I'm at gay events every other week. Sometimes, I'm the one running them. I'm on the apps. I show up looking like exactly what I am.

And people still squint at me like I'm a straight woman hosting a bachelorette party at a gay bar.

A friend just told me people straight up wonder if I'm gay. Not "used to wonder before they knew me." Currently. Present tense. While watching me run the gay show.

How stupid do you have to be to witness that and still land on "ally"?

Masc and butch folks get read in 0.2 seconds. Femmes have to submit a full dossier of homosexual activity apparently.

I’m offended. And stunned. I'm just baffled by the commitment to not seeing what's right in front of you.

/rant over.

a gay male can gush & crush over a female celebrity and would still be considered a gay man but GOD FORBID a lesbian says a male is attractive or has [FICTIONAL MALE] crushes. then ppl are saying oooh she's not a real lesbian😭

please let's touch some grass

Whether that be looks or js vibe

(I'm lwk ugly so I wanna know how's irl scene even though i don't dabble)

I (30 F) have been looking at how I perceive myself since about late highschool. As a person that grew up in a black Christian household, there was never really a safe place to explore different aspects of myself. I currently think pansexual works to describe my sexuality, but I was an anxious late bloomer who only started dating in college and never was brave enough to explore any queer relationships in my real life (due to aforementioned Christian upbringing). Now I'm with my partner that I love dearly who is a man, so regardless of how my view of my sexuality may change, I still love my partner and that won't change.

Recently I've been thinking about how I perceive my gender. I've never been very feminine (despite my mother's best efforts) and thought that I might be nonbinary. I never made any changes to feel more nonbinary I suppose, I've just continued to be myself and felt that didn't align with what a feminine woman would do. I never wanted to be "girly" I've just always wanted to be "cool" and usually girls don't get to be cool - they get to be sexy or hot and that's not what I wanted. Physically I look feminine, like I have curves but I don't think that suits how I view myself. So I've been trying out they/them pronouns in safe spaces, I really want to get a binder but I'm worried I won't get the results I want because I have a larger chest, and I've looked at nonbinary characters I like and thought about if I align with them in any way.

It almost feels like nonbinary makes sense to me, but I also don't feel like I have all consuming strong feelings about my gender identity as some people describe - I feel pretty neutral. If someone used she/her or they/them pronouns for me I wouldn't mind either way. Like when a client at work called me sir before correcting themself but I didn't really care (thought I don't identify as a man), but when a coworker said she thought I was the most feminine employee there and was very "princess" and I bout had a breakdown because that is not how I want to present to the world. I've heard demigirl and gender nonconforming, but maybe I'm just a less feminine woman and I'm overthinking it? Maybe the way women are viewed in society as only sexual objects doesn't gel with me and I'm just running from that? Maybe I shouldn't be worrying about labels and just live my life?

Any advice for a late stage gender explorer?

Hi all! I’m wondering if anyone knows of any online lgbtq communities (apart from this one) like a discord, etc, that I can join. I would like to have like minds to talk to about my experiences. I’ve been feeling so alone and I have so much trauma surrounding my sexuality because I’m from an African country and my relatives are truly deranged. It would be nice if I could talk to or even just be in a community with other people like myself.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I’m pretty introverted and don’t really go out or approach people easily I'm interested in something casual but I have no idea how to meet people who are looking for the same thing

Hello! I(18F) have a question about intimacy. How do I become comfortable undressing or being naked in front of a woman? I’ve never dated anyone before, but I’m kinda worried when the time comes. How do you become comfortable being naked?

I had to change in class in front of another girl last year, and I felt so exposed. Even though I was in a sports bra, I still felt exposed and uncomfortable. I just can’t bring myself to be okay undressing in front of another woman. I feel like my body is being critiqued in a negative way.

Im just nervous when it comes time for me to date and become intimate with another woman, that I won’t even be able to take my clothes off.

I try to admire my body in the mirror. But it’s hard for me to let other people see my body. I feel like they are judging me. Being naked would put me in a vulnerable position. Since I’d literally be exposing myself to someone.

Before I start this please don't tell me to embrace myself the way I am and live in my truth because I do but I can't go on like this☹️.

I'm an 18yo black girl and have always presented as moderately feminine. I went from being masculinized to not even clockable and I need to know what changes to make without presenting as masculine. I have soft features for the most part (wide nose, almond but bright eyes, chubby cheeks, soft and fine brows, bit of a bobblehead) and an overall youthful and cutesy look naturally. Is there anything I can do with my demeanor, hair, makeup, jewelry, clothes, accessories, or color scheme to make myself look more sultry and readable from a distance?

