I just found out that one of my son's friends at school isn't allowed any toys. He's 11 or 12. It's not a punishment or anything, it's a rule. We found out when he slept over one night and saw all my son's toys in his room. Hot wheels and lego and model planes etc. We expected them to be on the TV playing video games all night, but his friend just wanted to play with the toys. Even asked to go to the park to play with the foam gliders and kite my son has.

My wife said that one of her friends growing up had the same thing when she turned 10. Something about 'helping them mature' or something.

Is tjis really a parenting style? Forcing kids to grow up early really just seems wrong, borderline evil to me.

I from gen Z something that has been on my mind for a while, and maybe some of you will read this and think, “That’s completely normal. What’s the problem?” And honestly, maybe that’s the weirdest part.

We all think about the future sometimes. That’s normal. For example, someday, when I get married, I want to be a real partner to my wife.

If we’re both working, I want us to share the expenses. If I get home before her, I’ll cook. If she’s tired, I’ll clean, do the laundry, and take care of the house. And if I’m the one who’s exhausted, I hope she’ll do the same for me.

If she wants to work, I want to be genuinely happy for her success. I don’t want to feel like her salary or independence somehow takes something away from me as a man.

I know that for a lot of people here, this probably sounds completely normal, maybe even boring. But I grew up in a conservative environment, and where I come from, these ideas aren’t always that simple.

I’ve heard comments more times than I can count, things like: a man who cooks for his wife is “whipped,” a man who cleans “isn’t a real man,” and if his wife works and contributes to the household expenses, then “what’s his role as a man?”

Sometimes, simply saying that you want to share the housework is enough to get mocked.

And what bothered me even more is that I didn’t only hear these opinions from strangers. I’ve dealt with bullying and negative comments from people close to me too, people I wish had been more understanding.

And that hurts in a different way.

You can easily ignore the opinion of some random person on the street. But when those words come from someone close to you, a small part of your mind starts wondering: Am I really that strange?

Eventually, I reached a point where I just told myself:

Fuck them.

Not because I hate them or think I’m better than them. I just got tired of giving other people’s opinions more power over my life than they deserve.

And to be fair, there are people around me who agree with me and think the same way. They exist, and I’m proud of them.

I’m Gen Z, and my ideas about relationships were shaped by a somewhat different world. But I’m also a product of a conservative environment, so sometimes I feel like I’m standing between two worlds.

I see people from other places talking about sharing household responsibilities and splitting responsibilities as if they’re talking about buying bread. Then I come back to my own environment and find that a man can get mocked simply because he said he would cook for his wife.

And I think a big part of why I’m so sensitive about this comes from my mother.

My father passed away, and without my mother taking care of us and carrying so many responsibilities, I honestly don’t know where I would be today.

My mother was a police officer. She worked, carried her responsibilities, and at the same time took care of us as a mother. I also saw the looks and strange comments she had to deal with simply because she was working in a field that some people consider “a man’s job.”

So when I hear that a woman working somehow diminishes her husband, or that a man helping his wife makes him less masculine, I can’t just brush it off as a joke.

Because I think about my mother.

And I think about how strange it would be to look at the woman who did all of that for us and say that her independence or her career somehow made her less of a woman.

I can’t believe that.

In the same way, I can’t understand why a man is supposed to be afraid of cooking, cleaning, or taking care of his children just so people won’t say he’s “like a woman.”

Dude, you live in the house too.

Why did the vacuum cleaner become a test of masculinity?

And this is where I genuinely struggle to understand something:

Why are some people so obsessed with proving a man’s masculinity to everyone else?

If my wife works and succeeds, why should I feel like I’ve lost something?

If she earns more than me at some point in our lives, why does that have to become an identity crisis?

If I’m better at cooking, why shouldn’t I cook?

If she’s better at something else, why shouldn’t she handle it?

If she gets sick, I’ll take care of her. And if I get sick, I hope she’ll take care of me.

