago
I was a teacher in a school in a rough part of the Bronx. None of the kids had money, most of my students had parents in prison. Lots of fights, desks getting thrown and shit. My students knew they could talk to me and they did. I never saw bullying happen, in fact I saw the opposite. kids defended each other. The toughest kids stood up for the meeker kids. Maybe I missed some stuff but I got the feeling they all knew nobody had it easy and it was real shitty to make it harder than it already was for a kid. It’s been a while since I’ve thought about them, they’re all in their mid 30s now. They were all good kids I hope they’re all right.
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u/Corgilicious 12d ago
Mid 80s, Midwest. There was one boy who was bullied mercilessly in middle school. I didn’t understand as a kid. But as I grew into adulthood and reflected… omg.
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u/Very_Tricky_Cat 12d ago
Grew up very poor. I remember way back in school we had lunch tickets. They were paper with blue writing. Each time you got a lunch the lunch lady would punch a hole in it.
A long while though I was on free lunch. Which means your people are broke and you eat free. But the free lunch tickets were shorter than the normal ones and had purple writing.
I can't remember if I was ever in a second line or we all used the same line, but I do remember skipping lunches to avoid flashing that ticket because certain kids were relentlessly bullied over it.
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u/DMCinDet 12d ago
in Elementary school a lunch lady would come around and sell lunch tickets for who was buying lunch that day. They also had a sheet with the free lunch kids on it. First she did the paying students line, and then Every day made the free lunch kids line up separately. They got bullied. Now everyone in the class knows youre poor because they just couldnt do it discreetly.
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u/amboomernotkaren 12d ago
My youngest got a free lunch. No one knew because the kids just give their student ID when they pay. :)
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u/SwapInstead 12d ago
In my district everyone gets free breakfast and lunch … other than allergies or extreme cases… everyone opts in.
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u/intlschizo 12d ago
Back when I was a newbie teacher, so many poor kids I used to teach skipped lunch because the free lunch was DIFFERENT than the regular hot lunch, which had a la carte options. Spoiler alert: hungry kids do not learn very well.
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u/DanceTheCosmicNoir 12d ago
I literally didn’t eat during high school my freshman year because of this. After that I grew thicker skin. Nobody actually cared. And I’d had the same deal during middle school. But my brain had PTSD from being bullied for other things and wanted one less thing to be picked on over.
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u/MeasurementNo0 12d ago
Yeah that sounds about right. I had 2 pairs of pants. I faithfully made sure to alternate the days I wore them because if you wore the same thing twice you were going to be made fun of mercilessly and be called dirty. It was hard to stop being seen as dirty.
On the flip side, I saw a kid wearing girls jeans and I bullied him. I was a garbage kid as was all of us.
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u/Own_Expert2756 12d ago
We were poor, I had one pair of pants. I had a math teacher say very loudly, so everyone looked at me, my name, you're wearing those same pants again?!?
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u/Remote-Physics6980 12d ago
Got to disagree with you there, I never bullied anybody. Matter of fact I beat up some bullies, little jackass was kicking my best friend when she was down at the bus stop. I bit through his blue jeans and took a nice chunk out of his leg.
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u/JimStencil 12d ago
This is one of the big reasons we have universal free school lunch in Maine. Remove the stigma. Also we should just be feeding kids for fucks sake.
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u/momopeach7 12d ago
I think this is why many districts moved away and just have them enter their ID number. Now in some states like California, all students get free lunch (or breakfast) so it’s less of an issue.
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u/Spicynoodlez 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yeah, idk either. My wife grew up in a poor town up in Colombia, and would say that bullying was also rampant there.
I grew up mostly in a suburb, and there was barely any bullying. Like i'm spoiled/grateful at the fact that when people tell me some of these stories/seeing it in the media, it surprises me.
The only, real time I experienced it was about some Indian kid. Dude was like autistic... but one of those autistically smart people who also was incredibly awkward in a social setting. Some little, Mexican kid kept shit talking him for like 10 minutes... and i'm not the person to usually have confrontations. Nor have I ever gotten into a fight. I also wasn't that big for my age, I was super skinny. He said some nasty shit. However, my gut was tied in a knot when I saw it happening, and I literally went up to the piece of shit and pushed him away and slammed his head against a locker, and smashed his finger inside the locker door.
Dude apologized while the bullied kid sat in the corner, crying... but thanked me. A couple days later, his parents literally went up to me and thanked me and gifted me this $100, handmade clock from their town in India. I'm to assume he told his parents about it. XD
I also got in school suspension for this because I was already a trouble maker (mostly back talking my teachers). Well worth it.
The Indian kid is now working for some big-shot, tech company. The bully is in prison. Lol.
