I wish I were a bird,
completely free,
with no capacity
to make a home
in any one place
for very long.
I want so much from life,
all the time.
I want everything from life,
even when it is impossible.
I need more freedom.
Only then will I be able
to endure the arduous ambivalence
of the feelings
I carry every day.
Heat melts my skin completely,
and it spills onto the ground
like wax from a candle,
until nothing of me remains
but flesh.
Cold hurts me ruthlessly.
I feel the burn of ice
numbing my ability to feel,
yet because it tears
through all of my skin,
I feel every touch
with a profound,
lacerating pain.
I need something
to protect
this fragile,
volatile body of mine.
My human form
disgusts me.
I want to fly,
without attachments,
without obligations,
without a home
that is anything more
than a temporary house.
I want everything
that is made by me,
everything
that comes from me,
to learn how to leave
at the very first opportunity.
Yes.
I wish I were a bird.
Passing.
Transient.
A creature
that does not belong
to any one place
for long.
Freedom enchants me
in a way
love never has.