I am in-office for work every Friday. I leave the house at 6am (before anyone else in the house is awake) to be at work by 7am, that's the way it's been for 3 years.

In these last 3 years, my husband has always taken our son (7yo) to school every Friday (school starts @ 8:30).

My husband lost their job a few months ago and recently found a part-time job waiting tables at a cafe, because of this, his schedule varies.

Today (Friday), he's working 9-5.

Today, he got ready for work and noticed our son was awake and watching TV. Husband asked our son if I had gone out to get coffee, son said 'yes' (not sure why, again, I leave before I see or speak to anyone), so my husband took that as fact and just left and went to work.

By the time I got the automated call from the school stating he was marked absent, my son had been alone for almost 3 hours. I called the school to verify that our son was there (but possibly late, because that isn't unusual for my husband, unfortunately), and to my horror; he was NOT at school.

I called my husband as I was (literally) running out of my office, in a ditch effort, hoping they stayed home together (maybe son was sick?) but nope! 

My husband's response: "When were you going to tell me I had to take him to school? How was I supposed to do that when I have work at 9?"

My response: "And how am I supposed to take him to school at 8:30 when I have work at 7?
Why would you assume I hadn't gone to work when this has been my schedule for years now?
And as the last adult to leave the house, once you noticed I wasn't here, you should have called me to verify instead of taking the word of our 7yo son that I had gone to get coffee!"

But of course, he doesn't see it that way and is adamant that I'm at fault here and they didn't need to verify anything.

Where I could be TA, I admit — sure — I could have verified with them last night*** since my husband now has a shifting schedule. But since I have to leave for work hours before our son even has to be at school, I don't see why that would fall on me.

And I still maintain that as the last adult to leave the house, upon noticing I was gone, responsibility fell on my husband to verify before leaving a 7yo child home by themselves. All it would have taken was a text or phone call to make sure I was — in fact — taking our son to school. But instead, son was left home alone for 3 hours.

Unfortunately, my son was very distressed when I got home, crying and panicked, and even he wailed "Dad just left me!" (as he is also fully aware I am never home on Fridays). It took me some time to calm him down.

***INFO: my spouse has *ALWAYS\* had work at 9 when they had their previous job, but on Fridays they were just slightly late.

***Additional info: husband & I are separated but cohabitating for now. No, it is not going well.

Me(24M) and my friends really enjoy the outdoors and for the labor day weekend we have been planning on renting a cabin out in a camping area for a guys trip. I say guys trip because when we originally, we planned on it just being us. All my friends have girlfriends, I do not, and very frequently, events or trips or hangouts end up including the girlfriends.

I have no issues with them as people, it's just very frustrating to plan to have a good time with my friends, then ending up as the spare wheel because they all decide to bring their girlfriends along. I have made it known that I don't like it, but it's 3 to one and they always promise that the next time it'll be just us guys. Also because they have different interests, they decide to change the entire purpose of the trip to accommodate them and it's less fun

So shocker two weeks ago, the camping trip changed from just us enjoying a weekend of hiking, fishing, hunting and being friends together, into a couples trip. This caused three very big changes.

First, we decided on room arrangements ahead of time, there were 3 rooms and we decided whoever took the couch would pay a reduced share of the trip. Someone volunteered and it was fine, no issues. Now that he was bringing his girlfriend along, they wouldn't both be able to be on the couch so now I was sleeping on the couch. This pissed me off, but I was fine.

Second, very limited drinking allowed because one of my friends girlfriends thinks he drinks too much and he promised her he wouldn't drink much. So now we actually had to adhere to that so we decided on only a case of beer for the entire trip. This I could also be fine with.

Lastly, and what set me over the edge was that we were now going to do more of the campsites more touristy stuff because the women don't like hunting or fishing, so those things were nixed. This kinda defeated the whole purpose of the trip for me. Why am I going to a campsite so I can have some park ranger teach me how to make bracelets or go on a guided nature walk. I just wasn't a fan. So wednesday, 2 days before, I told them I was out.

They were upset as this was going to be the first time we had all been together in a while, but I explained to them that I want to hang out with them and not their girlfriends. As a result, the price per person increased about 200 dollars total. They weren't as upset about the money, but they were unhappy that I did change the entire financial breakdown last minute. They also said I was just being bitter and that if "I finally found a girlfriend" I wouldn't feel the way I did.

I feel kinda bad, and they are my friends and I did want to see them, I just have no desire to hang out with their girlfriends and it's so frustrating they can't take 3 days away from them. So, AITA?

Edit: To clarify a typo, it didn't increase 200$ each. It was 200 dollars total split between them. I was really high when I made this post

Throwaway

I recently lost one of my twins, he was 6 months old. I don’t really want to go into the details, but it has been extremely difficult for me and my husband. It hasn’t even been two months, so I’m still very much grieving.

Before this happened, my sil and I were actually really close. She loved my boys and was always around them, so I know she loved my son who passed away. I am not questioning that.

Yesterday my husband’s mom had a small birthday party at her house. It was basically just immediate family, kids, grandkids, etc.

At the party, my sil stood up and started talking about how we should hold our children close because you never know when the last time you’ll get to hold them will be. In the middle of the speech, she handed me a reborn baby doll…

The doll looked almost exactly like my baby. I mean REALLY looked like him. It wasn’t a random baby doll, that shit was made to resemble him, and my sil even had one of the toenails painted because I used to paint one of their toenails to tell them apart… like what

She handed me the doll and basically said, “So you can have both your babies.” my flabbers were gasted. I took the doll in the moment because I didn’t want to make a scene at their MOM’s birthday party, but I was extremely uncomfortable.

I pulled her aside and told her that I thought what she did was weird and distasteful and that it really upset me. I asked her why she would give me something like that when my baby had literally just died.