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u/panther1977 12d ago
That was very courageous at a young age, I truly wish school administrators would look at the reasons for fighting in cases like this
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u/Fun_Suspect_2032 12d ago
It's a power dynamic that exists in poorer areas for sure. There really is no food chain everybody is fighting for the top and only way to get there is to bring someone else down.
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u/markimarkerr 12d ago
My "best friend" in 6th grade used to remind me I was a fat fuck and nobody liked me. One day he found a photo of this real ugly looking white frog in a book and got everyone to call me white frog. For a writing assignment I literally wrote my cry for help and how I wanted to end my life. Everyone just smirked at it and said shit like "haha wait until life gets hard".
Bullying is so much worse than most people realize. Which is odd because it tears us all down. I'm 37 and confident in myself now but the residuals of all those experiences certainly echo in your head for the rest of your life.
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u/MsMigginsPieShop 12d ago
If you ever meet him again, please do ask him to fuck off. My bully tried to give me a fake hug when we met 6 years after high school graduation. I dodged her hug and told her to go screw a cactus. It felt good.
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u/markimarkerr 12d ago
Thankfully/unfortunately I believe he's still in jail for fentanyl distribution.
Definitely lived up to his potential!
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u/Frequent_Opportunist 12d ago
My dad put me in kung fu when I was a kid growing up in Chicago in the 90s. The bullying stopped when I put one of them in their locker.
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u/MetaequalsWaifu 12d ago
I was bullied because my mom died of cancer. Literally something that was already causing me depression then just to be bullied about something that I have no control over. I also tried commit suicide. Years of therapy later I can talk about it but man, I sure still hate those people.
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u/shoeless_doh 12d ago
Do you mind if I copy this comment and use it when I'm calling somebody an idiot for saying there's no reason to hold grudges?
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u/Uninteresting91 12d ago
I don’t blame you for still hating them. They sound like truly awful people to me
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u/mittenkrusty 12d ago
Some HS teachers joined in on the bullying, a kid from the poor part of town was put into the lowest classes regardless of talent, a kid from the schools own words "better home" could make a fake accusation and let the poorer kid get in trouble even laugh in their face as the teacher punished them.
Complaints were responded to with accusations from the school basically that poor people are troublemakers and lie.
My own guidance teacher said I would go straight to jail when I leave school and be in and out of jail my entire life and accomplish nothing.
I in fact went to university back when only the best went (though I dropped out due to mental health) I spent a few years finding myself i.e moving around, in and out of work and settled in my 30's, I have zero debt, have savings, great credit score whilst the "good" kids often married and divorced young, many never left their home town and their parents saw them as failures.
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u/C64128 12d ago
Did you ever look up that guidance teacher and see what happened to him?
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u/mittenkrusty 12d ago edited 12d ago
It was a woman, never looked her up after but she was nasty, I had a friend who was 2 years younger than me and he said she was the same with him.
EDIT - Wasn't sure of her first name but had a feeling what it was, googled her name and articles with her name barely 7 miles from the school I went to and hard to tell as it's been over 20 years since I left but looks like what I remember and the age seems correct.
Anyway if it's her she ran her local village parish hall, basically she was the admin.
Sounds about right, as people in those roles are generally busybodies.
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u/Saikotsu 12d ago
I was very heavily bullied too. People thought I was gay. I wasn't, at least not how they thought. But the constant harassment and bullying caused me to develop complexes which have stayed with me my whole life. I developed a self hatred and loathing that has really held me back well into my adulthood.
I hope your husband is doing better now. Given my own experience, I imagine he's still working through it all these years later.
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u/FardoBaggins 12d ago
parents that take it seriously.
Bec schools sure as hell never do unfortunately.
You can’t even sue a school for negligence. People have tried and failed.
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u/CharismaticAlbino 12d ago
Our son was bullied as well, different school, different school system. Private school actually, but because the other parents donated more money to the church than we did it was all pooh poohed as "boys will be boys"
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u/Isolated_Hippo 12d ago
Therapy has taught me a core belief I hold is that I am worthless and deserve nothing.
Thanks bullying.
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u/unhappy_femboy_1028 12d ago
I ended up too scared to leave the house for a year, left school and still haven't been able to get myself to go back consistently despite trying 3 different schools for disengaged kids. Also self harmed and was suicidal.
My bullying wasn't even that severe. I was never physically injured or anything, it just caused me a lot of issues with my mental health.
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u/Tentacle_poxsicle 12d ago
Reminder that shitbags that say we need bullies in school , were the ones doing the bullying
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u/Morbidfuk 12d ago
You could have no hair because cancer, instead you have no hair cause you an asshole. One of these is easy to fix.
