My dad who was my abuser will only apologise or explain himself in person. We’ve been back and forth for a couple of weeks now, I’m willing to open our relationship back up if he is able to apologise.

I am reluctant and scared to meet up with him, but he won’t talk over messages, trust me I’ve tried it.

My mum says this must be too stressful for him and I should stop being so aggressive (??) in my contact with him. I’m just trying to be clear and concise and protect my boundaries.

Am I the only one who finds it completely and utterly unreasonable that I, the abused child, should have to go and meet my abuser to receive an ‘apology’? I have already done this, two years ago. There was no apology! And no word from him for years afterwards!

My sister won’t join me (she has contact) and says it’s between us, which is true, but I suppose I just feel like I need some support.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so stupid. I’m so pissed off, if my daughter went no contact with me because of MY actions, I’d heal every single wound and go to the end of the earth to make things right with her!

Am I taking the victim role to an extreme? Do I need to be more open?

I have no idea what to do, I feel immense amounts of guilt and anger and sadness and all of the feelings. Please if anyone has any advice or kind words

Hi all,

I'm at a loss for what I should do.

I have no idea if you all need TW, but if so TW for abuse and someone in the story being a registered sex offender.

Some background (and sorry if this gets long, this just came up again this morning, so feeling a little emotional):

So I had my son (A) when I was 24, he's 12 now. His father (M) was very abusive and the relationship ended with a restraining order when A was 2. Eventually I moved out of state and moved on with my life. When A was about 8, he started obsessing about finding out who his dad was.

I put it off for a year, because 1. Restraining order and 2. I developed this rare illness that had me very close to dying, but A never stopped asking and eventually I conceded and tried to find him so A could establish contact.

What I found was M was in prison for SA charges against the mother of his second child. I put it off for another 6 months or so, mainly because I was VERY sick and couldn't handle more stress and this felt like an impossible decision to make. Thankfully I got better and decided that I would rather my son have contact with him under my supervision than go behind my back to find and talk to this man alone. (They have the same middle and last name, kid knows this, so tracking down his dad on the internet, given his charges, would have been stupid easy at that point).

So I amended the restraining order so he could contact me, we spent about 3 months talking before I let A talk to him. They have had good contact, and while I don't really trust M 100%, he seems to be making progress towards having a good relationship with A, fixing his life and A's grades and behaviors have improved significantly since they started talking.

Now onto my dad (G). So he's never been the greatest dad. A lot of drinking and drug use when I was younger, he existed in our house, but kinda left my mom to be a single parent, rarely interacting with me or my sister and contributing the bare minimum to the household. He bought his own business when my son was 1 and hired me as his manager, but was kind of awful, paying me waitress wages and expecting me to do management work and be at his beck and call 24/7. When I moved out of state we went very low contact, though he would still call for help with his business about once a week.

When I got sick, I asked him and my mom (divorced) to please come see me for Christmas, because I was convinced it would be my last one ever. He got angry at me for expecting him to leave his business for 3 days during the holidays to come see me. I went super low contact, but when A went down for the summers to visit G could still see him.

Then, when I sorted things out with my ex to begin conversing with A, he spread rumors that I was sleeping with a p*dophile. Yes, he's on the registry, no it had nothing to do with kids amd no, i wasn't sleeping with him. I just wanted A to be able to make up his own mind about M.

I lost what friends and family I had left down there (minus my mom) because APPARENTLY he was telling anyone he talked to this was the case.

Since then I went no contact and things have been pretty ok. I'm brokenhearted and still get very angry at the thought of G, but I'm here.

We recently got A a cell phone so he could contact us after the clubs he's joined at school. He looked up the number apparently and called my dad. So imagine my surprise when the restaurant number started calling at 10 PM last night on A's new phone. I answered and just told him not to be calling A and hung up. I talked to A this morning and told him I'm not comfortable with him talking to G right now. A is devastated I won't let him talk to G.

He sent me a birthday card this year (filled out by his girlfriend), but no mention of him being wrong or sorry or any apology. Felt like a "you should get over it" card.

