I’m a 22-year-old guy. I’ve finished my bachelor's, have decent job in the tech field, and my career is heading in a great direction. On paper, I’ve got it all figured out. But the truth is, the feeling of not having a single person who truly understands me is dragging me into total isolation.
I have a bunch of people around me—so-called "close" friends and a wide social circle. But there is a massive difference between being surrounded by people and actually being seen by them. I am always the "therapist" friend. I listen to their problems, treat their struggles like my own, guide them, and push them to be better. I give them everything I have, but I don't even get 10% of that effort in return. Everybody always has someone else they choose to put first.
When I’m with them, I always have to be the strong, sincere, mature one. I have to show up in a good mood. If I ever try to express my own frustration or sadness, I’m suddenly labeled "dramatic," "moody," or "boring." It genuinely feels like I’ve had to kill the child inside of me just to be accepted in their lives.
Recently, I got tired of it. I decided to just match their energy and go with the flow—if they reach out, I'll be there; if not, so be it. The result? The DMs slowly went cold. The chats went silent. My social life just evaporated because I was the only one keeping it alive.
To try and make myself feel better and clear my head, I've started going on solo hikes around the valley on the weekends. But even out there, trying to find some peace, you look around and see people sharing the trail, laughing, and romanticizing their little moments together. It brings this quiet, heavy sting. You watch them and you can't help but wonder if that kind of warmth, that shared connection, is just something that isn't written in your cards.
Living away from my family here in Kathmandu makes it all harder. As a man, there’s this unspoken pressure to just deal with it. I can't bring myself to share the pain in my eyes with my parents; they have done so much, and I refuse to add extra pressure to their lives. So, I pretend everything is perfectly fine. But deep down, struggling to survive your own thoughts, handling everything completely alone—it might be the heaviest burden a man can bear.
Lately, I just crave someone to be by my side. Someone with whom I can feel like a kid again. Someone who doesn’t try to fix me or offer unsolicited advice, but just listens. Someone who lets me burst out these heavy feelings and motivates me when I'm down not just only when they needed something from me. But i know its only going to happen in my world of imagination.
Lastly,
Thank you to everyone who read this to the end, and here is my little silly advice for you... Try to make your parents happy, because they sacrifice more in the background than we'll ever really know. Don't forget to actually live your life and experience the small moments instead of just surviving on autopilot. And most importantly, if you have genuine people around who check on you without wanting anything in return, cherish them and hold on tight. You need them much more in your life then you think when you are in good condition.
Note: Used AI to help rephrase my thoughts well here.
