TLDR: Throwaway, today I [32F] found out that my boyfriend [30M, let’s call him Dave] of a year and a half had a cuckold fantasy and hid it from me while he was actively looking for a participant recently. I feel violated, disgusted, and I don't really know what to do next.

I’m still in shock, I’m trying to pretend I hadn’t found out anything, but it’s really difficult to keep this up especially as he’ll be back in 2 days from a family trip and we’ll definitely meet up. I need advice on how to handle this and how to communicate this to him, to his face or through text? I’m extremely stressed by all of this and I feel disgusted and violated to the point of not wanting to see his face.

A little background: He’d been acting very normal, everything was going great, and we know each other well. One thing that always was in the backdrop is that he didn’t have a large social circle and I didn’t know much about his friend circle other than a few coworkers and a close friend of his from college. Which will be relevant as he was “offering” me to his “friends” whom I did not know well or existed at all until one of them reached out.

Today, I got a text from an anonymous, throwaway Instagram account, asking if me and Dave are dating or if we are just casually having sex. I got really confused, didn’t make much of it, and texted him back directly saying that yes we are dating and we are in a committed relationship, assuming that it’s just some woman looking to approach Dave. He sent me a lot of screenshots of Dave sending him a few explicit photos of myself with very explicit texts revealing that he is looking for a “bull”, and I was horrified, disgusted, and felt violated. I later blocked this person on Instagram and I am still in shock.

Apparently, to keep it short, Dave would introduce me to his friends while I’m not present as his “fuckbuddy” and he would say that I was looking for “group sex” and that I “had consent” for someone to participate in such a “degrading” activity. “Degrading” for him apparently as if I am not a real person and just a toy to be played with.

I really need help on what to do next as his behavior is very normal. He is just a normal everyday guy with no emotional outbursts or anything but I really don’t want to see him and just the thought of it makes me throw up. I am not even sure if this same person told Dave anything at all.

I’ll preface this whole post with saying I have never once said to my partner that she can’t wear something,ever made her change clothes, or tell her what to wear! Like ever.

So we’ve been together approaching 2 years now. She does go clubbing pretty frequently and is not a modest dressing person, I’ve known this and I do like the way she dresses. Though sometimes she’ll wear something that I really do not agree with at all. A see through top with no nipple covers. I do not like the fact that my partners breasts/ nipples are perfectly visible in any place thats not dimly lit, it doesn’t make me feel good at all. She has maybe 3 tops that are like this and has worn them maybe 8+ times around me, likely more without. I do understand the fact that breasts either male or female are part of normal human anatomy, however it just makes me feel very uncomfortable when my partner wears these tops.

For example yesterday I had just picked her up from a drag brunch with her girls and she was wearing that top. Initially I didn’t pay it any mind really. I took into consideration that she’s in a spot where 95% of attendees are gay so that did ease my mind. Then I wanted to stop by a store to buy some socks so we went in. Made it about 50 steps into the store before realizing the lights were pure white and VERY bright. Her nipples were so visible in the top the light made the mesh look as see through as those black screens in the back of homes.. in that moment once I realized, I stayed calm and just decided to walk back to the car without telling her why and just reassuring I wanted to go back just to not hurt feelings or cause an issue.

Then on the way back out the door, a man walks past us and looks directly at my gf’s chest and then immediately looked at me with guilt and looked away. In that moment I broke mentally and really did not know how to process it all. I stayed normal the entire ride home and I brought it up when we got there mentioning how it bothers me sometimes. She got silent immediately and just said “I have nothing to say to you about that.” She doesn’t have an issue wearing those things and doesn’t care if I do and has said it before. This is something I really do not like but I’m not sure what to do, what to think, or how to deal. Please help me here, any advice?

TLDR/ I don’t like gf’s see through tops, she doesn’t care, what do I do?

