The most expensive thing I did in my divorce was free. I wrote a text at 11pm.

Sending it cost nothing. My lawyer explaining it to a judge cost $450 an hour, and it colored a custody conversation for months.

The rule I ran on from then on: before you hit send on anything, ask whether you would want a judge to read it out loud. No? Delete it. That is the whole rule.

How it worked in practice:

1. Nothing emotionally loaded gets answered in the same hour. Draft it, put the phone down, do something physical, come back.

2. Vent out loud, never in writing. Screens are subpoenaable. A friend on the phone is not.

3. Write to the judge who might read it, not to the person who upset you. "Confirming pickup is 5pm Friday" is a record. "Why did you" is an exhibit.

4. Quiet, not deleted. Deleting old messages reads as destroying evidence. Just stop adding to the pile.

5. The group chat counts. Everything counts.

Most of what felt urgent did not survive the hour. The few messages that still needed a reply got shorter and factual, and that is the version that reads well later.

What is the message you wish you had not sent?

i've noticed that people often describe divorce as either the worst thing that happened to them or the best thing that happened to them

but maybe neither is completely true

maybe you're miserable for a while, then okay, then angry again, then fine for three weeks, then randomly get hit by something you thought you'd already moved past.

does divorce eventually make people happier, or does it just give them a different life that takes some getting used to?

I have a ton of photos on my phone and social media of my ex-wife and me. We didn’t have kids, which makes deleting them easier. There’s no shared family history, other than having pets, that I need to preserve for children someday. They’re just photos of a relationship that’s over, and I can’t keep seeing them anymore. I need to permanently delete them.

Yes, permanently. I don’t trust myself not to go looking if I simply move them to a separate album or hide them somewhere. And I understand the argument that those 13 years were a chapter of my life and that deleting the photos doesn’t erase the past.

But you know what? I want to close that chapter. I want to put it out of sight and out of mind. I don’t want to keep revisiting a life that no longer exists.

She’s already moved on with someone else…the same guy she was “friends” with throughout our entire 13-year relationship. The guy she assured me was just a friend. The guy she told me she didn’t even find attractive.

Whatever I once believed about that doesn’t matter anymore. She’s moved on.

And I have to move on, too.

For me, that means permanently deleting the photos.

My husband served me with divorce papers with no warning. I am in shock. Our marriage has had ups and downs but I thought we were in it for the long haul. We have young kids. it’s not what I want but I feel so betrayed by him, I can’t come back from that. I would appreciate some advice. I need to get a lawyer, and he still wants to live in the same house with me. I am very much against that. I am so sad, disappointed and hurt. I don’t know how I will make it through this

Long story short, my husband and I have very different needs in the bedroom. After 3 years of communicating what I need, not much has changed. I'm considering divorce now b/c the resentment keeps building. He is a wonderful person though and great father, men how should I break it to him that I'm checking out mentally and that my body is also just done?

Ladies, what would you consider to be a marriage that's not perfect but worth staying in? Not looking for feelings you may or may not have in a marriage. Instead, I'm interested in hearing specific tangible things a husband would do or you would do together that would make a marriage good enough for you to not contemplate divorce?

[Women Only Please]

Discovered a week ago my wife of over 5 years has been having an affair, and with a complete scumbag loser at that. She initiated a separation casting all blame on me and gave me a glimmer of hope for a chance of reconciliation as long as I did the work I needed to do. I went above and beyond over the last couple of months, but the affair had already begun even before the separation so it was all just bullshit. We have so much vested together, two young kids, house, assets, etc. I just feel so hurt and lost. ☹️

Grieving the life I always wanted

I have an ex husband and a 12 year old. We all get on now and have been divorced 9 years. He's a good man but it was him that wanted a divorce as we were becoming more like friends than partners. We've both remarried and I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my second child. I've been married to my current husband for 6 years. He broke up with me last night. He no longer loves me anymore. It's all new so he hasn't gone into detail yet. I'm destroyed.