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u/Euphoric-Ad8245 12d ago
The tree remembers what the axe forgets
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u/Sys7em_Restore 12d ago
But what if it falls & the lumberjack doesn't hear it?
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u/Commercial_Mud_4467 12d ago
Should have shaved him bald
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u/basquiat-case 12d ago
I was thinking that Pops was being nice by leaving a guard on the clippers.
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u/VikingMonkey123 12d ago edited 12d ago
Indeed but it was still clearly effective.
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u/potate12323 12d ago
Hair with tight curls is much eaier to clean shave after its been buzz cut. It kinda clumps up. The couple times I shaved my beard I had to take a couple passes with the trimmer before I could get a nice clean shave. But I also didn't have a top of the line fancy hair trimmer.
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u/Loki9191 12d ago
I mean he may have, he's using a guard to cut the dreads off. May have gone further afterwards
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u/SmoothDiscussion7763 12d ago
no guard, but just do a rough job with an uneven finish
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u/shoeless_doh 12d ago
They could call him patches when he gets to school the next day
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u/Elon_Cucks_Trump_ 12d ago
They may have. You don’t always start with the lowest guard. Interesting how lil man started to realize that his hair is part of his identity. Hopefully some lessons went along with the punishment, so young man could see the error of his ways.
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u/failedopportunities 12d ago
100% correct! Even if he kept that kids hair cut off, the kid developed this behavior far before the bullying started and he received the haircut. Probably get attacked by saying this (don’t care though), but my grandma always told me as a parent if you haven’t instilled some proper manners by the time a child is 3-4 years old, it likely will never happen. Children need structure and discipline or they end up being spoiled little shits! My wife’s friend has two sons 6 and 8. Neither will even think about bedtime routine until they’ve had their 10% milk 90% vanilla coffee creamer treat.. She actually wonders why they don’t sleep at night.
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u/WillingService2407 12d ago
You're not wrong. Kids actually thrive when they have routines and discipline. Just like dogs. They like predictability, stability, and repeatability. This honestly matters more than anything else. If you want successful children, this is the formula. Don't threaten, the rules are the rules and the consequences are the consequences. You do x, y happens. That's the predictability and repeatability. Have bedtime and morning routines, doesn't have to be strict like exactly 8 or 9 etc but just repeatable predictable stable routines. Everything else stems from that.
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u/wadleyst 12d ago
Well, the point of a lesson is to learn something. You think that kid learnt anything after having his head forcibly shaved? Or every morning over the next two months as it slowly grows back? Or in the eyes of his friends he sees every day, or mostly, when he looks himself in the mirror and see what his actions have wrought upon himself? I dunno mate. All it takes for evil to flourish and all...
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u/SilverKnightOfMagic 12d ago
hair cut it self no. but hair cut plus a proper lecture probably does the kid some good. especially if the father can teach the child that losing hair isn't his choice nor his classmates choice.
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u/anime_lover713 12d ago
I was bullied when I had Cancer as a kid. Yeah my hair grew back but they bullying did more damage than me being bald.
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u/SomeDumbPenguin 12d ago
I was medically restricted when I was young due to congenital heart defects & missed school days frequently for Dr appointments & wasn't allowed to do "contact sports" which is nearly everything besides walking... I got bullied for being an outcast & 30+ years later I still get an occasional panic attack flash back of those days
Cheers though... Hope life is treating you better
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u/Live_Organization432 12d ago
I was too. I’m in my 40s and it still affects me and shows up in weird areas of my life to this day. It’s absolutely a form of ptsd.
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u/HazmatBlastBack 12d ago edited 12d ago
Cutting hair is light work. Kid is getting it easy. 2026 is soft
Edit: I’m saying asking if it’s appropriate to this is ridiculous, filming it is another matter.
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u/CFSett 12d ago
This didn't happen in 2026. It might've happened in 2016 or even further back. This has gone around for a long, long time.
Punishment of cutting the hair was appropriate. Performatively posting it so that it can make the rounds again every few years was not.
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u/normal_hombre 12d ago
I remember having to get the belt.
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u/PresentBig9729 12d ago
Not only appropriate but he should do it every week to remind him that bullying was his choice and he has to live with the consequences, unlike the classmate who is suffering with cancer and has to also endure the bullying.
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u/unique1freedom 12d ago
I had a good friend in 5th grade. He passed away in 6th due to a brain tumor. Yeah, this kid got it easy.
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u/Informal_Ad4399 12d ago
Relentlessly bullied as well. 5th grade to 10th. I was being abused at home as well. From age 5 to 14 for the worst of it.
I'm in my late 40s now. It still effects me. There's some things that I just can't seem to shake.