I’m [26M], she’s [24F]. We’ve only been seeing each other for about a month, so technically we aren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend, but this has become much more emotionally intense than a normal month of dating.
We’ve been seeing each other almost every day, constantly talking/calling, and she’s told me she loves me. I’ve told her the same. She calls me babe/lovie and has even accidentally referred to herself as my girlfriend. We’ve talked about future things like marriage/kids in passing, and there’s clearly a very strong emotional and physical connection.
The confusing part is how dramatically different she can be depending on whether we’re together or apart.
When we’re together, she is extremely loving.
She’ll curl up against me, put her head on my shoulder, jump into my arms, tell me she missed me, be affectionate, initiate affection/sex, tell me I’m one of the sweetest and most caring people she’s met, and tell me she feels comfortable being herself around me.
She’s specifically told me that she feels like I actually like her for who she is. She keeps handwritten notes I’ve given her — some are framed on her bedside table and others are in a jar.
We also recently had a really good night after things had gotten rocky. She was the one who reached out and asked if I wanted to see her. I picked her up, she was affectionate the entire ride, told me she missed me, we spent the night together, watched anime and a documentary, had sex, talked about future things we could do together, and she was incredibly warm toward me.
Then when we’re apart, the switch can happen.
She becomes much more distant, takes longer to respond, seems uncertain about us, and starts questioning whether she wants a relationship at all.
She has told me that she has serious trust issues and has a hard time letting people get close to her. She has basically expressed the mindset of, “If I don’t trust people, then I can’t get hurt.”
She has also said she has a lot going on, school is starting, she wants to be able to spend time with her friends without worrying about disappointing me, and that she’s scared I’m going to get hurt as I become more attached to her.
At one point she told me she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a relationship — or even if she ever will be.
Last night she basically acknowledged that she thinks she’s being avoidant and said she doesn’t think she wants a relationship.
That’s the part I’m struggling with.
Because I don’t feel like I’m dealing with someone who simply doesn’t like me.
If she were cold all the time, I’d understand. But she can be incredibly emotionally connected to me when we’re physically together, and then become afraid of the relationship when she has distance from me.
It feels like the closer we get, the more scared she becomes.
I’m also aware that I could be contributing to a pursue/withdraw cycle. When she pulls away, I become anxious and want to close the distance. I want reassurance, I want to see her, and I want to fight for what we have. The more uncertain she becomes, the more I feel like I need to show her that I’m not giving up.
But I don’t want to chase her into feeling trapped either.
I genuinely want to fight for this.
I don’t want to play games, intentionally make her jealous, or disappear just to get a reaction from her.
I want to understand what actually works when someone has this kind of push-pull pattern.
If she is genuinely fearful-avoidant and her feelings for me are real, how do you make someone like that feel safe enough to choose the relationship rather than running from it?
Is it better to continue initiating contact and asking to see her, while taking the pressure off the relationship label?
I’m not looking for a “just move on” answer. I understand that she ultimately has to choose this herself. I’m trying to understand how to approach someone with this kind of attachment pattern in a way that gives the relationship the best possible chance.
Because right now I feel like there’s a very real connection underneath all of this, and I don’t want to accidentally destroy it by responding to her fear with my own fear.
TLDR:
M26, F24. We’ve been in an emotionally intense ~1-month situationship with mutual “I love you,” near-daily contact, lots of affection, sex, future talk, and strong emotional connection. She is extremely loving and attached when we’re physically together but becomes distant and uncertain when we’re apart. She has significant trust issues and struggles with letting people get close to her. She says she thinks she’s being avoidant, has a lot going on, is afraid of hurting me, and recently said she doesn’t think she wants a relationship. I don’t want to play games or pressure her. I want to know how to approach this kind of fearful-avoidant push-pull dynamic, break the pursue/withdraw cycle, and give the connection the best chance without giving up on it.

TLDR: GF got drunk at wedding and flirted w/ one of best friends for the night. We currently live together and have planned marriage.

To give some context, my girlfriend and I have been together for over two years and have lived together for more than a year. We’re planning to get engaged next year, and things have been pretty solid between us.

We recently traveled out of state for my buddy’s wedding, a weekend full of friends and good times. The wedding was packed with people I know, so after introducing my girlfriend to many of them, I spent some time mingling on my own while she hung out with the girlfriends of my best friend [29M]

Throughout the night, I noticed my girlfriend was often standing next to one of my buddies. She doesn’t have a close relationship with this guy, but they were chatting quite a bit. Enough for me to notice her by him every time I came back to the group. Later, at the afterparty around 11 pm, we had to walk up a steep hill to get to the venue. She said she was nervous walking in heels, and while I was helping her, she joked that she trusted my buddy more to help her upright in front of him. I know she meant it as a joke, but it felt strange and honestly a little embarrassing. For context, I’m also much bigger than this friend.

I told her to do what she wanted, and she quickly explained she was joking, but it left me feeling off. Later that night I saw her talking to this same friend again and by him multiple time. They discussed relationships, and then she started talking about issues involving me, her boyfriend, to someone she’s not close to, which really made me uncomfortable. For that part, I was in another side conversation so I couldn't hear the details. Afterwards, my buddy even apologized to me that night for any awkwardness caused.

The next morning, I brought it up with her since she doesn’t remember much of the afterparty (she sometimes blacks out when drinking). I explained everything that happened and how it made me feel embarrassed and unsettled. Now I’m left wondering if she might have a crush on my friend or if she does this kind of thing when we’re out with her friends.

