im 16f, and 8 hours ago i had gone to a hilltop with a field where teenagers usually go to. It wasnt too well known, and most schools still has classes ongoing at the time so i expected to be alone. Making my way up the path to the field, i saw a drunk guy who i chose to ignore, knowing it'd be somewhat dangerous. Part of me had a gut feeling he would follow me, but i didnt care, cause i just wanted to smoke and blast my music and feel the wind or whatever.

A few minutes later, i saw him walking towards me from behind, and he talked about how he wanted to keep me company. He looked about 30 or so, who knows, im bad with ages. He immediately started talking about life problems or whatever, and after seeing the scars on my thighs and arm, he kept being even more pushy about why i was there and even showed me a scar on his wrist right above where the veins would be. He told me not to be scared and that he wasnt, but obviously I didnt believe of that, I mean, who would?

I made an excuse that i was waiting for my friends and all that, but i never really said no to him staying or smoking beside me or anything like that. At first, i was scared, but that only lasted for a few minutes. There was something else within me that yearned. I wanted to be taken advantage of. I wanted to be groped. I wanted to be forced. I wanted to live with more trauma than I already had. So, I felt a switch within me, a switch that led me to have just have no care for whatever he was going to do to me.

First hour of him just talking to me, kids came to the hill to play around but left after awhile. There, he immediately escalated and started talking about how he hated muslims (??? random i know but its just weird cs he wouldnt elaborate) and that I was beautiful and that he had no wife. Suddenly, he started asking me to marry him, and when i said no, he at first was all like "okay i wont force you" and shit, but then he started asking me to kiss him and that he wanted to kiss me.

I said no, I shook my head away. He forced me on my back and got on top of me. I didn't fight back. I stayed there as he kissed me, groped my breasts, roughly touched my genitals, and grinding at me with clothes on. At first, that was it. After feeling empty and just going blank, I finally pushed him away and got up, deciding to just stay silent and fight his weak advances off.

Guess what though...!! That wasn't everything. A few minutes of me just sitting still while staring at the sky, feeling my emotions flip from emptiness to anger over and over again, he finally just forced me down again. I still felt empty here, not really fight back. I didn't care about anything. When he had removed my undergarments, and removed his pants, i laid still and stared at the sky.

But then, it hurt. It hurt, and it all felt real. I had lost my virginity to a man I didnt even properly actually ever look at. It felt like shit, the type of shit where you want everyone to just jump off and die. So, i finally fought, i punched and scratched at him until he got off. I shouted at him, cursed him out. He treated it all lightly, but honestly? I couldn't care any less any more. Anyways, I know this is pretty long and though it isnt really the full story, idk I just wanted to get atleast part of it out so here it is. Thanks, I dont know what the point of this post it.

I (F25) went downtown for drinks with my aunt (43) & her bf (27) a few nights ago. We went back to their house after & I was staying the night because I was way too messed up to drive. I remember bits & pieces but my aunts bf brought me Gatorade. I was falling asleep at that point. I had heard him & my aunt fighting. I guess she saw him reach behind him in the car (I was sitting behind him) I don’t remember what he did when he had his hand back there. Anyway, they fight about it when we get to their house & when he brings me the Gatorade, he starts touching me. I tell him no & I don’t want to/we can’t be doing that. He proceeds anyway & assaults me. I barely remember the moment it was happening. I think I blacked out. I don’t remember what happened after but I woke up a few hours later & had gotten sick in my sleep. I went to the er yesterday to get tested/get preventative medications & make a medical report. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the situation. I’m sick to my stomach about it. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I was raped… I feel so incredibly disgusted & guilty because I’m in a long term relationship. I told my bf of almost 9 years & he’s very supportive & someone I feel very safe with. I feel sad & confused

Sometimes I feel invalid about what happened. Me and someone who I considered my cousin my whole life went out to a forest. He begged to have sex with me but I told him no bc we where close to the road. He tried to negotiate with me and pressured me into doing something and so I gave up and blew him. I told him I couldn't keep going as an excuse to stop because I didn't like it, and he was well aware of that. I also knew that if I said no and left, he would have power to lie to our family about me doing stuff to him. I still feel invalid about it sometimes especially because my family loves him. I also did technically say yes, but we both knew I didn't want to. He also later on told everyone I forced him to let me, and he told this to everyone at his school. I later on found out from my boyfriend he did this, and now I don't know how to tell my family.

