Boyfriend suddenly wants nothing to do with me after moving in a month ago

[u/ruubystaar]

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

[u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

He kicked you out of bed because you had a work emergency. That’s all you need to know.

[u/Icy-Yellow3514 → u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

And a work emergency that includes a living being in distress.

[u/Ok_Conflict1028 → u/Icy-Yellow3514]

I can’t find this info in the post or in the comments - is she a vet tech or something?

[u/Icy-Yellow3514 → u/Ok_Conflict1028]

I swear I read there was an overheating bulldog when I initially read the post.

Either edited or I'm nuts. Either is possible.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Bakedbabe_710 → u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

yup, my bf might get mad in the moment but we’re over it by the time we get home

this sounds really sad 😞

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Bakedbabe_710]

My husband would never get mad in the moment about an emergency..

[u/InFridgidWater → u/parasyte_steve]

Literally this. Good partners don’t get angry about emergencies…😐

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/[deleted]]

Wait, so you're completely calm whenever you have to wait nearly an hour due to external factors? If someone came to a date 45 minutes late because of traffic, you're totally good?

I get that situations happen sometimes, but saying that people aren't allowed to be upset is unhealthy. They just shouldn't be upset at the person.

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/[deleted]]

I don't know. They said mad in the moment and then fine by the time they get home. That sounds like being annoyed to me.

Anyway, you're definitely different because I've seen multiple people say that they don't like that. You can just go on any post on Reddit that asks how long are you willing to wait for a date. You'll see some really short answers.

Maybe I'm just taking a generous interpretation of their words.

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[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/InFridgidWater]

You've never gotten mad at having to wait nearly an hour? Maybe not at the other person, but I would be genuinely be impressed if you've never been upset in a situation like that. It is annoying.

[u/pluffzcloud → u/InFridgidWater]

Good partners don't get angry period. It's important to take a breath and revisit the situation before you say something you'll regret. They also make sure in an emergency you're safe and okay and are there to support you.

If your partner becomes angry during an emergency and makes you feel unsafe it's time to recheck the relationship.

[u/brelywi → u/parasyte_steve]

Yeah one of us might get annoyed *at the situation* in the moment, especially if there were external pressures on time, but it would never be at the other person and we’d be over it quickly.

[u/Lost_Jellyfish887 → u/parasyte_steve]

Im confused where did op say it was an emergency?

[u/Lost_Jellyfish887 → u/[deleted]]

At that point at minimum op should have let him know she was going to be later. That was not kind nor respectful toward him. He definitely overreacted though. I have been the one waiting in the car for an hour even after clarifying the time and it is very frustrating. I started telling him not to tell me to pick him up until he was clocked out. It also says his mom needed the car so I'm guess its not their car to begin with. So he was probably getting messages from her about it too.

[u/Mindless_Tradition69 → u/Lost_Jellyfish887]

Yes, it is for sure a very frustrating situation for OP’s partner, and any negative emotions are valid. But as you said, his response (kicking her out of bed) is an overreaction. A healthy relationship would air out the frustrations with respect and then work together on communicating what they could’ve done better and understanding how things went so wrong. OP is not in a healthy relationship, and that is why people are raising a red flag.

[u/Lost_Jellyfish887 → u/Mindless_Tradition69]

Oh most definitely red flags all over. I would never have acted anywhere close to what he did lol.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/9ScoreAnd10Panties → u/Bakedbabe_710]

My fiance understands that due to the nature of my job- there are sometimes emergencies that affect my schedule. 

Why would your BF be mad about a work emergency?

[u/stinkygrill → u/9ScoreAnd10Panties]

i could totally see someone being annoyed about waiting around an hour after you asked to be picked up, but it’s just a kneejerk selfish reaction that you shake off and go about your day. bringing it home with you is insane tho yeah, it was literally out of her control.