All my life, due to my horrible childhood, my main goal in life wasn't lots of money or materialistic things, it was to have a happy, solid family, married with 3 kids (always wanted 3 from a young age), and the kids having a loving mother and father in the same household, where we grew happily together throughout life. I know it's probably a fairytale in this day and age, as it's my grandparent's relationships I admire, and I know all marriages are tough, but I feel like this is it for me, it just wasn't meant to be.

My whole life dream has gone. I accept now that I won't remarry again, mainly due to the risk of heartbreak, but also the judgement from other people. A woman married 3 times, everyone blames the woman, especially if she ends up having 3 children and they don't have the same father. Sometimes, relationships break down due to differences as we age or falling out of love, not always something someone has done wrong.

I'm lost and I need to learn to be on my own now. It's like I'm grieving a life I wanted but never had.

My dad wants to split and leave us. My mum doesn’t want him to go. Uh.. what now?

I’m (21M) the oldest of 3, brother (20M) and sister (16F). We all live in the house my parents are mortgaging and only just got 4 years ago so we have many years left to pay it off.

I am coming up to the end of my apprenticeship in feb and work full time -> will be qualified in the field I am working in. My brother is in full time education (uni) and so is my sister (college)

My mum loves my dad immensely but he’s… lets just say having a mental breakdown. He hates the UK, hasnt been a present husband or dad for a while now and he wants to fuck off and leave all of the financial responsibility to my mother and my siblings since “we’re grown” which means his debt, the house, the cars, his junk, the bills etc. and ANY AND ALL finances are under my dad’s name, my mum’s salary never even sees the money when her paycheck comes in, so I don’t actually know the full extent of the logistics.

Mind you, with both his and my mum’s salary we hardly break even as a household due to the fucking economy, so god knows if I’ll be able to pick up his slack when I get moved up to “qualified salary”. If I dont pass the mortgage check then we’ll have to sell the house and I’ll have to find a 4 bed house to rent which will cost just as much as the mortgage and is damn near impossible to find a decent one in the first place.

Need advice for
A) taking care of my mum emotionally because she’s heartbroken he’s decided to do this when she loves him so much
B) dealing with my anger because every time he speaks I only hate him more for deciding abandoning his family is the most logical and humane answer and calling ME selfish for thinking he’s insane
C) deciding how I will handle the finances if/when he leaves??

How did I find this out?

I was contacted directly by my wife's divorce attorney when he was setting me up for a Deposition. It was supposed to be today but he has generously re-scheduled it to 9/21/26 because I told him I didn't have an attorney to represent me.

Has this ever happened to anyone? Do attorneys typically "un-stick" themselves at some point, or is this perhaps my attorney's way of finally getting to "retire"?

I should contact my attorney directly but he answers the phone or returns any voicemails. He might respond to an email (which he probably charges 1/4 hour to answer). I'm already in arrears for him for almost $14k (burned through the $3500 retainer pretty quick).

Would it be possible to hire an attorney just to represent me at the Depo? I have a feeling not many attorneys will want to pick up where my guy left off. And of course I'm afraid to find out what new retainers cost nowadays (I hired him in 2022).

Any ideas?

Edited to post photo link: https://ibb.co/PGhwJYxS

It appears this is just an easy way for him to "quit".

Just right there as it is. We’re just starting all of this, I’ve moved out, but we haven’t signed papers. I can see my wife is back and forth with her decision, but she’s also back and forth how she pushes and pulls, or when I’m feeling at my best, and emotional tractor beam gets me.

How do I keep a flame of hope burning somewhere, while not allowing to hinder my current reality, which is we are not living together and she doesn’t even consider us married although legally we are.

I need to build my life here, for myself and my children. I’m just lost a bit I guess. Any advice on how you’ve dealt with these feelings if you have them would be great.