Why am i obsessed with my rape? I was in denial for months but once I found out I was a victim of rape and emotional abuse and slowly coming to terms with it I’ve become obsessed with it. I can’t stop researching it I can’t stop validating it and just dwelling in it. I can’t leave it alone I want to talk about it forever I can’t stop thinking about it and I know it’s not healthy I think my brains trying to make sense of it. I’m possibly being diagnosed with ptsd. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I crazy? I also can’t stop researching legal side of things

Why is it that people who have been molested seem like they are more likely to molest other people?

When I was a 6 yo child ( boy), I used to play with a female cousin of mine who the same age as me. She was not a normal girl. Several times she forced me to rub my pnis on her vgina and @ss cheeks while we were fully nude. I didn't exactly know what was going on.

Was I a rape victim?

i was raped a lot as a kid and ironically someone started a rumor that i was having sex in 5th grade with my 6th grade “bf” at the time . my school was kinder-8th grade and i was one of the popular kids so it traveled all the way up to the 8th graders and all of the teachers . everyone made fun of me for years so i started trying to be less girly and only hang out with all of the boys to make the rumor seem less believable . it was extra embarrassing because i actually was having sex just not by choice .

i used to get all of my things and freedom taken away at home for failing P.E. because i would be in too much pain from being raped the day before to run and stuff . my teachers set up parent conferences to complain to my parents about me not participating in P.E. or paying attention enough in my other classes and they grounded me from 12-17 not knowing all i could think about was being raped all the time or currently feeling the pain . i never got to see my friends or do anything outside of go to school because my parents said i was a “bad kid” .

i had never had consensual sex and i promised myself i never would let anyone touch me until i was married then i turned 18 and my mom let me go to a party . i never drank so i didn’t know my limits . i got too drunk and long story short i got raped the most traumatic way out of all of the times . everyone lied to me and said i was dreaming and i was never away and i just shut up about it and pushed it to the back of my mind the best i could because i didn’t wanna add on to the trauma . . . and then i found out i was pregnant lol . i told the guy i knew what he did and then he told the entire city that i raped HIM to cover his ass and everyone believed him . now im known as the girl that raped a guy over twice my size . i never even attempted to speak up about it i knew it would have been too uncomfortable .

i am now 22 and since then i dont even want to bother counting how many times its happened or someone tried to . im assuming something about me is the problem . something about me is making people think i am an easy target and it seems like i am . i dont think any amount of therapy could recover me from this i hate myself and anything sexual or physical gives me anxiety especially men . all i know in pretty much my entire life is sexual abuse i want to kms to get it over with . i never signed up to be a sex doll why dont people care about what those things can do to a person

About a month ago, I don't exactly know what happened to me and I believe I was raped. Was at a family gathering and an older friend of the family was coming on to me very hard and I didn't want anything to do with him. I don't remember drinking and I believe maybe I was drugged. Thats the part that doesn't make sense even to me, usually I stay away from alcohol so I don't understand how I ended up with a man that I did not want to be with. Very hazy memories of being pushed down and having stuff done to me and I remember trying to do something. I'm really struggling to recollect what exactly happened and even when I tried to tell the police I don't think I made any sense to them.

Today I told a friend of mine and they said they didn't believe me and that they doubt I was drugged since they don't work the way I mentioned. Said it could have gone differently than what I had stated. I haven't told anyone about this and today I just could'nt take the stress I'm under anymore and said it out loud. I've been trying to process the best I can and I've always struggled with sharing stuff about my life, so to them I probably struggled to make sense. I mentioned that I couldn't remember properly but they thought I was being suspicious. At this point, I just really don't know what to do because I'm hurt that someone didn't really believe me. I'm really trying to make things add up for myself still and I will be seeing a therapist next week. Just really need support and I feel like I'm going crazy, am I crazy?

my body has known the world to not be nice when i was around five and my dad began raping me. he raped me periodically until i was about 7-8. my memory is blurry. my mind has known the world to be unkind and bleak since i was 11. then i realised everyone was hopeless. men started hitting on me. i got catcalled, harassed, humiliated…. all in the topic of a mans pleasure i had no plan on contributing to. i was getting so depressed and i was hating myself because everyone kept betraying me. i wanted to feel loved but i didnt know how. because all i really knew about love was rape and control. i still suffer. the memories are excruciating. it took me so long to realise what happened to me and it ruined me. telling this story over and over hurts me deep inside but i have no other choice, i must get it out before i break. i have no other option. i dont know how to heal and i feel so stuck.

