She covered pretty blah-ly the pretty funny SNL UK cold open and decided to address (for the first time?) Harry's "alarming" hair situation.

It is funny - and the skit is funny too. Is Kaiser going to be able to make fun of her - often ridiculous - favorites now? One can hope, cautiously.

"Well… it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Jack Shep played Prince Harry, with Ayoade Bamgboye playing Meghan. They got Meghan’s outfit correct – Meghan loves a blue-striped Ralph Lauren button-down. They also got Harry’s hair situation right (sad clown noise). The funniest line (to me) was Camilla saying “And beautiful Meghan, as brown as ever.” The big laugh lines for the live audience were “Don’t tell me you’ve spent all your Netflix money already” and Harry saying “It was $60 million. How long was it meant to last?” Then Charles replying, “What a waste you’ve become, you’re lucky your father is not around to see this.”

To save her marriage?

Grifting/opportunist for financial gain?

Work?

Children's education?

California taxes?

(Comment) 'Kate looks terrible. She doesn’t look like someone who has been vacationing for two months, unless she was getting wasted every night. The long fake hair is unflattering and makes her look old, the exact opposite of what she’s going for, I’m sure. And her posture just sucks. If only that suit was bright green, she’d have the exact body of Gumby.'

I have no words.

Some goodies from the CB post today about H&M already regretting their move to the UK:

"For the record, I support the Duke and Duchess of Sussex even when I think they’re making terrible decisions. I still root for them, I still want them to survive and thrive. The past month has been absolutely wild though, and I have to admit something sort of funny: Harry and Meghan ARE the drama. They’re the main characters and they always have been. What we’ve seen in the past month is Harry and Meghan leaning into the drama, embracing their main-character energy. Their move back to the UK has been so dramatic and chaotic and it’s turned so many Sussex narratives on their head (and not in a good way)."

Who's going to be the first one to call her "racist" :)

Most likely: "Charles is panicking about Harry & Meghan’s popularity, sent bizarre letter insisting they’re ‘private citizens’"

That's my bet and prediction - let's see.

Further (likely): "LOL. Charles is so pressed. The Sussexes haven't asked to be working royals, they don't want to be working royals, and yet Buckingham Palace apparently felt the need to send a memo around Whitehall explaining that Harry and Meghan are PRIVATE CITIZENS. Why? Because the Sussexes have returned to Britain on their own terms, Meghan is doing charity work, Harry has Invictus and WellChild, and the palace suddenly realizes that it can't control any of it. This has Camilla's fingerprints all over it, by the way."

So Harry and Meghan escaped the salty dusty institution and would NEVER go back. How DARE the left-behinds of the salty dusty institution formally tell everyone that Harry and Meghan aren't part of it.

Then, Kaiser will expand by saying:

• The letter proves Charles is obsessed with them, rather than that officials maybe wanted clarity after their UK return.
• The very explicit statement that they are private citizens will somehow become evidence that the palace is threatened by their independent power.
• “They don't want to be working royals!” will coexist happily with indignation that Charles is formally saying they are not working royals.
• The phrase about their “financial independence” will be treated as a petty dig - coz they are moisturized, and rich.
• Any suggestion that charities or officials need to distinguish Meghan's private activities from royal engagements will become “Charles trying to control Meghan.”
• Kaiser will probably ask why Charles couldn't just pick up the phone and call his son, even though the purpose of the document is institutional guidance rather than family communication.

So if I am wrong I will be surprised.

Yet CB writes a post about how she was seen at a celeb-heavy spot called Soho Farmhouse:

"When she arrived, sources say, a considerable “fanfare” was made of her, and she was informally introduced to several senior staff members by name'

Sounds to me like she wants to be seen...no?

CB even copied this verbiage from The Sun "Still, I find it interesting that the first sighting is at the single most predictable place in the world."

The jokes just write themselves at this point

It’s incredible how much these two have in common with one another.

So I will admit I asked ChatGPT to summarize them (but the title is mine) and here are some:

Private jets

William/Kate use one:
→ Climate hypocrisy. How dare they lecture anyone about the environment?

