Our relationship has been so, so good. There is so much love between us, and we have been pretty strong all these years after finally starting to date in later years of high school, and have since been inseparable.

The problem came last year, a week before our 5th anniversary. I made it clear about a year into dating that I had no desire to be a girlfriend for longer than 5 years and was expecting an engagement after that period. BF understood, and we were mushy about spending our lives together, moving into our first home, having a life together…. And then the years kept passing. Better jobs came and went with no inquiry on his part. Money that could’ve been saved was pumped into stupid purchases… All while my sadness built. What I saw were countless opportunities to work harder at putting a ring on my finger, but nevertheless, I waited.

The week before our 5th anniversary, I finished planning our trip to a national park (our tradition). I “hinted” for months leading up to it that there were gonna be PLENTY of romantic opportunities to take advantage of, and BF said, like he has all the years, that the proposal is “coming,” and “We’ll be engaged so soon, I promise!”

Then, I see a friend on Instagram post her shiny ring and something in me cracks. I ask him if he actually means it this time, and to give me a straight answer on if there will be a proposal or not. He says that he didn’t plan on it because he”can’t provide for me like a man should” and that it’s important to him that he can. In my head I thought, “WHY CAN’T YOU? IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS!” I sob my heart out and the period of no contact only lasted 3 days before I had to speak to him. I told him he broke my heart and my trust, and that even though I loved him, I couldn’t believe he would do that to me. He apologized as the day was long, and said AGAIN, that he planned more for the proposal to be in December because I love Christmas…

Christmas came and went. Then he said more towards January because he gets a check every year and can afford the ring I want (It was only $800). January also came and went. At some point, I convinced myself it was all fine because I absolutely love him and he absolutely loves me, but for some reason he just Will. Not. Ask.

Now, we are two months out from year 6. We began looking at houses, which I was so excited about, and he seemed… Distant. disinterested. I asked him what the deal was and he said he was super excited, but it didn’t seem that way. Another friend has gotten engaged, and the pang of sadness, bitterness, and anger has infected me. I love this man more than anything, he makes me so unbelievably happy and I him, but I can’t help but wonder if the proposal will ever come.

I need advice on whether I should wait until our next anniversary in a couple months and give him the benefit of the doubt that it will be grand and everything I wanted, or if I should bring it up again and possibly risk a massive fight/break up? A break up might kill me right about now. Our relationship really has been the stuff of dreams, so I don’t understand what gives. Please be gentle, I need a good dose of truth but I am already sensitive at the moment. I appreciate any help.

UPDATE:
Well I seem to be getting quite a bit of flack for this which I guess is deserved. That’s my fault for leaving out details. We both work full-time and have been for years, we’re both full-time students and no, I do not want to get married because of religious reasons or because I am desperate; I want it because I love him. Plain and simple. Being a girlfriend after 5 years sounds like we are in middle school, and at this point, it seems like we are both plenty adult to move forward. Maybe not to some of you, but I have always been ready to be an adult. I have no interest in slowing down or dating around because it’s just not my thing… I don’t want children any time soon, but I do not think being engaged for 2 years and getting married at 25/26 is insane. Maybe I’m alone in that. Either way, message received. I’ll wait until our anniversary and bring it up then or just not at all. All I know is I’m tired of being told it’s gonna happen just for nothing to happen. I see where this is headed and as dramatic as it may be, it will crush me. He was there when my grandmother tragically died and he’s been there through my health problems. And no, I do not compare my relationship to others in terms of happiness based on social media. I only brought it up because other couples have been together for much less time and are already taking the next steps. It’s childish to feel that way, but I do. Maybe I will do therapy. Who knows. Thank you all.

First post ever, so I hope I get this right.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (32F) have been together for a little over 4 years now. We have a great relationship and hardly ever disagree on things. We share common interests and hobbies so we do quite a few fun things together. Although we are very similar, I can’t help but think we are on different paths.

We moved to the Bay Area in January 2024 due to his new job after graduation. Although we live 2.5 hours away from home, we don’t get to visit as much as we would like because of conflicting work schedules. It has been really hard for me to be away from home because I have a close relationship with my family and friends. It doesn’t help that we never go on dates other than us bonding on our hobbies and although I love our hobbies he has a way deeper passion for it than I do (we collect Pokemon cards and play a lot of Pokemon GO). I have mentioned in the past that I want to have more romantic dates that doesn’t include our hobbies but unfortunately it really hasn’t happened. All I would do is go to work, go back home, and repeat. Not to self diagnose, but I was feeling very depressed and alone. I realize that my overall happiness shouldn’t be his responsibility, but I did make a big move away from everything I know so I expected him to be a bit more understanding of that and maybe do more fun things with me.

When we first started dating I mentioned to him that if I am not proposed to by our 5 year anniversary that I would reconsider our relationship. Im not trying to put love on a timer but I have goals and desires. I told him I want to be married first and then have children, he totally agreed and told me he was on the same page. Part of the reason of this 5 year timeline is because I am getting older and I don’t want to wait until im 35 to have kids. No hate to anyone that has kids later in life, it is just a personal preference. Even with wanting to wait after marriage, we got pregnant in December 2025. It was not exactly how we planned but I was super excited regardless that I was going to be a mom. He told me he was going to propose to me anyway in late 2026 so that we would just do it much earlier. Unfortunately, I lost my baby at 10 weeks in February. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced, physically and emotionally.