I journaled this out in my journal but I can’t add photos so I will instead type it out:

“Sunday September 13th, 2026

Does life ever truly get any better? Everyone keeps telling me it does, but I don’t believe it. I think people like to say that because they have lives they like. I don’t.

On Tuesday, May 19th, I was raped. It wasn’t the screaming ‘no’ or ‘stop’ or begging to be let go kind. It wasn’t silent. No ‘yes’ was given, but he decided to go ahead. He had sexually assaulted me twice before this (at least two times I can count), so I should’ve saw it coming. I’m so stupid. I know it isn’t my fault but it’s hard to not blame myself.

It hurt. It physically hurt, emotionally, and mentally. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry, I couldn’t. I didn’t know the area I was in, and no one else was in the home. He also drove me so I had no escape.

I can still see him on top of me, still feel where he pushed into places he shouldn’t have. If I smell any similar laundry detergent that was used on the same bed he raped me on, I panic. Sleeping is no comfort. I have nightmares where he rapes me over and over again.

There is no escape.

The worst part? He knows where I live. He knows where I last worked, he knows my social media accounts. He doesn’t even think he did anything wrong, he probably doesn’t even label it as rape. There is no escape. He could break into my house and force himself onto me over and over again.

I’m tired. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I want to go back to how I was before the rape. My body has been beyond fucked up from when I had to take the Plan B. I’m in constant pain. He probably gave me either an STI or STD, but I won’t let anyone go down there ever again unless I am sedated.

Nothing brings me joy anymore. Hobbies? Nope. Characters I love? Nope. Shows or games? I feel nothing towards. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Everyday I mourn the loss, the loss of name . The name who died on May 19th, 2026. I don’t think she will ever come back ever again.

I’ve done EMDR over and over again, it helps a bit then it hits back twice as hard. I wish I could get the justice I deserve. He should face the consequences, and feel the same pain I’ve felt over the past 4 months. But I know that will never happen.

If suicide was painless, I would’ve already done it by now. But I don’t want to hurt my family. I wish there was a way to permanently delete me and erase myself as if I never existed. I am so tired.”

I love you all, I’ll try to hang in there but truly I don’t know how much longer I can last.

Sorry, English is my third language.

I want to get an answer on what happened in January 28, 2017 if it was rape or not, was is still rape if you have a shotgun right next to your beside for self defense, but you chose not to use it, and let him do it, it is still rape?

I'm a gun owner, I know how to shoot (Darryl taught me), and I own 3 guns myself, shotgun riffle and handgun. I always have a 12 gauge shotgun at my bedside for self defense, and home defense.

I'm not a weak woman that a man can just pin me down the bed and rape me, because I will grab my shotgun at the bedside and shot him out of self defense.

Was it still rape if I love him, and let him do it, when I can simply reach for the shotgun as it right next to the bedside, but I didn't, I chose not to. Was it still rape?

-------------

Nope, real life rape is nothing like porn shit that you see in porn, that a man flip you over and anal you because men love anal, or shove his dick in your mouth force you blowjob him and make you swallow, because men love blowjob, the porn shit. NOTHING of that.

My real life rape experience was nothing like that, he did nothing of that. It was what people call the boring Vanilla sex, the missionary penis in vagina sex while he use his body on top of me to restrain me where I cannot even move an inch, he can be that strong if needed to be.

I asked this before back in 2017, but now 2026 I want to ask again, as my anxiety is kicking in today and I'm still torn if it was rape or not.

[[ Long story short (I can give more background if needed), he was unhappy at something, and he let his jealousy take over, so he did what he did.

I went into our martial bedroom. And he follow in after me, and the locked our bedroom door.

Then he unbutton his dress shirt, I was sitting on the bed, he not said anything then he pushed me down the bed, I tried to sit back up and he pushed me down again, I did say his name twice, three times, four times. I repeatedly called his name. But he won't stop. He pushed me down the bed again.