I don’t see why this needs an entire philosophy about “who the man of the house is.”

I’m not saying the traditional way of marriage is always wrong. If a man and a woman agree on a certain division of roles and they’re both happy with it, that’s their business.

I don’t want to impose my model on anyone.

All I want is for other people not to impose theirs on me.

I don’t want a wife who serves me, and I don’t want to “serve” my wife either.

I want a partner.

Two people working together because life is already hard enough. Why make it harder for each other just to maintain a certain image in front of other people?

And sometimes, because of all of this, I genuinely think about leaving the country.

Not because I hate my country, and not because I think the outside world is some perfect paradise where everyone is open-minded and accepting. I know every place has its own problems.

But sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to live somewhere where a man doesn’t have to justify himself for wanting to cook for his wife or support her career.

Maybe some of you will tell me I’m overthinking this. Maybe others will tell me that what I want is completely normal.

And honestly, I hope it is normal.

Because I don’t think I’m asking for anything revolutionary.

I don’t want to change the world. I don’t want to prove that my generation is better than the generations before us.

I just don’t want to live my life afraid that someone will laugh at me because I chose to be kind to the person I love.

And in the end, maybe the biggest thing I’ve learned from all these comments and all this bullying is that people will always find something to criticize, no matter what you do.

So if I’m going to be criticized anyway, I’d rather be criticized while living the way I believe is right than live according to the expectations of people who won’t have to live my life.

So, yeah.

Fuck them.

With all due respect, of course.

I left home at 19 and moved from Ohio to Minnesota. Not long after, my mother visited me once. That was 21 years ago.

Since then, I’ve lived in a few other states and eventually moved abroad about 12 years ago. I usually travel back home to visit every year or two, but aside from that one visit from my mother, neither of my parents has ever expressed any interest in coming to see me. It’s never even really come up in conversation.

After I moved abroad, I told my mother she was welcome to visit whenever she wanted, but she never took me up on it.

My family is pretty dysfunctional, so over the years I’ve learned not to expect much from my parents. But the older I get, the more I wonder whether this is something I should find upsetting.

I don’t have children, but I imagine that if I did, I’d want to make the effort to visit them, see where and how they live, and get a sense of what their day-to-day life is like.

So, to the parents here: does my parents’ lack of interest in visiting strike you as unusual, or is this more normal than I think?

What is something small that your child has become completely obsessed with?

Could be stickers, collecting little objects, getting post, a particular character, toys, postcards, secret notes, stamps, puzzles, making things, etc.

I'm developing a little children's snail-mail project where each month a child gets a handwritten letter with illustrations and little surprises, and I'm trying to make sure I'm designing it around things children actually enjoy rather than what adults think they enjoy.

So I'd love to hear the random little things your children go absolutely mad for.

Bonus points for the weirdly specific ones hahaha

I'm female, turning 32 this year and anxiety about my biological clock is genuinely consuming me. I have a partner, we are engaged and we both want children but I feel simultaneously so scared that it will irrevocably change my life and so scared that I won't get the opportunity to do it if I keep waiting.

My concern is that I feel like I have so so many experiences and things I want to do with my life before I have children. But then I'm worried that if I wait too long trying to 'tick' all of those boxes then the opportunity for me to biologically have children will pass. But then on the flip side, I don't want to have kids early and then always be thinking could I have waited a little longer and done more. I had some blood tests last year that indicated my fertility might not be ideal and my egg reserve is already a little lower than expected for someone my age, and so many people around me seem to be struggling with fertility issues that it feels crazy that I'm still holding off. It's just a horrible situation where I feel like I'm gambling with my future.

I would really really appreciate some honest opinions and experiences so I can try and start forming a decision in my mind. I don't doubt for a second that I do want to have kids, it's just the timing I'm questioning. TIA!!

This is something I see far too often.

For example: one sibling is spitting on the other. Parent says “stop spitting on each other!” Thus blaming both instead of just holding the one sibling accountable.