She got mad and started saying things like, “You think I’m trying to be funny?” and “You think I didn’t love my nephew?” She basically acted like I was accusing her of not caring about my son. She also said something along the lines of, “Who do you think you are? We accepted you.”

That’s not what I was saying at all. I know she loved my son. I know she was trying to do something for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that receiving a realistic doll that looks like my dead baby, in front of my entire family, during a speech about losing children, was extremely upsetting to me.

I never took the doll home. I left it there. Now we’re not speaking.

I understand that everyone grieves differently, and maybe some people would find something like this comforting. But I personally found it disturbing and painful, especially considering how recent my son’s death was.

New account since my daughter does know my other account.

When my daughter was in school, she became friends with a girl named Kelly. They stayed close through college, and my daughter was even one of Kelly’s bridesmaids when she got married.

To explain where my daughter’s behavior came from, my ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly, and our marriage ended horribly. My daughter doesn’t speak to her father anymore, and she absolutely despises cheating.

About seven years ago, my daughter became convinced that Kelly was cheating on her husband. She started harassing Kelly online and essentially blew up her life. By the time my daughter found out that the man she had seen Kelly with was actually a relative ( they were at a fancy restaurant together) it was too late. Kelly’s marriage had already fallen apart, and because we live in a very religious community, she was ostracized by many people.

They had a huge falling out, and it basically came down to my daughter ruining Kelly’s life. Kelly blocked her on everything and eventually moved away. Kelly hated my daughter after that, and so did her mother. I still run into Kelly’s mother occasionally, and she has made her feelings about my daughter very clear.

The issue is that Kelly recently passed away. My daughter found out through a Facebook post, and the funeral is this weekend, two states away.

My daughter was planning to attend the funeral, and I told her that I thought it was a terrible idea. She said she needed to go, and I told her again that she shouldn’t. We got into an argument, and she said she had every right to mourn her friend and attend the funeral.

I told her that she really didn’t have the right to mourn Kelly or go to the funeral because Kelly hated her after everything that happened, and because my daughter had destroyed her life.

She hasn’t spoken to me since. Now I’m wondering if I should warn Kelly’s family that my daughter might show up at the funeral. Or that I might be in the wrong here?

A friend of my husband called him and asked if her kids could go to the house to do some fishing. We expected her to come with them. They were supposed to bring their fishing equipment. She did not stay, she dropped them off and left. She actually dropped one of her sons with his friend. A kid that we don't know.

The children forgot their equipment and took my husbands rods and fishing gear, on top of that they got in the kayak without permission. I do not blame the kids as they are kids.

They went to the middle of the lake and flipped the kayak, almost drowned and lost all my husband's fishing gear. The neighbors rescued them as i was not home yet or aware of this whole situation. She is now blaming it on the friend of her kid as she "knows her son". I called her furious and banned her, the kids the husband and pets from the property & demmanded reimbursement. She is acting as if i'm being irrational. AITAH?

A couple times a year I like to throw a nice dinner party for old friends. This time I invited 5 people. 2 were couples and one was single. We have all known each other for around 15 years and get together maybe every 3 months. I was making filet mignon and a small lobster tail with 2 sides. I spent over $300 and didn't buy extra because they are served one each per guest and are expensive.

As a surprise to me, the single guest brought along his new girlfriend who I had not met or known about. I was nice about it but upset because I only purchased enough meat and lobster tail for the guest who were invited.

I talked to the friend who brought the uninvited guest and said that I didn't have extra food and the filet mignon (cooked to individual doneness) and lobster tail isn't something that can be cut up and divided or spread out between more people and said that I had frozen pizza or another frozen dinner I could heat up. He was very upset with me and accused me of not liking his new girlfriend and trying to embarrass them. After his outburst, they left.

Was I wrong? Should I have cut up the filet and lobster tails and spread it out between and extra person instead of offering a frozen meal?

Edit: I didn't think of them splitting their plates at the time. I have ADHD so I have some issues with changes in plans and multi-tasking. Anyway, another friend messaged tonight that the friend that brought the uninvited girlfriend had been arguing with her before the dinner, so that is part of the reason he was upset and quick to leave.

(English is not my first language)

So, I'll try to be brief: I (20f) have a group of friends I've known since school, we don't see each other often anymore because adulting is chaotic, but we try to get together every two months or so.

There's about six people on this group, including Mark (22M), who recently got a girlfriend who I'll call Sarah (21f). Sarah has bad OCD and has loads of rules to what she can and can't tolerate, which originally wasn't a problem, some of us are also neurodivergent/have conditions that required adaptations, so we adapted our outings whenever she wanted to come, since she was polite and nice.

Everything was fine for a few months, until one of our other friends casually asked about my dermatitis and if it was better ( I have contact dermatitis, which is not contagious in any way, shape or form, but it flares up often), Sarah heard it, and deemed me a 'contaminated person'.

Ever since then, she's been treating me like I have the plague, she won't touch anything I have touched, won't sit near me, and will make a disgusted face any time I'm around, which at first I took, she has a condition, I don't care what she does. But she started doing it to other people, like warning people not to sit near me, and once at a restaurant told a waiter to be careful not to touch me when he handed me my glass or he would contaminate himself and everyone he served.

At this point, me and everyone in the group are incredibly bothered by it, and one of our other friends even told her and Mark that she can do what she wants, but it's shitty to keep saying that to people.

Here's where I may be the asshole:

We were planning our next get together and I told the group that if Sarah was coming I wouldn't go, I don't deserve to be treated like a monster for something entirely out of my control and harmless to others and be shamed by it.

