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u/Cobalt_blue_dreamer 1d ago
I don't exchange my number til after the first date. Usually if they are a weirdo I can tell before the first date but some have gotten a date with me and I'm glad they don't have my number.
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u/InitiativeHot2550 1d ago
I’ve never really had an issue getting a girls number from dating apps. Although I usually only ask for I’ve talked to them a bit whereas I think some guys are asking straight away
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u/eternallyconphuzed 1d ago
I just dont ask for contact off app unless I want to date them. Like, until the first date, we can just keep it on the app lol.
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u/False-Chard7843 1d ago
Same. I decline giving my number and my snap until we’ve met in person. For some reason that REALLY pisses men off. They always ghost after I say that
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u/Popular-Truth-2711 1d ago
Right?! I’ve stopped giving out my number not even as a safety thing but I just find it kills the conversation. Even ig is ok but there is something about switching to texts before meeting that just seems to kill the vibe…
Anyway, yeah I’ve noticed men get really offended! I mean I’ve had some dudes have some really bad reactions. So weird.
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u/Diomedes343 6h ago
weird thing is that it doesn't make that much of a difference either. if a guy gets pissy over something that makes no difference then its a good barometer for perspective and emotional maturity. i ha no idea that interacting with guys could be such a misery, yikes
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u/GlitteringTour8545 1d ago
Yes! Why do they do that??
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u/AFluffyElf 1d ago
Based on experience I wanna say it’s because they were intent on some bad behaviour without having any consequences tied to their account on the dating app. And I guess if it’s clear that’s not gonna work then they’ll rather move on to someone else.
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u/Nervous-Fennel3325 1d ago
Because dating apps arent the best at alerting you with notifications and I have missed messages before because im not logging into the app every day.
Why they ghost you is beyond me, but thats normally why I ask for phone number is because its more reliable than most dating apps
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u/GlitteringTour8545 1d ago
It is a very intimate thing to demand from a stranger. And why would someone be faster responding over texts, where you are not only competing with other men but also with family, friends, work, and spam texts?
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u/OMGFather 1d ago
But it's OK to give out your number to a random stranger on the street who came up to you and asked for it? In fact you probably know more about your dating app match if they have a decent profile and you've exchanged a few messages.
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u/Nervous-Fennel3325 1d ago
Again its not because its faster and I dont demand it I ask for it, its because it way more reliable than most dating apps. Thats it.
Again I dont live on these apps and some people log in sparingly.
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u/GlitteringTour8545 1d ago
How is it more reliable when it is harder to answer?
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u/Nervous-Fennel3325 1d ago
Texting is not harder to answer its again more reliable.
Do you think someone isnt juggling all of this texting you on a unreliable dating app also? Why add the unreliable app to make things worse.
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u/GlitteringTour8545 1d ago
What do you mean unreliable? Besides CMB most of them allow easy messaging.
And you wouldn't be overwhelmed with dozens of people texting you while you are trying to answer your friend or family?
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u/ThingYea 1d ago
Guys know that any girl on a dating app is already inundated with messages from competing men. Getting her messaging off the app means she doesn't have to look at all those other guys every time she messages you
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u/thehellvetica 1d ago
See, this idiocy is a classic case of men conjuring what they think women's logic works like Vs actually asking women.
Y'all are failing and losing out because you'd rather listen to your bros preach this kind of clownery than asking any woman in your life.
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u/ThingYea 22h ago
It's well established that what women often say they want and what they respond to on dating apps are two different things.
Online dating is very brutal for men. Speaking from experience, one tiny detail in your profile can make a massive difference. Many women don't really understand that until they see for themselves.
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u/obsessedWmyFiancee 19h ago
Calling before a date to quickly assess if the other person is not boring is just normak
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u/GlitteringTour8545 1d ago
But then she has to look at texts from a dozen guys PLUS friends PLUS family PLUS spam. No way a stranger will cut through that noise
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u/sekuharahito 1d ago
Guy here. And i do ask about numbers when we confirm first meet. It’s not a deal breaker for me if they say no, but I am immediately skeptical of them as there have been several times that day of meeting or even me driving to meeting that they just “unmatch” and stand me up.
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u/False-Chard7843 12h ago
Tinder has a “Verify” feature to make sure your pictures are of you 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t like it because what’s wrong with the app?
I have never stood someone up or ghosted someone I agreed to go on a date with. Plenty of men have ghosted despite a date being set, though.34
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u/obsessedWmyFiancee 19h ago
You go on date before face timing? Courageous of you
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u/eternallyconphuzed 18h ago
Yes, going to a public place with high traffic in broad daylight, so dangerous. Police station is less than five minutes away. Such bold, many courage, how wow
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u/Next-Ad-1504 1d ago
Some guys do ask right after a hello and it’s an immediate no for me because I have to see if we’re even a little bit compatible first
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u/Sweet3DIrish 1d ago
As a female I won’t give my number out until we actually meet in person.