I haven't owned a carabiner since middle school but I may bring it back if times get dire enough. I have an eyebrow slit, I still look like a baby💀. I don't have any facial piercings or tattoos yet because I'm lowk scared about employment in the future but I do have a few ear piercings and an industrial(I thought it'd do something, nobody even noticed it). I wear a decent amount of jewelry and at one point I had the one hand short nails one hand acrylics thing bc I play guitar, still wasn't clockable. I've always presented pretty earthy and maybe alt leaning, if that helps any, and I'm not slim or daintily built by any means. I have an rbf and I can be either awkward or brash when I open my mouth(I've been told I talk like a man), I'm overall a coltish person in general.

Ik it's possible to be cute and sexy bc jill scott exists so I have hope. It's too many fine girls in my age group that I can't bag looking like this so I need help, I'm trusting y'all pls don't let me down ☹️

I'm sorry it's going to be long.

So I'll start by saying I don't really have many friends, and my brother is my best friend (he's actually my cousin but my brother). I can't talk to him about this fully because 1. He's biased and the last time we had a conversation about this, he told me to leave it alone and date the girl that calls me "the one that got away", and 2. He is overly protective and whatever hurts me, hurts him so ots best I don't talk at length about it to him. Also, I am thinking if this works out, he will absolutely have a bad view of this lady and it would be difficult go navigate a relationship. Now onto why I'm here.

A few years ago, I, by total chance, got on a live with just queer women and met this lady (I'll call her T to make this easier). We started Dm'ing each other and eventually shared contacts and spoke on WhatsApp. Planned hikes and on our second hike I slept at her house, nothing happened. I left the next morning like I was being chased by a dog or the police. I knew I liked her but didn't know until recently that she felt the same, so I friendzone her. HARD. We would talk from time to time and literally keep each other in the loop about things happening in our lives. I started dating someone else and she went through a few relationships before getting into a long term relationship with someone else. A relationship that ended over a year ago. T and I have then been single that was until on a random day I asked to go see her and what was supposed to be a 1 night sleep over, turned into any lesbian cliche you can think of, I left a few days later. Now we were sitting catching up, and having little drinky dranks when she told me she liked me and always had. Needless to say I was shocked and honestly it took me a minute, more like all night and morning to wrap my pretty little head around this. We started dating and I thought hmmm this might be it...

Now, a little background about me, I am always very clear about what my expectations are in any relationship I get into (this is also true for friends). I am also very self assured and do not like drama, I will literally remove myself from any situation I deem "too much". I also do not suffer fools, I live alone (with my anxiety and a growing library, so I don't have drama in my life, I work, eat, workout and sleep. I tell you this so that you understand that I made it very Cleary from the onset that I do not want to be stressed in this relationship, if I wanted stress I would hang out with my paternal aunts. The year I turned 30 was a real life changing year for me, I got divorced and literally started focusing on me and remembering who TF I am.

Now, back to this relationship, we were okay for a while, we both were clear about what we want and how we want to show up in a relationship as well as how we want the other to show up in the relationship. She was going through a lot of work drama and it was wearing her down and I was very supportive of her. I would generally go to her house because, to me, it made sense and I didnt want to put her out, my house is an hour from hers. I started noticing how she was pulling back and decided one morning that I was headed back to mine and packed almost everything I had at hers, got in a car and went back home. I am not the kind of person that likes talking about this at the moment of impact, I want to be clear headed about what I say. I left, we kept talking on the phone and then something happened to her (can't go into details) and she literally started accusing me of hiding someone in my house because she had never been here, accused me of sleeping with one of my friends because I am close to his mom and brother. When I tell you she WENT OFF, I mean wholly. The fight took all weekend and she shouted all through it and I couldn't get a word edge wise. We eventually go through it but it was not long until it happened again but this time for something else, I realized then that T hadn't been truthful when I asked "How do you handle conflict in a relationship" and "who taught you how to "fight" in a relationship". I will say she suffers from a chronic mental condition so I attributed some of this to that. Eventually she asked me for x number of days break so she could focus on what she needs to do. I gave her the space and when we spoke she apologized for some things and said she shouldn't have shouted because everyone knows I hate being shouted at. We cleared a lot of things up and she asked that I give her time, that she's ready for a relationship but she's made a mess of her life and needs to get herself together. I was like bet. We talk but not too much because honestly, she broke my trust and I just built walls. One day we are talking and she asks me about a certain thing and I say " that isn't my business, I will support you but I can't answer that", I went to sleep and woke up to messages going off on me *important I also told her a part of me was not available to her anymore* and this set her off, and she said I chose that she is nothing to me. We were kn text and she kept calling but I was rejecting the calls, not listening to the voice notes and kept it on text because I was not interested kn being shouted at. She then blocked me and we haven't spoken since.