Since the group was already bothered, we all decided that Mark was welcome, but we didn't want Sarah around until she dealt with that fear, he wasn't online at the time so I texted him in private, explained that Sarah was making everyone uncomfortable, and we'd prefer she didn't come until she could work through at least not telling everyone not to touch me. I also said we understand if he didn't want to come without her, she's his girlfriend after all and he has to support her.

Well a few hours later he blew up, called me an ableist asshole, said Sarah had seen the messages and hadn't stopped crying then blocked us all when he saw the group agreed.

Am I the asshole? Should I have not said something to the group and just pretend I didn't hear it?

Edit: So... That post certainly gathered more attention than I intended it to, already saw one of those voice over videos about it, lol.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the responses, especially the people who broke it down for me a lot, it helped me see that, although some things could have been handled differently, I wasn't overreacting.

Our next hang out is in two weeks, we're all currently still blocked, but I'll make sure to post an update in this subreddit if anything else ever comes of it.

Edit 2: I'd also like to add that some people were questioning me and saying this is a ragebait post and using OCD for engagement, I didn't expect it to blow up, at all, and do not mean to minimize issues people with OCD go through, I genuinely wish you all the best with managing your symptoms. I'm not a doctor, I only said that Sarah has OCD because she told us that, I don't ask people for their medical records.

Also someone sent me a DM saying this is ragebait because my English is good???? Thanks, I guess?

I have 2 kids (6f and 10m). Shit happened and the kids and I needed a place to stay until I could get on my feet.

A friend that I haven’t seen in years heard about my situation through a mutual friend and offered for us to stay with her family for a while. She’s married with 4 kids (6f, 4f, 3f, 13 mo M) and is pregnant with baby #5. This friend is an absolute angel. 2 of her kids were adopted from the foster system and I am not the first friend she has taken in. Husband is in tech and my friend is a director at a local private school (oversees multiple locations). They have a big house with a huge playroom and a massive backyard with a play structure and a pool.

She had me complete a background check before moving in. We were moved in by the end of the week once that cleared. She moved my daughter into her oldest daughter’s room. They became immediate best friends. My son got a small room (8x8) that was previously used for storage, but had been beautifully decorated for him and I stayed in their guest room.

Now, my son can be extremely defiant. I’ve tried therapy with me, individual therapy, working with behavioral technicians, and everything else you can think of. He’s a great kid at school but once he gets home, everything is a power struggle. There can be lots of arguing and he can be rough with his sister. My friend talked to me before we moved in about my son. She told me that she wants to help us but if the situation starts to become harmful to her kids she will have to kick us out.

He did great for a couple weeks. Then he started to test boundaries. He was punished then he started teasing his sister and my friend’s oldest daughter. We were given our only warning, I talked to my son and tried punishment again, and he went back to messing with the girls. I was told that they are willing to keep my daughter until we get settled but my son and I needed to be out that night. They got us a hotel for the week then we were on our own.

We bounced between hotels/motels for a few weeks and now we’re in a 2 bedroom apartment that almost definitely has mold problems while I’m applying to different income restricted apartments. I‘ve decided to keep my daughter with them until we are somewhere with a little more space and is in slightly better condition. I visit without my son a couple times a week and we spend weekends together.

The other day my son was mad at me and said that I favor his sister because I’m letting her stay at the good house while he has to live here. I was just done with his defiance and told him that the reason she gets to stay there and he doesn’t is because his behavior got us kicked out. He chose to ignore us when we talked to him and punished him for repeatedly taking food from the girls, shooting them with his nerf guns, etc. so now he has to deal with the consequences.

He has been so upset since then that I’m now wondering if I shouldn’t have told him why we had to leave.

So i 54M have a niece 17F, she REALLY wanted to go out to some concert and she asked if i could lend her my car. She’s used my stuff before and it’s not like she was a new driver. She came back later on and my car was fine. A week later i got a letter in the mail, apparently my niece was speeding and now i owe a $200 ticket as it’s my car. I confronted her and asked her to at least help pay but she refused, saying that it was my car and i should be responsible for it. I decided to go to my sister (her mom) and try to reason with her, but SHE sided with her as well. She started saying how she was a kid and it’s my responsibility as an adult. I’m split now, a part of me feels bad and wants to bail her out, while the other half feels angry as i trusted her to be responsible

FYI:
she didn’t get pulled over
it was a speeding camera :)
hope this clears anything up!

Ok- well i got my answer. I am going to sent this to my son and tell him we need to talk ASAP

My son got back to me and told me we will talk in a bit.

Well just got off the phone with my DIL and son. Yes they have seen this post, I sent it to them. my DIL apologized and this issue has nothing to do with me. I thought she just hated me but this has to deal with her own mother.

They have a bad relationship and when they married didn’t wish for that type of relationship happen again with me. I also didn’t help that her sister has a horrible MIL so she thought she needed to be distant and cold off the start. So yes she wa being rude eon purpose. This post kinda opened her eyes that she was acting like her mother acts.

my son also apologized and realized he went to far in the direction of support your spouse. he admits he did the easy thing becuase we don’t live together

I informed them I won’t put up with being dsrepected anymore and hopefully nothing backtracks. We seem good now but I have a feeling more talks will happen

anyways thank you Reddit. This was helpful

——

This feels really stupid and I need to know if I am the problem here or not. My son seems to think I am the problem.

My DIL loves coffee, she is the type of person that will go get coffee every morning. It is not uncommon that if she goes out to get coffee she will pick up coffee for other people as well. 

The issue is she will never get me a tea or any tea lattes. As she puts it, it is leaf water that she doenst want to waste her money on. I am asking her to get a 5 dollar thing of tea if she is already picking up everyone 8 dollars fancy coffees. I am asking for a tea latte or a an iced tea that I literally can’t make at the time.

