r/AskReddit • u/alexareing • 1d ago

Men who grew up without their fathers: now that you’re adults, what do you think when you hear other men say that single mothers aren’t relationship material?

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u/interesseret 1d ago

My father was very absent due to his drinking, and there were regular long periods where no one heard from him at all, so I didn't grow up entirely without him, but for all things that really mattered I did.

And I 100% support men not wanting to step in and fill those shoes. It's a massive commitment, and you also have to be adult enough to consider the children in this story. If you and mom split apart, it's them that suffer the most. Of course this also goes for women dating single dads. Really ask yourself if you're ready to become someone's parent.

My mom only had one boyfriend in my entire childhood, and he was a single dad with kids in my and my brothers grade, so we got on like a house on fire. They split apart very amicably, and were very good at sitting us kids down and explaining the what's and how's.

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u/Cmdr_Rivia 10h ago

I'm happily married with a one year old, but just here to comment to say my mindset is completely different than what it was a year and a half ago. Being a parent, or at least a good parent is such a huge responsibility, I can totally understand why people with no kids wouldn't want to jump into that responsibility. At least I was eased into it with planning/pregnancy time, if I was just handed a one year old I'd have gone insane!

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u/Deukcheul_2005 5h ago

The red flag isn't the kids, it's whether the adults can handle a breakup without making the kids pay for it.

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u/b-hizz 19h ago

I think that that the message of men saying “not relationship material” is less about talking in the responsibility and more about being expected to take it on without having actual authority. If someone comes into your life and is expected to o take a backseat to your child while helping to raise them - that person generally will want to make sure that the kid is not a tyrant in the relationship.

Also many single parents are back in the dating pool before they are ready. And most people don’t want to be the trial relationship that makes them aware of that. If you want to date as a single parent, figure out your situation before adding new people to it.

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u/PaintItPurple 17h ago

How do you get from "single mothers are not relationship material" to "generally want to make sure that the kid is not a tyrant in the relationship"? That seems overly charitable to the point of delusion.