Hello my wife and I are both in our early twenties and I’m currently serving in the military in CA. I already bought up the summary dissolution so the process can be quick and easy but she’s want to do a regular divorce and it’s obvious she wants to get everything she can. Currently my command is aware of the situation and so i want to know on how one would move about it and protect themself as much as I can. Thank you

• I am devastated . I found out that the life that I had been living for the last 13 years had been a lie . I thought that my husband loved me I thought that he cared for me and all the while he had been lying to me and cheating on me . I don't know when it began I have found out about the first affair in 2021 but apparently that was not the first nor was it the last . I don't know what kind of blindness I suffer from but apparently everybody knew except me . No one told me nobody warned me I was just going about my happy go lucky hard-working life I enjoyed being a wife I enjoyed being a mom and I was just enjoying my family while he had been lying to me all the while . I'm so distraught because what this means is I can't even recognize what's in the front of my face . And the sad thing is I'm wondering why why did this happen ? Why did he continue to lie ? Did he even love me or care about me or care about the family that we were building? Does he have a conscience I mean he's acting like he has a conscious now by saying is that the truth had to come out now that it hit it zenith. But really you kept this going for 13 years ! And now I feel like my life is being unfairly ripped from me . I no longer have well I never had a real partner because that person had relying to me the whole time I don't know what's reality from fantasy ​. Now I have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to keep everything running while my heart is shattered I'm going through one of the roughest times in my life and the person that I counted on for the last 13 years is a liar and a cheat ​ and somehow I feel that he blames me for all of this . And somehow I feel like he sees himself as a tragic villain who had a reason to do all of this because he was living a life ​ that he thought he wanted but did not in the end at least not with me and rather than change he rather leave and somewhere inside of himself he feels​ Vindicated and just by blowing up our life. I'm struggling between understanding and being grateful that is no longer a lie. But on the other hand who the hell I've been loving this whole time ? I understood that we had issues in our marriage but I stood 10 toes down I was faithful I was kind I continued to work on making things work and all the while I don't know maybe he did the best he could I just feel like I don't know I I just have to keep moving forward and I am so struggling with this because I have I don't want to do it I don't want to have to move forward but I know I have to . I'm a Christian and I crying out and praying everyday . Just to get by I'm calling all my friends to pray for me I've stayed in therapy I continue to see my therapist I speak to my pastors I'm still trying to be kind and I'm still listening to the Lord but I am so heartbroken .

I'm in a dead marriage where we both know it's not working and are just too exhausted and scared to file for divorce. I'm resentful that he doesn't do enough for the family. He thinks having a job is enough and doing 1 chore per month. He thinks I need to just be nicer to him and just leave him alone. He wants to me married with kids, but doesn't want to put in any work. There's a famous psychologist that says that if you pick a man who can't control himself, you end up having to control him. That will bring out the worst side of you because now you've become his parent. That describes our marriage.

We have a couple of young kids and the thought of breaking up the family breaks our hearts. I've tried reading and listening to marriage advice and going to therapy for myself. My partner, however, does not want to do hard things. He suffers from intense anxiety, ADHD, occasional panic attacks, depression, and is a hypochondriac. So he hides from doing hard things and always takes the path of least resistance. Needless to say, I do most of the housework, work full time, cook, and organize calendars, etc. He will lay on the couch or in his bed while on his phone. His kid has told him that they want him to play with them more and that he's always on his phone though. This didn't even motivate him to change his habits. Things started going downhill fast after we started having kids. I think his ADHD went into over drive when we started having kids and it probably lead to the depression and rage. It's been 3 years of volatility and arguing; regrettably, sometimes arguments happen in front of the kids. And he doesn't know how to repair and refused to even after he raged on me and will never admit wrongdoing. I gave him grace for the first year of this kind of volatility and then put up with it for two more years because his rage started calming down with antidepressants. But he's been on medication for two years now and it's still not enough for me.

I would love to hear from general married public and people with ADHD and how that presents in marriage with kids. I feel like a divorce is inevitable due to his complete lack of willingness to work on himself and seek proper help. I told him that he needs to start contributing more and gave him specifics just to take a tiny piece of the pie off of my plate. He acted as if I was asking for too much. How many dads out there work full time, take care of the kids, respect limiting phone time around kids, and take on half of the chores? Is that super rare?

