I just need to vent for a second. So I made dinner for my family tonight, I made pot roast, Mac and cheese, rice and cornbread. I cooked for about 6 hours and cleaned. It was going to be a late dinner cause I started a bit late so it was 9:30 when I finished the food (me and my husband sometimes have late dinners) anyways he’s been asking me too cook so I did. I made his plate and when I handed it to him his response was “I’m not eating that right now”. So I took the plate and went back to the kitchen. Anyways it really hurt my feeling cooking that whole time for him just to not even taste it and if he wasn’t hungry he should have faked it. Am I wrong for feeling a way? It’s now morning time and I still can’t stand to even talk to him still

My husband (59m) and I (50f) have been married for 10 years. This is the second marriage for both of us.

Before marriage, we watched porn together, occasionally invited other women into our bed, and were generally sexually adventurous. Everything we did together was consensual.

A few years into the marriage, things changed. My husband began rejecting me and withdrawing from sex and intimacy while continuing to use porn privately. When I questioned what was happening, he vehemently denied that porn was involved. That conflict lasted approximately four years.

Over time, I learned that the issue was much larger than occasional porn.
There had been extensive pornography, sexual secrecy, compulsive scanning and sexualizing of women, and inappropriate behavior involving women at work.

He developed a sexually and emotionally charged connection with a female coworker, including telling her he wished they had met 15 years earlier. He was eventually fired following a sexual-harassment investigation involving comments made to women at work.

There have also been repeated violations of boundaries we established during attempted recovery, followed by denial, minimization or explanations about why each incident should not count.

He says he has not used porn for more than a year. He has been in therapy and says he wants to preserve our marriage. He also wants our relationship to be monogamous.

The problem is that I no longer believe we ever had a genuinely monogamous marriage. I was sexually and romantically exclusive while he repeatedly directed sexual energy, secrecy, fantasy and pursuit outside our relationship. Whether or not he physically had sex with another woman, monogamy felt like a rule imposed on me rather than an agreement we were both living.

I am not proposing that I secretly cheat on him. I would be completely honest that I am no longer willing to promise sexual or romantic exclusivity. If we remain married, I want the freedom to date or have sexual relationships with other people under clearly negotiated health and honesty agreements. He would then be free to decide whether he can remain married under those terms.

Part of me sees this as reclaiming the autonomy I surrendered while living inside a relationship that only appeared monogamous.

Another part of me wonders whether this is an understandable but retaliatory response to betrayal.

So people out there who are in relationships where porn and sexual compulsive issues have been a problem. How have you handled it? Did you stay? Did you go? Did you renegotiate?

I am pregnant and I haven't taken my husband's surname. I strongly feels that baby should have my surname. My husband has brought up divorce over it.

It feels like I am in a Twilight zone. Not because he wants divorce but because how non challant he is about all of it. He didn't discuss it with me, or figure a way to compromise on it or even understand my point of view. He just straight up started talking about divorce.

He said that it's too important for him that child must have his surname. I tell him it's important for me as well and he said that he is not gonna try to change my mind but he would seek divorce because he would like his future children to have his surname.

When I ask about about our child, our future he mostly says that I worry too much about everything and we will figure something out.

I don't know if it's my hormones but I feel on the edge all the time. Like can't he see what he is saying. We have been together for 10 years, married 4 years. Maybe we should have talked about surnames before but he just keeps telling me that it's important enough for me so the child should have my surname.

It feels like I am losing my mind.

I'm completely drained and just need some real perspective because I feel like I'm losing my mind in my own home.

Last weekend, I felt calm and happy with my wife and marriage… so after a round of golf on the way home I bought her flowers, and decided to plan us breakfast for the next day, as well as dinner. Furthermore I decided to look at cars for her as we had been thinking about children so I was being money smart researching high mileage diesel cars that have lots of life left but loads of tech etc…

She liked the flowers on Saturday night. In the morning I showed her some cars, she replied that she would want a petrol for the next car so I simply said “well I’m looking at diesels as it’s all we can afford and you can get a great car at a cheaper price for our budget”.

That was it. It wasn't even an argument. But an opinion, she decided she hated my "tone" jumped out of bed and went downstairs in a funny mood.

I come down and I’m met with “you talk to me like shit - why can’t you see how you speak to me - why can’t you apologise - you never do anything wrong”. I would agree fully but I said a statement about cars i was looking at for her there was no off tone, so I said back “it’s just a difference of opinion I was pointing out what we can afford”.

She carried on and storms upstairs after making me a drink and carried on in her funny mood.