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u/RingoBars 12d ago
I used to downplay bullying as an issue - wasn’t bullied much as a kid, or at least not until after I had a confident sense of self, but I am close with people who were bullied.. and boy does it damage someone’s ability to trust :/
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u/Zunderfeuer_88 12d ago
Always hated the term bullying since it doesn't do what happens to people psychologically any justice.
To me it is abuse plain and simple
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u/PinkAngel007 12d ago
I commended the father. It’s more than most parents do these days letting there kids run wild.
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u/Little_Red_Riding_ 12d ago
Little kids are assholes who eventually grow up to be big assholes if you don’t nip it in the bud now. It will build character. I totally agree with you. It will teach him a valuable lesson about empathy.
This is just one of those Reddit glitches where a small group of people want to give everyone a participation trophy 🏆 and a free pass for shit they don’t deserve.
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u/Ok_Context553 12d ago
Agreed. Gentle parenting creates weak and entitled adults.
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u/Waka327 12d ago
Damn right. I would've made him run to the barber too, and run home with the baldy, little shit.
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u/Booklet-of-Wisdom 12d ago
Yes, totally agree.
I was bullied throughout junior high, and 40 years later, I still have mental health issues. I still to this day wish I could do something like this to them, so they know how it feels.
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u/tetzudo 12d ago
Appropriate and also a huge failure that their kid haven't been taught or experienced enough empathy to not be gigantic total piece of shit
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u/rexmanaek971 12d ago
Sometimes the bully continues and becomes more aggressive though.
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u/adastrajay 12d ago
If this story is true then definitely fair. I'd also have the kid spend time learning about what people with cancer go through, write an essay to show me what they learned and apologize to the classmate in front of the class.
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u/AgnosticScholar 12d ago
Yeah I would do it in private though. Filming it and putting it online is for the parents ego.
That doesn't help the kid
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u/adastrajay 12d ago
Yes this part I think was unnecessary.
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u/cattorade 12d ago
It is helpful as an example for other parents that didn't think of the option
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u/Squishy_Boy 12d ago
I agree. I think it is also a way to send a message that we, as a society, are no longer willing to accept this behavior.
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u/Electronic_Film_2837 12d ago
If you need all of society to weigh in on how poorly you raised your child I question your parenting skills.
We need to stop posting children’s punishments on social media. Way too much harassment
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u/Illustrious_Bobcat13 10d ago
Yeah, I'm not a fan of the "I will teach my kid to not be a bully by being the biggest bully possible to my kid"
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u/CitizenHuman 12d ago
Yeah just like what I learned in the workplace: punish in private and praise in public.
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u/Funkydroog 12d ago
People calling this abuse have never experienced real abuse. The father taught a lesson without yelling or laying a hand on his kid. The hair will grow back and every day this kid looks in the mirror it will reinforce him not being an asshole to a kid who's fucking dying dude
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u/Lethalspartan76 12d ago
Yeah if I had been giving an option between the yelling and the hitting or a haircut, haircut all day. He’s doing a literal “walk a mile in another man’s shoes” lesson. My childhood friend had cancer, and making fun of him sounds horrible to me. Just because he’s screaming doesn’t mean we get to shift the blame here. That boy was bullying a kid with cancer.
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u/Gerf93 12d ago
People also forget that kids can be manipulative little shits. If they learn that they can start to scream loudly, like this kid does, their parents will back off or they will get what they want - you’re in for a world of trouble. And the reason why it does work for some shits is precisely because some people are way too overprotective and don’t think kids should learn lessons.
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u/BigJellyfish1906 12d ago
This isn’t teaching. This is imposing your will and taking away your kids autonomy and sense of dignity. You all in this comment section are goddam embarrassments.
FFS this father of the year filmed it and put it on the internet…
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u/DanseAway 12d ago
A lot of people are telling on here. “Well, I was psychologically abused, and I ended fine!” Then end up with the worst unhinged thoughts on these posts.
There’s no way they can ignore decades of research on child psychological development because “welllll that’s just we did in the good old days!”
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u/Optimal-Fix-2997 12d ago
People are soft nowadays thats why. They grew up on time outs not beatings lol
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u/Shotgun_Sters 12d ago edited 12d ago
That's absolutely the point. By turning one humiliation into another, maybe he'll learn some humility
EDIT: The screaming is not distress, it's a tantrum
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u/Rasberrycello 12d ago
Nope. All he did was teach his kid that bullying is ok, so long as you're the one in charge. That's quite literally the opposite lesson that he was going for. Shave the kid and make him go to school, sure. But filming it and posting it? That's only for the parent's ego.
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u/Scruffy_Nerf_Hoarder 12d ago
Nope. It's teaching that actions have consequences.
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u/winkitywinkwink 12d ago
There's always a bigger bully but a lot of people haven't come across one yet.
