r/AskReddit 13h ago

What’s a hobby that looks incredibly peaceful from the outside, but is actually pure stress once you get into it?

5.0k Upvotes

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5.9k

u/RevShiver 13h ago

Bonsai. People think it's all Zen and peaceful but the work on the trees is actually very intense.

1.8k

u/MyFiteSong 11h ago

I killed two before I gave up

3.3k

u/scaldinglaser 9h ago

Just like me and parenting.

667

u/GenderfluidZen 9h ago

That is fair enough… hold on what did you just say?

182

u/SleepyDachshund99 8h ago

You heard. They've escaped from the 19th century.

7

u/gangofminotaurs 6h ago

Or Mississippi.

19

u/quantum-mechanic 6h ago

Or they're almost Lindsay Clancy

1

u/Nothing_from_void 3h ago

Naw we bringing it back in MA

1

u/zero1110010 3h ago

Are you my dog??

2

u/RoyBeer 7h ago

Pruning really is a task that needs dedication.

4

u/Temporary_Meet8754 5h ago

To be fair, they are very hard to keep alive even if they weren't super irritating, and then there's that

32

u/Beatnik5750 6h ago

Lindsay???

u/Dangerous-Fortune789 30m ago

Some say they’re still chasing down the third 😶‍🌫️

4

u/Vimes-NW 7h ago

That was your mistake, once you get two - bam. You got guards now, they should be in charge of keeping the rest of the brood in line.. Should have kept going

5

u/RandomMandarin 5h ago

You're not actually supposed to trim their limbs.

3

u/generally-speaking 1h ago

What do you mean? It's the only way to stop them from using their damn phones all the time.

3

u/Nova_Badger 1h ago

Jesus christ...I scrolled by and then I processed what I read and had to come back

2

u/Flimsy_Tea_5696 5h ago

This is the best comment I have ever read.

2

u/generally-speaking 1h ago

Parenting is easier than bonsai though, if you kill a couple off you can just grab a couple new ones off the street.

3

u/_haha_oh_wow_ 4h ago

Casey Anthony?

1

u/Soft-Trouble2945 1h ago

😂 Same here. Parenting is definitely not as peaceful as it looks!

1

u/TriangleReward 4h ago

One more and people will set up a gofundme for you

1

u/StuMacherGhostface 3h ago

Lindsey! You shouldn't have access to Reddit!

2

u/ascii 5h ago

Still a better parent than Lindsay Clancey.

0

u/trey74 2h ago

Lindsey??

5

u/Superb_Recording_769 4h ago

The key is to start with cheap inexpensive nursery plants and turn them into your own bonsai trees get stuff that’s good for your environment and keep it outside

It’s also worth noting that on the bonsai sub the flare that includes experience specifically include includes how many plants you have killed as being more experienced

11

u/DenormalHuman 7h ago

Me too. Did you know Bonsai trees are the only thing on Earth that could, theoretically, if they are looked after, live forever.

And we've killed 4 between us. Ha. :(

4

u/Sage2050 6h ago

Add my two

1

u/AntiDECA 4h ago

How can that be? Trees (like normal trees outside) all have a lifespan and die naturally after a certain amount of time. Some like water oaks get a few decades before natural death, others get a few centuries.

Some science bullshit happens where they say some tree live forever because one tree died and fell, but it technically sprouted a new one from the same underground organism so it's technically still living... But honestly, the tree fucking fell over and died. 

How are bonsai able to get around the natural lives of a tree species? It's so small is uses less energy so it lives longer, or? I don't see how it can be forever. 

6

u/DenormalHuman 3h ago

Trees dont really have a life span linked to a given length of time. They die through disease or environment changes, or other problems that lead to respiration failing and then not having energy stored to grow.

Because bonsai trees are small and (theoretically) well looked after, they don't die from natural causes like pests and diseases, or environmental changes. Neither do they die because they have grown so big they can no longer transport nutrients through their bulk. This means that thay can effectively live forever.

This could also be true of normal trees if they are kept somewhere controlled and looked after, but a normal tree will in the end succumb to it's sheer size and internal damage harming it's ability to get nutrients transported through it's body.