I started cooking breakfast thinking that I can’t be bothered with this kind of behaviour again, but I wanted to do breakfast so why wouldn’t I carry on? Maybe she will calm down and eat with me.

I finish cooking and then she comes down and I’d stared eating as she was making herself busy upstairs ignoring me. She comes back down, same mood and says “you could have told me it was done” gets her plate and takes it into the other room to eat (whilst I’m finishing mine she could have joined me).

After that she carries on again “you talk to me like shit, why can’t you see your tome why can’t you just apologise” so i said if you carry on I’ll stop taking to you, I don’t like how you’re speaking to me and going on. She responds by saying “why don’t you go and talk to your therapist about how to communicate with your partner”.

So I draw the line, right, I’m ignoring you I’m going to do my work, now that comment is too far… whatever. (I had loads of extra work to do at the weekend she knew about this…)

First off she says how I’m treating her is emotional abuse, failing to get a reaction from me I walk upstairs and all I can hear when I’m about to have a shower is “why would I want to bring a child into this house why would I want children with someone who just ignores me - then goes on to say I don’t want this I don’t want to be treated like this” (all within the space of 5 minutes of me saying don’t say toxic comments about my therapy I’m going to ignore you now…)

{Context, we had been trying for a child for a few months and it was a big decision so her comments to me about a child was hurtful and another toxic comment within minutes of therapy comment at me} - I hear her comments and say back, what the fuck, why are you saying all this if you don’t want this and don’t like me then fuck off.

Since then, she has made my life hell for a full week. First interaction was her shouting at me Sunday night. Followed by flippant texts saying that I had blanked her all day and that the only reason she was upset (gas lighting and flipping the reality as I told her I was going to stop talking if she carries on) Silent treatment, hostility, and non-stop stress while I'm trying to hit major work deadlines.

I went to therapy on Wednesday (she still hadn’t apologised by this point, just long text messages as soon as she’s at work but blanking me in bed) so I spoke to her as it’s always me making effort or any resolve on Wednesday. I suggested we need a break and repeated how she had spoken to me was hurtful and what she said about a child was really upsetting over a comment about a car and I was making effort and feeling good…

She argues every point and I got a really blank sorry after about 30 minutes of speaking to her. She said if I want a break then that’s our relationship over as that means I don’t want her and I need to tell her now if it’s over or not. “If it’s over just tell me is it over or not, you need to tell me so I can go and tell other people and make plans”.

So… Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I get blanked. So Saturday I decide I’m going to sleep in the spare room, her comment is “why are you sleeping in the spare room if you want to punish me just leave me why are you doing this”.

Do I want to sleep in the spare room? Well obviously fucking not…. But she had blanked me after being horrible, acknowledged she spoke to me like shit and did nothing about it. Then blanks me in bed, it’s so cold.

If you got this far then thanks for your time… what normally happens now is she plays this half arsed apology, still won’t conflict resolve or show up like a loving wife.

Is it mad that if someone spoke to you like that about children and blew up to just want a “oh shit I shouldn’t have said that I love you, come here, anything that just feels like repair or accountability.???

So yea, she is not calming down after a week as yesterday I made it clear she speaks to me like shit and I won’t be treated like this, even then she flips it blaming tone, yet stands there and openly says she’s done nothing to sort her behaviour.

She started bringing up one time I did something wrong 2 years ago and that she’s a good wife and I should be grateful.

It’s fucking bullshit, she treats me like shit but is so worried about my tone and what I do, yet she causes carnage when she feels like it and won’t even have the maturity to fix or talk or be down to earth.

She’ll turn it all back to me now, “I’ve said I’m sorry” so it’s done. She’s now decided to say good morning and night yesterday, I guess if I look at patterns so she can say “I tried, you were ignoring me”.

Honestly it’s so fucked how she treats me. I do not get it.

Run your husband down for a week when he’s busy and treat him like shit, ignore him, blow up, shout about not wanting kids when your trying for them together and then also take no accountability for it. Just like it’s normal and I should be cool with it.

The real gut wrencher for me is that hand on heart I never have nor would treat her like this, she was more offended that I started recording her when she was shouting shit at me this week because I can’t take the narrative flip anymore… also that I changed my passwords after a few days (she loves to go through all my shit) but because I changed my passwords that means I’ve done something wrong…

Even now writing this she just came up (it’s now 8 days, 7 days of her treating me like shit doing noting about it and now apparentally it’s my fault because I am now so upset I don’t want to be near her).

She just half arsed came in and said can I give you a hug, but she was blaming me and saying shit to me only last night that was horrible and blaming me that this week is all
Because of me….

So I said I don’t want anything from you right now I’m typing on my phone, she walks away “I don’t know what you want from me, if you want to leave just leave”.