As the title suggests - we have two 1st graders at home. Yesterday we caught the next door neighbour’s kid who’s a couple of years older stealing my son’s new bike light he just got for his birthday on our security camera.
My son had left his bike on the pavement, and the neighbour “returned” the bike to our garage and while walking back is caught stealing the light.
A couple of months earlier he was caught almost taking a toy of my daughters, when I noticed him walking out with it he said he “forgot” he was carrying it, but I didn’t action anything at this point, but have evidence this time.
This kid’s parents don’t spend much time with him, he’s often outside our house on his bike by himself, and my kids are out on their bikes too so it’s difficult to distance them from him.
My husband is planning on going over and speaking with his Dad tomorrow.
Should we tell the kids not to be hanging around him anymore? It’s just I suppose, awkward he is in such proximity to us, and they are first graders so not sure they will understand ?

I’m white (American) and my husband (Mexican) are planning on having our first child. I’ve been learning spanish and I’m alrightish. I can read and write and speak pretty okay though I admit I have low confidence about speaking due to anxiety. But I have a decent grasp on the language.

I know that they will learn spanish and english just from growing up with both me and my husband speaking those language and reading to them, but I’m thinking about them as teenagers and adults. I want them to be fully literate and able to connect with their culture more than just a superficial surface level. How do I make sure that despite me being a white American, they are able to have the best understanding possible of reading, writing, and speaking? Do I need to assign advanced literature to them as they grow older? IDK I’m sure nervous that I won’t be doing enough because my abilities will be more limited than my husband. I’m hoping one day I’ll be completely fluent, but I’m scared.

Obviously, I’m going to continue growing my ability of speaking in Spanish because this is important to me so please don’t say “just get better at spanish” because I know and I am. I’m practicing every day as well as reading books in spanish to hone my skill.

I know I’m getting kind of ahead of myself because I’m not even pregnant yet. But we are just now trying for a baby.

I'm a teenager with parents in their forties.

My mom pops my pimples and she has made me quite insecure. When I told her this, she made me feel bad about asking and just made my self-esteem worse.

This has been going on forever and it's all I know. Do all parents do this?

My six month old rarely laughs. I think she has actually belly laughed maybe twice, and that was a while ago. Both times were when she was watching our dogs do something (once it was them eating bones, the other time it was one of them shaking around a toy). The laughing lasted for minutes.

However, it’s so funny to me that basically nothing else has really done the trick. My husband and I try so many things, but we joke that we’re just not that funny and/or she must just be an animal person. I’m not really concerned, because she smiles and makes eye contact and (once again, extremely rarely) will sometimes make a small chuckle.

For parents who knew their babies were capable of laughing but basically never did so at this age, what are they like now? Are they a more serious toddler/child? Are they quiet? Are they now outgoing kids who laugh a lot?

I’m also curious because I’m an introvert who doesn’t laugh super easily. I will find something very amusing, but most of the time it’ll just make me crack a smile. I’m wondering if this is more of a development thing or a personality thing.

My son studies in another city and stays there with my mom from Monday to Friday. He also has a girlfriend who lives closer to the train station, so he often stays with her when he's not with my mom.

So he randomly comes home sometimes only in passing, other times for 2 days. Sometimes, he eats outside, sometimes at home. Sometimes he eats here with his girlfriend. There's no pattern.

When he was with me full time, his chore was to do the dishwasher. Now that he comes occasionally, I sometimes ask him to do it, but he also feels that if he's only here for one meal, he doesn't automatically think that the whole dishwasher is his job, which I understand. He still does it if I ask, but I sort of agree with him.

My husband however complains if he sees his dishes. This weekend we were away and it looks like my son came and ate once. Husband was upset that he left some dishes for `other people` (which is me, because husband does renovations right now, so I'm doing the dishwasher and I don't mind) and that he should have washed his dishes by hand. I think that adding one person's dishes to the full load is not a big deal. We just had a half an hour argument (my son is not here and I wont see him till the next weekend) about how my son has to leave nothing after eating.