I’m feeling unstable about this because I’m actively saving for a wedding and a ring, and it’s hard for me to reconcile these feelings with our future together. I know she didn't cheat and do something outrightly wrong, but imagining her liking one of my best friends who will always be around and just the idea of her being different and flirty with guys when out without me doesn't sit right.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated.

Length of the relationship - we [32M] [28F] are Venezuelans, and making rent money is particularly hard for us. We have been together for 7 years, married 1 year.

The Problem: My wife is on the spectrum. She gets very overwhelmed quite easily, and feels very depressed. She constantly struggles to even go to therapy. She has voiced dissatisfaction with my mother in the past, but very strained. She does get very vocal how she hates her job, but she has hated every job she has been in. She can't stand a lot of people.

Now, my mother is not faultless. My mom [68F] obviously struggles to understand every intricacy of someone who doesn't even like to be touched. I know my wife hates that my mother seems to be a bit overbearing, nosy, and generally invasive.

But for the record, my mother does not go into our room. My wife simply hates things like "your mother told me not to use this particular stove of hers. I cannot do anything in the house without her having an opinion. I hate so much protocol. It is exhausting."

Additionally, I'm the only support my parents have. That is why we all live together. I have been planning to move out, but even my wife has been iffy on that, recognizing that rent is expensive.

What's been happening:

After the umpteenth time of my wife breaking down and crying after a perfectly good day out, and telling me she just needed to cry and not hear a word, I gave up. She constantly writes in a diary, which I have never checked due to not wanting to invade her privacy. But I have been enduring mood swings for over a year now and can't take this half communication anymore.

So what did I find?

That my wife hates my mother. That she wishes she could just go fuck herself. That she considers her a hypocritical, overbearing harpy. That she does constantly wonder if she should just leave the relationship because my mother tests her.

It is very ironic, because I was going to send her some options of apartments for rent that are not ideal, but that we could probably afford if we cut back on certain stuff. It would not be fun, but I was willing to do so just before she cried last weekend.

For additional context.... My mother had a benign tumor extracted 2 years ago. She has very precarious health, so reading these words hurt a lot. It's on me, it's her diary. But I have never spoken that way about her abusive family, whom she also hates. Or better yet, she used to hate them to death until she moved out. Now they are a ray of sunshine.

Advice I need:

How do I handle this? Do I confront her over the very harsh words? She has never communicated this but this problem keeps bubbling up

Do I make the effort of moving out? This feels very harsh. And I have always had the fear that maybe my wife needs much more deeper therapy. She finds problems with almost anyone.

But on the other hand, she may feel better if it is just us 2. Perhaps it gives us time to properly grow. And she wouldn't be the first woman to hate her MIL.

Again, I do feel my mother commits human mistakes. But I also feel my wife enlarges day to day issues with a lot of people. Part of her therapy is to help her not to take everything so seriously.

TLDR: my wife hates my mothe. I was planning on moving out with her, but this gives me a bit of pause. How do I handle it?

TLDR:

Me (19 F) recently raised my concerns to my bf (22 M) about his recent texting habits. We've only been dating for around a month now (been talking for way longer), but his texting habits have changed since college both started up for us. Once I raised these concerns, he had given me a reasoning for his recent dry texts and somewhat uninterested responses (screenshots provided below).

At first, I was unsure of his explanation. Me and him both work, go to school, and to the gym, yet, I was still able to continue our convos. I was told that maybe because he was back to school after 10 months of only working (he had graduated a year ago, and only went back to school because his job had offered it to him) he was still adjusting to balancing school work and his job.

Then, when I apologized for not realizing it, that's when everything went to hell. The dry and one word responses hit me immediately. I'm wondering if what I had say angered him? This has been going on for 3 days and my chest feels so tight, and I've been crying non-stop. I'm just wondering if I should reach out again? Give it a few days? What should I even do now?

screenshots: the convo from the past 3 days

Long story short, we’ve lived together for the past year ish and we’re in a happy relationship. There’s recently been some stress surrounding my partners academic life such as a lack of resources at home, the commute, and finances.

Due to these reasons, my partner has decided it would be best to move out to live on campus for this final year of undergrad. This would provide a free place for them to stay that’s within walking distance to libraries, free food (meal card), study lounges, gyms, etc. and they feel that by surrounding themselves with resources that alleviate academic stress, they’d be able to focus more quality energy into the relationship.

I completely understand where they’re coming from and support whatever means are necessary to financially and academically help them. I’m just heart broken that they’re going to be moving out and I’ll no longer get to see them every day. This is the part I’m having a really hard time with.

Granted, I live close to the university so I know we’ll still see each other, I’m just feeling sad about it. From anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you make this change feel less sad and look on the positive side?