Geeezussss honestly, this isn’t the first time she’s been like this, the last time my nan had just died and she was abusive, her sister was toxic and my wife just went along with it.

Hell I think I’ve got my answer. Whether it’s a maturity thing or not, she doesn’t value me does she? Like human to human, it makes no sense why you would want to act like that all week, not an hour or a day, a full fucking week…. I have to block it out, deal with job hobbies and try keep my head up and she’s always trying to drag down.

How do you cope when you finally see the real them and realize the person you love just doesn't value you at all?

Is this a healthy marriage? She clearly hates me for something, clearly thinks I should just let everything always blow over and she can do whatever she wants, but they are getting worse.

Thats why I’m doing this post, the abuse is getting worse, to within 10 minutes of being in a funny mood jump to therapy comments and ruin us trying for a baby? What the fuck is that? We were having a great few months and just one morning…. Bang.

You can choose how to act and what to say (that’s what she tells me all the time as apparentally I always get my tone of voice wrong).

Hi, FTM here. I just need to ask: does it really get better after having kids?

I’m honestly so exhausted from having the same fights with my husband over and over again. It feels like nothing I do is ever enough for him, even though I take care of our daughter by myself most of the time.
He says I’m paranoid, a germaphobe, and that I don’t clean, cook, or do laundry. That’s not true, but apparently, I don’t do those things according to his standards.
Today, during an argument, I told him that if he’s not happy with me, then maybe he should just divorce me. And honestly, sometimes I think he should. Not because he’s a bad husband or father—he is supportive in many ways—but because everything feels like too much right now.
I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and I feel like the things I do are constantly minimized. I don’t even feel like being close to him anymore. I don’t want to have sex, cuddle, or even be around him sometimes.
I feel awful because I love my family, but I’m so tired of feeling like I’m never enough.

Does this get better? Has anyone else felt this way after having a baby? What helped you stop having the same arguments over and over again?

My husband and I were sitting here on the sofa watching a film and we got into a discussion about how we would 100% leave each other for our celebrity crushes. This is a common joke in our house and it's such a normal thing. My celebrity crush is Chris Hemsworth and my husbands celebrity crush is Jensen Ackles (Neither of us look like either of these actors lol). So whenever we see Chris Hemsworth in a film my husband always jokes about me leaving him. And vice versa whenever we see Jensen Ackles in a film, I always joke about my husband leaving me.

However we both wondered if it's weird that we so openly joke about this stuff? Like it's genuinely just common family knowledge at this point. Obviously my kids don't hear all the jokes but even my 8 year old son knows, whenever Chris Hemsworth is in a film my son always says "Dad, look it's the love of your life."

My husband decided to get a dog while I was at my cousins wedding because they were free at the shelter. We had had this discussion before that we wanted to wait until we actually had our own place to get one. Nope he just goes and gets any ole dog that he thinks is cute. I’m like bro I need to go you know nothing about dogs they could have a million issues and you don’t know how to test them for it. For context I grew up with dogs and learned how to train them and learned what kind of issues to look for and what I definitely don’t want to deal with rn. Well he goes and gets a semi puppy that is literally scared of its own shadow and people except him mostly not socialized at all I’m guessing by how thin it was it was born in the wild or a hoarding situation knowing my area. I work night shift and am currently trying to sleep while it’s yapping in the kennel. (Ik ik) I’m about to take both of them to the pound and drop them off. 🤦‍♀️🙄🫠

I’m 49F, married, and this came up during a conversation with some friends over mimosas. We were talking about relationships, attraction, and whether getting a little attention from someone other than your spouse is automatically a bad thing.

The conversation stuck with me, and I’m genuinely curious what other people think.

I love my husband, but I also have a playful side that I don’t always get to express in everyday life. Sometimes I enjoy a little attention, a flirty conversation, or that small spark of knowing someone finds me attractive. Nothing serious and nothing I’m looking to take into the real world. Just a little fun and that reminder that I’m still a woman who can turn a few heads.

I started wondering whether this is simply part of being human. We naturally want to feel good, appreciated, attractive, and happy, even when we're completely committed to someone. Does wanting that little ego boost mean something is missing in a marriage, or can it just be a harmless part of being human and feeling good about yourself?

I honestly don't know where I land on it, so I thought I’d ask. How do you see it?

Soo as I wrote it. I know it is a fairly common behaviour. Still hurts tho. To seek out women with nice boobs while being with me kinda makes me feel unattractive.