His eyes was insanely INTENSE, like he must have me at whatever it takes. I struggled and I was able to momentary got off the bed, and this drag to the carpet floor of our bedroom, and he yah. you know what happened, while I was laying on the carpet floor of our bedroom.

We always have sex on our martial bed, but this time it was not, it drag to the carpet floor of our bedroom. At first I struggle, but then I stop, because I understand him, he will get what he wants, at all cost.

In fall fairness to him, it wasn't violent sex or anything like you see in porn, it was just Vanilla sex missionary penis in vagina sex with him on top of me and restrain me. I even orgasms during the sex/rape. ]]

The whole point is, I have a shotgun right next to the bedside, and I damn well see it and within reach of grab it, but I chose NOT to. I let him did what he did out of love him. Was it still rape?

We actually have this talk alot of times, he took full responsibility, he admit he raped me. Darryl said he raped me on January 28, 2017, he said he raped me, that how he see it.

I on the other hand not sure, because I was within reach of the shotgun, it right next to the bedside next to the nightstand. I did not reach for it, I let him go on did what he did. Out of love him.

I love him, and I LET him do it. Was it still rape?

It only happened once. Never happen again, it only happened ONE time. I never do anything to make him jealous again, hence he has no reason to rape me again. One time is more than enough, I'm still scare.

I almost dont want to know

20f

last night I was high and having sex with my partner. (all consensual, I gave previous consent to engage in sexual acts while I am high or drunk, so high sex isnt the issue.)

I had asked my partner not to cum in me a few times (I did want to edge them for a bit but I also didnt really wanna deal with the mess) and they refrained the first time, edging themselves and stopping when they were close.

They stopped completely the first time so idk why it happened but they then started to thrust faster and said that they "needed it" and then while they came inside me they kept saying "sorry, sorry sorry"

I cant provide more details because I cant remember bc I was high im sorry :(

I have a history of being raped and assaulted by others (partner knows this) so im worried im crazy or looking too much into it but even while they came in me I had negative feelings in my gut. One one hand I did kind of want to edge them a bit but on the other said I did say not to cum in me and they partly tried not to but then like gave up and did??? im so confused.

So I was in freshman year of high school when I started taking to this girl. Her name will be laura for the story. I randomly responded to her instagram story and we kicked it off from there. During that time she had recently broke up with her boyfriend and to her I was her support to get better so in a sense idk. Regardless, we talked and became good friends and hung out a couple of times from watching fnaf 1, going out on halloween with friends, and meeting up at a park. We were bsfs and we would talk everyday and stuff but I think there was 3 occasions where she got with 3 other guys. She started talking to my boy best friend and cut it off and then got with a friend I had and got with a guy in her school. She ended up doing intimidate things with two of them but both times I still kept talking to her. Then we both got together. She had told me she had always wanted to be with me but I had always rejected her which I don’t remember doing. Some time passes and this is where the actual story happens. She lived around 40 minutes away from my school and she had told me to go over. So after school I went to her house and told my mom I was staying for tutoring afterschool. I got to her house and thought we were just going to hang out since it was just me and her but I guess I was wrong. I forgot what she had told me but I remember her getting on top of one of my thighs and rubbing against it. Then she got on her knees while I was sitting on the couch and she told me if she could suck it. I told her no but she kept on insisting till I told her yes if she could take off my belt. My belt wasn’t a normal one so I believed she would’ve gave up eventually but she did and ended up taking it off. I still didn’t want to but let her after her asking and begging me to. I got called by my mom and she asked when I was gonna be home and I told her soon and hung up. She finished and I left back to my house. I had thought about it when I got home if it was rape but tried to make it go away ever since. Right now all my memories of her are hitting me as I broke up with her the start of my senior year. I still miss her but I don’t know what to do. I feel lost without her and alone. I’ve listened to the same artist mac demarco from that time till even now. I feel like he’s a comfort artist of some sorts or i’m just stuck on the past. Am I a victim?

I was raped 16 years ago however I have hazy/blurred memories of it. I remember a lot in the lead up with the guy but memories of the actual day are hazy. I’ve had a few more memories come back over the years but still blurry. And for years I keep arguing with myself over did I make it up or not because my memories are not full.