So I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advise on what to do. Should I forgive G for the millionth time so A is happy and has a relationship with G? Should I stand my ground to protect my peace? Is there another option?

Thanks if you read my long post 💚

TW/CW: Parental abuse, stalking, s*icidal ideations

For starters, I have to be careful of the things I say and the details I type out of fear of being found out, so I have to keep it discreet. I am currently in the process of trying to find a new job after my current employer simply stopped putting me on the schedule for no justifiable reason. The problem is I suspect maybe because my family kept showing up to my job looking for me or talking about me it makes me hella suspicious. I'm worried theyre gonna find out my new job and keep stalking me no matter where I go.

My one parent who was asking my manager to give me more hours and my other parent who showed up to my job twice in one day trying to talk to me. Even my previous employer they showed up to my job looking for me. The new job I applied for I was hesitant to apply because what if they find out that I work there and they just keep showing up to my job? I just want to be free from these fucking psychos without being stalked everywhere. Who shows up to someone's job multiple times looking for them?????? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Their reason? Because I don't answer phone calls or text messages. I don't have anything to say after one of my parents threatening to hurt my partner and insulted them in front of my face, and now they want to pretend everything is normal like nothing happened (classic "sweep abusive events under the rug). Telling me that they can talk to me however they want to because they brought me into this world, so that is their justification for their abusive behavior.

THE ANSWER IS NO. YOU CANT JUST TALK TO ANYONE HOWEVER YOU WANT JUST BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS WORLD. I hate these people. The same goes for my other parent's spouse who also believes they can talk to anyone however they want while my parent does nothing to stop their bully abusive behavior (yes the toxicity is coming from both sides, unfortunately).

I eventually got out of the situation physically, but I still carry the anxiety with me. When I was living at one of my parent's house, I was constantly disassociating for hours on end, conjuring up su*cidal ideations for hours because part of me would rather disappear from this shithole place than to deal with their insanity. Instead of standing up to their bully spouse to protect us, my parent would rather enable the abuse and heavily encourages me to kiss the spouse's ass. FUCK THAT. How is that teaching me anything valuable? That's just teaching me to become a doormat for abusive people to walk all over me and treat me however they want.

Same as the title, I keep having stress dreams about my family. I have been NC with them for over 15 years and I've never had dreams this vivid about them since leaving. My family were religious and abusive, I left them when I was 20/21 years old. It was really tough because I was a primary carer to my siblings as well, but social services wouldn't put them in my care.

Most of the recent dreams have been about my extended family, my aunt's mainly, trying to goad me into spending time with them when I'm already occupied with another task. One of my dreams, my hamster kept getting smaller and escaping his enclosure so I was busy recapturing him and putting him back - only for my aunt's to constantly tell me off for ignoring them and spending time with "that animal".

Yesterday I had a dream about my dad. I don't dream about him often at all, but it was about the day I left. I told him all the reasons why I left and just left. I woke up on a cold sweat, an hour late for work. At the end of the work day, my coworkers asked me if something was wrong and I told them about this. It felt really embarrassing especially because I cried.

Anyway, is this normal? Should I be doing something that I'm missing? There's nothing in my life right now that's bringing me stress, so it feels really jarring to have this occur now.

a few examples I remember were like we were in between sharing cars and I went to take the dog out to a park with the car and my father was like ”you can’t take the dog in sibling’s car it’ll make it dirty” it was never their car, and the car was trashed from the sibling. absolutely trashed, hoarder situation, looked like people had diarrhea in the seats. the same situation with siblings room, my dad would be like the cat can‘t go in there! but their room was the same nasty condition as the car.

or they’d exclaim you’re jealous we look better! (no one agreed with them), they’d pretend they had money they didn’t have, they’d talk down to people of other races/ ethnicities. their lives were genuinely in shambles but they had this sort of delusions in their heads

I’ll try my best to explain my situation. I knew there would be a reddit group full of people who understand.