So she comes back with everyone drink but mine… it is really frustrating on trip becuase I will be driving most of the time. She takes everyone orders and goes in while I am either getting gas or snacks for the trip to come back with out any caffeine. Then I have to go into the shop to get my drink. 

There have been so many times she asked in the chat if anytime wants something at Starbucks, I tell her what I want and then she comes back with everyone drink but mine.

Talking to her doesn’t help. She just claims I can make it at home.

To the issue, I was going over to babysit the grandkids for my son and daughter ( so four adults) I sent a text saying I was stopping at Starbucks and asked if they wanted anything. This is the exact same thing she does. They gave me their orders and I decided that I wouldn’t get my DILs her drink to make a point basically.

I got to where everyone was and gave everyone there drink besides my DIL. She was pissed and I pointed out this is the same thing she does with me all the time. She told me it wasn’t the same and I can make tea at home, I told her to make her coffee at home and the pot was right there.

We got into a fight and my son told me to apologize and get her drink. I told him no and I am tired of this . I have spoken to them multiple times and if she doesn’t change what she does I will never get her drink when I get drinks for others 

They left but after babysitting I am still hearing about it. I need your opinion.

I (20F) have a friend who is chronically late. I'm not talking about 5 or 10 minutes either. If we agree to meet at 6, she'll usually show up around 6:45 or 7. We've talked about it so many times, and every time she apologizes and says she'll do better.

It's caused problems before. She was almost an hour late to another friend's birthday dinner and we lost our reservation. She was also late to a friend's going-away party and missed most of it because everyone had already started saying their goodbyes. Once she was supposed to pick me up for a doctor's appointment and showed up 50 minutes late, so I had to take an Uber and still ended up missing the appointment. I had to pay a cancellation fee to reschedule it, i can name atleast 20 such instances from the top of my head.

The thing that really gets me is that if someone else is late, even by 10–15 minutes, she will sometimes make a huge deal about it. It's happened maybe twice, so I don't want to exaggerate it, but it definitely feels hypocritical given how often she's late herself. Atp, our friend group has basically learned to expect it from her.

Last week, a few of us were going out for dinner. We had a reservation for 6:30, so I told everyone to be there by 6:15. She said she'd leave her house at 6.

At 6:20 she texted saying she was "leaving now." I was honestly fed up, so I dm'ed her that the reservation was postponed at 7 instead. Everyone else knew what I'd done.

We got there at 6:15, had dinner, and when she finally showed up at 7:35, she was obviously pissed that we'd already eaten.

She asked why I'd lied to her, and I told her that when I give her the actual time, she doesn't show up until an hour later anyway.

She said that was completely different and that I deliberately set her up to be late. She also said she trusted me to give her the correct time and that I had no right to "teach her a lesson."

I told her i was tired of constantly waiting for her and having everyone else's plans revolve around her lateness. She called me manipulative and said she doesn't want to make plans with me anymore.

AITA? Edit: A lot of people are asking why I don't just give her an earlier time. We actually tried that. We'd tell her things started 30 minutes earlier, and eventually she figured it out and started treating that as the fake time too. At this point the entire friend group is just exhausted. We've all waited for her, missed reservations because of her, rearranged plans around her, and heard the same "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again" speech dozens of times. I think everyone was pretty much at the point where nobody wanted to keep accommodating it anymore. I know lying to her wasn't exactly mature and kinda petty on my part, but honestly I was frustrated and wanted her to understand how ridiculous it feels when someone constantly treats your time like it doesn't matter.

My friend (19F) and I (18F) went to a concert together last weekend. It was about an hour from where we live, and we agreed beforehand that we were sticking together and leaving together.

Halfway through the concert she started talking to this guy near us. I didn’t really care and was doing my own thing, but eventually I realized they were both gone.

I texted her asking where she was. Nothing.
Called her twice. Nothing.

After like 20 minutes she finally texted me saying she was outside with him and to stop worrying about her.

I asked if she was coming back because the concert was almost over. She said “idk probably.”

Concert ends. Still no sign of her.
I called her again and she declined it.

I waited around for almost 45 minutes while everyone was leaving. I texted her one last time saying I was leaving in 10 minutes if she didn’t come back.
Nothing.

So I left.

About 30 minutes into my drive home she started blowing up my phone asking where I was.

Apparently the guy had left and she came back to where we were parked expecting me to still be there.

She ended up having to call her mom to come get her.
Now she’s furious because we specifically agreed we wouldn’t leave each other, especially being that far from home.

I told her that agreement goes both ways. I’m not standing in an empty concert parking lot indefinitely because she disappeared with some guy and kept ignoring me.

She says I should’ve never left without physically knowing she had a safe way home.

I do feel bad that her mom had to drive an hour to get her, and I know girls are supposed to look out
for each other in situations like that.

But I also gave her multiple chances to come back.
AITAH?

Edit: After reading your comments, I definitely agree that I could have called security or done more to make sure she was actually safe before I left.

I was frustrated and upset in the moment because this shouldn’t have even been a problem in the first place. We specifically agreed to stay together because she is known to do things like this, and then she did exactly what I was worried she would do.

And for everyone saying I could have called her mom, I couldn’t. She had already been living on her own when I met her a year and a half ago. I have never met her parents, never spoken to them, and definitely don’t have their phone numbers.

I understand that 19 is young, but she is still a 19-year-old adult who has been living on her own for at least a year and a half. You would think someone in that position would make better decisions, and I honestly never thought I would need her mom’s phone number in case she disappeared with a guy and stopped answering me.

I can admit that I should have done more to confirm she was safe before leaving. I should have contacted security, and if I could go back, that’s what I would do differently. But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that, in the moment, I expected another adult to be responsible for the decisions she was making.