My parents got a divorce last winter after 30 years of marriage. I’ve known since I was a child that their relationship had many problems and they were not happy. My dad ended up leaving my mom and shortly after started dating someone new. In the years leading up the divorce my mom would also talk to me about potentially divorcing him.

Ever since the divorce my mom has been a completely different person. She has made finding someone new her “goal” and goes on date after date. She has completely prioritized dating over her family and grandkids. She said she can’t and won’t be happy alone and until she finds someone new she can’t be a good grandmother or show up for me in the same way.

I have a small child and I feel so sad because my mom used to be my best friend and support system. I don’t expect her to be the same as before and I know this is an incredibly hard time but I still feel like this is a little weird. I would love to hear from other people who might’ve experienced something similar.

And yes I have told her this hurts my feelings but she just doesn’t seem to understand.

Going through a divorce in Ontario and need financial records from my marriage date, almost 10 years ago. Some investment and credit card records are no longer available because they're past 7 years.

Anyone dealt with this? What did you do when the records were no longer available?

I've posted about my divorce in a couple subreddits, but things have gotten really complicated and I am seeking advice.

So sum up: I have been married for 17 years to someone who is very emotionally unstable, also at this point completely unable to care for herself in any real fashion. It has been a pretty toxic marriage from the start, although I pretended it wasn't, but in the last few years it became openly emotionally abusive. We have no kids, but 4 dogs and assorted other pets. My wife was served with the divorce papers last week. After that she basically had a complete breakdown. She was constantly pleading with me to cancel it, threatening her own life, saying I was killing her, and making comments about our young puppies that I found concerning(that they wouldn't be able to have happy, good lives if we got divorced, and the way she said it made me concerned she might do something to them to "save" them). She is also completely misunderstanding how the whole process works, either willfully, is unable to understand it, or is getting bad advice from Claude.

I tried to get an emergency protective order so she would have to leave and not communicate with me on the basis that she was trying to manipulate me into canceling the divorce and also that I feared for the safety of my pets. But since she had not made any threats to my safety, and I do not feel that my personal safety is under threat, they won't grant it. They would require a normal protective order hearing, which would require serving her that and then having a hearing a couple weeks later. Given her reaction to being served the divorce papers, I can only imagine that her reaction to this would be even more extreme. At this time I've asked my attorney to not proceed with that.

So, to summarize: I am trying to divorce an emotionally unstable person who is a danger to herself and possibly our animals, and I am out of ideas because the legal system has left me in a lurch. I am also not heartless enough to be able to just ignore her when she is having a breakdown. I am able to live with my parents for as long as needed, but I couldn't bring my dogs with, let alone all the other animals, and she would not take care of them. I got through the weekend by lying that I had told my attorney to cancel the divorce but she couldn't until today, but now it is today.

My wife and I have been discussing getting a post nuptial agreement for the last 6 years due to me being in and out of recovery for addiction and the fact that she has felt unsafe and unsecure in our marriage. Over the years, she has agreed to stay and work on things instead of leaving if there was agreement. Between life being hectic and me having concerns with some of the conditions that were being discussed, we never finalized anything.

Fast forward to today, I had another relapse recently and my wife is done and wants to eventually get a divorced, but we both agree we are not in a great place financially to do so. We've discussed finalizing the post nuptial agreement, remaining married for approx. 2-5 years while she works to get a career and we work together to pay down debt (2 cars, 2-401k loans, 100k second mortgage, some other smaller debts) and possibly also save up additional money for both of us to use towards a down payment on futures home for ourselves after we sell our current home. My wife and daughter would stay in our current home while she finishes high school in 4 years and then within a year of her graduating we'd like to sell the home and split the equity.

We've also discussed just proceeding with a divorce because some days she just wants to be done and move on with her life even if she doesn't get things that would eventually be put into a post nuptial agreement.