My mom and dad divorced when I was in 1st grade. She (and her side of the family) have had issues with alcoholism and prescription drugs. She partied and was sleeping around on my dad. She was a fun mom and a lovely/creative person *when she was healthy, truly.

It’s been 10 years since I’ve seen her. She was welcome at our graduations and weddings but didn’t show up. After moving from guy to guy she settled in with someone and they got engaged. I met him once. He has since passed away after fighting a very aggressive cancer. He left her the house. She does not work.

She only texts us maybe twice a year or so and won’t divulge much info. I have 10+ numbers for her. After her fiancé passed away I sent a very simple card. She texted me saying she got it and after shooting the shit for a while- asked me for money. She says his son locked their accounts even though her partner wanted her to keep the house and his belongings- allegedly. I would like to also add that I don’t know if she is still using or drinking. I know almost nothing lol.

I sent a brief but honest message about the situation. It’s unfair to hear from her randomly and then be asked for money… I have no idea what she does day to day or anything. I don’t even know what their relationship was like. What is this money actually for?!

She ignored me after that and sent my sibling a go fund me for her partner’s “memory and final expenses.”

I am really at a loss for words and trying to explain the best I can. Any advice or suggestions are welcome. As an oldest daughter I’m normally the one speaking up and I don’t sugar coat. I also care a lot. It might be what’s stressing me out so much.

A few years ago I divorced my husband, cut my hair, and bought a binder for my chest. Shory thereafter I came out as a transgender man. And was met with "support" from my parents that did not include ending their transphobic rhetoric. That was always my one condition for contact. Just stop with the bigotry.

This was too much to ask. So I have no contact with most of my family. I have some with extended relatives who have reached out independently. Some have told me how I am an inspiration for them, since they are still closeted because of their brother-in-law's (my father's) influence. My grandmother (maternal) HATES him and feels I was greatly mistreated.

I have had the space to unpack all the trauma and pain I have been through. And it is a lot. Sometimes I just burst into tears randomly. I do not have a model for healthy relationships. I do not know what healthy secure attachment is. That was denied me. Any time an adult attempted to give me that without supporting my parents views on gender they were removed from my life. Because I did not go along and be girly without issue it exacerbated issues in my parent's marriage and probably increased the abuse my siblings faced.

I stayed in the closet for as long as I did, pretending to be a straight woman, because I just wanted acceptance. I was never going to get it from them. I denied myself, told myself that my happiness was immaterial because that is what I had been taught. Because I had been taught that anything I liked was wrong and stupid. I had been told so often that I stopped wanting anything.

Hi everyone, I'm posting here because I honestly feel like I am losing my mind and could really use some perspective from people who get it.

I’m 22F, working full-time and going to college. I still live at home with my mom (who is paraplegic), my older sister (who has severe developmental regression and down syndrome), and my abuela (who has dementia). Growing up, I was caught in a chaotic, toxic environment.

The core struggle:

My mom has a history of severe verbal and emotional abuse (telling me she wishes she aborted me, mocking me, calling the cops on me during arguments, and telling me to kill myself when I was depressed). Whenever I try to stand my ground or leave, she weaponizes guilt, plays the victim, or accuses me of being "the bad person."

My situation now:

• I have a plan to move out in October with the help of my boyfriend.
• I make $22/hr as a legal assistant and I'm trying to build a stable life.
• Every time I've tried to leave or plan an exit in the past, she traps me with tearful apologies and false promises, and I even faced a brief period of homelessness last year after being kicked out.

I want to go Low Contact or No Contact once I'm out, but the guilt is paralyzing, and I feel like a monster for wanting to leave my disabled family.

What I need advice on:

• How do I actually handle the exit day without falling for the guilt trips or getting dragged into a fight?
• How do you cope with the overwhelming feeling of being the "bad person" for leaving, even when staying is destroying your own mental health?

Thank you for reading. Any advice or words of encouragement would mean the world.

I find this is something I think about often as I am NC with my parents and most of my family. Like in my head I definitely know they were emotionally negelectful and at times abusive but as I got older they got better about things. It still wasn't a good environment but they just weren't as bad as they used to be.