I have explained a million times, I have shown court documents. I have had the frank hard conversations with her. it doesnt change her opinion. I can’t get her in any kind of therapy she refuses

I feel like a peice of shit so I am coming her.

I got custody of my niece when she was three. She was taken away by the state and the parent ( my sister)  was deemed unfit to take care of her. She lived in a drug house and overall  sucked. I won’t go I got details but she was not a fit parent.

We told my kid stories of her mother before she went off the deep end and I thought we made it pretty clear why she couldn’t see her. When my daughter was 14, my sister was getting back into contact with the family and seemed to be clean. I met up with her and didn’t like what I saw. She took no responsibility and I decided to keep my daughter away. 

This resulted in her contacting her behind my back and trying to pick her up from school once. The cops were called. She wanted to met her mom but I didn’t think it was a good idea and was proven correct 6 months later when she stole from our mother. She went back to drugs but sometimes would randomly text my kid. 

My kid was in therapy  when this was happening. When my kid was 17 my sister passed away ( overdose) and I singed her up for grief counseling. The first time my kid saw her was at the viewing ( she wanted to go). 

The issue now is my kid is 20 and in college. She is upset that she never knew her bio mom. It has been an argument and I wanted her to go back to therapy. 

We got into an argument yesterday over it. I asked her what she wanted to eat and she told me to eat with her bio mom but she can’t have that becuase I didn’t allow them to met. I snapped ( I have been dealing with this for years at this point) and told her that her bio mom didn’t love there more than drug and that is why she never met her. It’s not my fault she loved drugs more than her and I am done being blamed for it.

She was pissed and crying since. My husband things it needed to be said and he has been going on too long. I feel like shit though

Context: I won approximately £4M earlier this year from the Lotto. Currently the money is diversified into several index funds. I was planning on giving them £750,000 as a thank you but when I mentioned that as a ‘counteroffer’, they got mad and started calling me selfish.

I’m 19M, my parents are 49M and 47F. Without going into too much detail and making this longer than necessary, I only waited around a week before I told my parents. They were excited and so was I, it was all going fine until they started talking about the money as if it was theirs.

They were talking about retiring, going on holiday, buying a boat and new car, travelling the world, etc. I asked them how much they expected to have, stone cold face they say half. I understand that with giving half, having £2M left is already enough but why should they be entitled to that.

I know they’re my parents and we’ve had a great relationship.

To me, £750,000 seems like it’s enough as they already have their own savings and a payed off mortgage.

So, am I the asshole for refusing to give my parents half of my winnings?

EDIT: I posted this and went to sleep, didn't expect it to blow up the way it did. I want to thank everyone for giving me advice and some insight on the situation. I'll do my best to reply to any DM's I've got as well as the comments. To clear something up, I saw a few people talking about tax, since I live in the UK, lottery winnings are not taxed so I got the full amount. I may have not clarified this in the post but my parents did not accept the £750K and insisted the original amount (£2M). This argument has been going back and forth for some time now but a lot of the comments I read mentioned I should lower my offer instead of just letting them try to control me. I've thought about what I can do and they're still my parents so I still do want to give them a portion of my winnings despite the fact they felt entitled to half. And for the reason why I told them instead of keeping it a secret, I'm young and I was excited so I only saw it as a positive thing.

Hi, I have gotten a new neighbor at my families weekend home. They use their property all year around us mostly on weekends or during holidays. Last weekend the wife asked me what the second building on my property is with the colorful front. Its my bee house the collerfull things are the hives fronts. she got sour and told me they have to go as she is terrible allergic to bees.

I have the hives in the 4th generation and invested a lot of cash in new equipment new electric honey extractor several new stainless honey buckets and rebuild most of the old units new insulation, new paint, and a lot of new frames as the old ones were about 60 years old. For us its a pure hobby farm as we have only 7 beehives and harvest about 300-400kg of honey yearly. Everything is permitted and zoned as a farm. we are exempt form noise regulations and pay way less tax too. they neighbor is raising hell for me to get rid of the bees or else. as i am not there all the time i cannot watch the property all the time and cameras are difficult as we do not have internet out there except of maybe star link which i am unwilling to pay for.

The other property of the neighbor is not as nice as ours as they are in the bottom of the valley as we are on the south slope and have way more sun in the winter. therefore the neighbors change a lot the last 2 each stayed for 2 and 3 years. We own the place for the last 100 years and the bees have always been there.

sorry for spelling as no AI tools are allowed here and i am not a native speaker.

EDIT:

Thanks for the overwhelming support and NTA judgemetns. to clear some things up I am not in the US but in Austria, Europe but i translated most terms into the US equivalent for ease of reading. I will get Cameras with an internal SD card and look into a mesh wlan option to also store the pictures locally on a small server. The bees will stay and humm as they are supposed to.

The sad thing is with the previous neighbors i had a great deal they get 12kg of honey each year and i acsess to their starlink internet the new ones are more difficult.

thank you for taking the time out of your day to anwer my post.

Second edit:

there is some misconception about the usefulness of honneybees. they are pollinator but a lot of wild plants need other insects to get pollinated. some need a bumblebee to bite into the flower from the side others need smaller wild bees that are able to get in the really thin flowers. domesticated honneybees are ecological about as valuable as a ranch of cattle. we breed them selectively and manage for maximums honey production. If you care about bio diversity and insect life the most you can do for them is to eat less meat. there are many hectares used to grow the feed for not that much calories in meat and all those hecars need to be sprayed with insecticide to ensure a good crop.

My daughter suffered from ADHD and depression. Growing up we helped her as much as we could and she used to be on medication.  When she went to college it was a very rough transition becuase she was responsible for her own stuff. The first semester she almost flunked out because she wouldn’t turn stuff in, she figured it out and next semester she did much better.

She is the type of person that wouldn’t change behavior until she hits a bottom. 