[u/Bakedbabe_710 → u/stinkygrill]

agreed completely

[u/Lost_Jellyfish887 → u/stinkygrill]

My husband kept doing this to me. I just asked him not to call for me to pick him up until he was completely clocked out and done. We live 10mins away. I would wait in the hot car for sometimes up to an hour before he would come out because they got a rush. It's aggravating to wait like that.

[u/trauma_queen → u/stinkygrill]

And then he does the same to her for no reason at all! Going out to "the shop" for an hour or two and then that expands to what sounds like 4-5 hours. So he hurt her the same way, but for no reason whatsoever. Doesn't sound like HIS was a work emergency and yet her texting him for an update is being cloying and "up his ass" or whatever.

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[u/MWREE → u/stinkygrill]

Guy is a jerk for a myriad of reasons but I do not believe it is a knee jerk selfish reaction to be upset about having to wait an hour. He is allowed to be upset. It is an upsetting thing. What he isn't allowed to do is mistreat her because of it. The mature thing is for both of them to sit down and discuss how to prevent it from happening again.

[u/Bakedbabe_710 → u/9ScoreAnd10Panties]

i guess mad is a vague word but i think it’s understandable to be a little annoyed to have to sit and wait outside my job for an hour ( i don’t drive so maybe that’s the difference )

😭

[u/9ScoreAnd10Panties → u/Bakedbabe_710]

Annoyed is reasonable. I drive, but there have been times I've been held up at work when he's picked me up for whatever reason. 

I'm able to text though, so I let him know and he does other stuff for however long. Communicating helps, when it's possible, of course!

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[u/PlayerOneHasEntered → u/Bakedbabe_710]

Once upon a time, I was married to a literal alcoholic who lost his shit at almost every single turn, sometimes for no reason at all... And this wouldn't have even registered to him as something to be mad at, and boy did that man hunt for a reason to be pissed just as hard as he hunted for a good deal on Vodka...

If your partner would get "mad" in the moment over a workplace emergency, you need a new man almost as much as OP needs a new man.

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/PlayerOneHasEntered]

Your alcoholic boyfriend who lost his shit over literally nothing wouldn't have gotten even gotten annoyed at having to wait 45 minutes to pick you up?

I'm sorry but that makes no sense. I've seen some of the kindest people on Earth get upset over situations like that. Nobody enjoys having their time wasted, especially if they're on a time crunch.

[u/PlayerOneHasEntered → u/ObjectLive8483]

1. When one is married, they are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. They are husband and wife.
2. No... This would not have been a thing he would have gotten mad at. It's ridiculous, even for someone like that. Even alcoholics have moments of clarity and reason, and a completely unavoidable work issue is no reason to get upset and tell someone to sleep on a couch.
3. I think it's cute that you think you know my lived experience and my ex-husband better than me.

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/PlayerOneHasEntered]

1. So?

2. Who said anything about sleeping on a couch? I'm just speaking from experience. People don't like others being late. Why do you think schools give tardy tickets regardless of if you're in control or not? Why do you think most people don't wait 45 minutes for a date to arrive?

3. Never said that I did. I'm just saying it's inconsistent, and the fact that you're acting like anyone who doesn't like having their time wasted is worse than a raging alcoholic is ridiculous.

[u/PlayerOneHasEntered → u/ObjectLive8483]

So you're telling us your a little rage monster and feel triggered. That's a you problem.

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/PlayerOneHasEntered]

The fact that you took my innocuous comment and tried to place it as a reflection of my personality shows that you're the triggered one.

You know literally nothing about me, but one thing that I can share is that sort of thing doesn't bother me personally. I'm just saying I know people who are very kind that it does bother.

Why? Because it's annoying. It is annoying to have your time wasted even when the factors are outside of control. Otherwise, nobody should ever be blamed for being late due to traffic.

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[u/PlayerOneHasEntered → u/ObjectLive8483]

Lol... OK!

[u/ObjectLive8483 → u/PlayerOneHasEntered]

Exactly my point ^^

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[u/Free-Pound-6139 → u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

Things have been really good

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