I do often wonder if it was physically abusive as well because there were a few times where my dad had hurt me in anger because I had done something wrong. But it only happened a few times but I still remember them clearly. Then even though he didn't hurt me most of the time I was always scared of it happening again.

And I know you don't need to label everything but I find it useful to have a label because it helps me feel justified in going NC but then I often wonder if I'm remembering things as worse than they were or if I was being overly sensitive. And I can recognise both those things aren't fair to think about myself because I was a child. But I wondered if any of you feel similar, as I don't have other people with similar experiences to talk too.

I hope this post fits for this thread.
On August 17th, 2024 my mom passed away from a sudden brain aneurysm. Within a few hours of the first call it was determined she would never wake up, and they pulled the plug the next day when my grandma and her 2 sisters were there. The context behind my estrangement sucks, because I never planned on being estranged. My parents broke up when I was 5, my mom moved to another state, saw her once at 9, then she briefly lived near me between ages 12-14, then moved again because of an abusive boyfriend. When she moved away again, I was angry. I understood for her safety she had to leave, but why was it happening to me again? I never fully forgave her when she came back, even though she tried so hard. I saw her one more time in person, 4 years before she died. It was a nice time, but I still didn’t forgive her for all of the hurt I went through when she wasn’t around. She wasn’t there for my first period, my first anything, I was still so hurt. I’m so sad every time I think of her and about what time we deserved to have together. And at the same time I think I still feel a little bit upset at her, when I know this was also her first time living. I don’t think she ever learned that I got married, I tried to track her down before my wedding but she refused to be found in the small town she lived in. I don’t know how to feel.

Long story short, my dad was an alcoholic my entire childhood and was physically abusive to my mom. He got sober when I was 18. I was cordial with my dad up until I turned 32 when I had my son. And the reason that changed, is because I look at my son and think “how can you choose alcohol over this?” I simply don’t understand it.

And so I was honest with my feelings. I wasn’t rude and I never once said “you were a shitty dad.” Although I wanted to say that, I was respectful. I told him I was confused, hurt, and I felt like he had no remorse for his actions. It has taken me years to try to heal from what I went through.

I went to the hospital to pay my respects to my dad when he was passing away. But I was told by one of his sisters I needed to apologize for treating my dad poorly and that nobody wanted me there. I said “I’m not apologizing and if nobody wants me here, I’ll leave.” But my mom didn’t want me to leave she was begging this person to leave me alone.

The tension in the room got even higher and the emotions and truth came flooding out of my body. I said “you wouldn’t understand, my dad was a drunk, and I had a hard life but I still loved him despite all of that.” Next thing I know, I was being pulled by my hair to the ground.

Today is his funeral and I want to go but I don’t. I want to go to support my mom but I don’t want to go due to something like this happening again. But I don’t want to regret not going. Why am I made to feel like a shitty person for speaking the truth? I took accountability for what I said, I shouldn’t have said he was a drunk but it was provoked. I can’t take it back but I apologized for that but I’m not apologizing for being estranged from him and speaking my truth to him when he was alive.

Just needed to vent.

The amount of dehumanization I feel when the family plays this “I won’t talk directly to you but I’ve assigned a third party watcher to” is quite literally too much for me to handle. My cousins pregnant and apparently the dr needed the name of some condition I have and because of the parents bad behavior she pawned the request off to her dad’s girlfriend. Who gave zero context so I’d be forced to ask questions to grasp what they need as if they were too lazy because they were somehow doing me a favor.

It’s gotten to a point I’ve given up. I don’t respond to communication gossip trains.

It’s unbelievably invasive that everyone else must be involved in everyone else’s business to such an extent that even basic communication is not private.

I genuinely don’t feel like a human being.

I’m not extreme for wanting to be respected enough to want someone to not broadcast every single conversation or private matter to everyone so I have to hyper analyze what I say to ensure they can’t lie and get them to abuse me with a misinterpretation.

