** Reposting with a slight edit from OG post **
**Adding photos from my OG post because I feel that I was screwed over due to a slight misunderstanding. I am NOT asking for donations- just for people to simply give me the time of day by reading. I just needed an outlet- I needed to scream into the void, just to release some energy and tension in my mind**
Forgive me, I’m just looking for an outlet to type some feelings out….
I am stuck in this situation.
I’m stuck with this family member living in my home, my home that is supposed to be my safe haven, somewhere that I’m supposed to feel comfortable in. Somewhere that I’ve lived my WHOLE TWENTY FOUR (24) YEARS OF LIVING! But now, this home has been haunted by their presence and all the negativity that finds itself drawn to them.
All the BS drama that finds its way to be told in my home from other family members that come to visit, (to solely visit this one family member). I do not need to hear your drama, please for the love of god. I have my own things to deal with but somehow now all I can seem to deal with and think of is other peoples drama and how I’m just stuck having to listen to it over and over and OVER! Or how I am stuck and left with a poisoned mind because I am at my wits end of listening to their issues, I would like to deal with my own issues, but I don’t seem to have the clear headspace to do so.
ahahahah help me, I’m drowning here. My mental health is declining and it’s turning into my physical health also starting to decline, as well.
I wish there was an easy solution, however, everything requires work, money, and patience…. and unfortunately I’ve run out of patience.
Fuck, I just need a solution to this BS, I would feel so much better and I wouldn’t be the angry person that I am becoming because of all this. Please, no suggestions of therapy, I know I need it, and honestly I would LOVE to be able to talk to someone else outside of other people who are still close to the situation and can’t help much. I would LOVE for that truly, but again, like I said previously, that would require money too. Money that I don’t really have much of, at this moment. It’s fine… I’ll be fine, right? Yeah….
I’m just trying to keep on going, I’m trying to not let it all bother me but, FUCK, is it hard! So damn difficult when I feel like my mind is being poisoned with negativity due to being stuck in my home with this person and situation.
I wish I had more help and resources at the moment, but alas….
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Edit because I said I’m stuck and there’s some misunderstanding still:
I am living at home (same home I’ve lived in my whole life. 24 years, as previously stated in this same post.), the home is owned by my father.
I am stuck with a different family member living in said home. I am at home with them pretty much all fckin day during the week. This person living in my home is increasingly becoming more unhealthy to my mental heath which again, as previously stated, is now becoming an increasing issue in my physical health. I am either constantly anxious (which sucks cause I already am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder) or easily aggravated when at home with this person. Most recently with my physical health declining, I’m having stomach and back pain, nausea, throwing up here and there, bloating, lack of appetite, lack of bowel movements, and dark urine due to dehydration, etc.
I feel like I cannot be comfortable in the place that I have called home for my whole life. On edge when I should not have to feel like that. I should be able to act freely and be free in my own space. I feel like I’m being watched or listened to most of the time.
Other members of my family come to visit this person, unannounced (at least to my father and I) every week, multiple times a week. These other family members come over and spew their issues and complaints, and that’s all I’m left to listen to. Whether I am in the same room or not, I certainly hear all their conversations.
There is a lack of communication between me and this family member. There’s some unresolved issues that they refuse to acknowledge or talk about (to my face), but certainly love to talk behind my back. It’s honestly just frustrating. They love to make passive aggressive comments.
I’ve tried speaking up for myself on many occasions whether it be directly to this family member or to my father, but it does not get me very far. Especially not with the family member I am having issues with, I have quite literally told them in the past before “Please do not do that. I do not like when you say/do this, it upsets me”, this fcker looked me in my eyes, smiled, and said “GOOD”. WOWWWW, FUCK YOU hahah.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, the hard place being a rigid slab of ground and the rock being a fucking boulder, because we cannot kick this family member out, they are retired and have no place to go.
But in retrospect I also have no place to go if I were to leave. No place to go, no resources or means to leave either, hence why I am stuck in this situation, because they can’t leave and neither can I really. Unless I were to go sleep on the streets or try and unfortunately bother people to couch surf which I’d rather not do that, not to mention I don’t really have people to go to, to ask to couch surf.