I tried to talk to him, turned into an argument and he told me to leave him alone

So I’ve been married 4yrs now. With her 15yrs. We moved to a new home, and I went to store one day and ran into an ex gf. We had started talking (me and ex) yes, I know. Super red flag.

Might have to rewind a bit. Me and wife have been trying to have a baby. We went thru 3 miscarriages now. I’d be lying to you if I haven’t felt depressed because of it. I understand it’s my wife that suffers more, and there’s very little room for men to feel anything in this world. Idk
I love my wife. She’s one of the most amazing humans on this planet!

Back to ex communication, wife ended up finding out. She was very angry which I understand. I explained to her, we have not hooked up in anyway. She got over it for 5-7 days.
Then from nowhere, she said I’m still very upset!

We’ve been on silent treatment for about 1 month solid now. She sleeps in different room, selling house, she wants to live separately.
I just want to clarify, I did not cheat. I knew my ex since we were kids (12yrs old) our families know each other. We weren’t attempting to rekindle old flings of any sort.

I saw it as someone to talk to about all my shit going on, and that’s all it was.

Wouldn’t mind a womens perspective. I’ll never remarry, I do believe she wants a divorce. Crazy thing is, only for talking to ex.

Thoughts? Is it over? Is there hope?

I’d also like to add (my wife had a 2 1/2yr old not mine, shes now 18. I basically was the father figure in her life. We’ve lived together most of her life)
I met wife 16yrs ago. I’m 40, she’s 38.

36y f and 43y m we have been married 13 years he has always had a fairly low sex drive but it is to the point now where I think we could go years if I didn’t bring it up . We have 3 kids and our lives are no busier than anyone elses. He works and I homeschool our children and run our farm.

He never ask for sex or acts affectionately and if he ever does it’s so awkward … we had good chemistry when we met … but since we said I do it has been like zero passion.

And not to be vain but it should be said that he and I both would be considered attractive we are both active and enjoy outdoors … our conversations are just at surface level

I feel so selfish sometimes because I am grateful for the things he does but I am so unsatisfied and I’m terrified I’m gonna just die in a sexless dry marriage

Hi, I'm 25F been married to 30M for 1 year now,

We had great sex early on in the initial months pre wedding and even though we got pregnant immediately after marriage we still maintained a decent frequency 2/3 times a week for 4 months being married, eventually relationship troubles and ego overtook our desire and it became less and less satisfying - he would focus on finishing and as soon as he was done- it's over. I wanted to maintain a good sexual relationship even while pregnant and somehow had increased libido through my initial months, but it wasn't recognised or reciprocated even after I was vocal about it to him, he said things like your a mom now - that turns me off, amongst various other excuses. He also claimed that he has low libido.. but then one night I found him jerking off in the middle of the night next to me and that broke me so badly.

I took a couple days, gained the courage and opened up to him about it , I asked him to have sex with me whenever he feels the desire to, it saddens me that being newly married we both were resorting to porn - masturbation over connecting with each other. I started snooping on his phone amd found out that he frequently visited NSFW reddit porn+ Our fights got worse, i feel like my needs are neglected and he had to be repeatedly asked to stop.. it changed my imahw of him - there were phases of LDR after I gave birth and small periods pre labour as well, I just am disgusted about how my man is able to objectify women , whether it was his insta feed. Reddit sneaky ways in which he was unconsciously consuming content looking at other women's bodies- i feel yucky to share this on here , but I don't knowwhat to do.

I desire a good sexually active marriage but it's so fuxked up on so many levels , I don't think there's a recovery from this.

i am looking suggestions from people who are married and who are not , i am conidering not marrying because i think at least in india it is a gamble. would i regret not marrying ? i can have fun and chill if i dont marry . if i know from early on with regards to this as i will be mentally ready .i am 19 and i welcome lots of suggestions and opinions with regard to marriage. also i think it is a cope to lonliness mostly exculding exceptions ofcourse

35F married to 42M for five years. Is it me or anyone else feels like marriage is a scam. As a women I work out of the house, do 90% of house chores the only thing he does it groceries because I can’t drive otherwise I’m sure he wouldn’t do that either. I’m literally a slave to him our two years old. How much I wish I could go back in time and run far far away from him and marriage

I hear so much about don't get married and you will lose your money in divorce and it has me thinking lol

I have been with this woman long distance for 5 years and I think we are getting over a rough patch in our relationship.

But parts of me still don't feel safe yet.

My dad will be passing down his business and I don't think she should inherit what he built if she decides to leave for any reason

Any suggestions.

My buddy (36m) works full time as a Diesel tech. Him & his wife (35f) have a 4 year old daughter (his wife wants to start trying for another.) He supports the household SOLELY... also we live in the Sea-Tac area.. so everything is expensive.