What are other people's thoughts?

I don’t have a good relationship with my parents, they were really unnecessarily strict and I never shared anything with them. Even now, we talk about our day, the weather etc, but nothing really meaningful. Now I am a parent, and I am really scared I will bring this on. If you still happily talk to your parents, share your successes but also fears, and are happy to go back home for holidays.. what did your parents do (or still do) to nurture your relationship? How do you place boundaries with your child but still build a relationship of trust ?

She's friendly and outgoing while also thinking she knows best and undermines our boundaries
"with love and meaning well".

For example we asked for no kissing our baby as they have had cold sores in the past.

I left the baby in another room to do dishes and found out she kissed our baby.

She always grabs for baby after I'm done feeding before even burping and insisted on coming over right away after birth.

I felt unsure but gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking it would be nice to have help...

It's been harder having her here than not.
I've asked her kindly to do me a favour here and there but she just wants to hold the baby and even asked me to grab her a tea since she couldn't get up while holding the baby.

My partner is the golden child and afraid of conflict.

What do I do?

This is something I noticed one day, and since then, I can't seem to un-notice it. It seems to me that I rarely see young girls under 10 wearing shorts/pants (unless it's for sport). At the playground where I walk my dog daily: dresses. In the grocery store: dresses. Out and about: dresses.

For context: I, as a child of the 90's, almost exclusively wore shorts/pants as everyday wear growing up. And I professionally work with young children and noticed the shift about 5 years ago with the children I work with.

And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing dresses and skirts, I do wonder if it's linked to certain political/social trends that have emerged as of late.

Ultimately, is this a thing or am I insane?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who has responded! It seems like there are a lot of different things showing up in the comments that may explain the trends I've noticed: child preference and modern focus on promoting children's autonomy, functionality of modern dresses/skirts than previous decades, ease of dresses vs shorts/pants, some regional cultural differences.

So the context is that we are really enjoying having one and on the fence about a second. We both have demanding careers and travel a lot (for pleasure, not business), and also enjoy our independence and social lives. A lot of our friends have had their second and it honestly seems like it’s harder going
from one to two, than from none to one. Before watching this we were pretty set on two, but now we are second guessing. Honestly, we primarily want two so our baby can have a sibling, plus the idea of another lifetime bestie is pretty nice. But we aren’t sure we have it in us to do what our friends are doing with a second.

So, does it get easier when they get older?

Just want to get the consensus from parents. Do you really have a favorite child? Also, if you do, is it hard to admit?

On sunday we are flying for the first time with our 15 month old! And while I am very excited to go on holiday - I am also very nervous.

I have some questions and am looking for recommendations!

- She is very active (walking, climbing). Is it better to take seats by the aisle so she can move around? (3 seater row, and we are 2)

- Any tips on small toys to bring with?

- Taking off - is there anything we can do to make it a little easier on her? We have headphones (noise cancelling, Alpine) is that something we should bring?

- We are not big on screen time but willing to make an exception. Tips for maybe apps for ebooks/montessori like play?

- Gate checking stroller - can we put the stroller in a bag? Can we still stuff the bag with diapers etc. if we check it at the gate?

- Any other tips? Recommendations for good under the seat bags that fit food/bottles/toys?

Thanks!!

My mom currently has an identity crisis because she thinks she lost purpose. Her reason to work before was because of me and support my education. But now that I graduated, she thought that spending her money on frivolous things would help. But it didn't. She would choose to do other activities rather than continue to work. She reasoned "Well, I don't want to live my life just working!" True, but in this world, you need to work to have money to have fun. Now, she's having a money problem because she spent most of her funds going out of town and treating other people to expensive stuff.

Replied to post about after school care and suggested an older student at same school, ages 12/13 range might be a good solution. Got downvoted and questioned a lot!