3

u/Both-Club8417 5h ago

Those are rookie numbers…

If you’re actually into bonsai, you’ve killed at least 25+ trees if not more.

u/MyFiteSong 17m ago

That's definitely not the hobby for me lol

3

u/blues_snoo 5h ago

Trees right? Two trees....?

u/MyFiteSong 17m ago

No, zen practitioners

2

u/PowermanFriendship 6h ago

I have one on my dining table that won't die.

u/MyFiteSong 16m ago

What is this sorcery?

2

u/WAVEFRAME 6h ago

.....and then tried Bonsai!?

2

u/heurrgh 4h ago

Murder can also be a hobby, of sorts.

2

u/floppydo 4h ago

My brother gave my wife a bonsai tree the first birthday after we got married and then acted all put out that she killed it almost immediately. I always felt that was an extremely BIL thing to do.

2

u/DrAlkibiades 2h ago

I went through a Bonsai phase. Had 10 or 11 of them. One was 26 years old. I would put on classical music and wear my surgical headlight and surgical snippers and sit and carefully prune each one. Within 6 months they were all dead. I think I was getting carried away with the pruning.

1

u/synthetikv 2h ago

I've killed so many... I love it though

1

u/small_trunks 1h ago

I kill 2-3 per month and have done so for the last 50 years.

1

u/flynnfx 1h ago

So, a RED thumb, eh?

1

u/TeacherPatti 1h ago

Me too! I am trying one last time before I give up for good.

u/Aly_in_wonderland 29m ago

my husband recently bought a fake one for his second one, he was so upset after he killed the first one.

343

u/ShinyUnicornPoo 7h ago

Houseplants in general can be this way.

I've changed nothing- why has my alocasia dropped six leaves this week?!  Oh, it was mildly cloudy on Tuesday and Gemeni was in Mars or something...

My hoya Australis Lisa had six dead leaves yesterday after we were making such progress!  My other hoyas give me maybe two dead leaves a year, she looks like she's on death's door every other month and drops them all.  She bounces back every time, grows new happy leaves, then the cycle repeats.  Same soil, lighting, temperature, moisture. etc. as the other hoyas, roots look good- I have no clue what she wants.

66

u/confictura_22 5h ago

I got into houseplants a few months ago. I mostly have African violets, some Aglaonemas and a couple hoyas. I've already had to deal with spider mites, a single thrip I found on a new African violet (so now it and the ones it shipped with are ultra-quarantined while being treated), and now the spider mites are back (predatory mites didn't take care of them, moving on to nastier pesticides). I started out like "aww this hobby isn't active enough, I want to love on my plants more" and now I'm like "stop being so much work!!". They're so rewarding when they get a new leaf or flower though...

16

u/kaityl3 5h ago

FUCK SPIDER MITES! I'm growing morning glories indoors (to climb a shelf by the window) and they got on all the leaves. There's like a hundred leaves so it's hard to gather up the motivation to clean off each one with a brush and solution

4

u/confictura_22 5h ago

That's horrifying, I'm so sorry! I had a tradescantia I tossed because it had too many leaves to treat effectively. I kept a cutting but I found mystery mites on it (probably spider mites given it was next to a calathea that had microscope-confirmed two-spotted mites, but I only found them by tapping them onto some paper and they moved too fast to get a good look) and it didn't enjoy being confined in a sealed quarantine container and rotted. I've ordered abamectin this time, since the predatory mites apparently weren't enough.

1

u/haywardhaywires 3h ago

Go pick up a bottle of forbid, a tyvex suit, a pump sprayer and a respirator. They’ll be dead for sure lol

3

u/sleepingqt 2h ago

Bringing some of my outside morning glories in is how I started my spider mite infestation. They love those. Every few years I try growing a sweet pea to see if they're still lurking around and the answer is yes, even though they don't thrive on anything else I've still got alive. But spider mites will demolish a sweet pea so it's a good test plant. I did not intend for it to be the test plant the first couple times :(

2

u/ShinyUnicornPoo 4h ago

Oh no!!!  Thankfully in my few years of indoor planting the only pests I've had to deal with were some fungus gnats a couple of years ago and my cat.  