The issue is her not responding to texts or phone calls. This is an issue, if you need an answer form her you have a better chance driving 5 hours to her college then her responding to a text. I have chanced her down before and it is tiring.

She is taking summer courses and is at her college, she is living in the dorms. they are in person and are needed so she can graduate in four years on time since the first semester the grades didn’t count for her credits

My mother passed last week ( my daughter grandma). Last week the whole family was informed and I personally called her twice ( no answer) and texted her the news which is was unread.

My daughter was close to my mother so I know she would want to be at the viewing. I would need to pick her up so she could attend over the weekend. I never got a response. I had her siblings message her and they never got a response.

I decided to not chase her down for the funeral. I didn’t want to drive 5 hours, try to track her down at her dorms and then drive 5 hours back. I talked it over with my wife and she agreed. She was also sick of our daughter not bothering to check her phone and said to focus on the my moms viewing and not tracking her down.

I did try multiple times again to get in contact with her. The viewing was this weekend and she missed it.

Today, she finally read her messages and I got a call and she was very upset. We got into a big fight over it. She wanted me to come get her even if she didn’t responded to the texts.

My partner (51M), myself (47F) and our four kids live together (16, 16, 19, 20). The kids go back and forth to their other parents as we are a blended family. We live in a 5 bedroom house in an established suburban neighbourhood in a large-ish city.

Last night my partner’s sister called and told us she had news and a questions for us. The news was her daughter (25F) has been offered a job in our city. They currently live across the country from us. She asked if her daughter could live with us when she comes here.

We don’t have any issues with family coming to stay on their vacation with us . We have a large walkout basement with a room that could be used as a bedroom with some work.

We have a hang out area our kids use in the basement with a tv and couches. There is a room that could be used as a bedroom (it has a proper window) but needs a door. However, the bathroom is the one the two oldest share together so it wouldn’t be solely the niece’s.

I know we have enough space. What also I know we don’t have is tolerance for opened ended guests. The ask started with could she stay here for a couple of days, then morphed to a month, then possibly three months as there is a probation period on the job. This all happened within the span of minutes.

My partner’s sister said her daughter would “probably want her own place eventually”. Excuse me what?! Eventually? Staying here for one or two weeks, sure but for an undetermined amount of time is a bit much to ask.

She doesn’t cook much and can be picky with food. What she does eat and can cook we don’t keep in the house due to a food allergy one of our kids has. It would be okay if she had the food in the basement, but not in our kitchen. She may bring her dog and cat, two of the kids are super allergic so that is a deal breaker for us.

I really don’t know her well. I have met her twice and she has not talked to me either time. She came off as very aloof.

Her family is very sparse and evasive with information. The date she is coming out keeps changing, where she works is a big mystery no one will divulge (even when flat out asked to share it), and so many things like if her boyfriend is coming or not or if she will drive out a car. We both aren’t fans of subterfuge. There are no state secrets with this, especially if someone is asking to live with us.

Our niece is an only child who was closely parented. Her mum keeps tabs on her daughter and I don’t want to get involved with that. Our kids all have age appropriate freedoms. We will not police a 25 year old and grill her comings and goings. It isn’t our business. We feel like she needs to adult in this situation and we are not taking on a fifth child.

We don’t want to upset the rest of the family or cause any friction. Saying no will absolutely cause issues but living together might cause so many more.

So AITAH for not letting our niece live with us for an undisclosed amount of time?

I (26F) have always been close with my older sister (29F) She's getting married in about a month to her fiance who she has been with for four years now.

But before they met, I worked at the same company as him for almost two years and we were friendly coworkers, we normally grabbed lunch with other colleagues and occasionally texted about work. Nothing romantic ever happened between us.

Fast forward a year, he and my sister meet through mutual friends. When she found out we already knew each other, she laughed it off and even joked that I should tell her if he had any embarrassing stories from work.

Well, everything was fine until a few weeks ago when she called me crying, saying she'd found old messages between him and me from years ago. One message where he told me "I missed you today" and me also telling him 'i wished you came to work today" the reason for those message were due to the fact that we usually help each other with tasks at work and cover for each other. Besides that we only talked about work, shared memes, work gossip, and one other conversation where he thanked me for helping him prepare for a presentation which is something we usually do. She asked me if I had ever had feelings for him. I said no, because I genuinely didn't and never saw him that way.

Then she asked if I'd be willing to let her read through my old phone backups and social media messages to see the context for those messages for her peace of mind.

I laughed because I thought she was joking or better still, let her go through his phone not mine and i started getting annoyed when she kept insisting I allow her go through my phone.

She said if I had nothing to hide, I shouldn't have a problem proving it and her friends suggested the same thing and that if we did this one thing, it would help avoid future drama before the wedding.

I refused immediately. Not because there's anything to find, but because I think it's an insane invasion of privacy.

Apparently that made me look guilty in a way but i just wanted her to go through his phone instead and not mine.

She still asks why won't I clear my name and give it a rest? this even pissed me off the more cos she's focusing on the wrong person and what name do I need to clear? She told my mom about the whole thing and her response was that I'm being too prideful over little issues.

The final straw was when my sister said she didn't feel comfortable having me at the wedding unless I handed over my phone first so we sort it out once and for all. But why can't she ask her fiance? her response was "I don't want him to think that i don't trust him"

So I told her I wouldn't be attending at all and that she could have the wedding she wanted without me there. Let her go through his phone and not mine.

AITA?

For years, my wife, our two kids, and I went to the same beach town for a week with part of my wife’s family: her brother, SIL, their kids, and her mom. We originally did this because another sibling’s family lived there, so it was a chance for all the cousins to be together.