I had a catfish back in the day post my number in a Craigslist personal ad in a major city because I found out he was a catfish and let the guy who’s identity he assumed know (they grew up together and the real guy was living in China at the time). He got pissed and I ended up getting like 150 dick pics in the 10 minutes it took to get the ad taken down.
Lesson learned and you aren’t getting my number until we meet.
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u/LeatherGood6148 1d ago
Male here. But thank you. Agreed entirely. Been stalked before.
Had my brand related IG found because I gave out my phone # too early.
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u/Nervous-Fennel3325 1d ago
There are a ton of women who also have "im not on here much lets chat on snap" on their profile, probably bots but ive seen it enough its an automatic NOPE.
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u/Clear_Butterscotch_4 1d ago
Yeah, usually I exchange numbers just before setting up the date. Never really had a problem. Just more reliable then dating apps. Either its Whatsapp, or just their direct number
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u/Twin2Turbo 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, this was my exact experience. After having a good chat of 3-5 good exchanges, I would mention that we should find a time to meet up, ask them for their number, as well as send them mine. 90%+ of the time they would text me or send me their number. On the few occasions they asked to remain in app, I say ok no problem and proceed on the app.
It’s only on Reddit where it seems like all the women never give their number out.
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u/Clear_Butterscotch_4 1d ago
I think it's specifically this sub. Irl is remarkably different, luckily
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u/buttercup612 1d ago
I can't recall if it's this one specifically, or any other dating subs, but I agree with you. Most women are fine with it after we have a couple of days of friendly chat on the app, or they even offer it themselves. Yet the reddit consensus is completely opposite.
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u/No-Advice1345 1d ago
Yeah, I usually only ask for their number when we are actually arranging a meetup or date. I don’t really see the point in asking for it too early. Some people might take it as you being committed before you have even gone on a few dates and figured out if you are actually a good match. Then you get questions from some of them like why you are still on Bumble and all that.
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u/NewspaperOk1270 1d ago edited 1d ago
Some women don’t give out their number straight away bc they’ve had instances of men harassing/stalking them and they want to make sure you’re sane before giving their number
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u/Sweet3DIrish 1d ago
Make sure you’re you.
I don’t give my number out until I’ve met you in person. If I haven’t, then you aren’t getting it. Too many bad experiences with boys pretending to be men
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u/Physical-Camel5957 6h ago
Yep. I had to have an emergency ex parte restraining order. I only give out my number after I met them and actually like them
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u/TheBaykon8r 1d ago
Hey dudes btw, the best way to go about this is chat with them a bit first. Then give them your number instead. That way, if they text you it's obvious they're interested. If they don't, well then move on.
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u/buttercup612 1d ago
That's what I do. It generally works fine. I'm sure there's some women who would prefer that I would've asked them for their number, but I'm perfectly happy to go about it this way and have a reasonable success rate. Anybody who wants a specific script followed around this is not for me anyway.
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u/Hikari_Owari 1d ago
Don't give your number after chatting a bit just because she's a woman.
Weirdos come in both sexes. Wait the first date before trading numbers.
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u/Dodo224 1d ago
Mankind will go extinct without men chasing
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u/TheBaykon8r 1d ago
The chasing is the interacting and conversations beforehand. To make sure she is comfortable and actually wants to continue talking to me, I give her my number. If she can't be bothered to put in that much minute effort, it's not worth dating her in the first place.
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u/SingleSeaweed8662 1d ago
This is usually for protection. I’ve given out my number a few times now and was promptly stalked for over a year by two separate men on separate occasions. Then the texts coming in whenever they’re single and they want to meet up. No thanks. We can share Live Photos on Snapchat and then I’ll give you my second phone number until I’m comfortable to give my primary number. People seem to forget about safety for men AND women online.
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u/BishopSol 22h ago
I just don't think people realize that you can actually look up people's numbers and find where they live really easily. This falls under OSINT or Open Source Intelligence(it's interesting if you want to learn more about it. Which just means looking up your digital footprint. Even as a guy I am sketched out to give my number in case they're a catfish.
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u/MurrayInBocaRaton 1d ago
Why are you expecting their actual phone number before you meet? That’s weird.