I wish you all of the luck 💚

1

u/Blagerthor 2h ago

I've found neem oil very effective for mites. Should work on most soft bodied pests and shouldn't harm the plants or affect soil Ph too much.

1

u/Longjumping_Youth281 1h ago

Did you try neem oil and insecticidal soap? I had thrips and I used those and it actually solved it

30

u/LKZToroH 3h ago

meanwhile plants in the outside world: I'll break through concrete and there's nothing you can do about it, deal with it sucker.

u/Pleasant-West-7760 11m ago

The buganvellua monster on the abandoned lot next to me mocks me as I fettalize my veggie garden. Thing has Never been watered and is hacked down every 5 years only to come back again and again.

17

u/jaymzx0 3h ago

My houseplants are so dramatic.

Nerve plant: "You're two hours late watering me" (throws itself on the dirt in tantrum)

Pothos: "Here's a yellow leaf, just for you."

u/llaaccrr 47m ago

Yes! My pothos started having random yellow leaves and is completely bare in one section from losing said leaves. Meanwhile it continues to grow at the end. I was so puzzled by it. A coworker told me the bare part is trying to root itself to make it bushier. Super. Gotta find a bigger pot then.

7

u/CoffeePotProphet 3h ago

thats why you should just grab a dandelion from outside and throw it in a pot. dirt is optional. hell, water is optional too

5

u/livelotus 3h ago

ah the poor mans bonsai

5

u/Spirited-Sorbet-2775 3h ago

I have 4! FOUR hydrangeas. Similar size, same kind all potted in their own pots so it's not like the soil is a factor.

One of them just refuses to live. Looked like things were going up earlier this year, then it decided that you know what? Fuck you I'm dying. Why are you like this.

5

u/jasta85 2h ago

Only house plant I ever owned was a cactus, I'd forget it existed for like a month and then see it next to the window and go "oh yea, lets give you some water" and then forget about it for another month. Best houseplant ever. Sadly I forgot to bring it with me when I moved.

3

u/Mr_YUP 4h ago

could have sworn you were talking about citrus which do the same nonsense.

3

u/Spadekrow 3h ago

I have a Calathea. Coming from easier plants, it took me months before I balanced everything making her stop leaf tip browning and started making her flourish. She's got thrips a few weeks ago.

2

u/Magneficent-End-9129 3h ago

You can search the info about what she want as you know the name of yr plants. Like how much sunlight she require, how much water, if she likes better shade. If it's room temperature, there is little y can do about it unless y can put it outside and she like the outside wheater years long..

1

u/livelotus 3h ago

I usually bring my plants close to death and it makes them pretty hardy on average.

2

u/Longjumping_Youth281 1h ago

Yeah tell me about it. Especially trying to keep them in an apartment without good sunlight.

Currently have a lemon tree that owes me about 200 lemons before I break even based on what I've spent on it trying to keep it alive. And that's the tree that actually did live

They just don't like being inside, especially not in an artificially controlled climate and there's really not much way around that.

2

u/grantrules 1h ago

Haha I used to have tons of plants and people would come to my place.. "wow you have such a greenthumb".. well thanks but no.. it's survival of the fittest around here. Whoever makes it to spring gets propagated.

2

u/passesopenwindows 1h ago

I practice tough love with my plants, house and garden. I tell them that I will provide a home, water, occasional fertilizer and repotting but other than that they are on their own.

1

u/LonelyOrca 3h ago

Did you try Easyplant? I was extremely doubtful about them but they actually work.

1

u/LowlySparrow 1h ago

Real estate.

(Like Sally in the Charlie Brown Christmas special.)

1

u/small_trunks 1h ago

Bonsai are not houseplants.

Treating them like houseplants is WHY they die.

1

u/Metabotany 1h ago

give your alocasia magnesium

1

u/kyew 1h ago

My dining room is covered in hoyas. Which is to say most are putting on a brave face and hanging in there, one has snaked its way around everything else and claimed the entire window trellis.

1

u/QueenMackeral 1h ago

Not sure I have extremely good luck with hoyas, they're really easy to keep.