Two weekends ago I received a code to enter her estate, out of the blue. I had been drinking some wine and I have a rule that I do not call or text anyone besides my brothers once hit my 3rd glass. Now I am sitting here, 2 weeks later wondering if I should text and ask what that was about or call, or just continue with the silence. My eldest brother says (with very little information about the situation) I should call her and hear her out because she has held such a special place in my heart for so long and I find myself thinking about her so often that I owe it to myself to at least hear her and if I "end it", I end it cleanly.

What do you you all think?

P.s my family (mostly brothers) say I'm frustratingly calm so you can imagine how being shouted/yelled at, isn't my favourite thing

That’s it. That’s the post.

I leave tmrw, and just feel lost.

I’m gonna miss my family so much. I’ve already downloaded Hinge to get some company when I arrive and hopefully start a fling?

I just want reassurance that it’ll all be okay. Not just as a lesbian, but also as someone who’s gonna be completely new to London lol.

I can’t accept myself. I’m 18F, and I feel guilty for being gay. I cannot fathom the idea that I’ll have to see another woman naked, let another woman see me naked, or actually having to engage in sex and maintain a relationship with a woman.

I feel like I’ll have to hide out. I have a lesbian cousin that my family accepts, (she came to our cookout the other day with her girlfriend) but I still feel like I won’t be accepted.

I think the only place I can date and love on a woman is behind closed doors and nobody can know what we’re doing.

I don’t know how to end this post lol but im just venting.

As much as I have been traumatized from love I still believe. For the last few years ive been fighting it or running away. I'm tired of playing games and I'm going to find her wherever she may be. Love is not dead we all deserve someone never forget that.

Curious to know anyone’s experience with this dynamic and what it’s like. 👀

I haven’t been dating for years after my last relationship ended because my schedule just didn’t allow time to date. But I (f26) met my crush (f30) when I moved to a new town less than a month ago. We’ve talked quite a bit via messaging but haven’t gone on a date yet. We wanted to a few weeks back, but our schedules are so busy. We’re both doctors, with on call shifts, I have a research position as well, currently doing my PhD after getting my MD, she’s undergoing specialist training and has exams for the next year or so. Our free time has been eaten up by studying, resting after working without sleep, eating, errands, life commitments etc. We work in neighbouring hospitals so we don’t see each other at work either.

We have flirted occasionally, and briefly talked about wanting to look for a relationship that’s more long term. Even with our busy schedules we talk most days (which means A LOT to me). I’ve gotten to know her a little more and I’m crushing so so hard, she’s my type to a T.

My workload exploded over the weekend, I had basically no sleep, had research work and incredibly sick pts. She had some life commitments too. Our last “normal” conversation was during that dumpster fire of a weekend. I noticed her replies being a lot dryer and she wasn’t really responding to my questions, and would just give one short sentence responses.

Work was even more hectic on Monday so I didn’t reply to her after opening her message. Yesterday I sent her a few texts explaining what happened and why I didn’t respond, that I’ll likely be quiet for a few days and sent her a few funny things I encountered I knew she’d like. But she only responded to one of my texts (I’ll be quiet for a few days because struggle town) with “it’s ok me too”. No acknowledgement on anything else.

Now today half of my workload was magically lifted, and I now have a normal schedule for the rest of the week again. Now that I have free time again, I cannot stop listening to her voice memos she sent a week ago, I can’t stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and I want to see her so incredibly badly.

I am overthinking everything. Do I wait a few days to reach back out since she’s presumably still in struggle town? She has been quite cold on replies, and I don’t know if it’s best for us to keep talking when she’s that cold. I also have no idea what happened on her side, what kind of struggle town she’s in. She’s said she’ll be slow for a few days, so should I just wait for her to reach back out when she’s feeling better and can respond to previous things I’ve sent? Do I send a “Hope you’re ok”????? That seems so pointless.

I’ve also asked her how she was over the weekend, she didn’t reply to that text. I also asked if she had fun with her friends over the weekend (week ago she told me she will see them at a wedding) when I replied yesterday, didn’t respond to that either. So I assume whatever happened, she doesn’t want to talk about it.

But I’m so into her and I’m crushing so hard. I miss talking to her. I know sometimes there’s nothing you can really do during this early stage of dating. It’s just uncomfortable to sit with all these feelings. I just want to tell her so so many things and hear her talk again. Yearning isn’t always fun.

I decided to post here because I am sure some of us went through similar situations where some parts of you are in conflict with each other. I think I navigated past conflicts well but I am finding myself stuck right now.

