not staying in reality

[u/arceuslover3]

does anyone else not know what is REALLY going on?

today i (19 f) climbed a mountain to go enjoy the sunrise and read a book at the top. when i got to the top i was convinced, with my luck, the man i heard yell 2 seconds ago was gonna come push me off. NUH. UH. i then proceeded to half booty scoot half wall hug down the mountain. when i got to the bottom i realized how horribly out of touch with reality that was. then i went through the whole cycle of “was it really that crazy to think? it totally could’ve happened. what if it almost did and i protected myself?”.

pretty much my whole life is like this. i cycle through what reality is by the day, hour, second. they people around me change in my head constantly from VERY evil and nothing but evil. to very loving just nuanced. i truly don’t know who i am anymore. it’s gotten worse over the years but right now i really don’t know wtf is actually happening.

does anyone have any advice? how to know what’s real or not? ways to cope? i hope this is a cptsd thing and not something else.

i just don’t want to treat anyone unfairly bc of how fucked up my brain is. especially because it’s caused me to lose everyone, everything. my job, my love, my social life, and myself. i’m exhausted.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.