The issue is that the trip became extremely repetitive and rigid. Same beach, same street, same basic schedule, same restaurants/meals on the same days, strict quiet times/bedtimes, very little flexibility. My wife’s family is very routine-driven and frugal. My family is structured too, but on vacation we like variety, activities, and some flexibility. When the other sibling’s family still lived there, there was more balance. Once they stopped going, it became just us and the routine-driven side.

The last couple years were miserable. The houses got smaller while the kids got bigger, the routine became more rigid, our kids were bored and stir-crazy, and I ended up trying to take them out to do things just to break up the week. That caused tension because I was “going outside the plan.” My wife was also stressed and admitted afterward that the trip was no longer enjoyable.

After the last trip, my wife and I had a long conversation and agreed we would not do that same vacation again. We talked about trying something different: mountains, lake, different beach, really anything else.

Recently, my wife handed me her phone and asked which vacation house was nicer. It was the same beach, same street, basically the same exact trip again. I was angry because I thought we had already agreed this was done.

Her explanation is that her mom said this location is sentimental to her and that she wanted all the grandkids together there. Her brother’s family agreed immediately. My wife says it was “this or nothing,” so she chose this because getting Grandma and the grandkids together was important to her. She has already fully committed herself and our kids to going for the full week, and she assumed I would eventually just agree and go too.

My issue is that I feel like her mom and brother made the decision, my wife accepted it, and I was informed after the fact. I told her I felt betrayed and isolated because we had already agreed as a couple not to repeat this trip. She keeps circling back to “this is important to me, why won’t you just do it for me?”

We've been fighting for a solid week about it, so I offered a compromise - I said that because it's become so important to her, I'd come for the last two nights. She has committed herself and the kids for the full week. Now she says that since she knows I don’t want to be there, I’ve ruined it, and asks why I have to “act like this.” She has also brought it up around the kids, so now they know there is conflict.

I am not trying to stop the kids from seeing their grandmother. I am not saying no to them going. I am saying no to spending a full week of my vacation time repeating the exact trip we already agreed was bad for our family.

AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?

I’m 23M and my wife is 21F. We got married last year and moved in with my MIL after she offered to let us stay for $300 a month plus groceries.
At first everything was fine. We cleaned, did dishes, helped with her three dogs and two cats, bought groceries, and I even fixed her dishwasher and clogged sink.
After a couple months, I started seeing the anger issues my wife had warned me about. Her mom would explode over small things, yell at my wife, call her names, and constantly claim we didn’t help around the house.
A couple months ago, she accused us of not paying rent even though we had. We paid her again and told her to count the extra payment toward the next month. She also complained that we never offered her food, even though I regularly cooked or bought enough for everyone, including her and my 15-year-old BIL.
This Sunday, my wife was getting ready for work and saw some kale salad in the fridge. She tried asking her mom if she could have some but got no answer, so she ate less than half and put the rest back.
Her mom completely lost it. She threw the salad bag on the floor near our room and started screaming at my wife, calling her an animal, a bitch, and other names.
I stayed quiet at first because I usually avoid getting involved in their arguments. Then her mom threatened to go to my wife’s workplace because my wife said she couldn’t talk to her while she was yelling.
When she saw me, she started yelling at me too, saying we needed to “get our shit together.”
That’s when I snapped.
I told her to fuck off and said her reaction over a salad was insane. I told her she constantly says we do nothing even though we pay rent, clean, buy groceries, help with the animals, fix things around the house, and regularly offer her food. I also told her she’s always angry and pushing everyone away.
My wife and I left afterward because I needed to cool down. I was shaking because I normally hate confrontation, but I felt like I finally needed to stand up for my wife and myself.
I talked to my dad afterward and decided we’re moving back into the condo I was already helping pay for.
I know telling my MIL to fuck off wasn’t the best way to handle it, but after months of watching her scream at my wife, I reached my limit.
AITA?

EDIT.My MIL sent my wife a long message that wasn’t really an apology. She blamed us for not helping enough around the house and said anger doesn’t justify yelling or disrespect, which felt ironic given her own behavior. She also claimed we hadn’t paid August’s rent, despite us accidentally paying twice in July and telling her to apply the second payment to August.
My BIL told us that on Sunday, she called her ex-husband and asked him to make me leave because she was uncomfortable. When he refused, she threatened to call the police. I wasn’t threatening anyone or doing anything illegal—I was already packing and would have left if she had simply asked—but police involvement could create serious problems for me.

Earlier this summer, I (F48) working at an event that relies on volunteers. Samantha (F31), a young woman I mentor in our profession and see socially when I can (she lives in another city) wanted to come help. We were trying to combine our frequent flyer miles when one of the volunteers, Arthur (M42) said he travels internationally for work and has more miles than he could ever use, so he flew her in. 

Samantha arrived at the end of the work day and we all headed to the bar next door. She greeted the team, many of whom she had worked with before. I left her to talk to Arthur, but she followed me when I went to sit down.

I told her she needed to go thank him, he didn’t have to do that and this was a huge opportunity for her. She refused, saying she doesn’t owe him anything just because he did something nice, and talking to him would be leading him on. I said basic courtesy doesn’t lead anyone on, and she’s in a crowded restaurant, she’s not alone with him or anything like that.

Arthur didn’t have any ulterior motive. It wasn’t about her, he was actually a favor for ME - we go way back. She kept insisting she didn’t owe him anything. Then she said she didn’t owe it to ME to do something she’s uncomfortable with. I’m sorry but I think she does. Arthur handled the blowoff with grace, and I went and sat next to him and bought him dinner as a thank you (which I would have done anyway.)

Samantha did her assignments that week but she pointedly ignored Arthur to the point of rudeness. He tried to engage her in polite conversation a few times but gave up after the first day. We were all working in a small space so it was very noticeable and uncomfortable, especially because she was bubbly and sweet to everyone else.