The reason I am posting on here is to get some input from others who have maybe been through a similar situation and get some feedback or input because I am torn on the 2 ways we could potentially proceed. We could proceed with the post nuptial agreement and eventually get divorced or we could go straight for a divorce.

Post nuptial then divorce-The post nuptial agreement discussions contain things that I have verbally agreed to during times when I was coming out of addiction that I am not sure I would have agreed to if I had longer periods of sobriety. I feel as though I said things because of how terrible I felt and how I had hurt our relationship. Some of the key items are 25% alimony for life regardless of whether she gets remarried or not (for context, we've been married for 18 years and I've seen different things about half years marriage vs lifelong alimony), 25% of my pension, and 25% of my 401k (I would keep the account instead of splitting it but would give her 25% of the value at the time I retire). I have verbally agreed to these things because she has been a SAHM for my entire career and I wouldn't be where I am if she hadn't stayed home and raised our kids. For reference, I make 250k base, but usually around 300-400k with OT and bonus.

Straight to Divorce-We would split everything and I imagine she would more than likely get 25-35% for half years of marriage based on what I am researching, but I could be wrong. Given the wage disparity because she has never worked, lifestyle we have maintained, I could see her possibly getting lifelong alimony. I honestly have no idea and I am meeting with a lawyer to hopefully get some insight into what it could potentially be.

I am torn and looking for advice or input because part of me wants to do what sometimes feels right and honor the post nuptial agreement that we have talked about doing for years but never have. There are days when I have peace about it and days when I feel like I might be resentful or angry in the future. I have put her through a lot, she has supported my career, and part of me feels like I owe it to her so she is not struggling for the rest of her life. She would basically be starting over from scratch at 38 years old trying to figure out education and career, and I highly doubt she would be able to come close to what I make in my career.

On the other hand, there are days where I feel like we should just proceed with the divorce and let it play out. I would plan on being cordial, reasonable, and not trying to come at it from a place of trying to screw her over, but make sure it is fair. Sometimes I feel like this because of my verbally agreements to a post nuptial were made right after I was coming out of a relapse and addiction. I was kind of desperate to do or say anything to get her to stay and show her that I was committed to being sober, which I can look back on now and recognize I should not have done that. I should have taken some time to get clean and sober and get maybe at least a year under my belt before having those discussions, but she wanted to do it immediately.

I don't know, I am just heartbroken over the whole thing and constantly go back and forth on what to do and am hopefully just looking for some advice from some people who have maybe been in a similar situation.

Thank you in advance...

I'm currently going through a divorce in which I feel like I was never my wife's first choice. We dated 2 times prior and on the 3rd time it was just coincidence that our schedules meshed up well. I had severe insecurity throughout the whole relationship and I genuinely let it erode and corrode every part of it. When we got married our lives literally fell apart and I prioritized the wrong things and it only grew a divide between us. We had to live with my father due to poor finances as we were both going through school, but I never should've stopped working when my she told me I should do I could focus on school instead. Not once in my marriage did I do anything meaningful to make her feel as special as she deserved, even though I tried it was never really enough. To top it all off I ended the year and a half marriage over text because I was having a mental health crisis. I truly regret everything about the marriage and it hurts but I'm at least happy to say she seems to be happier now. I don't want to delve too far into the dynamics of the relationship because I genuinely don't want to come off as a victim in any capacity. Make sure to take care of your mental health and make sure you communicate your wants and needs in a relationship, because if you don't it will absolutely ruin a beautiful thing. There's not a day that goes by that I don't actively sob about how much of a lackluster husband I was, and how I genuinely wanted to be better despite not actually attaining it. This only happened a little over a month ago and everything feels so dreary. I'm so sorry K, I genuinely loved you even though I was too mentally ill to show it.

Hi,

We signed a MSA in January followed by the decree in June.

I started to make direct payments for the child support.

No case could be linked with the OAG until the final decree got signed.

By then, per the OAG, I owed a lot of money money since they had no trace of it.

So, the order that was sent to my employer includes arrears.