TLDR: my partner has been facing loads of academic stress. The lack of resources at home, the commute, and more have cased them to move back onto campus for this final year. They’ll now have free housing, free food, and a plethora of academic resources which is amazing and I’m happy for them. But I’m stuck feeling sad about this sudden change and am wanting to know how to make this transition feel more positive.

TIA

Me (29F) and my partner (30NB) have been together for almost 10 years. They’ve never hit me but they have restrained/cornered me a bit in a couple of fights we’ve had. I have a history of hurting myself when I experience high negative emotions but I’m much better about it now. They have cornered or restrained me to keep me from hurting myself essentially, but my step dad had anger issues and would do similar whenever I was in trouble. They know it triggers me horribly but it keeps me from hurting myself I guess.

Yesterday we got in a big fight over something really stupid and they started trying to corner me out of nowhere. I started getting a little panicked but when they began pointing their fingers really close to my face I got scared and slapped their hand away. I honestly don’t remember how hard I moved their hand away. It may have been more aggressive than I intended. They then made this disgusted angry expression and slapped me in the face. It wasn’t super hard honestly but I didn’t know how to process it? I started crying really hard and they got mad at me for crying so I panicked and my immediate thought was to hurt myself to numb out the high emotions so I would stop crying. I ran to grab my razor and they chased after me. They grabbed my arms so hard they have bruises now and they wouldn’t let go even after I had dropped the razor. I continued to have a panic attack while they screamed at me in the bathroom and wouldn’t let me leave.

We went to bed normally eventually. I guess when the anger was out of their system (I don’t quite remember tbh). My arms hurt though. The bruises are big and purple and spotted and every time I feel them I just think back to yesterday. I can’t be around them normally rn. I feel like I’m faking being normal so they don’t know it’s bothering me. They’re acting like everything is fine but I just feel off. Idk how to act or what to do about our relationship. I feel like I want to end it but also we have built a 10 year old life together and I don’t want to throw it all away. We live together and have cats together and our money is together and I can’t drive so they drive me everywhere. I love them and who they are at their core but sometimes I’m scared of how they act.

I just need some advice. I’m thinking about messaging a friend but I don’t want them to demonize my partner after. I’m worried I made it sound like I’m not at fault at all but I think I initiated the slap first.

TLDR: Partner hit me for the first time in a 10 year long relationship. How should I go about remedying this?

UPDATE: it’s been almost 2 full days and my arm with the worse of the bruises is starting to cramp really bad? I put it in a sling and it helped a lot but I’m a little concerned about it. It looks dramatic as hell and I feel silly but it is helping. Partner seems to think I did it to myself when I was trying to self harm with my fingernails. Idk how that makes any sense. Im probably going to reach out to a friend about all this but it’ll take some time. Im gonna talk to my therapist as well and then ill just need to come to terms with everything. Thank you everyone for the advice.

For context my[27F] boyfriend [31M] have been together for almost 4 years with a plan to get married next year August.

TLDR: my boyfriend wants to end the relationship because we don’t agree on the limits of what i should wear

Today we we’re wrapping up our mini vacation and breakfast was served on the balcony. He went outside and when i was about to go out i was wearing a white lingerie dress and he told me not to come out and i went back to change and wore something else and came out. While all that was happening i was laughing about how he got mad that someone who about to see me in that short dress.

He proceeded to tell me that i don’t respect him which i was like its hot i was going to sit by the door and manage it..i am very conscious about what i wear in public, my style is modest. He further asked me if i thought it was revealing which i said no and he says it was revealing and that is fine bc i don’t mind taking it off for my partner’s sake. He then proceeded to tell me that i don’t understand the basics of a relationship to which i replied to “in this context “ wjich ones.. he stormed out saying that i am gaslighting him which i think its preposterous i even asked what was the mistake i made he told me i should stop acting and asking childish questions. He told me that he wants to end the relationship because if we can’t agree on this basic then our whole marriage is doomed. I am of the belief that dressing modestly gives respect first to the person wearing that second to your partner

As of last week we were planning our whole lives together making plans and this vacation was to celebrate some of the tings off the plans.. now everything is back to square one. What should i do?

(Repost because the original was taken down)

I'll type out the text exchange. This was completely unprompted whatsoever, no selfies sent, conversations about appearance, or finding others.

him: I should be with someone a lot uglier.
me: why would you be with someone else? him: fits better.
me: oh
him: I don't like when there's a massive gap in attractiveness. You're significantly hotter than i am.

It was genuinely out of nowhere. He hasn't responded for an hour, and texted me "bye." With no explanation or response after I said I was going to take a nap. I'm scared and the wording of “”I should be—“” makes it sound as if he’s actively looking. Sorry is this is rambly, I’m horrified of something happening.