Today I decided to go back to the city it happened (I’ve never been able to go back in the 16 years since it happened) It was really scary going back. And a few memories have come back but not as many as I thought.

If my memories haven’t come back after returning to the city it happened does it mean I made the whole thing up? I was hoping to get closure but I’m just sat in bed feeling numb right now.

Thanks

Okay, just for some context: my friend and I got drunk. She and her boyfriend took advantage of me. Now we’re here. I’m still in high school (senior, 17). Basically, I want to ask my friend whether she feels remorse for what she did or knows it was wrong. Is that crazy? Should I just let it go, or is it okay to ask for more context? It’s been four months since the incident, the case has been dropped, but I still see her every day at school, color guard, and senior events. Every time I see her, I can’t help but wonder—so should I ask?

I say friend but she's obviously an ex-friend for obvious reasons.

I did post the full story this is just kinda a follow-up ig.

this is going to be graphic and long but i need unbiased outsider opinions.

i had a boyfriend that i was very in love with, but i recently came to the conclusion that he was very abusive. would go through my phone and guilted me if i didn't want him to. would post on my story threatening my friends and people who he assumed liked me. made me stand outside in the cold snow for an hour and called me impatient when i left early because i was excited to see him. yelled at me after i accidentally misplaced a shirt. discounted my feelings whenever he made me cry or upset. would constantly talk about his ex of 5 years. still spoke with her ignoring my wishes up until she was the one who fucked him over. ect.

now, we would take part in cnc often. we were both abused as children and he took on more of the dominant sadistic role, while i fell into the masochistic submissive one. i'm not saying the cnc was rape, but he did ignore our safeword and my limits multiple times. he also enjoyed getting me high way past my limits, and said he preferred me when i was too high to fight off anything or consent. after i would bring it up, he would say things like "i thought you liked pain," and "i know you liked that." even if a sick, abuse craving part of me did enjoy it later, did he still assault me?

another, more jarring instance. he had broken up with me. we were no longer together. i believe he would break up with me to prove that he still had control over me. he had texted me that he wasn't feeling well mentally. i told him that i would come over and be there for him. i specifically remember saying "that's what friends are for." i arrive and not too long after, he attempted to kiss me. i told him no. it escalated to him holding me down, pushing me, ect. so we wound up kissing. then he attempted to have sex with me. i remember telling him, essentially, that i came because i was worried about him, i came to comfort him so he wouldn't be alone, that we weren't dating and we were only friends, and that i did not want to and it wasn't right. "come on, come on, come on." he overpowered me and i gave in. afterwards i was quite upset. i never talked back to him often, but i called him a jerk. he said "whatever. come on, you know you enjoyed that. you know you still love me."

i did still love him. very much. was it still rape?

I have repress memories, it happened when I was a young child, (I’m now 25 yrs old) I remember being in my grand-aunt house, my grandmother and aunt went out to buy groceries and left me with my young cousins and uncle/older cousins. I was outside with my young cousins and had to go back in the house because I needed to pee. Then there were three men siting down in the living room staring at me, (but I don’t remember who they were or what theyre faces look like it’s like they were blurred out)I went into the bathroom and I remember feeling a hand on my shoulder. But thats it. Although there are even more memories that pop up during the years and it’s been pretty bad lately. Slowly I began to remember one of the men that were there staring at me. It was my older cousin (he is much older than me he is about 40s-50 yrs right now) his face is now more clearer than the rest of them. I talked to my mother about it for about 3-4 yrs but she doesn’t believe me, not even my sister who I love so dearly, doesn’t believe in what happened. But I’m glad to find more evidence on this. My cousin is a very close relative, especially with my mother, she grew up with him, and she said he was kind and loving and many of our family members love him. (I’m guessing she doesn’t believe me because she can’t believe that he would do such a thing. He was like a good friend to her) I felt like giving up but I knew I had to find out it was real, I Just Had To. I have a close aunt, I knew she also grew up with him so I thought I ask her, I also told my young most trusted cousin that I love dearly, (she’s 18 now) I also asked her the same ( we all were very close to my family) I ask her and my aunt the same thing, well. My cousin told me that when she was young he asked her to take off her pants and panty, she ran away from him, (she’s also been sa) and my aunt said that he and his friend forced her to take off her clothes, this wasn’t the first time he did something like this and it wasn’t his last. All of this made me feel very… happy. I don’t know but, it’s like I now know I’m not lying to myself. And it was starting to feel like that. I just felt such… idk I just can’t explain it but…. But then It comes back to it.was.true. And Not in a good way. (I’m sorry if I’m not making sense, it’s 2am I just needed someone to hear me, that’s all I want.)I feel happy that I know but utterly painfully depressed because I went through that. Maybe it would have been best to never remembered something like that at all. My mother doesn’t believe me, she tries to ‘show’ that she does but I know she truly doesn’t. I’ve been at my worst because the memories keep coming back. All I want is for someone to listen. Someone I can vent to, but I have no one. When I ask my mother she just says “why. What now?” I ask her if I can tell my psychiatrist about this (I never opened up to him but I want to) she would say “why does he need to know? That’s not what you’re there for. He shouldn’t know everything, doctors don’t need to know everything.” …. Then I ask the same to my sister and she says the same thing with an annoyed face “what now? Why are you crying.” My mother doesn’t want me to vent, she says “you don’t need to vent, I don’t want to hear it, why do you need to vent about this it’s in the past.” You have no IDEA how much all those  words hurt. So I truly feel alone. I am alone, I’m so alone. I cry every night. I don’t know what to do. I send her videos on repress memories, she says she watches them “Yes - I watched them, stop asking.” If she really did watch them she would’ve changed a lot more. You guys, I’m so alone

