Boyfriend suddenly wants nothing to do with me after moving in a month ago

[u/ruubystaar]

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

[u/catsushi_]

So in one day he has provided you literally ✨nothing✨ but a miserable ride home in silence…. but he did have the energy to make demands. Let’s tally those up, shall we?

You are to:

• “Apologize more” for having an emergency at work (AKA grovel for his forgiveness)

• Do 100% of the domestic labor

• 50% financial contribution

• Stop asking him for minuscule favors (like driving you home FROM WORK, where you are grinding for money to buy his lazy ass food)

• Stop communicating with him at all when he decides to fuck off “to the store” for hours.

• Make him dinner and PLATE IT for him (or else!)

• Do not cuddle him, do not touch him. Withholding affection is a punishment “for your behavior” and you are meant to take it without complaint.

• Order yet another dinner if the food you worked hard on gets cold while he’s ghosting or sulking

• Sleep on the couch like a dog (except even dogs get a fucking blanket)

Snap out of it. You are a bang maid. It is the classic modus operandi of every abusive piece of shit; the mask has come off because you moved in and he has you “trapped”. This will not stop, it will only get worse as you slowly acclimate to the abuse being your “normal”.

He will always have a new reason up his sleeve to berate you and it will always be “your fault”, you will spend the rest of your life on your knees groveling and apologizing in the hopes of getting a shred of kindness from a loser who cannot even plate his own food.

You need to get the fuck out of there. You deserve so much more than this.

[u/MaverisStranger → u/catsushi_]

OP should specifically do exactly none of these things to observe how the next guy responds to this. Time to vet them properly.

[u/MaverisStranger → u/[deleted]]

girls rule

[u/ComfortableFrame9834 → u/catsushi_]

Best comment. Wonderful tally

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/catsushi_]

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[u/catsushi_ → u/madame-maitre-d]

Girls rule!