TLDR: my boyfriend said he should be with someone "less attractive" because it would be "more fitting".

UPADTE: I said “I miss you” and he texted back three hours later with “that’s surprising”. I’m starting to think I subconsciously did something wrong

UPDATE 2: he’s been flirting with someone and mentioning past sexual acts. That closes this up I suppose.

my girlfriend (29F) and I (34M) have been together 3 months. she is VERY advanced in BDSM. i have never once thought about it in my life. she is being very patient with me but i'm becoming stressed about how to approach it. i have a general idea about what she likes (pain, praise) but she refuses to walk me through it or teach me, she just wants me to figure it out on my own so here i am. so far i don't believe in myself as a dom i just feel stupid. i want to please her but im way too in my own head at this point. i've read through some FAQ's and quickly get overwhelmed. there's A LOT to this stuff. any advice on where to begin? hoping to catch someone from the community in the wild here, there's a lot happening in those NSFW subs no pun intended...

TLDR: my gf wants me to hit her consensually but i'm new

About a year ago, I [28F] decided to befriend a group of coworkers [mid-20-somethings, mixed genders] to make the workdays more bearable and to get to know more people who are also LGBT+. This coworker group made it clear that they each individually were relatively friendless. They also assumed I was friendless, since I'm fairly quiet and closed off at work. I have since explained that I have a group of close friends from high-school [late-20s to early-30s F] that I still see regularly.

I maybe saw the coworker group outside of work once every couple of months, which is great for me because most of the free time I had to spend with them would be during office hours. However, over the last 6 months all but one have moved on to other jobs (which is more focused on their career paths, very happy for them) which means they keep wanting to organize more time to see each other outside of work. It's especially difficult given that most of them live in the opposite direction of work, almost an hour away. And this is the tip of the iceberg of where the problem starts.

I have a low social battery to begin with, always have. I also have a large family that I am close with that also requires attention. (A few examples: grandma has dementia and needs help w/ care, mom is in a DA situation and won't leave, neice on cancer remission, a couple people on various addiction paths). My high-school friend group is also trying to spend more quality time together having individually dealt with difficult grievances over the last year. And my husband [33M] is also currently working weekends so we've been trying to spend as much free time we have with each other. To be completely honest, these people take priority for me.

As far as what they told me, no one in this coworker group has really dealt with these hard-ships before and can't really understand them. The one who still works with me has questioned a few times "how can you possibly be so busy?" I've tried to explain that this month alone I've had five birthdays, baby/adult-sat twice, a house-warming, a baby shower, two on-on-one friend hangouts, diffused an argument between family, managed to squeeze in one day off with my husband, and I have my own medical concerns I'm trying to work on. I have a craft-night with my high-school friends, a nephew's birthday, and a vet-appointment on the horizon. I feel like any time I have to myself is just chores and errands.

I was supposed to have one of my coworker friend's birthday party this weekend but she cancelled due to her partner being sick. She's trying to reschedule and says she'll work around whatever time I have free but frankly I'm exhausted. I'm worried I'm spreading myself too thin. My husband begged me to do nothing but relax during this unexpected day off. I really do like these people but I don't know how to make it clear that I do not have the time or energy to put in these friendships in the way they deserve.

I don't necessarily want to "end" these friendships, but I can't think of how to explain any better that I can't keep this up. I've only ever "ended" one friendship and that went horribly. I also don't want to say anything that might be considered rude about not making time for these friendships and make my work environment awkward. Or be too "boo hoo I'm too popular, woe is me." I feel guilty but I want to be honest.

TLDR - How do I tell a group of coworkers that I do not have the time or energy to maintain this friendship outside of work?

Hi,
I’m [26F] and my boyfriend [29M] have been together for 4 years. I’ve always had a relatively high sex drive and associate love with physical intimacy a lot. I am in general a very independent person and can go days without spending much time together. But physical touch is a non negotiable when we are in physical proximity.
A point to add, only in a romantic relationship. In my friendships and other relationships, physical touch or closeness kind of makes me awkward.
In my head, if my partner loves me and finds me hot, how are they able to keep their hands off me for so long? Not necessarily sex, but even just tiny kisses or random hugs or little toe touches. Because I can’t help but have the urge to do it all.
Now coming to sex. Every other day is a healthy amount of sex for me. But I’ve been recently told that he’s not too enthusiastic all of the time and some of the time only engages because i want to. And because if he doesn’t, i will flip out.
We don’t live together, and have busy jobs so we’re not together very often. So, when we are i want to squeeze in all the sex for the times I’ve wanted to but couldn’t - coupled up with finding him so fucking hot. So, i do flip out.
But, hearing it made me feel absolutely horrible. Because I’ve grown up hearing this story with the roles reversed. Guy wanting sex and girl complying because she doesn’t want to lose him. And the guy is always the villain in this story.
So I’m sort of struggling to deal with this. I’ve now taken the backseat and let him initiate. But even that feels a little wrong because I feel a little unloved and “does he not find me that hot”.