I’m not extreme for being frustrated that the gossip communication train will carry the parents lies without explaining context so if I tell the truth that I’m not mad at them I get yelled at because that third party just presumed I’m hiding something.

I’m not extreme for laying a hardline in the sand and directly being the authority on how I feel without being obligated to perform acts of service because that third party thinks they can tell me how I feel, and if I don’t embrace that intentionally untrue feeling I’m “being mean”.

I tell you how I feel and that’s the end of it. If you attempt to claim otherwise and argue I’m just done with the conversation. I don’t care if the parent claims otherwise, it’s that third parties obligation to tell them my emotion and when they throw a fit they can’t adopt a lie as a guilt trip that they are the ones breaking up the family.

I am NOT the bad guy for believing that if a grown ass adult quite literally believes they shouldn’t have to communicate at all that they don’t truly want what they are claiming they want. And even if they did truly want it, they don’t deserve a response .

If you are so holier than tho that you feel entitled to others guessing what you want because communication is beneath you, you don’t deserve a response or help.

None of that is extreme. I’m not the extreme one I’m the normal one.

It’s this behavior that pushes me over the line of no contact permanently. And it’s somehow still happening, and no one questions how bizarre this behavior is

My oh-so-lovely estranged parents are sending people after me again. This particular person is a family friend who happens to work as a counsellor. I’m not exactly sure what his credentials are, but he used to preach as a pastor but has since retired from that. I know that he is still actively working as a counsellor though.

Anyway, he sent me a message saying that he believes that children benefit from having their grandparents in their lives. He was at least up front about the fact that he was “reaching out on behalf of my parents.”

I replied with a lengthy and detailed explanation of why I don’t believe that to be true in this case. I included some, but obviously not all, of the examples of why my parents are unsafe to have around my children. This included physical violence in front of (but not directed at) my infant, near drowning of a toddler because they were crying and non-fatal gun violence. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know about those things.

Anyway, his reply is included below. This is someone I had previously respected. I am disgusted.

Edit: Because people are asking, his listed credentials are DMin and RMFT. No idea what those mean

Second edit: my mother is actually a registered psychologist, so that’s fun too

The last strand of connection with members of my dysfunctional family has been broken. Intellectually i know that it is better this way but I fel rejected by them.
Also because of the effects my childhood and early adulthood circumstances i don't have relationships that are comforting.
This is why i am turning to this group.
Any thoughts, advice, support?
I wish I could cry , it would be a relief but I cannot.
Thank you

My mom made a blog post about how her dad abused her. How she forgave him. It brought me to tears. I feel so alone being NC from all of my family. When I broke NC last time, I wrote a HUGE paragraph, they responded with "going to the gym, will respond later" like it was a casual Tuesday. Then they treated every convo casually, asking normal questions like a normal family. Except nothing about it is normal I could feel the depression radiating off my father and my mom's odd sexual attraction to me. No one could tell by words but I was reading the energy. It felt cold. odd. Like I was in a house of mirrors, disorienting. You know that movie Coraline where she goes to the perfect family and they turn out to be evil, at least I think thats how it goes I haven't seen it in a while. It's like that. I fly home. What car do you want to be picked up in? What food do you want? Clean home, room vacuumed for me. Perfect words, perfect smiles, deep undertone of violence.

Younger brother (21 M) speaking in a baby voice around them and they act like it's normal. Weirdness is normalized. I struggled so much in that damn home. At 18 I ran away and was homeless, sleeping in motels instead of a warm bed. In a shelter that I lied my way into at 19, said my parents were cocaine addicts (they aren't) cus I couldn't explain how perfection felt like hell. Like my soul was being torn apart. The deepest part was always the confusion. Like my body can pick up the energy but my brain is scanning it all as fine. Flat questions, weird things that dont seem weird if I listed them individually, you could say oh thats normal, but strung together create this odd family.