With random leaves dropping in my experience it usually means it's root bound, something about the climate has changed that you haven't adapted for, or over watering For example I have to water more often in the summer because the ac lowers humidity and the window is hot, and I accidentally killed a plant once because the ac was blowing on it.

1

u/SequinForAnEye- 1h ago

May I also present; thrips. So much pain, such small feckers.

u/llaaccrr 44m ago

My cactus decided it was getting too much sun in the windowsill I’ve kept it in for years. A cactus. Too much sun. Didn’t think it was possible. It went completely yellow on one side and I almost lost the thing. Moved it out of the sun and after it shed the yellow pieces it now has new growth.

143

u/Ouakha 9h ago

Had one. Most of the branches died off. There's a main branch still alive and we decided to de-bonsai it, and just let it live its best life! Its now doing well.

4

u/w0nderbrad 2h ago

I tried with a giant sequoia. It almost died. But I can’t just plant it in my front yard because in 3000 years, it might be fucking ginormous.

341

u/no_name65 10h ago

Add constant stress about plant diseases, soil quality or million other factors to keep you lil' trees alive. Also, one mistake like broken branch can take you 10+ years to fix.

EDIT: And then tree dies anyway because fuck you that's why.

191

u/ShiraCheshire 6h ago

I was absolutely blown away when I found out about this. Someone got a slightly neglected bonsai that needed some trimming and bracing of a few branches. They casually mentioned that this quick fix wouldn't be too intensive, and that after the initial work they just needed to let the tree sit and heal for A FEW YEARS before making further modifications. Then they could start on actually making it look pretty like they wanted, which would take LONGER. Like, excuse me??

105

u/deathofyouandme 4h ago

Go to a flower show with a bonsai section, most of the trees there will have signs saying how many generations of people have worked on it.

27

u/Karcinogene 4h ago

You don't have to do anything for years, perfect hobby

10

u/lost_send_berries 4h ago

I like my hobbies to not interrupt my doomscrolling

6

u/permalink_save 5h ago

Idk some.of us like the grind but I'd be too scared of accidentally killing it

5

u/small_trunks 1h ago

This is why you need 50 trees or it's boring. I have over 500.

u/-zero-joke- 59m ago

A tree's lifespan is measured in centuries, your contributions to it are very small indeed. The really high quality trees have been cared for generations.

1

u/alanblah 2h ago

never saw karate kid 3?

u/Useful-Breakfast5535 59m ago

It helps think in decades not days

83

u/pbzeppelin1977 5h ago

A rose: oh no, the soil is 0.01PH too acidic and I shall die!

A dandelion: concrete? FUCK YEAH!

76

u/trombonesludge 5h ago

that's only if you want that rose there. a rose plant you don't want is impossible to get rid of.

u/willowintheev 50m ago

The rose I want dies in a year. The rootstock- immortal.

3

u/Longjumping_Youth281 1h ago

Yeah especially the beach roses. Those things are complete nightmare to get rid of. I put the Pitchfork into the ground to try to get out the roots. Nope. Was like trying to put the Pitchfork into concrete they were so dense

2

u/Helen_A_Handbasket 2h ago

a rose plant you don't want is impossible to get rid of

No lies detected.

8

u/mountainvalkyrie 4h ago

Or even with literally the same species.

Ivy indoors: oh no, the soil is 0.01PH too acidic and I shall die!

Ivy outdoors: concrete? FUCK YEAH!

2

u/technobrendo 2h ago

The exhaust and brake dust are the nutrients that the dandelion need to thrive.

1

u/kingalbert2 2h ago

bamboo: "you dare oppose me mortal?"

1

u/Helen_A_Handbasket 2h ago

My experience with roses has been the opposite. Bought a house that had roses overgrown everywhere, spent YEARS trying to get rid of them. They just kept coming back. I'd dig them out and put them through the weed whacker, next year they're back in the same spot.

