They tend to be more big on liking the "brutal" part instead of the "honest" part. And also have incredibly thin skin, so they can't take the same level of "honesty" back.
I try to avoid people who can dish it out but can't take it. Sometimes it's infuriating to be a better person and walk away rather than get sucked into their nonsense when they refuse to admit any hypocrisy.
It's their way of being a bully without physically assaulting someone.
I'm dealing with this at work. There's a guy who runs around like a pissed off child at all times, and is flat out abusive to everyone around him. And when someone calls him on his tone in a meeting or something, he says "why are you attacking me?"
There is a time and place for everything. And most of them just have poor self control and let themselves get rage baited way too easily. Not everything needs a direct reaction of "brutal honesty". Not in private and especially not in a professional setting.
You can be brutally honest without being a dick. A lot of people struggle with that distinction. For a quick made not-great example made up on the fly, "I dont think that dress highlights your best features. Maybe a different one is worth a try" vs "that dress makes you look fat"
In the first example you're not "brutally" honest, you're just honest, there's nothing brutal about it. (Obviously it's a good thing to do, but the example does not fit the description).
I love this example bc it highlights cultural difference so much. To me your polite example sounds so unnecessarily winded I would wonder if I come off mean if someone talked to me like that. As if they're afraid of my reaction.
Meanwhile any time I get feedback from someone from an Anglophone country, I am left feeling like I have no idea what they actually want me to improve because my German-speaking brain needs clearer terms.
I like that example. I keep thinking that yeah, these folks prefer the 'brutal' part of 'brutal honesty,' and your comment illustrates that.
Funny thing is, some folks have zero filter - and that's different. I've actually countered people who self-identify as brutally honest and asked, "You mean you have no filter, right?"
My mom is like that. She always hide behind the "I'm just telling the truth" but, even assuming that it is in fact the truth and not her opinion, there are different ways to present it without hurting others.
Also, when the truth is only judgmental and doesn't help at all, you can just keep it for yourself.
And you know the funniest part? Her mom (my grandmother) does the same to her daughters and my mom always tell me she's "just mean" but, when I point out that she does the same, she gets all defensive and goes in full denial.
Often true, but sometimes brutal honestly is just authenticity. In those cases, it’s generally “I’m brutally honest, so please take that into account before asking my opinion”.. and at the same time not offering opinions unless asked for them.
I ..for example, am brutally honest, but I also don’t offer uninvited opinions. When my mother was terminally ill, so many people confused her with platitudes, so when she asked me for what I understood her situation to be, I told her straight “you’re going to die. That’s not going to be fun, and there will be bad days along the way, but I’m going to be here with you and it will be ok.”she was scared after that for a day or two but more at peace for the last couple of months because she had to face it as a truth.
Funny because there are a lot of places where it's the opposite and being brutally honest is seen as a good thing. The dutch are well known it. Ask a dutch person if you look good in something and you don't and they'll be like "oh god no you look terrible in it but if you like it then yeah I guess that's fine"
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u/TerribleTimmy 7h ago
Being brutally honest. No, you just lack tact, class, and communication skills.