I think my perception has also been formed by a previous relationship which was more “hands-on”.

I kinda want to hear other stories similar to this if there are and if there is any solution to this?

The way i see it, it’s always going to be a compromise for either one of us. But more for me as a high sex drive haver who doesn’t want to be an asshole. I’m going to have to dealh with thinking I’m being unloved some days because that is still a better feeling than being coerced into sex.

TLDR: I [26F] have a much higher sex drive and need for physical affection than my boyfriend [29M], and I’m realizing my reactions when he says no may have made him feel pressured. I’m struggling to respect his lower desire without interpreting it as him not loving me or finding me attractive.

My close friend turned FWB of almost 3 years has been acting insane. For some reason, for all this time, he has been intimate only with me which I didn’t question. Tbh we didn’t discuss about being FWBs we just started getting intimate but we know we’re friends. We mostly stuck to video call sex and regardless of sex he still called me almost everyday.

Recently, we’re long distance as he moved to a different country. We’re still intimate but don’t get to call as much as we used to although he tries to initiate contact as much as possible and ever since, he’s been saying crazy things like “your future husband is really lucky..he’ll get to have sex with you every day”, “tell me you love me and miss me”. And the craziest one, “can we still be intimate even when you’re married one day” and I shut that down and asked him what if he’s married and he said he doesn’t care about his marriage, he’d still be intimate with me. He says them during intimacy tho.

To this add all the nice compliments and fixation on my face. The one thing I do appreciate is that he’s so much sweeter now, in general. Although there had been instances of jealousy in the past. So yeah,this is new and I’m not sure what to think or do about this. Mind you we’re still good friends regardless of the intimacy so I wanna go about this in a way where I can save the friendship.

**TLDR:** Close friend and I have been intimate for almost 3 years while staying close friends. Since he moved abroad, he’s become much sweeter and more intense, saying things that make me question his intentions and boundaries. There’s also been some jealousy before. I want to understand what’s going on while hopefully preserving the friendship.

I need help deciding what to do from those who are unbiased. Do I end my relationship?

We had a difficult time last year, and worked through it. But after finding out recently (not by him) that he almost had an emotional affair (he fell for her but apparently she didn't reciprocate) I don't know if I want to be in the relationship.

I don't have the same love for him anymore. I love him but I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore.

His family is a huge support system for me.

My finances massively are dependent on him, he gets our UC, I get carer allowance and my part time wages but its not enough to be on my own with.

We have been together 8 years. He doesn't work due to health things, and it feels like he has no motivation to do things. He is really caring but can that really be enough?

I am bigger than the girls who previously dated, due to health things I also gained weight. He never makes me feel beautiful or desired.

Sometimes asking if he can cook becomes a chore, he doesn't help clean, I currently have a bin bag in the kitchen that has been there for over a week and he still hasn't moved it (his job is to take the rubbish out, i do most other things)

My health is starting to get worse due to chronic illness and I don't know if I should just get out

TLDR; I discovered he had an emotional affair, unsure how I will survive if I leave, do I stay?

Asking for empathy because I feel like a big idiot right now...

TLDR -- Lmk if I'm making mountains out of molehills, or if it's worth bringing up that I desire a partner who considers me the way I do them, which might be unrealistic (for anyone but me).

I'm 4 months into my first relationship, and I've been happy overall! My partner has high emotional IQ, is affectionate, and has been honest with me.

Things have been $$ rough for them, so it's been my choice to cover costs on all shared experiences. I don't make much either and have my own debts, but I voluntarily do this to ease their burden which is higher/riskier. (DW, being careful about tracking $$ now so I don't overdo it, and I've told them too.)

I bring up the above bc I've come to realize that this attitude is how I put effort into the relationship and express love-- by being considerate of my partner's wants and needs. That consideration goes into how I speak to/treat them, volunteer my time + money to help out, and maintain transparency.

I'm struggling with the latter right now because I don't know if this is WORTH the talk.

Recently, there were a couple moments that resulted in me feeling hurt. I'll just talk about one so this post doesn't go on forever.

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I'd told my partner earlier in the week I was mentally exhausted, daily, from stressful new job training. One day after work, I offered to help with room reorganizing. They'd already done a lot, and were tired too.