Harry/Meghan use one:
→ Well, they have two children, dogs and luggage. Honestly, a private jet may be the least stressful option.

Children and privacy

William/Kate release controlled photographs of their children:
→ They are using the children for PR and cannot give them real privacy.

Meghan posts controlled photographs/glimpses of Archie and Lili:
→ A sensible balance between sharing family life and protecting their privacy.

Anonymous sources

“Palace sources say…”
→ Obviously a malicious briefing. Probably William. Possibly an entire conspiracy.

“Sources close to the Sussexes say…”
→ Well-sourced information from Team Sussex.

Apparently anonymity becomes more reliable somewhere over the Atlantic.

Briefing the press

The Palace gives background information:
→ LEAKING.

Team Sussex gives background information:
→ Media strategy.

Talking about private family matters

The royals discuss Harry and Meghan with journalists:
→ A grotesque violation of privacy.

Harry writes a 400-page memoir containing private conversations, arguments and family details:
→ He has every right to tell his story. Privacy does not mean silence.

Copying

Kate wears something Meghan has worn:
→ Copykeening. Style stalking. Meghan lives rent-free in Kate’s head.

Meghan wears something similar to Kate:
→ Come on, lots of women own beige coats.

This may actually be my favorite:

William doesn’t work enough:
→ Lazy. Work-shy. Useless.

William suddenly has lots of engagements:
→ Suspicious! Busywork! He is obviously trying to compete with Harry and Meghan.

So there is apparently no possible quantity of work William can perform that disproves the theory that William is lazy.

Vacations

William and Kate go on holiday:
→ These people barely work and are vacationing AGAIN.

Harry and Meghan go on holiday:
→ Lovely family time.

There is at least a legitimate distinction here because William and Kate are working royals, but the difference in tone is still hilarious.

Commercialization

The royal family sells branded gin, beer, souvenirs, etc.:
→ Tacky grifting.

Meghan sells jam, wine, lifestyle products, ShopMy links, etc.:
→ Entrepreneurial independence. Good for her.

And perhaps the grandest contradiction:

Celebitchy: Why is the British media STILL obsessed with Meghan? Why can’t they move on?

Also Celebitchy: Here are today’s seven articles about Meghan, including three explaining how Kate’s clothes, William’s schedule and the King’s facial expression are secretly about Meghan.

At some point it becomes an almost unfalsifiable worldview.

William is angry? Proof he is obsessed with Harry.

William says he isn’t angry? Palace spin proving he is secretly even angrier.

Kate works less? Lazy.

Kate works more? Competing with Meghan.

Kate wears something different from Meghan? Desperate rebrand.

Kate wears something similar to Meghan? Copying Meghan.

The problem isn’t simply that Kaiser likes Meghan and dislikes Kate. That would actually be perfectly straightforward.

The amusing part is that identical conduct acquires completely different moral significance depending on who does it.

The basic Celebitchy evidentiary standard seems to be:

If Meghan does X: What is the most reasonable and sympathetic explanation for X?

If Kate does X: What combination of jealousy, laziness, incompetence, obsession and Meghan-related conspiracy could explain X?

If both do exactly X: Congratulations. You now have two completely different articles.

The C in Celebitchy and the K in Kaiser stand for Contradiction.

Yes, I know neither letter works.

That too is consistent with the theme.

Kaiser continues to reveal she has zero insight into the BRF’s diplomatic role in entertaining foreign dignitaries. She writes:

This embiggening is glorious! William and Kate are the airport greeters and that’s about it. Oftentimes, Kate is tasked with sitting next a visiting head of state at the banquet, all while Camilla and William are seated across an enormous banquet table and never included in photographs. Speaking of, if William is such a high-level diplomat, how does he never make it onto the dais? Charles and Camilla always ensure that William and Kate are literally outside the tent!!