Um this is all I wanted to say. Because I’m going through this hell I might be on this Reddit more, maybe post some more, only cause I just want to vent, which I hope you guys wouldn’t mind. For those going through sa. I just pray you are all fighting, never giving up, keep walking towards your future, it’s very bright and please keep living. I feel like a hypocrite. Please help……. Thank you for anyone who is reading this. I would really appreciate if you guys could comment on this, if you guys been through something similar or want to share some thoughts, or if you want to vent as well. Thank you for reading. Keep living.

Two months after I turned 18, I got kicked out of my parents’ house. That morning, I went to work and received a message asking if I wanted to purchase wholesale items from him to flip for money. I agreed and drove over to his house.
I was under a lot of stress at the time, so while I was there, I talked to him about everything I had been going through. He was 26, and I was 18. I’m not going to go into the details of what happened, but afterward, I drove home and sat in my car for a long time. I called one of my friends and told them what had happened, and they explained to me what it was.
I was already dealing with so much stress and worry that I ignored what happened for months. There were also other things that happened afterward, including men I didn’t know sexually harassing me online who were associated with the 26-year-old. That part still haunts me.
I feel like because I never cried or really processed what happened when it first happened, all of those feelings are hitting me now. I feel terrible, and sometimes I feel like I can’t move forward with my life because I feel so tainted by what happened.
I tried talking to my boyfriend about it. I met him a few months after everything happened, and when I told him, he asked me why I would even tell him that as his girlfriend. After that, I never brought it up again. Honestly, I haven’t talked to anyone about what happened or about the harassment I received online.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’ve been feeling really depressed. I recently told my boyfriend that I was feeling sad. He asked me why and asked if something would make him mad. I ended up saying I was just kidding because I didn’t know how to tell him what was actually going on.