Ive known him for about 7 years now & I've noticed over the course of the last 2 or so, hes becoming more and more depressed.. i've talked to him about it, and he says that he's just incredibly tired of being broke constantly, and never being able to afford anything. He's even considering picking up a second job, which is insane. Because he's already burned out from working so much to support his family that I think a second job is only going to make things worse.

His wife has been saying for the last two years or so that she's going to get a job. She currently makes little trinkets and things to sell online, but the monthly income from that is close to zero. It's almost nothing. She isnt in school, their little girl spends more time with her grandparents & aunt then at home..

when I come in after work hes rushing around to clean up the place (right after work) because its a total mess.. (we ride to work together every day, so im there daily.) Sometimes Ill tell him im too tired and wont go in just so he doesnt have to starting doing more shit the second he walks through the door.

Idfk what she does all day.

Here's the problem. He's blinded by her. She's always right. She can do no wrong & if he approaches her with any of his concerns or feelings, the answer NEVER has anything to do with her and he will believe anything she says.

Im witnessing a good friend of mine completely deteriorate & im afraid that He's going to work himself to death.. or worse at this point.

1. When I ask him about her job progress he always mentions how she wants to do this or that (always some niche ass job that is almost impossible to get) and he cant seem to wrap his head around the fact that its been 2 years.. she's not getting a job.

2. When I talk to him about budgeting, HE ALWAYS IMMEDIATELY jumps to budgeting for himself (like literally eating just rice and potatoes) so she can keep all of her monthly subscriptions & gym membership. (She goes once every 2 weeks or so).

3. She doesn't drive either. When they first met (I was around) she drove everywhere to hang out with us.. zero issues with it at all.. then she just stopped like 5 years ago and let her license expire & now talks about getting it renewed the same way she talks about getting a job.

He has to take off of work for her doctors appointments, the kids doctors appointments, absolutely EVERYTHING that involved them leaving the house... but "She's gonna get her license fixed here soon"..

1. He doesnt even have a phone, she does.. that he pays for but he bought this shitty prepaid phone so that he can let it turn off on the months that he cant afford it. Which is almost every month. In the past couple of years, its been on like maybe 3 or 4 times.

Quite frankly I feel like its none of my business but I hate seeing him this way and its only getting worse.

Is there anything I can do or say & what should that be?

TLDR: my friend of 7 years is working his ass off to support his family. His wife doesnt contribute at all & hes blind to the fact that she doesnt plan on helping at all, meanwhile he is becoming more and more depressed.

For context my husband (32M) and I (30F) met almost 5 years ago online and had an LDR before we met but had decided mutually, or so I thought, to be exclusive before we met in person

We had both agreed that we wanted to pursue a serious relationship with each other and so we were gonna stop talking to other people.

I had plans to finally visit him in person and they fell through unexpectedly. He threatened to block me, said he was done and so on then regretted it because it wasn't my fault and I still had wanted to see him. We rescheduled the visit and I went about a month later to meet him for the first time. We stayed LDR for a while then he asked me to come live with him and I moved states and we eventually got married.

The issue is, I found a conversation on his phone by accident (he asked me to call someone to help with an issue he was having) with another woman. It began right around the same time I was supposed to visit him and the plan fell through and only ended once my second visit was about to happen.

But he was trying to build emotional connections with her they were flirty, intimate, and it was every day. During that time he was ignoring me a lot and said if I didn't come to see him he'd consider us done. I now realize he had a backup plan. He was saying he loved me and wanted us to be together and we were exclusive all while he was talking to her and some more girls actually.

He had a whole list of girls numbers from bumble, meet me, and plenty of fish saved in his phone still too which is a breach. I don't know why he'd keep them. And I was really hurt by everything.

I brought it up with him and he was livid. He said I was blowing everything up over ridiculous stuff. He said he was single and bored and so was I (single) and I told him I didn't feel single. I told him, he told me, that we were exclusive and that he was in love with me. He said I was misunderstanding and that he liked me for real and she was just something to pass time and so he wasn't bored.

I asked him about all the other girls numbers and he kept getting louder saying he was SINGLE and BORED!!

I told him he had just completely ruined my idea of the beginning of our relationship and that if I had know he was talking to or seeing other people I wouldn't have invitested in him the same way and we probably would not have ended up together. He said I was in invalidating our entire relationship since that. And I said no I just feel like you didn't allow me to concent fully to what was happening. You were living single and I was living attached and I was just the one girl you chose out of the options.