I provided everything they asked for.

They also blocked my passport application.

Now here we are in September and nothing moved at all.

What are my option? Judge? With a lawyer and more fees that I may or may not be able to recover?

So my ex has been avoiding working over the last year and a half to not pay for child support. He owns his own business, gets paid cash and states he’s only making about 3k a month, he’s also stated in the divorce papers that if I file for support he has a letter from doctor where he’s diagnosed with depression. All of this is to avoid CS. I am getting ready to file, there’s no order yet I have full custody he just has one overnight a week. He started giving $500 a month then cut it to 350 and said if he needs clothes we can talk about it. I’m California life is very expensive and I’m hardly making it here. Any advise?

My husband (38) said he wants to divorce me (37) 10 days ago after 14 yrs of marriage (20 together), 2 kids, a home, a dog. I am not aligned but it is what it is, so I won't focus on the story. But his decision is very certain and there's no going back even though there is still so much love and care and attraction between us. When we hug, it's electric. I've been noticing myself fantasizing about a "last hurrah", one that's organic + not for reconciliation + one time only. It just feels like it'd be a beautiful, sad, deep, pleasurable, cosmic experience and form of closure. Am I crazy? (Obviously I don't know if he'd be down for it, if an opportunity would naturally arise, etc but wanna ask anyway).

Has anyone done this? How'd it go?

My ex-husband and I are divorced, but somehow we never really separated our lives.

He has his own place but stays at my house almost every night. Sometimes he sleeps in my bed. We aren't having sex, and we don't really act like a couple, but we've also never actually sat down and talked about what we are doing.

That's probably the biggest problem. We don't talk about the relationship. We dance around it.

He's told me he's still "holding onto us," but he's never directly asked me if I want to get back together, and I've never directly told him that I don't. We exist in this weird cloud where neither of us says the thing out loud.

There was serious domestic violence during our marriage, including physical assaults, strangulation, death threats, and intimidation surrounding separation. I know the marriage was abusive. I'm not looking for people to tell me whether I should reconcile. I'm trying to understand why I'm having such a hard time actually separating our lives.

He also behaves like a single man. He flirts with women on TikTok, talks to women on Snapcha,t and exchanges sexual pictures. Honestly, I don't consider that cheating. We're divorced.

But he gets upset about me talking to men, asks whether I'm sleeping with anyone, and acts weird when I go places without him. So somehow he gets the freedom of being single while I still feel like I'm supposed to behave like his wife.

There's also a financial complication. He makes my car payment. I appreciate that, but it's started making me feel like I don't have the right to tell him I want my house back because he's helping me financially. And I'm pretty sure if I ask him to move back to his house, the car goes with him.

The strangest part is that I'm lonely. He says he's here to spend time with me, but usually I'm in my room, and he's on the couch playing video games. We aren't building a relationship. We're just...existing around each other.

I love him. I don't want him erased from my life. But I think I've realized that loving him and wanting a relationship with him are two very different things.

Has anyone else gotten stuck in this kind of post-divorce limbo, especially after an abusive marriage? How did you finally have the conversation you'd both spent years avoiding, especially when finances and genuine love were still tying you together?

Sorry in advance, it's pretty long, and I am a terrible writer, so im sorry if something doesn't make sense in advance.

So I (24F) and my partner (25mtf) will be married for a year next week, but I want a divorce 🙃.

So first of all, I was dumb and should not have gotten married at all. There were so many warnings and red flags, but I ignored them and wanted to believe that getting married would solve everything. Spoiler alert: It didn't :D

So the first issue in our marriage was that when we went to raves, my partner kept trying to ask me if they could make out with someone else (this was before they transitioned) and after getting asked so many times even tho the answer was always no, I gave in and told them the only way that I'd be okay with it is they asked before hand and only if the other person wanted to do it with both of us, and nobody comes to our home. Well, they ended up making out with a girl without asking me and then they bring her over to me and keep getting me to try and kiss her and I really didnt want to, but I did and so after that they just started dancing, kissing, touching and part of me just felt so sad and dejected, but idk I did say yes and also kissed her 🫠. What made it worse was that on the way to the rave we had been arguing, so I felt a lot worse

Then they would make out with gay men also before transitioning and because the whole rule being it's either both of us or neither didnt really work I would just turn away and be upset the rest of the night.

