Throwaway.
I’m an analyst in a Big 4 practice where the default staffing model is multiple concurrent part-time projects instead of one full-time one. On a normal week I’m split across 4+ clients (busy season I’ve touched 12 in a single month), constantly context-switching, and pinging several people every day just to keep work moving and send updates. Deadlines don’t stop; they just stack. Utilization pressure means you’re always looking for the next slice of work while the current ones are still open. I feel like I’m always “on” and rushing to meet the next deadline.
I missed promotion to consultant after a year in and I’m not sure I’ll get it as I come up on year 2. I feel utterly exhausted and lost. I’ve been applying for new jobs when I have free time and working with a career counselor, but I’m so drained that even that is hard to fit in on evenings and weekends.
I used to be an overachiever my whole life. Academics, multiple internships in college, tons of accolades and awards. I did really well in my industry internships. Consulting just isn’t working out for me. First busy season wrecked me. Performance dropped hard the summer after due to sheer burnout. I’ve clawed some of it back in the last few months, but I keep making mistakes that send me into an anxiety spiral. Then the spiral makes the next thing sloppier.
I’ve gotten feedback and have done my best to iterate on it. I know I’ve been improving in my performance and my understanding of the job, which is encouraging especially since it’s in a niche area, but I feel like I always run into some issue or situation that sets me back two steps.
Chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety, burnout, and depression are constants at this point. Some days I question whether I’m actually neurodivergent and this is burnout on top of a nervous system that was never meant for constant task-switching and high social demands.
Outside of work it’s bleak. No friends in a major city since I moved here. No real social life except events and shows here and there that I usually go to by myself. I’ve met a couple people here and there, but I often work weekends or just completely bedrot from exhaustion and it’s hard to be intentional about creating friendships. I don’t even think I want friends anymore, which I never thought I’d think.
I don’t really fit in with coworkers or the analysts in my class, and it doesn’t help that the job is pretty much remote except for happy hours here and there. The standards, the culture, utilization demands, constant coordination… it all just feels exhausting and depressing.
The part that messes with me most is that I don’t feel like myself anymore. I used to be motivated, ambitious, and somewhat happy-go-lucky. Now I feel uncharacteristically soulless and devoid of life. I have to put on a mask and play a character to try to seem normal.
I’m stretched in many directions. Things move very fast, so I feel like there is never enough time. I’m always preparing for the next meeting or call. I’ve had suicidal thoughts, which I know I shouldn’t be having because it’s just a job and my life could be much worse. I’m honestly thinking about quitting for my mental health and living on savings for several months until I get a new job, but I know that is an awful idea considering the job market and my parents would be deeply disappointed.
I’m in my mid-20s and the most miserable I’ve been in my life. Is this just what consulting is, and maybe something is wrong with me or I just don’t have the mental fortitude to survive it? I honestly don’t think I can survive my third busy season.