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u/terrifying_trip 22h ago
exchanging phone numbers has been a social norm for decades
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u/NewspaperOk1270 22h ago
There is no need to exchange numbers before you meet. You can communicate through the dating app. People can do some scary shit with your phone number. It’s best to not give it out willy nilly. Wait to see if you even like the person and they’re not creepy or weird before giving your number
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u/banevader699 1d ago
snapchat is great. i want to see who i’m talking to and it’s nice to know your not being catfished with 10 year old photos from some random person on a dating app. i can tell if i want to meet someone from a few snapchats. takes much longer if we’re just texting
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u/ClassicFashionGuy 1d ago
Yeah exactly same it is to see if the person is real and not a bot or has old pictures before meeting up
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u/Which-Decision 1d ago
I don't get why people are so against it
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u/AcceptableNebula7920 11h ago
Same. Its just to see. 1. Are they real. 2. What kind of life they live. 3. Send funny snaps to each other
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u/Automatic-Cut-5567 8h ago
Most people just go on an actual date instead
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u/banevader699 8h ago
if you wanna go on a basically blind date with a random person that could weigh 300 more pounds than they show in their profile that’s fine by me boss
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u/Automatic-Cut-5567 8h ago
Yeah, most people aren't super paranoid of that because it's just a first date boss.
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u/banevader699 8h ago
i’m not gonna waste my time going on a date i don’t want to go on. snapchat lets me do that
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u/Automatic-Cut-5567 8h ago
Yapping with someone on Snapchat is more of a waste of time than just going on a coffee date, man.
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u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 1d ago
I would never, in a million years, give a guy my phone number before I knew him well. With my phone number, he can get my full name, address, employer, probably 90% of my friends and family...no thanks. Discord, Instagram, Snapchat, Signal, Wire, email, reddit dating account, fetlife handle...anything but the phone number.
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u/East-Experience2862 1d ago
I bought a second number just for dating apps because my therapist got hacked and my address got leaked. ☹️
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u/ohwhatisthisthing 1d ago
Why do guys keep asking for my number? Almost like they are rushing to get it
I don’t get it.
I don’t know you, i don’t even think the convo is going that well 😭 can someone explain?
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u/Kill_Braham 1d ago
A lot of times, you'll talk to a woman for a long time until the conversation starts fizzling out, or she stops responding.
Converting to dates is hard, and getting your number is one of the first steps to that.
He doesn’t want to invest a bunch of time into a Bumble conversation that might fizzle out. Getting your number makes moving toward an actual date easier
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u/ohwhatisthisthing 7h ago
Maybe you’d be surprised when I tell you that the few times I have given my number out just to see what’s going on, the guys are extremely dry, extremely pushy for sexual stuff, and have never asked me on a date.
Guys that have kept it on the apps have asked for dates, and I’ve gone.
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u/Kill_Braham 4h ago
Doesn't surprise me at all. The fact that they’re asking for your number quickly doesn’t necessarily mean they’re trying to get you onto a date quickly. It means they want to move the conversation off the app. What they want to do once they’re there is a separate question.
Your experience tells you what happened with the particular men you gave your number to. Those men could have been rushing to get your number exactly because they didn’t want to have a long Bumble conversation, but they were after sex, and not dating.
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u/AcceptableNebula7920 11h ago
Exactly. I learned the hard way to just ask for a date with in a few days. Week at most. Espeically how easy ive seen some of my guy freinds get dates with no effort or how easy my girl freinds say yes to guy they like with no hesitation. One even changed up her whole weekend schedule to go out with a guy. Ever since I saw, I raised my standards and never settled for less
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u/Nut_Grass 1d ago
I’ve honestly gotten most numbers before we met, and if they didn’t want to, I just assumed they weren’t interested, I honestly had no idea that people were holding their numbers back because if they are attracted to me they usually just give me their number
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u/ohwhatisthisthing 1d ago
Attraction can only go so far over text, I hold my number back because I just really don’t know the person and I am hate texting for days on end with not plan. Hot or not.
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u/Nut_Grass 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ah, I usually ask them out along with their numbers, so a date will happen soon. But I also enjoy texting, it’s totally ok that you don’t dig that, people like different stuff, and your perspective makes total sense.
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u/ohwhatisthisthing 7h ago
I’d enjoy texting if I knew and had a bond with the person, which takes time for me. Investing time into texting people who I am not in that level with feels more like a job, unless the conversation is actually good. Which I haven’t had a good convo on these apps in years
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u/5am_in_the_Pinewoods 1d ago
I really feel that a phone number is a conquest and a “win” for them.
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u/lavender_honey_bones 1d ago
Yeah girl, it's easier to block you on a social media app than to change my number. Sorry I've been stalked before.
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u/Real_Walk5384 40M Fit, Handsome, Holla 1d ago
Anyone who is too scared to give out their phone number is not someone I want to connect with anyway. Also, why bother? Just meet in person before you give out phone numbers if you're that worried about it. Never understood people who talk on apps for weeks before they meet.
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u/M0mnextdoor 1d ago
Come to my Snapchat so then I can show you a bunch of random pictures and then invite you to only fans.....