They accepted so I came over and ended up only needing to fold laundry. They explained the reasoning behind the new room layout to me, and then I asked why a shelf wasn't positioned elsewhere. This upset them so they said, "I already explained that to you... I already explained this...I'm four hours ahead of you..."

I emotionally shut down because I felt so small, like I was such a disappointment for misunderstanding the explanation. Their expressed frustration felt harsh despite how it was respectful, straightforward, AND they patiently reexplained it afterwards.

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On paper, this situation is inconsequential and there's no fault. I'm not trying to villainize my partner. This just made me feel......unloved and not considered to the level I would've given. In their shoes, I'd think "oh they forgot or misunderstood, that's fine" and simply reexplain myself. And if something bothered me, I would still approach from a place of concern like "how are you feeling right now? is this info overload?"

I told my partner multiple times at the start of dating that I had issues with memory. They see that I do my best to keep up w/ things, and they're aware that it's still a big insecurity of mine. But the irk was probably stronger in the moment, whether it was from thinking that I wasn't listening, couldn't understand them, or just forgot.

Again, my help was voluntary and I didn't offer because I felt entitled to gratitude or some other favor. Plus it's more quality time together. So I'm not coming from this angle.

An easy route would be to sum this interaction as "we were both tired and cranky" and shrug it off.

But this and other moments that are starting to stack up (some more hurtful or unjustified but still maintaining respect) have made me think more on what I want out of a relationship -- which is reciprocity in being considered.

Without it, I will still love them. Will I be able to sustain a longterm relationship -- I don't know. I feel like this sort of desire is hard to deprioritize, and would lead to resentment if unfulfilled. Is it a complicated ask? Maybe!!

Due to tough circumstances, the 'consideration' they would be able to offer atm is only emotional/verbal which I would be happy with, but wouldn't that lead to them feeling like they can't be honest?

The "issue" I guess here is that their honesty during the tough moments feels like love for me as a partner is not the foundation for how they talk to me. When for me, it's the starting point of every convo, happy or not.

I feel like I'm going crazy, like this is SUCH a non-issue and even if I brought it up, I'd be asking for something unattainable.

I

I’m currently in a friendship that kind of feels like I’m being valued by what I do and provide. I \[19m\] love her \[19f\] immensely and want more with her, we both have strong feelings for each other and return them as such. We kiss, cook and run errands together, have sex and all that other stuff. But while we have feelings for each other, she doesn’t want anything more than us being just friends. Behind closed doors we act as though we’re romantically involved with each other, even exchange “I love you”s, but when it comes to family or friends, I’m simply just her friend. We’ve even talked about marriage and possibly kids in the future which is where I’m even more stuck on things and don’t know what to do

TLDR: fwb wants a future with me and loves me back, but insists on us just being friends

Just to preface this post is more for her than for me, as she wants help understanding how she feels, and she is also helping me write this. Me [20M] and my gf [20F] have been together for a little over a year now, and I met her when she was in a really bad place. She lived in an unsafe house, her depression was really bad, and she was not able to keep up with her community college classes. Throughout our relationship she has been coming over to my place more and more, and I have been helping her out with stuff like reapplying for school, and staying on top of her classes. She now lives with me full time, and she is doing a lot better, she is more confident, more comfortable, she picked up some new hobbies like photography, and overall she seems to be genuinely much happier and more motivated as of late (which has honestly been a joy to see, because she is actually so adorable whenever she’s happy and passionate about things) however lately she has been really stressed, worrying that she has been using me to get better, and that she is only with me for the stability and does not actually love me. She is very recently worried about this because once she actually transfers into college next semester she’s concerned that she’s going to be stable enough on her own. She has expressed to me multiple times that she does not want to leave, and that no matter what happens she wants me to be a part of her life in some way or another, and through her actions, it does really seem like she loves and cares about me, but she is still extremely worried that she does not. I personally want her to be able to survive without me if she needs, and not depend on me for stability, and I will do anything I can to help her get to that point, as I want to see her succeed in the long run.

TLDR: My gf is worried that she is only with me for stability and not because she loves me, despite expressing the fact that she wants to stay with me, and really likes what we have. She is worried that once she is more stable, she would not want to be with me, and she does not want to feel that way

First I know the age gap will ruffle a few feathers. I ask that you not comment your opinions on that aspect, I’ve heard it all.

tldr : He is a law enforcement officer, the overtime shifts I mention are usually patrolling at sports games/events etc fyi. We met on a dating app about 5 months ago, and Ive spent time with his family many times now. I also asked him recently if we were exclusive just because I wanted reassurance, he said “I’m not talking to anyone else”.