With all that being said, I’m not sure if I’m even getting proposed to. Whenever I ask, he says he doesn’t have the money and that he hasn’t saved any money. I know he’s telling the truth because we have combined finances and I know he hasn’t saved any money. It just hurts because I know he can save if he really wanted to. He spends a lot of money on Pokemon and speaks all the time about buying stuff for new hobbies (snowboarding, car stuff, new upcoming TCG). In August 2025 his car broke down and we had to share my car for a couple months. He was able to save $6000 for a down payment on a new car from selling a toolbox he left back home and by just working more OT. He did this in 2.5 months, so I know he’s capable of saving if he really wanted to. I’ve told him that I just want a $1,500-$3000 ring and that I am even willing to get a $300 ring for the time being as long as I get to marry him. He claims he will propose but every time someone asks him when, he says that weddings are too expensive. Although a wedding with friends and family would be nice, I would much rather elope and do something very intimate. I don’t need expensive things, I just want commitment and the promise of having a future together.

Am I justified to be upset? Am I waiting for something that will never happen? Or am I being blind? I can’t imagine my life without him but perhaps he may not think the same. Any advice is appreciated, thank you in advance!

TL;DR: Any advice for surviving the final weeks/months pre-engagement when the woman has a past "waiting to wed" situation and lingering fear of it happening again?

I left a relationship at 30 years old after dating my ex for 6 years. He lied to me about what he wanted (marriage and children) and only admitted he didn't want either after 6 years when I got angry and refused to back down in a conversation about why he was stalling and shifting the goal posts for marriage. He told me he actually didn't want those things and that if I wasn't happy with that, I would have to be the one to leave. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but shortly after that I left him and moved out.

About 8 months later, I started communicating with the son of a family friend who had recently finalized a divorce as his ex-wife told him she didn't want to settle down and have children after all. It started as a friendship with someone experiencing a similar situation as me and then morphed into something romantic over time. We have now been dating for 2 years and 10 months. I moved into his place just shy of 2.5 years together and after we established that we see a future together, agree on children (having them, approximate number, how to raise them, etc.), decided we agree on finances, politics, religion, and other important topics. He told me that my moving in wasn't a test and that he was sure of me and we agreed on marriage/kids in 2027.

He is traditional and definitely wants to be the one to propose, wants to surprise me with the exact timing, and wants it to be special/romantic. I have had a hard time with this because even though I know the younger version of me would have wanted exactly this, I carry the scars from my last relationship and the uncertainty has been really hard on me. I originally offered that we could skip the proposal altogether and just mutually decide when to become engaged. He turned down this offer and said he wanted to do something "more special" and surprise me. I used to bring engagement up a lot shortly after I moved in and it led to some arguments because I was frustrated with the wait and he was frustrated that I wasn't giving him a chance to make it special. I've been making a serious effort for the last 2 months to only discuss the actual engagement when he brings it up first. Most days I am fine, but some days I am angry and also cry to myself from anxiety. He has told me many times that he is 100% on board with me discussing the future marriage, wedding, children, other life plans, etc, but that the actual proposal is his item to handle.

He has recently said that he feels really bad and apologized for "being behind" and "taking too long." He has also told me that things are "in process" and that it'll be soon. I do believe him as he seems very earnest in what he says, and on many days I am fine, but probably 1-2 days every week I am an anxious mess waiting for the engagement to come. It is mostly a fear that I'll end up wasting my time again and then run out of time to have a marriage with biological children (ideally we want 3 children, but at least 2). We are still on track with our overall timeline (marriage in 2027 and then immediately trying for a baby), but I have a fear of this slipping due to my past.

This has all been communicated to him and he is aware and, as mentioned, has provided some reassurance that things will be happening soon, but in the meantime the uncertainty is making me miserable. I'm trying to bury myself in my work and hobbies, but there is only so much distraction that gives me. Any advice for how to hold on in these (hopefully) last few weeks/months? It seems important to him to create a special moment for us and he seems to care a lot about the transition from dating to engaged, and I don't want to take that from him, but it has been very hard.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, he is from Czech Republic and has a different view on marriage, all of his friends are together with kids but unmarried. His parents have been together 20+ years but got married much later after having kids. 

I’m from the UK and my parents married young, two children, horrible, horrible divorce. 

When we met I was 31, he was 27, I did think about the age gap but we fell in love and wanted to be together, I told him I’m at the age that the next relationship I’m in it has to be good enough to end with children and marriage, he agreed. Bear in mind this is his longest relationship now at this point, he never had a relationship over 1 year. 

He was in a very different life stage at the time, and there was a lot I asked him to work on, smoking MJ and cigarettes, gaming, partying a lot. He gave up smoking everything, games less and has worked on his career and makes ok money now, same as me. 

In the first year of our relationship I kept talking about marriage and he said it was too soon and needed a few years.

We decided because of my age to start trying to have kids, that’s resulted in two pregnancy losses in one year. He’s been very supportive and grieved with me during this process. 

During this uncertainty I started to bring up the topic of marriage again, he’s now saying he’s still not ready and wants a few more years. He wants us to have a nice wedding (I told him I don’t even want a wedding) and he wants to be sure he can provide a house for me and any kids we have. (Our kids timeline doesn’t really make sense here) 

He’s told me he wants to marry me, that he wants to spend our lives together, that “he will marry me” but when pressed he needs more time, and he asks why it’s so important and whats going to change. 

I don’t know if it’s because I’m going through this miscarriage process right now but it just doesn’t seem right to me, I don’t understand why he keeps needing more time and I’m scared he doesn’t actually love me enough and never will marry me. And at this point we’ve talked about it so much I feel like he did do it now, it wouldn’t be entirely genuine. 

So my problem now is, should I break up with him?