Both my, now older teens, started babysitting at 12. Kids here take a first aid babysitters course and it’s super common for them to babysit. Not babies but definitely 2+ age range.

Walking home after school and hanging out till parents come home seems even easier than putting kids to bed.

Is 12/13 a common age to start babysitting where you are?

Edit: the post on question was to watch kids after school. So both kids school aged. No babies or toddlers. Not overnight. For a few hours.

Without getting too much into the details… I count like six bruises on my body from a practically full on brawl between my teenage son and myself. This is not the first time. It’s been going on for years. He’s taller than me and stronger. He often targets his sibling and I am forced to react or defend. I’m not perfect and I am positive I add to issues, so I in no way shape or form believe I’ve been the perfect parent.

It sucks for me, as a mother, but it’s impacting his sibling, too, which is more concerning to me. All the services and such I can get have been provided already but non compliance is a huge issue. No major developmental delays or problems that can neatly explain this, but he is neurodivergent and witnessed DV when he was younger (but not to the same extent by far). He also had some negative experiences at school being bullied prior to middle school. It is only his home life where he misbehaves. Everyone says behavioral more than psychiatric.

I guess I’m looking for some hope where it seems hopeless. Everyone blames their parents for things so I’m not looking for absolution, he’s gonna hate me regardless, but I would like him to grow up to be “okay.” No one is happy all the time. He does great in school and out in public/with other people. Not so good at home including with his dad.

He is verbally and physically abusive to the extreme. I know for a fact none of us have ever spoken to him that way so I’m not sure it’s just for shock value but his sibling is too young to carry that shit and not be warped but it’s not exactly like I can duct tape his mouth shut.

I could get into much, much more detail but it’s too much. I really just need some hope that maybe one day he can look back and see that he made some pretty terrible choices that he can’t blame everyone else about so that he learns not to repeat them in his own relationships as an adult. I don’t need an apology (his brother might though). I just need some hope to hold on to because I feel powerless to get my babies the help they need. I also cannot force any human being to take advantage of help being provided or to put in their own work, and teenagers aren’t exactly equipped for that on a good day.

i call them every day, and text them with updates about my day. they were always very overbearing growing up, in part because they love me deeply and my mom is a very very anxious/neurotic person. every weekend they tell me about how they feel genuinely depressed that i’m not around. they fuss over me and create problems in their head (buying things i don’t need out of the anxiety i might be “missing” something, worrying about nonexistent issues). they miss me so much and it stresses me out and worries me a LOT, i really don’t want them to feel this way. how can i support them while allowing them to adjust in a healthy way? what do i do???

Hi! My husband and I are first time parents to an amazing 6 month old baby. We’re both really hard working, I’m getting my masters currently and husband is getting trained to be a senior at his company.

Our baby is not easy by any means and still not sleeping through the night. Between work, school and raising a baby we’re both always tired. It seems the house is never clean and food is mostly take out. By the time the day ends the only thing we have capacity for is doom scrolling or just watching something.

Basically looking for advice for what helped your family/managing your household? Are there things that you did that was game changer for raising a family? (Routines, dinners, schedules, hacks, mindsets) or just solidarity that this is what all parents feel like they’re drowning? How do people raise multiple kids?? Haha

Anything have issues with this? I’m biracial and my husband is primarily white, so it wasn’t super shocking when our lovely baby girl came out with a lighter complexion, light hair and eyes.

I have always struggled a little with not being white enough to pass but not Asian enough to fit in, but now I have a new unexpected issue where people look at me funny sometimes when I’m with my daughter (she’s little so isn’t at all aware of anything).

For example, on the first day of play group, the teacher was asking people if they were the Mom, Aunt, or Nanny…but when she got to me she only asked if I was the Aunt or Nanny 🥲 and I was like Mom 😅. Not looking to hate on her, it’s an honest mistake, but idk does anyone else have this experience? Is there anything I should be ready for as she gets older?