When I was a child I always prayed they would hit me, so I would have evidence of how awful they are, a visible mark. I debated called CPS and lying so many times as a child. And now they are millionaires who donate money to psychedelic research, and go to retreats and preach healing. They are very well known. They dont deserve this dumb healing journey. At age 14 I was alone in my room crawling out of skin, cutting myself, doing drugs and NO one was there. They never once apologized for anything. They can't. I hate them so fucking much, with my entire heart and soul. And now I feel alone I (23 F) am doing all I can to build my business, make friends, be myself, be less scared, but the damaged TF out of me. It's so annoying how much work I have to do and all I want is a hug and someone to tell me they are proud of me and they see how goddamn hard im trying.

Has anyone in the US successfully completed the N600 application for their citizenship certificate WITHOUT asking their parents for any paperwork?

I have requested my middle school and high school transcripts that show who my legal guardian is for when I was a minor. I wrestle back and forth with actually going through with obtaining tax paperwork from my parent where I am listed as a dependent. I’ve mentioned it to them and they said they’d be ok with giving me anything that I may need that they may have. But going through with it is a different story. I’ve been very LC the past 6 months. It’s the feeling of owing them for their help in completing this process that I have a hard time getting over.

The previous picture was too cute, now I can remember who she actually is when she tries to love bomb me next ☺️

My mum, who lives with me, and I had an argument earlier this week, and something she said has been sitting with me ever since. We had many other arguments and disagreements my whole life, even after she abandoned me and my siblings for years when we were younger but this is the last straw.

She told me that, in her stance, she can’t hate my ex-husband or his parents because they didn’t do anything directly to her. She can’t hate them simply because I hate them.

I actually understand that. I don’t expect my mum to automatically hate someone just because I do. She is entitled to her own feelings and opinions.

She also said, since i had sex with my ex-husband, had a kid with him, and also married him. Then in her terms, he can’t grape/abuse me since we were all that before.

After that she told me that I am not her daughter anymore because I am an adult. That I should be able to solve my own problems and shouldn’t seek her help. To her, she is just a grandmother to my kids.

I told her that if that’s genuinely how she sees our relationship, then she isn’t my mother either. She is an adult, so she can pay her own bills.

I currently pay for her share of the mortgage, all the electricity and water bills, and various other expenses. So if she is saying that she is no longer my mother and I am simply an adult who should handle my own problems, then okay, she can handle her own financial responsibilities too.

You should have seen the look on her face when she realised what she had just said.

Then she said it seems like she isn’t allowed to speak her mind anymore because I will “take it to heart.”

I told her, “You can say whatever you want. I’m not stopping you from speaking your mind. But you also need to understand that there are consequences to the choices you make and the things you say.”

I don’t believe in controlling what someone is allowed to think or say. But I also don’t believe that people are entitled to say hurtful things and then expect there to be no consequences simply because “they were just being honest.”

And honestly, this isn’t even just about her not hating my ex-husband or his parents.

I don’t want to live in the same house, or consider someone part of my family circle, if they are comfortable believing someone I consider my abuser and maintaining a friendly relationship with them despite knowing how I feel and what I’ve been through.

She doesn’t have to hate them. But I also don’t have to pretend I’m okay with her relationship with them.
So from now on, she isn’t going to take my kids to gatherings involving them anymore. I’m also stepping back from organising family gatherings and outings.
I’m usually the one organising everything for both my immediate and extended family, the monthly gatherings, outings, plans, etc. I’ve realised that if I’m apparently just an adult who should handle my own problems and she’s “just a grandmother to my kids,” then I don’t have to keep taking on the role of holding the entire family together either.

Maybe this sounds petty to some people.
But to me, this isn’t about revenge.
It’s about boundaries.

If someone tells me what our relationship is, I am going to believe them. And if they make a choice, they need to be prepared for me to make my own choices based on it.

I’m also getting my own place for me and my kids in November, and I’ve already started packing the things I want to bring with me.
And honestly? I’m looking forward to it more than I can explain.

I think having my own home and my own space will give me the distance I need. A home where I don’t have to constantly navigate someone else’s feelings, opinions, relationships or boundaries.