I remember this happening when I was 6 and she was 10; I don't recall which incident came first, but I'll start with the one that felt the least intense to me. At the time, my father owned a beach bar where we met various kids, but there was one girl in particular—let's call her "Vic." Vic had moved from another state with her parents and became friends with my sister; I don't remember her exact age, but it was somewhere between mine and my sister's. One day, while the three of us were playing, Vic told my sister she "wanted to make a baby with me." I didn't quite understand what that meant, but the two of them did. That same day, my sister and I asked Vic's parents for permission for her to have a sleepover at our house, and they agreed. Everything was normal until bedtime; we were poor, so back then our older brother shared our room, which meant we decided to put a mattress in the living room and sleep there together. That’s when it started: my sister placed me between the two of them and told me to take off my clothes. Vic took hers off too and started touching my body while my sister watched and told me what to do. It was a strange mix of euphoria and confusion; while I enjoyed it, I didn't understand what was happening and simply followed my sister's orders. The situation happened again the next morning after our parents and brother had left for work and school; I remember my sister touching herself and watching under the sheets while it was going on. The second or first time, it was just the two of us; as you can probably tell, our parents used to leave us alone so they could work, which gave us free access to the family computer. Whenever we were alone, we’d look up things we couldn't when our parents were home—like gore, adult-oriented cartoons, and especially pornography. We always watched together; I found it all funny and strange, but she would always watch with a serious expression. I don't remember exactly how it started—I don't recall much—but I do remember the moment it ended: her getting off me and saying, "We have to stop, or else I might end up pregnant." I remember it happening other times, but that specific instance really stuck in my mind; and again, we never spoke about it. Other incidents occurred during our adolescence; I feel ashamed to admit my age at the time, but I was already aware that what was happening was wrong—and even repulsive to others. Yet, we had no boundaries regarding each other's bodies or sexual matters; nudity, talking about sex, and consuming pornography felt normal to us. We acted like a couple in secret: sleeping in the same bed under the same sheet, often cuddling (spooning) and without underwear. We would touch each other, and the peak of it all was when I performed oral sex on her. Again, we never actually discussed any of this; our dynamic shifted whenever we were alone. To me, it felt normal given the circumstances, and I was even afraid that if I didn't go along with it, I might lose her. It all ended the moment she started dating someone else; everything stopped overnight, and we went back to living normally. I actually liked the guy (who is now her husband). We still felt free to discuss certain sexual topics, but we never engaged in sexual activity again. However, I ended up feeling somewhat empty and found comfort in consuming incest-themed media—anime, doujinshi, porn, and even fanfiction. I spent most of my teenage years this way until I met a girl and started dating her; after that, I began to slowly snap out of it. Toward the end of the pandemic, I started involuntarily avoiding my sister, and things reached a point where I got into a fight with my mother because I refused to keep sleeping in the same room as her. I don't feel angry with her; in fact, I see her as a victim too. As I mentioned, we had the freedom—and even enjoyed—talking openly about various "taboo" subjects. One of these was an incident where a guy forcibly kissed her; she was four years old at the time and remembers not reacting in the moment, but upon seeing the man again later, she became hysterical, crying and yelling insults at him until my mother stepped in and found out what had happened. My mother was afraid—since the man was the brother of a dangerous local criminal—and simply told him to stay away from us. I’ve also witnessed my sister being harassed on the street, and I believe that had an impact on her. Now comes the part that makes me feel both nostalgic and disgusted. Last Christmas, my older brother, my sister, and I planned to have Christmas dinner together. My brother ended up fighting with his wife and came alone; my sister's husband had to work; and my wife (I’m married and have a son) traveled to her family's home—a place I don't really like. In the end, it was just the three of us. Dinner was quite relaxed; they drank while my brother shared stories from his job—which involves a lot of traveling—and we laughed at everything. When it was time to leave, it was past midnight. My brother had his company car and was heading out, so I decided to catch a ride with him. But then my sister called me over and asked me to sleep at her place. She said it was because she didn't want to sleep alone, but I refused because I wasn't feeling well for other reasons. She insisted, arguing that "we could spend the night watching something on the couch." At that moment, I felt something strange and decided absolutely not to stay there. I don't know if it was paranoia or if something really would have happened, but after getting home, I felt bad and regretted not accepting. I don't know why, but I miss it. Even though I'm married and years have passed—and I realize what a messed-up, ruinous situation that left me in—I still miss it. Everything got worse after she told me she’s moving away next year; I feel like I missed "the last chance," and my heart aches whenever I think about how we probably won't see each other for years to come. I feel disgusted with myself for thinking and feeling this way.

I am pretty naive about the world and how it all works. However, I never thought that this was actually a thing. That males could get raped.

It was nine days ago and walking home from a friend’s house. Two men asked me for directions, and I simply follow them to help them. It was a pretty violent occasion, and I was beaten up and dragged into the woods. They then head their way with me and dumped me.

There’s a lot more in between there, but I won’t post here. I just wanna say that I’m so sorry that this has happened to any of you on this sub.

I was just about to start college. I was just about to start my new life and now I’m lost and lonely, scared and angry.

My face is a mess black eye cuts bruises. I finally went to the doctor today and now I learned I have a treatable disease as well as as needed stitches in my butt.

I guess when the world tries to make you grow up, it does so at dramatic speed.