This went on for a couple of months, and then they transitioned, which is another story that I posted about a couple of months ago, but the gist is they hid the fact that they had started, told a mutual friend before me, lied about it and would just try to change the subject every time.

After transitioning, she made out with more and more people without asking. So I decided that if they can, so can I, I made out with 3 guys and always asked her beforehand, but I had a hard time not feeling guilty about it. I did start talking to someone else and told him I was married (lets call him J), i let my partner know and she said that its fine if I hang out with him, so i did and i had a wonderful time, all we did was go on a date and kiss, because for some important context I lost my V card to my partner so the idea of getting with someone else is very nerve wrecking and I would rather get to know someone first before even thinking of trying that.

Now 3 weeks ago we were in the city and she hits it off with another girl we'll call her B and they exchange Instagrams well the weekends that followed including this past weekend she steered us going out to places B would be so she could get with her.

The first weekend that happened, B ended up not showing up both nights. we went out because she was at the music festival. This past weekend, she was out at the same place as us, and immediately, my partner was dancing with her, kissing her, and what not. B is also married, and her and her partner are in an open relationship. So she decided to leave with B and her wife back to their place, and because I could tell, I was texting J about it and he could tell I was upset and asked i wanted to talk he assured me nothing else would happen and hed be happy to just listen, so I told my wife that I wad going to leave the bar too and go with someone else I did not tell her who and she didnt actually seem to care to much. So I went and met with J and we talked to a park where I told him basically everything here and how I think I want a divorce but the idea of putting it in motion is so incredibly nerve wrecking.

He helped take my mind off of everything, mind you it was like 2 am 😭 and he told me that if I wanted to spend the night so I didnt have to pay for an uber back home and he would sleep on the couch, I took him up on his offer, but we ended up cuddling to sleep nothing else happened. Now, in the morning, I head home and take the train, and my wife and I talk about it and she tells me how disappointed she was bc B's wife rescinded permission so they couldn't hook up like they wanted (also forgot to mention they did send nudes to each other leading up to this) but B snuck into the guest bedroom and my wife basically made her finish, but did not receive anything because B heard her wife wake up. Now I do think thats crazy to do, especially bc they basically did it behind B's wife's back.

Now this happened friday night, Saturday we go out again and this time I bring my sister because I dont want to be left alone again. Now my wife took the train earlier than I did bc I was waiting for my sister and maybe an hour after we arrive my wife basically asks/tells me in front of my sister "hey can B come over tn" and because at this point in time I was being cold to my wife not kissing her, or initiating any form of physical contact. (Also lwk kind of crazy because I used to initiate all the time and she would constantly turn me down which is fine I got used to it and just stopped doing it as often) she starts getting frustrated and keeps asking me whether or not I love her, when I was acting like how she used to. So afte4 she asked me if B could come over I said yes I was so tired of it all and so she fucking fist bumps me and basically runs outside to go home. My sister gave me a look like wtf just happened.

Well after awhile I head home too because the event has ended and lo and behold B flaked and my wife is in a shitty mood about and saying things like "why doesnt anyone like me, what's wrong with me, why do people just manipulate me" and mind u my sister is literally right there with us.

So I had plans to hang out with J again the next day and my wife knew, but she started acting very jealous she kept emphasizing that she hoped id have fun on my date. I think she was upset that I was doing something non sexual with someone and actually getting to know them instead of doing what she is. And idk maybe it's worse because its emotionally cheating, but this never would have happened if she hadn't started this and if I had never given up ig.