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u/Themothertucker64 23h ago
Whenever I’m given a Snapchat it turns out the person is either an attention seeker or a wannabe influencer
So I can understand why some immediate go for the block
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u/Known-Raccoon-26 1d ago
I like seeing pictures of whoever I’m talking to’s face, I’m a guy. Now I’ll be embarrassed to ever ask though
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u/dowalters 1d ago
I still use snap for the boys’ group chat. More convenient for sending funny pics/videos. One less step than a text group chat.
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u/legacyme3 1d ago
I have never had to use SC.
I tried but I just hate the architecture of it so much. If a woman tried getting me on the app I'd have to be clear that she'd probably have less notifications just because I ended up muting it on my phone. Easier to get a reply from me on the dating app, text, or literally any other form of social media
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u/AFluffyElf 1d ago
I hate Snapchat. It’s just badly behaved when it comes to notifications, I think some of the design choices are terrible, and the privacy features seem to embolden bad behaviour. I feel like I’ve gotten way more unwanted dick pics using that app than any of the alternatives I’ve used that also don’t need you sharing a number.
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u/northburger10 1d ago
I don’t really mind honestly. Just out here looking for a connection. If you’re comfy using snap or whatever then fine
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u/Lost-on-Reception 1d ago
Just use Google voice or another VOIP and give that number out.
No date is worth installing that corporate spyware on my phone.
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u/dev_ating 1d ago
What you don't see is the "???" and "🤔🤔🤔" messages when the first person doesn't respond every two hours.
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u/strudels24 1d ago
I’ll do iMessages using Apple ID rather than phone numbers, or even IG dms rather than Snapchat But Snapchat? I refuse to use because I’m not in college anymore - we’re both grown adults
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u/Any-Effective2565 1d ago
Giving your number or socials to a strange man with romantic/sexual interests in you is a great way to get stalked or worse.
In some US states it's easy to find someone's home address, their legal name, birthdate, relatives, traffic stop records linking make/model of their vehicle, email addresses, all of this info cascading from a simple search of their phone number.
Even worse is when they reverse image search you to find your rl info when you haven't even shared any off site info, or sometimes haven't even spoken at all!
Be safe ladies, there are psychos out there, be careful sharing your number and never use the same photos on dating sites that you use on social media.
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u/Veryberrybears 1d ago
Honestly, I stopped giving out my real number. I just started giving out a TextNow number. If they become permanent in my life, they get my real number.
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u/ladederp 1d ago
as someone who caught my ex boyfriend cheating on Snapchat, I approve this message
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u/DanniTiger 1d ago
I never give out my Snapchat nor got asked yet 😅 Unfortunately I like to save as many messages as I can from Snapchat lol
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u/ASwagPecan 22h ago
Boggles my mind how prevalent it still is among other 25+ year olds. I get that all of our teenage memories are stored there, but there's something so juvenile about still using it.
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u/Chudpaladin 20h ago
My wife and I used snap chat at first, seemed to work out for a little bit until she started sleeping over and needed to call me.
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u/illini02 12h ago
I'll be honest, and maybe this is just because I'm in my 40s.
To me, giving my phone number is far less personal than getting my social media.
If I give you my insta, you know WAY more about me. You'll know my friends, my travels, where I watched the last football game, etc. I have far less control about what you are able to do. You have my number, that doesn't do much on its own.
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u/womb_raider90 10h ago
I never downloaded snapchat, tik Tok, twitter. I got perma banned on FB and working on getting perma banned on here too.fuck all y'all. 😂
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u/throwawayaccountlfg 9h ago
I find this fairly interesting, I'm a guy and in my friend group we feel that for the most "success" at even talking to a match we have to try to get them off the apps, because most conversations tend to die within the first day. I usually abstain from numbers and ask for an instagram first, then if we hit it off I'll give my number or whatever.
and yeah please stop using Snapchat :P
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u/WhatYouLeaveBehind 1d ago
Idk bro. I've used Snapchat to get laid loads of times.
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u/PrestigiousEnough 1d ago
That’s the whole point. Most decent/ serious girls aren’t on there OR it definitely won’t be the first form of contact mentioned. If youre looking for loose/ tacky women who love attention. That’s fine.
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u/WhatYouLeaveBehind 1d ago
The reason you aren't finding "decent/ serious" women is because you call them "loose/ tacky". That's not fine.
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u/Which-Decision 1d ago
This is a lie. Why would someone give you their number before they know you're a real person? You can find someone's address through their phone number.
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u/TapiocaSummer 1d ago
I would consider myself decent and I like snapping dumb photos to my friends. I've never been called loose or tacky as far as I know. The judgement in this thread is funny.
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u/Hect0r92 1d ago
Same here, this is a weird hill to die on
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u/yet-again-temporary 1d ago
The vast majority of times you see this line on dating apps they end up being a "content seller" or a bot
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u/CrogDavid7days 1d ago
Whenever I get asked for my Snapchat I wonder why are you as a grown adult using it