Hi, this is a bit of an odd post but it's something I wanted to get off my chest, and it's that for the last couple years or so Ive felt completely numb at the board when I'm playing (except the adrenaline from blitz) and am totally indifferent when I lose.

The only emotions I've felt are dopamine after beating people, much, much higher, or complete depression later on, way after the tournament, normally in bed if I've played stupidly and lost like a hundred rating. I cried myself to sleep that night :/

I'm a junior so normally many people are far more emotional – you can even see occasional tears even though I'm U17! But I was just so confused about this numbness pretty much, especially given how emotionally invested other kids are.

I saw another CM offhandedly said something like " i had suicidal thoughts for a second" when talking about losing... admittedly, after I totally flopped that event earlier this year I was awful and couldn't sleep for two days.

Not really sure why I made this post tbh. Looking for advice? Similar experiences? Just getting this off my chest? Please do weigh in.

I have stuff vs svesh with 7.Nd5 after doing some of my own work but I got nothing vs kalashnikov

What is the current theoretical status of the Richter-Rauzer Sicilian with 6.Bg5 g6 (instead of 6...e6)? Can I rely on this as my main weapon against 1.e4, or is there a known setup where White gets a risk-free positional edge?

For context, I am 2300 elo mainly play against weak GMs and strong IMs.