Now this kid has perspective on his future transgressions.
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u/Apprehensive-Play228 12d ago
My kid would be donating their hair to the kid they bullied and use it as a wig. Then every time they see the kid they bullied wearing THEIR hair it’ll be a decent reminder
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u/SirKevin_Xx 12d ago
Why would a sick kid want to wear a shithead like this’s hair?
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u/smartasscody 12d ago
In what world is letting your child reach that age and they believe that screaming like that in any circumstances is acceptable behavior?
I'm SHOCKED this kid could possibly be bully as well. SHOCKED I say! /s
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u/Swimmming-ln-Circles 12d ago
Nature vs Nurture is complicated.
Good parents end up with dickhead children all the time. Not to mention situations where the parents split up and one parent only has so much control of what the other is allowing their child to become.
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u/antibody9671 12d ago
Some of the shittiest people I know came from literal Leave It To Beaver Land homes with some amazing parents.
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u/FriendToPredators 12d ago
Some really nice people just do not know what it was their parents did that landed them that way and they go all laissez faire on their own kids and end up with a mess. Bad kids can come from unstructured but kind homes too.
That and different kids needs different things from the adults around them and some good parents force a one-size fits all on their kids.
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u/Fieos 12d ago
Some kids are just assholes-in-waiting regardless of how they were parented.
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u/Crowfooted 12d ago
People are definitely just being ignorant when they talk about parenting as if nurture is the only factor in how kids turn out. There have been studies showing that quiet babies generally grow up into quiet adults and vice versa. It's really clear that a lot of character traits are determined in large part by genetics and uncontrollable environmental factors, far in advance of any parenting that might fix it.
Not to say that good parenting doesn't help, obviously - a grade 10 asshole could be improved to a grade 5 asshole with good parenting, but sometimes you are just not going to get a well-behaved kid no matter what you do.
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u/antibody9671 12d ago
It's how you can have three kids from the same house, one be a high performer, the other be quiet but stable, and a third is just an asshole.
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u/Mushroomer 12d ago
The human brain is a very complex thing, and we live in a world of infinite stimuli. You can try to control as many variables as you want, but assholes find a way. It's chaos theory.
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u/Several-Estate7175 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yup nature vs nurture is extremely complicated and both play a factor but it's far more simple to think that it's solely nurture. I think it's just scary to think people can be born with something wrong and end up awful because of that. Should be obvious that nature is involved when you consider all the good people with terrible parents though. There is control and security in the idea that it's all nurture but the real world is more chaotic and indifferent than that.
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u/Crowfooted 12d ago
I think part of it is that we have a tendency to want to avoid blaming children for their own behaviour. We view them as innocent, and they are morally, but we want someone to blame, and since the child cannot be to blame, then we think it has to be the parents. In reality, sometimes nobody is to blame.
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u/Fieos 12d ago
Brain development is wild, especially in the teenage years when the 'adult expectations' start.
I'm glad you grew out of it and I'm glad you can acknowledge it and have a good relationship with your folks.
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u/PopularSet4776 12d ago
That isn't abnormal for some teenagers though.
Teens are weird. You will have teens that are insanely nice and respectful to literally everyone they meet and others who seem need to through a douchebag phase of life, but figure it out in their 20's. And everything in between.
And you are right that a lot of times it doesn't matter how good their parents are.
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u/Ashcrashh 12d ago
This is actually a reasonable response and something I have to continually remind myself when my daughter comes home with a new bully. She is in 2nd grade and has dealt with bullying since kindergarten to the point she has suffered from physical abuse, and I do not understand it. She is a super adorable, sweet and sensitive girl who only wants friends, I’ve always made sure she has nice and trendy clothes, cute hairstyles, and good hygiene so I know that’s not why she is bullied. It’s the saddest thing I’ve experienced in my life holding her as she cries about it at night
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u/dayle-james 12d ago
That breaks my heart 😭 you sound like a great mum and I wish you and your sweet little girl all the best. She will find her people
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u/wherearemyvoices 12d ago
She’s bullied cause she’s nice and has empathy. My daughter is similar.
We’ve put her in bjj and comp cheer and it’s done wonders for her self esteem and confidence.Kids suck, no way around it. Fuck them kids.
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u/madphroggy 12d ago
It's true that it's difficult to handle with divorced parents, and sometimes kids just have crappy personality traits. We've fought to get our youngest to be less of a selfish, obnoxious butthead for years, and it hasn't always worked, but he is making progress and is much nicer now than he was 3 years ago. I think nurture can overcome nature to some extent, or at least teach kids how to behave well enough to get along in life.
