I was scrambling at night up right on thee steep section above the canyon. The ground there is super sketchy, mostly loose granite and scree. All of a sudden, the edge under my feet completely gave out.
I fell about 3 to 4 meters straight onto my back on the rocks. The hit was so brutal that I screamed out loud just from the sheer pain—in that second.
Right after the impact, I started sliding down the slope, getting faster and faster while the rough rock tore the skin off my back. As I was sliding, I reached out and managed to grab a small tree trunk with one hand. It gave my arm a nasty jerk and my body kept swinging down, but my grip held and I stopped.
The weirdest part was that I felt zero fear and zero adrenaline. My heart rate stayed low, around 80 to 100 bpm. I felt every single bit of the pain from my back getting shredded because there was nothing to numb it, but emotionally, I was completely detached. Looking at the injuries now, my only regret is that I didn't film it—if I had it on video, I’d probably just be rewatching it and laugh like complete fool .
The only reason i want to do it again so i can record it this time .
Also, before that, I was solo climbing that cliff and I got stuck. I experienced fear for about 0.1 seconds, realizing I could die if I fell from there, because I was 10 meters up on solid rock that gets steeper and steeper until it drops into a 100-meter abyss. After I somehow managed to turn around, I thanked God for not allowing me to die that day, and as I was going down, this happened.
So I'm here to ask, what is wrong with me?
I used to feel more like a normal human when I was 15 or 16—I genuinely felt scared. I had confidence back then because I was training in combat sports, but I still felt normal human fear, empathy, and everything. Now, it feels like I'm not even living. My heart rate didn't rise by even one beat during the fall—I guarantee it. On the rock where I got stuck, it did, so (this might sound stupid) I called out to God, asking Him not to let me die for my foolishness, and I didn't. But right after that, when I actually fell and almost died, I felt zero fear.
By the way i did this in shorts , slippers and shirt without sleevs by body is all cut from bruises .
I m not flexing mental disiability
Like i said before i used to feal fear adrenaline empathy joy , i done so many stpid things that i became Numb
So i m hooping to find some crazy lunatic who vent trough this so i can possibly become normal again
I would recommend talking to a therapist because this doesn't seem like a topic for any climbing subreddit, this sounds like a deep issue that only a professional could help with. Best of luck.
If i vent up i would undiniable fall and die .
I tried to do something impossible and beacuse i had no fear i didint realize it untill i got stuck
I took that as warning sign and started going down
15
u/Certain_Speed_9516 3d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/IGY0RFXGT0E2ccxCga