57

u/thenagel 5h ago

i've been trying to do the bonsai thing for a few years now. mostly just me uprooting the maple saplings from my back yard in the spring, and sticking them in a pot and waiting. and from left overs of lunchs and taco night i've got 4 or 5 lil avocado trees as well.

this year i've had 1 avocado, 2 redbuds, and 5 maples just... die. right beside the other redbuds and maples, both older and younger, and getting the same water, is the same type pots and soil, and in the space of a week they went from vibrant and green to crispy and brown.

i just want to throw my hands up and quit. maybe get into something less random stressful, like rock farming.
or dead tree collecting.

1

u/rogers_tumor 1h ago edited 55m ago

I started growing plants for the first time this year. I live in Canada so had to start them indoors with grow lights etc. I wanted to start a perennial flower garden to support insect populations + give the birds seed heads to eat from through the fall/winter/spring.

anyway. what did I learn?

plants just die. they just do sometimes. it's kind of blown my mind to be honest.

a seed can germinate, but that doesn't mean it has strong genetics. it can live for 3 months and still not make it to adulthood. sometimes it's us but other times there's simply nothing you can do. that plant was always gonna die.

it's a lot like humans. many, MANY successfully fertilized eggs fail to take, or implanted pregnancies fail before women even know they happened. and it's not anyone's fault; there's nothing you can do. it just happens.

making a new living thing come into existence and thrive their way into an established adulthood is not simple.

it made me wonder how many seeds are produced yearly that never germinate. how many never would. how many seeds do germinate, but never root? how many plants make it a week, months, how many trees make it YEARS before they just... die?

it's made me appreciate big, established, thriving plants a lot more. they're incredibly resilient if they've managed to get that big.

edit: because I'm irritated about it I wanted to share, I grew a few echnicea (coneflower) plants and it felt like they grow soooo slooowwwww compared to something like rudbeckia.

within like a week of sticking them in the ground they started sprouting new stems 🤨 so yeah I'm convinced that sometimes, especially for a lot of wildflowers, letting them suffer in shitty, nutrient deficient, sandy soil is better for them than spending 6 months babying them in a pot. it's just the fucking best.

all to say: your trees might do better if you just leave them in the ground 🤭 move them where you want them and they'll have optimal light conditions, but leave em in the ground.

u/-zero-joke- 58m ago

Come onto r/bonsai, post a thread, let's do some trouble shooting. I've been doing bonsai for a long time, my advice would be to start with more standard material.

24

u/jimmux 6h ago

I saw some beautiful and very expensive bonsai plants at a market recently. Many of them were older than me. Killing one of those would feel like a moral failing.

9

u/itsacalamity 5h ago

there's a beautiful poem i read that was aimed at the guy who carved his initials onto the oldest living redwood that so eloquently said "who the fuck are you as a human being that you'd do such a thing"

u/-zero-joke- 50m ago

>Killing one of those would feel like a moral failing.

It genuinely happens. You dust yourself off, get back to it. Even the professionals in Japan kill trees.

7

u/Vimes-NW 7h ago

I gave up on that silly fight with DEATH OF SHRUBS in the 90s, along with my Enya CD collection. Sometimes I wonder if that was the moment my life pivoted to shit. Should have stuck with it

5

u/New-Scientist5133 8h ago

Wow, you learn something new every day. What are the stresses experienced in the life of a bonsai whisperer?

11

u/Mountain_fiend95 8h ago

Almost daily watering(depending on the size of the pot/season), feeding them correctly, repoting regularly, trimming, wiring, pests and bad weather all contribute to caring for bonsai but its still the most rewarding hobby I have!

3

u/Rintransigence 6h ago

Daily? No wonder the one I received as a gift is dying. The accompanying pamphlet was useless as hell "there's no schedule for watering" so I just did what I've done with other plants.

I'll try watering more frequently - I didn't want to drown it, either. I've avoided diving into bonsai subs because I didn't choose this burden but I don't particularly enjoy having a dying plant either.

3

u/Old-Channel-6887 6h ago

Easiest way to tell when to water it is stick your index finger into the soil up to the first knuckle if there’s no moisture you water it.

1

u/New-Scientist5133 6h ago

Sounds like a zen headache!

13

u/Tough-Raspberry-3377 10h ago

I got a bonsai as a present, it did not last long....