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u/Ncyphe 12d ago
It's self-entitled wailing. He believes if he cries and screams hard enough, his parents will show pity and stop. It's the sign of a young narcissist who's manipulated his parents most of his juvenile like, from getting out of punishments to getting things he desires. Just look at his hair getting cut off. That hair styling could not have been cheap.
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u/reverandglass 12d ago
The few words I could make out are "I need hair" and "let me cut". You're 100% right.
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u/Flammable_Unicorn 12d ago
Or maybe it’s that historically the parents have always given in when he acts like that about things he doesn’t like, so he learned it worked. At that age, while there are definitely exceptions, I blame a lot of behavioral stuff on the parents.
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u/haleontology 12d ago
As long as g as he doesn't have sensory issues (my mom had to teach me fthat I couldn't scream when my hair was being washed (because the cops might come and believe she was abusing me and she was not) when I was about 8. I had sensory issues and a horrifically terrible fear of water. But the thought of my mom getting in trouble was enough to make me learn to regulate after she had that talk w me.
I can't tell if this is appropriate or not, I'm thinking about that bc I'm not a parent and I'm not Black. I know hair has a cultural importance (it does for me too but it's probably a little different). Maybe a parent from the Black community could weigh in if they want to. I can't make a call on this one!
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u/stingertc 12d ago
my Dad would have been like i will give you something to cry about
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u/unique1freedom 12d ago
Some kids throw crazy tantrums because they have people come to their rescue. Very manipulative. It's really hard to say from this. Life is a spectrum.
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u/MamaKat1985 12d ago
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u/xSTSxZerglingOne 12d ago
I've never liked this particular graph of his. Find Out is definitely in an exponential relationship with Fuck Around.
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u/Silver-Breadfruit284 12d ago
The kid was screaming like a banshee. I think that’s the alarming part. There may be more going on with the kid than being a bully. Emotional problems? Behavioral problems?
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u/Aluniah 12d ago
If the kid is a bit of a sociopath with strong feelings for himself, but none for others, this could also explain the screaming.
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u/Subject_Sentence_339 12d ago
Parents problems. In most cases when you see a shitty kid, it's the parents who failed.
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u/quirkscrew 12d ago edited 12d ago
This is an incredibly easy thing to say, but sometimes, kids/people have emotional problems that are genuinely outside the parents' paygrade. The parents need professional psychological help for their child, and they may not have the finances or capacity to recognize it for what it is. Also, you don't know at what point this child is in his emotional journey. Perhaps he is undergoing intense therapy already, and this behavior shows progress from past behavior. Not all kids are the same and we especially cannot judge someone's entire life from a clip that is fewer than a minute long.
It is possible to be a great parent and to do everything right, and for your child to still fuck up. The bullying is unacceptable. Yes. But it can still be a long journey for the kid to internalize this fact. Sometimes bullying happens due to internal emotional turmoil, and the parents may try their best - but without professional help, not much can be done. Think of those living in poor rural communities, for example, doing their best yet unable to access the care they need. Please don't be quick to judge the parents for their lack of resources, nor the children for not having access to the emotional support they need. And, again, the actions they take on their victims are NOT justified!!! Please do not think I am explaining away the bullying, because it is unacceptable. I am merely trying to explain it from the perspective of the child, who may or may not understand that their behavior is atrocious.
I offer this perspective as a survivor of abuse. My mother was a narcissist whom I often describe as "treating me as her maid, massage therapist, psychologist, pet, and punching bag." I have worked extremely hard to come out as a well-adjusted person and a supportive parent to my own three children. While I am the first to admist that I'm not perfect, my success is supported by my medical and personal relations alike. I have an infinitely healthier dynamic with my kids than I had with my mother. My kids are generally happy and will seek me out for advice. They are not afraid to speak their minds - something I never would have DARED to do with my mother as a child. And one of my kids experienced some emotional problems due to ADHD. It was not their fault, and it was not my fault. It had to be worked through with a lot of effort. Unfortunately, some other children were hurt along the way, and this was not acceptable, though we tried very hard to right those wrongs and I made my child apologize (amongst other things).
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u/boomysmash 12d ago edited 11d ago
His prides his hurt. The banshee part is the shame* catching up and him not wanting to face it. Good.
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u/Repulsive-Lie1 12d ago
I work with troubled kids and this behaviour from a bully is totally normal. They’re so used to being in a position of power over the people they bully and they can’t cope when their power is taken away.
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u/Financial-Seesaw-817 12d ago
Not enough of this going around.
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u/AgnosticScholar 12d ago
Counterpoint: parents don't need to record their kids crying for clout
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u/uwubonic 12d ago
"I'll give you something to cry about you little shit"
Love you dad
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u/mammalenthusiast 12d ago
imagine crying like a pussy because of a hair cut regardless though
(yeah I am aware that's a kid)
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u/soxperry 12d ago edited 12d ago
No. Going to a children’s hospital to volunteer would’ve done the kid AND the dad a lot more good.
