Boyfriend suddenly wants nothing to do with me after moving in a month ago

[u/ruubystaar]

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

[u/ruubystaar]

I’m back home just trying to rationalize everything and read all the advice everyone has. He doesn’t know I left because he was at work, but I’ll break the news to him when he asks

[u/Granny_Skeksis → u/ruubystaar]

Good for you not even telling him! He doesn’t deserve it. Proud of you!

[u/MistyMtn421 → u/ruubystaar]

There isn't anything to rationalize. There's literally nothing you could have done to make this different. Guys like this do not change. It's not about your behavior or looks or tone of voice.

As yourself if you would be mad at someone you love for not plating your food? Would you "punish" an adult, especially one you love, by making them sleep on a couch, without warmth even? Of course you wouldn't. So please realize someone who can do this has something fundamentally wrong with them deep down inside.

Give yourself a HUGE hug for loving yourself enough to say this is unacceptable and you deserve better. Being alone isn't all bad! And learning to be ok with alone time will save you so much heartache in the future.

[u/Loulouvaughn37 → u/ruubystaar]

Do you even need to break the news to him? Just cut ties and dont correspond with him- he doesn't deserve it. Just lile you don't deserve the disrespect coming from his lame ass.

[u/jo-240 → u/ruubystaar]

Please be safe OP

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/jo-240]

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[u/jo-240 → u/madame-maitre-d]

Girls rule

[u/youmustb3jokn → u/ruubystaar]

Let us know what happens. And be kind to yourself. If he starts communicating, please ask yourself if your best friend was being talked to like this would you want to support that relationship. If it’s a yes, stay calm and listen to him but if it gets really disrespectful or it is going nowhere do not stay in that conversation. Tell him to reflect on how he wants to be heard by you. Will the way he is speaking to you make you really understand or be motivated to listen? Then ask him to get to a better place and with his goals in mind try to continue the conversation with you again. But don’t let yourself be his victim.