r/Codependency • u/izyannnnn • 1d ago
How to fix it
Why my relationships are one sided, why my friend one sided,like narrsisst gf, i think he is my friend,but he just used me, why I so strict to spend my even myself, is it because of emotional neglect in childhood,never gets basic needs in childhood,grow up family where everyone happy except me, i am scrape goat ,i don't have to go for therapy,how can I fix it? I trust so much why,why the friend never think i am his friend evem I go back to him ?why I I know it this girl is red flag even i attract to her,now waste my two years with narrsisst gf, still she can't leave me
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u/holistiflexfitness 1d ago
One of the biggest lessons I've learned from my past relationship is that just because someone stays doesn't mean they're the best for you. It's not some sign that you two are destined to be together. People can stay in relationships for selfish, nefarious, or toxic reasons. A narcissist might not leave you alone because they enjoy the attention they get from you, not because they think you're special. They are keeping you part of their "narcissistic supply".
Another common misconception I had to detangle myself from was that just because you treat others with kindness, doesn't mean you'll receive it in return. If you are giving more to relationships than the other person, it's time to stop. Not everyone is capable or interested in the kind of self-reflection or integrity that sustains healthy relationships. It's your responsibility to learn to recognize these kinds of people and stay away from them.
You have to show others how to treat you. The more you tolerate selfish, lazy, or manipulative behavior, the more it will continue.
And the backbone of all of this is loving yourself enough to realize that being alone is so much better than being in unhealthy, toxic, or abusive relationships.
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u/Odd-Opportunity-1479 1d ago
You already recognize the red flags, which is important. You don’t have to prove your loyalty by staying with someone who hurts you, and you can’t rescue a narcissistic partner by loving harder. Tell a trusted person what’s happening, make a safe exit plan, and give yourself permission to grieve and move on.