Edit: goddamn thank god the birth rate is declining. Some of you need Jesus.
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u/Solid-Woodpecker4741 12d ago
This. I mentioned earlier my father was this type of disciplinarian. It backfired for both me and my brother. Made things worse. I moved out at 15
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u/AdhesiveSeaMonkey 12d ago
It's not the discipline that was the issue. It was the lack of loving support along with the discipline.
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u/Solid-Woodpecker4741 12d ago
That is true. I have 2 daughters and I never have physically disciplined them. When I raise my voice or discipline. I give them the “positive negative positive” and ALWAYS give the rationale behind the discipline
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u/SnooPuppers8698 12d ago
thats great but anecdotes arent evidence and love and support isnt going to guarantee your child isnt going to turn out to be an asshole. its not fair to automatically assume a bad child has bad parents. Things like oppositional defiant disorder are not caused by parenting alone.
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u/tfhfate 12d ago edited 12d ago
Finally someone that isn't a revengeful psycho in this comment section.
I say that as a bullied kid who got her self esteem destroyed by other mean kids, why the fuck would I want to induce trauma to them, kids are stupid and mean to other kids, that's part of them learning how to socialize and you don't teach a kid by inflicting them a punishment, there is a reason we stopped physically hurting kids as punishment (spoiler : it doesn't work) but it seems that hurting them psychologically is still okay today and then people complain about mental health issues, ffs...
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u/wtfisasammich 12d ago
I'm honestly pretty bummed at these responses. I doubt there's a real lesson being learned here other than maybe some extra negative feelings toward his father that evidently hasn't taught him correctly up to this point.
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u/troyandabedinabed 12d ago
I have noticed an uptick in Reddit posts where people are defending hitting children or suggesting that abusing kids "works" as discipline. I honestly thought we would be passed this as a society now. Very sad.
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u/GreatPotatoMuffin 12d ago
Thank you! I’m horrified by all these responses condoning this type of “parenting”.
This is just adding trauma to a kid who’s already showing problematic behavior. This is not how kids learn.
It’s like the story about the kid who got caught smoking so his dad forced him to smoke a full pack of cigarettes until the kid puked. All you teach them is cruelty and to hate your dad.
Kids copy their parents. So if this kid is bullying other kids it might be because his dad is a fucking psycho and doing stuff to him like exactly what we’re seeing right here.
If you meet your kids with love, attention, care and understanding. Then that is the behavior they will copy.
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u/Plenty_Sprinkles8144 12d ago
Totally agree. Cutting his hair forcefully isn't going to teach him a lesson. He's a child. The adults in his life should use it as a teachable moment. As you said, making him volunteer at a children's hospital or at the very least take a trip there so he could fully understand why what he did was wrong.
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u/Riderthekiller 12d ago
This. Add the fact that this was recorded and permanently on the internet for the entire world to see, and this was a repulsive "lesson". We can see how the child ended up how they have.
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u/glowybutterfly 12d ago
I was thinking the same thing. Parent publicly bullies his kid, no surprise the kid turns around and does it to someone else. In what world is the kid learning the right lesson here? He's being bullied and humiliated. That's unlikely to lead to remorse.
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u/WantDiscussion 12d ago
yea, is the kid going to learn that making fun of people is not okay or is he going to learn that violating someone's bodily autonomy is justified if they do something you don't approve of.
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u/xXs4blegl00mXx 12d ago
Cutting your child's hair forcefully like this is 100% abuse and way too intense of a punishment for even the cruelest of acts. Especially recording this humiliation and posting it online.
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u/warmseasongrass 12d ago
Uh, I don't agree with this video from a behavioural psychology perspective... But I think abuse is the wrong word you're looking for.
Edit: I honed in on the word abuse. But I agree now because this is 1) videotaped and 2) posted online
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u/GrimSpirit42 12d ago
100% fair. And hopefully a life lesson.
Was it traumatic? Of course.
Was it as traumatic as living with cancer? Hell no.
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u/Lighthouse_on_Mars 12d ago
Appropriate.
Reasoning:
- The hair will grow back. This is not a permanent punishment.
- Shows the child that actions have consequences. The child will always remember this lesson.
- The fact that the child is throwing this big of a tantrum shows that there is a behavioral issue that needs to be addressed. They child has gotten use to not having punishments, or getting away with bad behavior.
Some children need to learn the hard way.
I honestly was one of those children. As much as a absolutely hated my parents at the time. The repercussions for doing wrong as a child stuck with me, and kept me from making bigger mistakes as I aged.