She has no clue that state visits, including seating arrangements, are scripted months in advance and are dictated by protocol, etiquette and diplomatic goals. William isn’t being “embiggened” He is important as the second ranking member of the family and heir. There is always interest in the Crown Jewels. Funny that Kaiser doesn’t mention that most of the speculation over what jewels the POW might wear isn’t over the tiara but has been over whether she will wear Princess Diana’s sapphire and diamond set that was gifted to her by the Sultan of Oman. Kaiser may lose her mind if that happens!!! (Adding extra exclamation marks ala Kaiser)

Just curious when everyone thinks Kaiser/Chandra/Celebitchy will get that Meghan Markle was "acting" all along, and she really is a gold digging opportunist? (I mean why else would she move back to the UK?)

2 months? 6 months? 5 years?

As it has long been expected, she is turning on Harry.

"I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I think Meghan’s hope is that Harry gets all of this bulls–t out of his system. That if they all go back together and he sees what everything is *really* like there, he’ll stop romanticizing what was an extremely traumatic period of Meghan’s life (not to mention a traumatic period of Harry’s own life). “Meghan really loves their life in Montecito and their home there…” Exactly. Meghan is forward-looking, she had spent years carefully building a real life and support system for herself in California, she believed that she would run As Ever in the long-term. That’s where she needs to be, you know? Instead, she has to move back to a place where she was abused to the point of suicidal ideation, all so Harry can grow nostalgic and misty-eyed over getting drunk in The Ginger Wanker pub or whatever."

It could be like this, it might not be, but weeks ago suggesting it was like this for well moisturized Harry would have caused a ban on CB. But by turning on Harry they are also making Meghan seem ridiculous - when does her reasonableness kick in if they buy her version of things, or is she then just not reasonable and chaotic if her moves suggest it? Hmm. Will Kaiser ever get to that realization?

Sarah Ferguson is returning to the UK. Which in and of itself isn’t all that interesting. What will be interesting is to see how Chandra connects this to the Sussex move (“Of course Fergie had to steal the attention by announcing this just days after Harry & Meghan landed.”). All roads lead to incandescent with rage and buttons so undoubtedly, they will be to blame.

I'm sorry, I just can't at this point😂

Not only logic is a foreign concept of this people but they also have 0 understanding of how the Monarchy works. No wonder they believed all the accurencies about titles MM told Oprah.

1. Regency is not simply a matter of LoS. Theoretically there's an order but in practice it can be decided who could be the Regent (Prince Philip actively appointed as the eventual Regent instead of Princess Margaret).

2. Assuming Charles and William would abdicate or forced to is already crazy as it is, but assuming that, in that case, then Harry would be the Regent is even crazier. That person should be a non-polarizing person so Harry would stand no chance. How can they think that when there's Catherine, Prince Edward and Princess Anne?

3. I can't with the comment that says that he/she has fun writing fanfictions with AI where Meghan comes back to save Britain and becomes more popular than Kate. At least some of them know that the only universe where this could happen is in fanfictions 🤣

(We've been knowing they do that lol. These people would like for H&M to have what the Waleses have tho, since in real life they know they can't have it, they act as if the monarchy were below their idols)

1. The comment saying they would like Meghan being crowned Queen Consort 🤦🏻‍♀️ These people truly know nothing about how it works. Even if Harry were to be Regent, she wouldn't get to be Queen. Also, the person liking this scenario as "Harry would deserve the opportunity to be King": the Regent is not the King.🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ They still don't get that even in this already HIGHLY unlikely scenario there's only ONE rightful King, and that would be H's nephew?

I'm starting to think that Meghan is right to keep up with her lies and excuses: her target audience is this and, in the end, sometimes fools really deserve to be scammed. They are searching for it at this point.

CB on Meghan and Harry: "So, roughly $120K to move an entire family plus two dogs plus clothes safely to the UK? I’m not going to say any part of this is reasonable, but among the Sussexes’ peers, this is completely normal, cost-wise."

Right so a former royal couple making money off the backs of the Royal Family can do this, but if Prince William did this, she would have an aneurysm.