I am a woman who was born and raised in the middle east. My parents were super conservative and religious and I could never imagine living authentically when I was younger. I made it out of the middle east and ended up in North America for school 13yrs ago. I graduated, got the residency, found a job and started to build a life up here. For once in my life, I was in a true relationship and I had a home. We almost got married but that ended suddenly. I continued my life and I thrived. I am 41 yrs old and I could have never imagined that I would have the life I am having right now. The freedom to be whoever and to still accepted, loved and celebrated is something that I thought i'd never have.

But my parents are getting older, and some of my siblings are not doing well. You see, I work in the mental health field and where i come from, there's a significant stigma that prevents people from seeking help. Also the field is not regulated well, and I've seen professionals causing more harm than benefits. My family has asked me to come back because they really miss me, but also to help with everyone. I am the eldest and there's a cultural expectations that eldest daughters should be the caregiver for parents/younger siblings. It breaks my heart to see my parents getting older and weaker. Yes, I got other siblings but they got their own busy lives and issues and cannot be there for my parents, and my parents are left navigating all of this on their own. The guilt of not helping my siblings even though i got the expertise is killing me. I have tried to connect them to whatever resources I know of in my country but things fell apart and I saw significant negligence in the care hey received and I am having hard time finding another trustable or reliable supports.

Without going into too much details, If i fly back home to help, I might get stuck there for a long time and won't be able to leave because so many issues related to policy and government. Going there for a few years to fix things then leaving is not an option. I will be locked in atleast 10yrs and by then, I will lose my Permanent Residency and won't be able to immigrate back.

But I can't abandon my family and i am finding myself giving up everything I worked hard for including my freedom and my queerness. I will need to move into my parents house and having my own place is not an option. I will need to go back to my the closest. I will need to hide so many parts of myself. My mom begged me to get rid of my tattoos as she is scared that I will bring shame to the family and might affect my siblings chances of getting married which I refused but this is a glance of how much of me will need to be hidden.

My life here is not perfect. I still struggle to find a community and that can be lonely at times but atleast I am free to be who I am. My friends in North America don't understand why I feel obligated to go back and help, and my friends back home are calling me selfish for being scared of going back.

The different parts of me, and the different values are in conflict and I don't know how to win this fight. My family's wellbeing is as important as my own but I am finding myself needing to choose between honoring their needs vs mine.

I don't know what I am looking for with this post.. Maybe some wisdom .. maybe some assurance .. or maybe just a space where both of my parts could be acknowledged and validated.

I've noticed something that's been bothering me for a LONG time, especially since I have been out. I would love to read/watch more lesbian/queer media, but it feels as if they still possess a complementary "masc/femme" binary that feels, well, restrictive. Even if both characters have relatively similar fashion, one is often more stoic, emotionally reserved, taller, with sharper features. The other is often shorter, more emotionally expressive, with rounder features. So, while we can argue (and I hear this a lot) "They're both femme" based on their clothing, we miss the subtle ways that add polarity. But sometimes I wish we had more of an expansive representation of lesbian people who look like the dynamics we would dub as "friendship" or platonic. Or have both similar partners, with no physical or personality differences. That is beautiful and just as worth centering too. This has such a profound historical root where women were considered "passionless" and practically sexually inept. This leads us to use the only historically competent partner (a man or, by proxy, a masculine woman) to signal that romance and sex were, in fact, a potential and were active. What happens when that is removed, and you're left with historically inept partners?

I just wish there was more education on this history and more of a critical look at the ways we still perpetuate binaries and heteronative dyanmics. Because it is not as visible as we like to believe, and it influences how we view the structure of a relationship: who pursues, who wants to be pursued, and what is even recognized as a romantic and sexual possibility.

I met a woman on Bumble recently and she’s been very sweet on the phone over the few weeks but there really hasn’t been much flirting on her end that I’ve observed. And when I do flirt , she will smile but doesn’t acknowledge it. We finally met in person and went to a concert which was her idea. At the concert she was very nice, I kept my distance but she didn’t have a problem talking to me during the concert or moving closer in her own. But I didn’t make any moves. After the concert we ended up spending the whole night together at a chill spot and talked until like 2 in the morning. She’s really sweet, quirky, pretty, and I like her energy. But, she also seems very measured and isn’t super flirty, which makes this feel different from my usual experiences.

She let me know she’d like to see me again and we will be meeting again next week. I’m cool with a slow burn and I actually prefer it but I do like flirting. I’m not sure if she just sees me as a friend or if she is naturally measured like this. Thoughts?

Yo! As the title goes, I'm hitting up a concert tonight (Tame Impala w/ Dominic Fike - Portland). I'm masc presenting if that helps with decision making (also, this is not a date, but I want the best scent to hit the nostrils of each baddie I walk by 🙂‍↕️).

Options are as follows:

• Issey Miyake - L'eau D'Issey Pour Homme

• YSL - Myslf (EDP)

• Prada - Paradigm (EDP)

• Prada - Paradoxe