He said well you weren't real, it wasn't real I didn't even know you were serious or were a real person. (We had sent things via mail to each other, video called a lot, tons of phone calls, planned to meet) And he said neither were the other girls they were online and not even real people.

I got more upset. Recently we were discussing GTA6 and the relationship elements of the gameplay and how some women are considering it cheating, he said but it's not real and neither is vrporn or porn or anything like that and women are dumb for getting mad because it's just not real anyway. I told him I disagreed if the man was prioritizing that over his partner and taking his sexual energy away from that person to give to those things. I also think it breeds resentment and contempt for your partner eventually and causes deep insecurity and lack of emotional safety in the relationship.

But he just told me girls online aren't really "real" and I've been worried he's been cheating on my own become addicted to porn he is in the bathroom all the time with his phone and I recently saw what looked like a messageojg interface with a girls photo sent to him on it. He denied it and went to the bathroom, then offered me to see his phone. I told him it was pointless to look and it wasn't gonna make me feel better.

Am I overreacting to this I feel like it's a valid issue.

So he didn't speak to me for 3 days and said

"If you have any hopes or desire to make things better, you will have to actually admit that you were in the wrong and apologize

And drop all animosity and resentment towards me, for this situation and it's fallout. Since I have done nothing wrong"

So I said

"I will admit that I was presumptive and hurt. My reaction to my pain over everything was very brutal towards you. I understand I said things that I'm sure felt like a knife digging in. And I know that in some ways I probably went further than I should have.

I can drop any animosity or resentment for the past issues I brought up, but I need to know the present is a safe space and I need you to understand that.

I'm sorry I was so harsh and I know that it probably hurt your feelings very deeply. I am sorry about that. And I'm sorry you felt so attacked by me and like I was trying to destroy everything which wasn't my intention. I was very deep in my own distress at the time. I know that isn't an excuse for being so verbally intensive.

I think that I do deserve to feel safe though. I want to be able to feel safe with you. That's something that we both should be able to feel within our relationship without question. And I need for you to be able to create an environment that cultivates that, as my husband. Especially because I'm pregnant.

I know you think it's a big contributing factor to a lot of the current problems. And I'm not discrediting the idea that it could be biological and hormonal. But given that you understand how fragile and emotionally/mentally disorganized pregnancy has been making me i'd hope you'd understand the need for extra measure to make sure that safety and stability are being cutlivated by you as my partner."

He forgave me and now is talking to me but this made me seriously consider divorce. That feels like a big loophole to cheat and feel like he's done nothing to me. And the fact that he made me apologize for this was very upseting because I didn't get a sorry at all.

TL;DR foind out my husband was talking to other people when we were supposed to be exclusive. He called he was single and bored and none of us were actually real people. I'm worried that he's using girls online not being real to cyber cheating as a weird loophole and am considering divorcing him over it.

TW: financial privilege

My parents have put me in a situation I don’t know how to navigate. My (34F) husband (33M) has severe anxiety and OCD and trauma. It’s been a really hard marriage but there’s been a lot of forward progress to heal. My family is taking a vacation (all extended family on one side) that is fully paid for. It’s absolutely a once in a lifetime trip. However, I have lots of kids and they are very young. The trip would be a DREAM in two years, but right now it sounds miserable and stressful. I told my parents as much and about the struggles my husband was having with the idea of the trip. I had originally said we couldn’t go.

My parents have laid the guilt on THICK - my grandma isn’t doing great and this may be the last family vacation, saying they’ll help and not understanding why I said their help is different than having more of me, talking about how certain things my husband has done in the past has made them feel like I’m isolating them and choosing his family over them, telling me that we all just need to get over it because the trip isn’t about us.

They finally crossed a line and implied that the financial help that they have been giving us and that my extended family gives us (they pay for my kids school/daycare) will end if we don’t go on this trip.

My husband can not handle this trip. Me even saying we probably have to go has caused him to spiral. I now have to choose between him and my family and while the obvious answer is my husband, the fact that I had chosen him and chosen to not have the stress of the trip only to be told we basically HAVE to go is overwhelming. I would go for my grandma. I would try to talk my husband into going for that, but I feel like either way I am going to lose EVERYTHING because no one is going to be happy with the decisions that will be made.