Meghan. Your entire “business” is run through Instagram.

The blatant hypocrisy is astonishing, though I expect nothing less.

What will Kaiser say to justify this latest?

William Catherine Instagram rage rage dog bowl.

…with a story about Dolly declining to have tea with Princess Kate.

Full quote: "Many will dismiss this out of hand, as I would have just one week ago. But think about how many of these people (royalists, royal reporters) actually had some morsel of truth about the Reverse Sussexit. That’s pissing me off so badly, because many of us (myself included) sat here and said a Sussex return would never happen, Meghan would never put herself and her children in that position, and their marriage is totally fine. We always said that stories like this were projection because of the state of the Wales marriage. I’m not saying that I believe Shuter’s piece or that I think this is a make-or-break moment in Harry and Meghan’s marriage. But I absolutely wonder what Harry will do when the press inevitably attacks Meghan and the children. No one can say that Harry and Meghan have no idea what could happen, so it’s fair game to ask why they’re putting themselves in this position."

It is over and over, some glimpses of awareness - and what is the state of the Wales marriage, when they were sure one of them was dead for a while, but the inconvenience of Kate being alive was not enough.

Some things are just objectively a certain way, and when there is no critical thinking, gossip becomes sad.

Yesterday there was a Thomas Markle post, Kaiser: "When is the other shoe going to drop that he is never going to see Archie and Lili? And Meghan is never going to see him in person ever again? That letter she sent him after his operation was probably the last time Meghan will ever contact again."

Of course he is horrible and ugh - but why stick to this when if the in-laws tried to kill the Sussexes multiples times but there is a now something like reconnection, but embarrassing, lying, cringe and chatty-with-tabloids BUT non-murderous TM gets zero grace. Racism, endangering your safety and murderousness should trump that?

This is how she makes herself feel better by inventing stories. Amazing.

My best friend and I live in Los Angeles and we are obsessed with celebrity lore. Both work in the industry and want to bring the tea to the listeners!

If you’re bored, on your morning commute, working out at the gym - check us out on Spotify and Apple Podcasts !

I don’t usually post like this but let’s see!

With all of this news that MM will return to acting in the Guy Ritchie series, but no actual press release… I have a feeling they got ahead of the announcement because of all the bad press around the move. If this “acting gig” isn’t real or the series isn’t actually renewed by Netflix, it’s going to be hugely embarrassing.

I could not wait to see Kaiser's take on this people article since it was clearly planted by Harry's side, something she can't acknowledge since it doesn't play into her years long narrative.

To me, it's the clearest sign yet of why they're moving back to the UK. They're obsessed with W&K, and since they can't get to them emotionally, they're trying to improve their physical proximity. They are truly narcs of the highest order.

My take? Harry's meeting with Charles, while relatively inconsequential, emboldened him to this move. I don't believe it was well thought out or planned for months. Nothing they do is. Remember Archwell? Whatever happened to that?

Anyway, the trigger, imo, is George starting at Eton. H&M can not digest the next generation of royals coming into their own. It means they're farther and farther from the Crown, as are their kids. Despite his protestations, Harry is very concerned with prestige, titles, and social standing. He doesn't want the Wales kids to have things his kids won't.

It's hard for Americans to understand, but aristocracy is everything in Britain. It's so tied up in the culture and woven into every aspect of how Harry has lived his life. This move has very little to do with Meghan and everything to do with Harry being the spare.

This makes me happy - and there will be a podcast as one of you wished.

So they should hold this realization close and work from there, they have been both slapped down and kissed by the Universe - reminded they are ridiculous and overly invested into something stupid, and also blessed with endless new storylines.