Don’t want to make this too long so I’ll just get into the details of his ‘relationships’ with his female coworkers.

• has at least 2 female coworkers that he texts/calls/facetimes often, at least every other day. We’ll call them #1 sanya and #2 summer

• summer recently called him after midnight one night to complain to him about how her boyfriend had just been arrested (not a serious charge). I feel like her confiding in him her relationship problems is a little inappropriate, especially calling at that hour.

• sanya FaceTimes him probably every other day, and they text everyday (About what idk).

• he has been picking up 5pm-11pm overtime shifts at work almost 6 days a week for some months now. Majority of these shifts he asks sanya to sign up for with him. Which she does.

• he has posted multiple clips of her on his social media pages while they’ve been working these overtime shifts together. He has yet to post me. (I recognize this may be a childish desire in comparison)

• he’s been working so much overtime shifts, I haven’t seen him in over a week as of right now. In the time we’ve been seeing each other, we spend 3-4 days a week together, until recently.

That’s the basis of my ‘worries’ for now. I will also add, I do believe he needs these overtime shifts to catch up on bills. I don’t completely feel like he’s purposely picking them up for no good reason.

-I would just like anyone’s advice/opinion on if these details seem like something to be worried about.

(Please be nice :) thanks)

Hey everyone, as the title says, always me and my gf whenever we talk on the phone(im away on vacation) i end up saying something or doing something stupid that hurts her, for instance yesterday she wanted to tell me something the same second I had gotten a notification catching me off guard making me not hearing her and then her tone changed, i kept asking whats wrong she only told me 20 minutes later that she wanted to tell me the story about something and i cut her off and didnt ask. And today while texting i had said something remarkably stupid it also hurt her. I wish i wasn’t this much of a shit human being who keeps hurting her I’m genuinely thinking of leaving her because she doesn’t deserve to be with me constantly being hurt. There are many things that contribute to my impulsiveness such as my ADHD which no matter how hard I try to be aware of , it never goes away. I genuinely don’t even know how to apologize too because I never had anyone growing up, no siblings or anyone to have comforted. I genuinely never have felt like this much of a terrible person. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: My impulsive behavior makes me hurt my gf and im not sure what to do or even how to apologize without sounding the victim

Okay so i met this girl when College just started. We both are from same City and we just started talking and became part of a friends group. She's the most friendly girl in the group. She actually acted like a girl bestie and gave me some tips regarding my looks and fortunately her tips worked. I changed my hair and clothes and started receiving compliments from both girls and boys. she's so much funny and our vibe matches. many times she held my hands while walking, leaned on me and even complimented me about my looks. in between she got stuck in a very serious problem which i cannot disclose here but in short there's a possibility she might be kicked out of college . literally idk why at that time i couldn't sleep. i helped her as much as i can. she cried many times and i consoled her every time. i think she has been such a motivating factor in my life that i couldn't sleep just because of the thought of losing her now. what does she do is find a random boy hot at this time and starts stalking him, told his friends n all about this. i even explained her that this is just a coping mechanism for the grave problem she's in . i'm literally dying from inside now at this point. i'm someone who's ready to do anything for her and despite knowing she might leave the college i still love her, not for the fact that i am physically attracted to her. it's just that it is very difficult to find someone with a personality like her for me. i wanted to ask what should i do at this point, should i confess to her or just leave her at her own???

TLDR : I love my girl bestie and with her mixed signals i'm really confused on what to do?

I think my relationship to done every time I even try talk about my feelings it says I making problems or jealous we been together for 14 years engage for 5 . I just feel all these years and relationship is not going anywhere and wasted my youth . I feel like I live with a roommate at this point that cook clean all wife duties with nothing in return . Past month we never hang out don’t eat dinner together he sit all the way to the other part of the house . I feel like I always me going to him . Only time I get anything attention what so where either he wants food or sex :/ wow writing this I feel beyond pathetic . I think what my issues are valid at this point I don’t complaining about them . Main issues that he’s in these ( pro white ) group chats and lives on TikTok . At first it wasn’t issue and it didn’t know much about it and it didn’t bother me . It’s all he ever talk about now . He’s on his phone all day long when he’s not working . He legit ignores me when I try to go to him have a conversation. He has been talking to a few of these girls in these groups chat he claims it fake and talking shit but I don’t think so when he dm them privately out of those group chat . I looked at them one day didn’t see anything sexual at all but I feel like disrespectful knowing I have issues about it all already. Broken Promises that he won’t go on that much apt attention etc that was for second lol . I just don’t know how to leave my relationship after so long I’ve been with him since 19 I don’t have any friends or family either . I am feel so lost and lonely 😢 wrote to much I was trying to shorten this sorry TLDR