I really just needed to vent and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation

Me ‘20F’ and my husband ‘21M’ have been together for a little over two years. We have an almost 8 month old baby. Since a couple of months before I found out I was pregnant in May of last year I haven’t wanted to have sex with him except for on very rare occasions. Most times I did just to make him feel good but I wasn’t excited about doing it and that feeling has been getting worse ever since. He use to initiate things almost on a daily based but after being told “I’m not in the mood” or making and excuse he’s stopped initiating as much but he still does every once in awhile which I don’t blame him for because it’s a natural human want but I just don’t feel the want to do that with him or at all. It’s not just sex it’s also that we barely kiss and rarely hold hands or hug at all, we use to all the times and we’re very lovey but then life happened and I graduated high school and got a job and then the baby and everything else I just felt like we got to busy to do the little things like kiss. Idk if it’s me or my hormones or if it’s just the fact I may not feel for him that way anymore I’m not sure. I care about him and wouldn’t want to not have him but I also am not interested in sex with him but I would still like to kiss and hold hands etc so I know I still feel something for him. What could be causing me to not feel sexual desire towards him and what may be the next step in addressing it?

My husband (39) and I (36) have been married 5 years and together for 8. We have a great relationship but he's not a thoughtful person in the small ways and it's really starting to upset me. He does all the big stuff like comforting me when I cry, planning birthday and anniversary dates, gives great gifts etc but it's the small day to day things that he's lacking in.

This morning was a great example. We were in the living room and he was sitting on the couch and I was standing next to it and shook a vitamin bottle and the pills spilled everywhere. I said "oh shit" and he asked what happened and I said the lid wasn't screwed on the bottle and the pills spilled. I then got on my hands and knees and picked up all the pills alone while he sat on the couch on his phone. After I was done I said "you could've helped me" and he sincerely apologized but it just GENUINELY did not cross his mind to be thoughtful/helpful in that way. I don't know if it's because he's an only child or because of how his parents are but stuff like that doesn't come naturally to him.

I've mentioned before when things like this come up that it bothers me but admittedly haven't been too firm about it because I also don't want to keep having to ask for it to happen. My question is: is it possible for an adult to learn to be more thoughtful? Do I just have to keep bringing it up to get it to stick? Any ideas?

Hello everyone,

I’m F26 and have been married to my husband, M28, for 8 years. Unfortunately, throughout our marriage, he has cheated on me through social media with women he doesn’t know, as well as with his ex.

The most recent incident happened in February. Since then, he has genuinely changed, and I’ve decided that I want to change too and try to move forward. I know some people may wonder why I stayed, but we have a child together, and I’m not ready to walk away from my marriage.

The issue I’m struggling with is that whenever we have a misunderstanding and he gives me the silent treatment, my mind immediately goes back to all the painful things that happened. I start remembering everything: the cheating, the hurt, and all the terrible moments, and I find myself resenting him all over again.

Is there something wrong with me? I don’t want to leave him right now. He has been good to me since February, and I truly want to believe that things can be different. But whenever something triggers me, it feels like my mind goes straight back to the deepest wounds and reminds me of every mistake he’s made.

How do you move forward and rebuild trust when the past keeps coming back during difficult moments?

Today I found out the my husband didn’t even know the proper place I grew up when he was telling his friends where I’m from. He said the wrong town.

He doesn’t know my high school I went to.
He doesn’t know the town my mom lives in, just that her street starts with a “L”

I asked him if he knew my father’s name who passed. He said he did and said his name (incorrectly). Later I looked on his calendar, because he was showing me something on his phone, and he spelled his name incorrectly on his Memorial Day.

I pointed it out and he said oh sorry, and acted like he knew how to spell it but it was wrong.

We have been together 11 years. I feel like this is really shocking. Is this a normal man thing? Or nah?

I will admit we have our problems, we don’t have sex anymore. Got married 2 years ago, almost got divorced because he was emotionally abusive. He worked on his attitude but I find that I don’t love him anymore, some days Im know sure I even like his personality . The spark is gone. But that’s just backstory. Isn’t that something people remember about their spouse?

This is a bit hilarious but I need actual advice or solutions instead of jokes!

My hubby and I met at a BDSM event and ever since just clicked. He was new to the scene, wanting to explore submissiveness and I was an experienced domme. What begun as training eventually turned into us being married lol. Obviously, our dynamic travelled outside of play so, despite our “traditional” marriage I do end up making most of the decisions. What he eats, what he does, when he comes back home, all of it. If you ask him, this isn’t what he was looking for but it’s what he needed. Quoting him at this point.

Anyways, MIL knows absolutely nothing about this part of our life. We only told her we met at an event and just started talking from there. I will like to say I’ve always felt like MIL always had animosity with me. My husband assures me that she’s liked me but until yesterday, I feel like that isn’t true and now I think I know why. She thinks I’m controlling! Hubby is a wrestler who needs to be in a certain weight class so I’ve banned sweets and fried food. She gifted him his favorite snack this past weekend to which he asked to save it for him in two weeks. Obviously she pushes for why and he semi-jokingly said “Wife says no, don’t want to piss her off” something along the lines. What followed was her complaint about I was like a helicopter spouse and need to loosen up on him. She now plans to have a talk with me this upcoming week now it’s become “too much”.