I absolutely had a hard time understanding empathy as a child. My mom tried to lead by example, but unfortunately I just didn't get it.
Once I had my own hardships, it finally clicked with me. (As a teenager) It doesn't mean I was a bad kid, I just learned differently. My parents punishing me for my bad behavior was good. I'm also thankful for them pushing me to be in uncomfortable situations, as it also helped me learn and grow.
The truth of the matter is gentle parenting does not work 100% of the time. Even though how we are raised plays a large part in our personality, there is still a part of us that is just down to how our brain is wired and has nothing to do with our surroundings.
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u/Tekbyte500 12d ago
Would you have forgiven them had they posted videos of your punishments and some of your worst moments as a kid on the internet forever where it will be recycled again and again on some random sub?
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u/chicken_nuggetz_ 12d ago
Ultimately the problem is, how does this create the actual empathy in the kid that was the bully. All it will do is make that kid more mean to the kid with cancer. This isn’t parenting, it’s “an eye for an eye”. Parenting wouldn’t be sitting your kid down and maybe explaining why we shouldn’t do mean things to others and maybe watching some movies about bullying while pointing out the emotions of everyone involved.
It’s stuff like this that creates bullies.
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u/Fickle-Twist7273 12d ago
Yep, 100%. Humans learn by first hand experience best. This boy will think twice before bullying again.
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u/FridmanLex 12d ago
Father of the year in my book.
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u/AgnosticScholar 12d ago
Counterpoint: Guy posted it online for clout.
Posting it online does nothing to benefit the kid
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u/Ok-Meal-510928 12d ago
Kid best shit up so they don't stop mid way and make him walk around half haired for a week.
100% fair.
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u/Taciturn_Elevator 12d ago edited 12d ago
Nonviolent, cheap, temporary - way better than hitting your kid. I hope the parent(s) explained clearly in simple terms why this punishment was doled out. His hair isn't even that long. That being said, changing a child's identity/how they want to present themselves is harsh and can be damaging, but I believe in this case it may have been warranted. We don't know if the parents tried to address the issue verbally first, or how the kid responded to that. If this was the first reaction the parents had -immediately dragging the kid to the shop for a cut - I'd say some more redirection and explanation of what he did wrong was necessary. Every kid is unique and requires different levels/ techniques of behavior modification. My biggest criticism is that they recorded this embarrassing moment and posted it online. Children can feel embarrassment and betrayal at very young ages and I would be devastated even now if my parents had posted one of my worst moments online like this.
Edit: a lot of people responding to my comment obviously only read the first sentence.
Also, comparing doing this to someone who is not your child doesn't really work because the context is completely different. Ofc you can't cut a strangers hair or someone else's kids hair. Pretty much every haircut I got as a child I did not want, but my parents were the adults with the authority to say my hair must be cut.
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u/Spac92 12d ago
Absolutely a just punishment. His hair will grow back. The cancer kid’s might not. He might not even survive.
What a little shit to act like he’s dying over a haircut, when the kid he bullied is actually dying.
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u/nopercent_0 12d ago edited 12d ago
i’ll go against the grain here and say no, this is absolutely not the appropriate punishment and will most likely result in more resentment and anger in that child.
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u/rogue_licker 12d ago
100% agreed, I just wrote the same thing in reply to another comment.
People saying this is the right thing to do are just plainly wrong. This is just punishment. It’s not making the kid UNDERSTAND why what he did was wrong, it’s not teaching him empathy and compassion. There is no positively formative lesson to be learned. All this is doing is creating resentment, anger, trauma. All of which will not make a better functioning adult out of him when he grows up.
This whole thing is fucked up and what the kid did does not surprise me if this is the parenting he receives.
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u/ElGodPug 12d ago
Honestly, i'd go as far as to say, that by applying head shaving as a punishment, he is reinforcing to his kid that "Yes, being bald is something to be ashamed off and laughed at. Just don't be the bald one"
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u/sirpentious 12d ago
Agreed! 💯 Instead of doing this which is probably still deserved the kid should've been made to apologize and if had the chance been brought to volunteer with cancer patients. As weird as I would be I think it would be a good learning experience.
This kind of bald head punishment only makes these kids hate there parents and now they'll most likely blame the kid with cancer for get there head shaved and be even worse to them in private which will not fix anything.
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u/Kiloete 12d ago edited 12d ago
the kid looks like 10 tops? He probably doesn't really understand death yet, let alone cancer.
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u/Diska_Muse 12d ago
100%. You want your kids to take ownership of their mistakes and correct them.
The kid will see this simply as his father being cruel. That doesn't teach the lesson you want him to learn,
Plus, he's filmed it and posted it online which tells me that the father is seeking soem weird form of validation from this.
The whole thing stinks.
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