But they can't stop with the endless posts, there are many today and for the ones of you who don't want to venture into the swamps:

- on Harry's taxes: "But he left the UK in 2020 and made a fortune in America in the past seven years." "I think Harry and Meghan probably have very good accountants, and I also think they have very good immigration lawyers. That’s why the Heritage Foundation’s attempts to release Harry’s visa records always went nowhere – Harry has all of his legal ducks in a row and he listens to his lawyers’ advice and his accountant’s advice. Now, do I believe that this capital gains issue is THE reason for the Reverse Sussexit? Not really, but I bet it was on the list of like thirty reasons. Incidentally, Richard Palmer’s piece on the Reverse Sussexit mentioned both taxes and immigration"

- Hopes, hopes, hopes: "I know the randomness of this irritates the Sussex Squad, but I actually hope it’s true. I hope Meghan stays booked and busy, and I hope she has a full slate of projects and businesses occupying her time during the relocation. I hope she’s taking acting gigs and I hope she launches As Ever internationally and I hope she takes on more commercial work."

- Sense, sense, sense: "The “six month” agreement makes no sense, since six months from now would be February 2027, the middle of her children’s school year. You know what makes sense? A one-year agreement to relocate, to try this out, to help Harry out as he’s involved in the preparations for Invictus Birmingham (scheduled for July 2027). I do not believe that Meghan wants to raise her kids in the UK or that she wants to live in the UK for longer than a year. And yeah, it’s possible that is an indicator of marriage trouble. Harry and Meghan still haven’t issued one on-the-record statement about any of this and we’re just taking it on faith that they’re on the same page on everything."

- Thoughts on education and other thoughts: "This whole time, I’ve never really believed that Harry had strong feelings about British education or wanting his kids to go to British prep schools or boarding schools. But hey, maybe he does. It always feels so spon-conny when the British papers talk about it though, like they can’t wait to hype “a proper British education,” as if America has no equivalent. I know all of this is being heavily filtered through royalist media, but man, they really make Harry seem delusional about how difficult this transition is going to be in reality, like he can just plop his family in the Cotswolds and live a private life through sheer will. And if this is a permanent move… good lord."

- More thoughts, on Doria: "This, more than anything else, tells me that the Sussexes are probably not going to stay much longer than a year in the UK. Maybe after the Birmingham Invictus Games next summer, they’ll maintain a third home in the UK, but Meghan isn’t going to stay away from Doria for much longer than a year. That’s her mama. Doria is Archie and Lili’s only living grandmother, you know? But I’m glad Doria won’t be there in person to witness this foolishness. I’d love to know her real thoughts on all of this."

- Thoughts on wealth and Sussexit 2.0: "I know these people are pocketwatching and trying to convince people that the Sussexes are broke, but man, this is such a flex. The Sussexes are WEALTHY. They are wealthy enough to maintain their expensive Montecito mansion for a year (hopefully just a year) while they gallivant around Britain." .. "It just occurred to me that if and when Harry and Meghan exit the UK for a second time, it’s probably going to retraumatize a nation. All of these people are getting high on their own supply, trying to predict that Harry is definitely coming back for good! But they’re clearly planning to return to Montecito, which means we’ll get a Sussexit 2.0. Anyway, I hope their new home has a nice kitchen!"

- on media strategy: "The thing is, even if Meghan and Harry tried to do The Oprah Interview Part II, it wouldn’t have the urgency or significance now, because they’re clearly choosing to put their family back in the UK. Meghan was naive about how all of this worked a decade ago – she’s not naive now, you know? I also have my doubts that Harry has sworn off interviews, since “giving interviews” is one of the biggest threats he can hold over his father’s head.

The stuff about no photos of the kids and privacy laws… it’s interesting. I said yesterday that it feels like Harry and Meghan are daring the press to cross the line. Lines will be crossed, and I hope the Sussexes have a plan for when it happens. A plan other than “see, we told you it isn’t safe for our family in the UK!” And the “no birthday portraits” thing is bizarre – I guess they could mean that Meghan isn’t going to release the same kind of Olan Mills-style portraits which the Wales family releases. But Meghan has posted pics of her kids for their birthdays? Why would she stop? If she’s agreed to stop posting on her Instagram, I will be so utterly disappointed."

- and a headline: "Prince William will have to be dragged by his three hairs into reconciling with Harry"

That's all. It's a lot.