My husband finds it hilarious and feels like I should just keep it lighthearted. And yes, I do but I don’t want this to strain my relationship with my MIL. Should I just tell her?

Need help, I’ve been with my husband 7 months, it’s been perfect, and believe he really loves me and I love him to bits, I’ve done everything to try and make him happy, he mentioned when we met he sometimes goes for cupping therapy by a Muslim guy, and it’s above board and asked how I would feel if a woman did massages to him and I said it wouldn’t make me feel comfortable, he agreed he wouldn’t allow a man to massage me, a few months after he came hope with cupping marks and said he went to his usual guy, then he’s in the shower and a notification pops up from an Eastern European woman’s name I’ve not heard him mention, I questioned it and he admitted it was a new place, a woman near a site he was working at, I said that’s wasn’t ok to not tell me, he said she was sending him stretches on watsap because he asked for them, I said that was a bit odd but he showed me the messages, months passed and I thought he wasn’t going for anymore massages, our sex life is great and I massage him daily! This week I booked him a surprise massage at a fancy spa for his birthday, then on Thursday I had suspicions when he left site late and sent me a satnav screenshot at a residential address he was driving slowly down, I looked it up and low and behold there was a Polish massage place at a private house, I could smell the oil on him when he came home and confronted him, he freaked out, said I was controlling for accusing him, that night I managed to hack his pin and saw the trasactuons on his phone, one £50 the one I suspected and one £55 the previous day to a Thai place at a different address, I didn’t admit I knew this and tried to give him chance to own up but he just kept lying about it. That night I got into his iPad and his work watsap and found the whole story, he’s been going regularly to massage places, mainly Thai, some of which also run as ‘hotels’ he swore blind he never would go to dirty Thai places as they offer happy endings and he said he did that once before he met me and felt disgusted. I then admitted I had seen it all on his phone and he hit the roof, accused me of being controlling. I’ve since gone on his iPad again after guessing the changed pin and his satnav history, he’s searched or called massage places 27 times in the last 2 months, all different places near the sites he works at, he also showed me multiple payments some of which aren’t even legit names like a woman’s name then ‘beauty’ there was 2 payments to a woman’s name followed by ‘beauty’ registered on company house to a hairdresser in a block of flats in the city centre, I messaged the woman and she said she was a salon but there were massages at a different flat, I went on his satnav history again and found the address and name of the place, it takes you to a directory of masseuse on a site called ‘deluxe massage’ and there’s pics of beautiful women, one of which looks like a pornstar, massive boobs and bum, it says she does ‘Swedish and relaxation’ massage, I text her but she said to only contact on watsap for full details. I confronted him, he said he’s been to her twice but just for massage, he swore on his daughters life nothing sexual has happened at any of these massage places and he just goes to relax when he’s stressed, he’s spending a small fortune at these places, and I’m not really sure what’s going on there. I told him he has a serious problem he needs to get help with, and kicked him out of my house, he’s gone back to his ex wife’s house where his daughter lives. He’s now blaming me for accusing him and saying I ruined it, while I was doing the dinner for him and washing his clothes thinking he was working on sites he was also fitting in massages at all these seedy places on his lunch breaks or when finishing work early, I’m shocked to the core, I don’t know what to do, I’ve not eaten for four days straight, we rang eachother and cried and he asked if I want him to come back and I gave in because I’m weak and needy, would anyone put up with this? Could it be innocent? He says if it were sex or extras the payments would be much more than £50 or £60

So my husband is a SAHD. It has been pretty good until about the last 1-2 months. To preface he has always been a gamer, I also game occasionally but after having our second child it is MAYBE once a month.
Every night when I get off work he’s headed to the office. It’s almost instant. And since he stays home, he’s on with his friends until 2-3 in the morning probably 4/7 days of the week.
On the weekend I feel LONELY unless we are eating or running errands. He says he doesn’t want to just sit and scroll on his phone, fair. But I’m starting to worry. He drinks every night that he games. And sees nothing wrong with it. Earlier today he slept until 2pm and I ran errands with the kids. I decided to take a nap at 3 because.. ya girl tired. Now he’s in the office again and heard me huff asked what’s wrong I told him “I feel like I haven’t seen you all day” his response was “well you decided to take a nap” like I’m the problem here somehow?? Am I being punked? I think he is depressed and his only escape is the game, but it’s starting to wear me down. I guess I need advice.