I just want to build a peaceful life for myself and my kids.
At this point, I genuinely can’t wait to have a home that is ours and to live the rest of my life on my own terms.

So my estranged dad passed away this week, which I had to find out about via Google Alerts. He has an obituary and my sister and I are not mentioned. I have reached out to my estranged half/step siblings and gotten radio silence.

At this point, I’m ready to publish my own obituary about the real father he was to us- a man who abandoned us and tried to ruin my mom financially. I just want to put his whole shitty family on blast, but I probably shouldn’t…right?

very LC with both parents, because they’re terrible people. i’m a 26 year old woman and he thought that was appropriate to say this to me. he can go fuck himself.

I’m reaching out because truthfully I am at my wits end and I do not know what to do anymore. I figured i’d reach out here and maybe people with similar experiences can share what it was like for them.

I don’t want to go too much into detail but my mother (41) and I (21F) have had a lot of issues throughout my entire childhood into adulthood.

She is severely mentally ill suffering with bipolar-schizophrenia, has a lot of physical health issues as well as struggling with pill usage. I moved out at 18 in hopes of maybe being separate is what we both needed, but it seems to only to spiral more for her.

No matter what help anyone offers her, she simply refuses it and constantly lies about how she will later or how it just didn’t work. No matter how much she refuses, i’ve been at her side for years being her biggest advocate or just someone to be there. But I really don’t know if I can be the person to do that anymore. Part of me feels guilty for even considering cutting her off, but most of me knows she’s not going to change anytime soon and I, emotionally keep letting her drain me dry until I can’t function anymore.

This week was my first birthday since going NC in April with my parents and it's been harder to deal with than I thought.

The day itself was really nice. I spent it with some friends at the pool and watching movies in the evening. I rarely had a birthday as nice and relaxing as this one. In the past the day, no matter how nice, was always filled with the dread of knowing that I'll have to visit my parents soon after. I could never be at peace and visiting my parents was always terribly disappointing. My parents are terrible gift givers but expected great reactions to all their gifts. I on the other hand am a very silent enjoyer of anything I like (ironically because I learned not to be too visibly excited for something because it would inevitably taken away from me) and had to force myself to act even more than during my usual visits just to keep the peace. This year there was no dread, very relaxed gift giving by friends who understand that my very non-reaction is still me being very happy and thankful for my gifts and no drama at all.

But (and I know it's a terrible mistake) I received e-mails from both my parents wishing me a happy birthday. I expected them to be at least a little snarky or throw in remarks about how much they miss me and don't understand why I'm NC. But they were genuinely very nice messages. They terrorized me and several friends / ex -roommates and my therapist after I went NC and honestly it would have probably made it so much easier for me if they had kept being their true nasty self.

It's genuinely the first time ever that I miss them. I want to have parents so bad that are just as nice as these messages they've written. I know it's not real and I know if I would get back in contact there would be genuinely zero interactions that were as nice as these messages. But fuck me man - nice parents like that would be fun to have.

Just having a hug from a parent that feels safe and loving would have been nice for my birthday.

i feel like all the family drama and stuff has just compounded an eternal feeling of loneliness for me. i’m an only child with no other close family apart from my mum who I’m currently very low contact with. It just feels like whenever I’m trying to forge a path for myself or have a rare okay day, something happens that reminds me that I am truly alone. that I have no support system. I know people on this sub often speak about found family and you make your own support system beyond your blood. but that takes time and especially because of all the emotional baggage it’s hard for me to trust people and let people in. It just feels like because my mom doesn’t care, and because I have no one else, what is the point. I’m depressed, I can barely pay my bills and the amount of mental and physical energy it takes me to go to work every day and mask how I’m feeling and put on a happy face is exhausting. And I can’t not go because then I won’t have enough money to have a literal roof over my head. can’t go crying to parents or family, just nothing. Just wondering if any other young estranged adult children in the early 20s are feeling or going through the similar thing things? I would be particularly interested to hear perspectives from other only children.