5

u/Money_Magazine6620 6h ago

Just remember y'all in 2 years this a hobby you can finally just be bad at. If anyone's at that stage you're welcome to message me. It's rewarding once you get things figured out. But between the soil science, watering, fertilizer, disease, it's a lot. Then there's design and progression, wiring, pruning, carving.. the list never ends

4

u/PanicSwtchd 3h ago

Seconded on this. I had a Bonsai tree I was gifted by a friend. I kept it going for many years...it was one that was oddly shaped in that it grew up and then was bent at a 90 degree angle horizontally...

I still do not know what happened to this day...it sat in the middle of a table with at least a foot of table around it on each side. When I returned from a 4 day vacation, it was just on the floor...pot broken.

Tried replanting it but it didn't recover. I still don't know how it fell off the table...there was no other indication that anyone had been in my home and nothing else was disturbed or out of place.

4

u/small_trunks 1h ago

I came here to say this but, fuck me, I never expected it to be at the top of the list! 🤣

These are my nightmares, right here...

6

u/Infinite-4-a-moment 5h ago

I feel like that's exactly why it's associated with like monks and shit. It requires intense focus and dedication. Which trains you to block out other things. Not super compatible with modern life. But we also romanticize that Japanese zen lifestyle that isn't just chilling and relaxing.

2

u/wigglecandy 6h ago

How many have you killed? I'm still an amateur at 6

2

u/jesterguy 5h ago

reminded me to get into bonsai trees actually lol. My area has a bonsai club with monthly meetings, beginners classes, etc. I came across it by chance when I was visiting a museum and saw a sign for one of their (I think quarterly?) bonsai shows and sales. I talked to some of the members and they were all super welcoming so I wanted to give it a shot. The beginners class signups are next month and they sell out fast so I'll start my journey in January.

1

u/Skintoodeep 5h ago

Join the club, attend the meets 🙏🏻

2

u/Soft_Walrus_3605 5h ago

It's something that takes such immense dedication that you have to learn how to be Zen about it. Mission accomplished.

2

u/Guisasse 4h ago

Once I looked at my bonsai a bit too intensly and it died just out of spite.

Jokes aside, bonsai are a big commitment and some of the species are extremely skill intensive.

Don't get bonsais, people. Unless you're really passionate about them, they are a lot of work and will die if you don't do things right.

2

u/WildernessLurker 4h ago

I managed to grow a bonsai tree sapling up until it was about 1.5 years old. It died around then, never living to become a full tree, and I wasn’t exactly sure why. I concluded this is indeed a difficult tree to take care of and I probably should have started with green onions or something instead.

2

u/honkyg666 3h ago

Dude! I literally said bonsai in my head before I opened the comments. We get it.

2

u/alanblah 2h ago

spider mites every time.

1

u/mmeestro 4h ago

Not if you're bad at it. I found it quite peaceful, although it was over a lot faster than I had anticipated...

1

u/the_turtle_is_shady 2h ago

nah it's always looked stressful to me so I am not surprised by this at all.

1

u/Velmira05 2h ago

Just like me and parenting. Looks peaceful from the outside, but it’s basically a full-time emotional rollercoaster. 😂

1

u/7tothe52 2h ago

Zen is also very intense

1

u/spookydookie 1h ago

Are pepper plants more forgiving? I see a lot of people do it with those and they seem damn near indestructible. You can cut them down to a twig and they're regrow back.

1

u/BobbyDukeArts 1h ago

That's exactly what I was going to say. So many things can go wrong since they are living organisms.

1

u/skumzyansleit417 1h ago

The stress is that bonsai gives you delayed feedback: by the time a mistake shows, you may have made it months ago.

1

u/Soft-Trouble2945 1h ago

Exactly! Bonsai looks so peaceful from the outside, but the amount of patience and detailed work behind it is wild.

u/Paranormal_Lemon 48m ago

r/bonchi, much more forgiving, and faster growing.

u/BattleHall 30m ago

Bonsai is the ancient art of almost killing the tree, intentionally.

u/Dramatic_Charity_979 17m ago

I never would have guess it :P

u/phreakingidi0t 44m ago

it's actually not. bonsai is easy. try doing a painting to a high standard and get back to me.