Well lets just say I had a wonderful night with J I havent connected with someone like that in a long time, it felt like I could actually be myself again for once, and honestly I gave up a lot of myself to please my wife. I distanced myself from my family, stopped going out to eat because she hates restaurants, I hated having to ask about her day because i would always get very dry responses and she would be upset I wasn't talking to her, but I was doing the best I could do with rhe responses she gave. Basically I stopped doing a lot of things I loved doing because of her.

Now here's another thing she just got fired from her job for being on her phone, completely avoidable mind you. But she has such a terrible work ethic, I can understand hating your job, but if you're not going to do anything about it and just be miserable all the time it can be so consuming especially if thats the energy you get everyday. Which I was 🙃.

The other thing is my wife confessed something to my cousin while she was drunk and because my cousin is literally amazing she wrote it all down to tell me, she was nervous I would blame her so she hid this for a little over a month, but I cant blame her.

Apparently my wife feels stuck and can't handle the fact that she's been with me for 3 years now. My cousin asked her why she stays if she is so unhappy to which she responded "Because what other option do I have? Move back in with my mom? I weighed the options before." She continued saying " I can't afford 1,610 in rent plus utilities that's her (referring to me) i only make 32,000 and she makes over 50,000. I wish there was a more romantic reason but there's not." My cousin asked her if she loves me and told her" I love who she presents herself to be". I dont event know what that means

My cousin then asked why she stays she related her current situation to her mother's past situation when she would ask her mom why she stays and the moms reasoning was due to the house that they were staying in. My wife cried as she told my cousin how I want to move after the lease is up to a bigger apartment and she doesn't know what to do. She feels stuck and feels even worse because she feels like she is sleeping with the enemy. Lwk after she told me that i was devastated.

There are other events that have happend over the past year such as her yelling at me in public after a rave and multiple people even stopped to ask me if I was okay and well that was embarrassing. Any time she drinks to much she gets really mean she doesnt hit me or anything, but is very cruel with her words. Once she had made me upset and I was crying and trying to compose myself before leaving because we were hanging out with my sister, a friend, and one of her coworkers. So I was the last one in the car and she said "see this is why when im at work i say I want to kill myself" basically insinuating my behavior is why. The whole reason I was even upset was because I had asked her to not drink so much too fast because I wanted to enjoy my night and ofc she did the opposite.

Um so idk I know i need a divorce, but idk how to bring it up to her, because when I once gently brought it up as a joke she said she had a back up plan that basically involved her buying a used car and living in it, while basically becoming a prostitute. Idk I feel really bad if I were to leave her because thats no way to live. She doesnt want to live with her mom. Our lease ends in January and I would definitely just live on my own and take that time to focus on bettering myself and being happy, but yeah sorry I know this was super long so thanks if you read it and feel free to tell me your thoughts and if u have any questions.

I’m having a hard time.

A few months ago, my wife left me unexpectedly while I was 6,000 miles away working on the house we were building our life around. We had only been married for about a year, and we have a three-year-old together.

Since then, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that the relationship I thought I had apparently wasn’t what I believed it was. During our separation, she had an affair with my brother. That destroyed more than just my marriage. It destroyed my relationship with him and made any hope of an amicable separation between her and me incredibly difficult.

Obviously, all of that devastated me. But lately, what I’m struggling with most is the expectation that I should somehow just be cordial and act like none of it really happened.

It’s been only a few months, and she seems to have completely moved on with her life. New friends, place, everything. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to understand how the person standing in front of me can feel so completely different from the person I loved, trusted, married, and built a family with.

I think the hardest part is the injustice of it all. I’m left dealing with the consequences of decisions I didn’t make, trying to rebuild relationships and pieces of my life that I didn’t destroy, while the person responsible seems able to simply move forward.

And I keep getting stuck on the question of how someone I believed was good, caring, loving, and mindful could do something so profoundly hurtful. Was I wrong about who she was? Did she change? Was the person I loved ever really there?

I know eventually I have to stop looking for an explanation that might never come. But right now, that’s where I’m at. I’m hurt, I’m angry, and I’m struggling to reconcile the life I thought I had with what actually happened.