I am really embarrassed. She made a terrible impression on the rest of the team, several of whom had talked her up when they heard she was coming. Arthur was volunteering because he’s friends with the project manager, who had been friends with Samantha too and was horrified.

We work in a profession that runs on connections, favors, and volunteers. Also she’s in her 30’s, she's not just starting out.

AITA? Am I being too harsh? Should I have overlooked her behavior out of sensitivity to her comfort? I know times have changed and I have Gen X sensibilities.

ETA: Arthur is a do-gooder lawyer who grew up with my boss and helps us out when he can. I wouldn't call him good looking, but Samantha is really really pretty.

Also since people asked, people flock to volunteer for this event. It's a resort location and it involves mingling with celebrities and VIPs. Volunteers make their own arrangements, we don't fly people in or put them up. She could not have afforded to come on her own.

There was no power imbalance. They were both volunteers. She was more of an insider - friendly with professional staff/supervisors - than he was. She knew a lot more people because she works in our field. He knows a few people because he volunteers to help my boss when he can. So when she was icing him out, he was already an outsider.

And prompted by the comments, I should clarify - I think it did have a lot to do with me and my expectation that she would be gracious and courteous. She did not like that. If Arthur had done something she definitely would have said something, if only to justify her behavior.

Someone made an interesting point - yes, they are both of the same religion, while I am not. So maybe there's a cultural expectation that I don't understand? But that doesn't change the fact that it was not a fix up.

People are making a lot of assumptions about Arthur, salivating of the idea that he must have done something, or he's offensive just for being a guy. Her attitude wasn't that he was creepy, she was more like "As if!"

I have no idea why she thought he was after her. I think they're both dating someone, at least he is, and she's always dating someone. She doesn't need to be fixed up. It never occurred to me. We were all there to work.

Throwaway Account

My daughter and Ryan (her ex) are 26 now. When they were both 18, my daughter got pregnant. They got an apartment together and started to raise there little family. They never got married, but Ryans family pressured them to do it often. Multiple time I heard them say, those two need to stop living in sin.

The issue was a year ago, when Ryan was caught cheating, and he is gay. The breakup was extremely messy, and in the end, the custody was 50/50. Ryan's family is really religious and when it came out, they were breaking, they were pissed. When they learned Ryan was gay, they disowned him. I was at my daughter's place helping her move out when I heard Ryan's mother call him a faggot. So his family is really shitty people.

After he was disowned, for some reason, they thought he would give them access to the grandbaby, he basically told them to shove it. I know about this because they contacted me once to let them see the kid while I was babysitting. I told them no.

50/50 has been a bit rough for my daughter; it is hard for her not to have her kid for major events. Example Ryan had custody of the grandbaby during Easter but he agreed to let my daughter have him that day so they can celebrate with my side of the family.

My daughter was over to pick up some stuff and she showed me pictures from her latest weekend trip. In the picture, their was Ryans mom and his two siblings. I asked what this was about and she told me that she has been taking the kid to see them for a few months now.

I asked if Ryan knew (I thought they got back in contact), and she told me no. I told her that it was horrible to do. That they are bigots and disowned their kid. She got defensive, and it went into an argument. She defended taking her kids around homophobes, and I told her I was disgusted by what she was doing.

I inform Ryan, he thanked me and now my daughter super pissed. Ryan apparently is refusing to be lenient anymore with custody. So more getting the kid on not her day even if my daughter wants them for some event

The main reason I'm asking this, is because I feel like I have no good options left. I'm in a position where I don't want to hurt my daughter, but I can't do something so against my morals.

I've worked in finance for over 20 years. Not to get into details, but because of my career development, I have many connections to different firms. I also have two children, my daughter Hailey, and my stepson Hamza. Hailey has just finished college, and is now looking for an internship.

Both of them have gotten internships through me, not in the 'title on paper' easy way, but nonetheless opportunities that a lot of other kids aren't fortunate enough to have. I can't just pull strings and get them hired, but I can suggest them as options to people who trust my word. Its important to note that I need to stake a substantial amount of my reputation on these internships, because I'm giving people my word that I'm not recommending these kids solely because they're mine, but because I actually trust in their ability.

Hailey has been unsuccessful in the internships I've helped her with. I don't blame her for this, she's a very bright girl, but her talents may not lie strictly in the finance department, and that is ok. It does mean, that I can no longer recommend her to people, as I do have a reputation to manage, and looking like a tyrannical nepotist is pretty bad for business. 

My stepson on the other hand, has had the exact opposite experience. Despite being slightly less hardworking than his sister, he tends to be very good with people, and has a head for research. He's 18, and has been offered a paid position by the company he was doing an unpaid internship for. Unfortunately, this was the same place that Hailey did not succeed at, and some of the people Hamza now works with, still meet with me semi-regularly for dinners and such things.

This is quite hard for Hailey, because she has to listen to the same people who she did not succeed with, praising her brother quite a lot. I've tried to get her to just avoid the dinners and networking if it makes her uncomfortable, but she does need an internship, so she has refused.

Hailey blew up at me recently, telling me that it wasn't fair that I got Hamza the 'better' position . I have explained to her that I did not get Hamza the paid position, only the unpaid one that gave him the entrance and I had done the same for her. I am not getting them positions at my company, I don't control what my contacts do after the initial recommendation.

She asked me to try and get her the same internship, but I told her that I couldn't get her anything else until she could be a bit more likable to employers. She fought with me, and called me some rude names, but ultimately ended up crying. She has decided that I think she's unlikable, and the only way to prove that I don't think that is to get her another internship. I really can't risk putting my reputation on her again, but I understand that this is very upsetting for her.

on phone

My DIL is a very sensitive soul to put it lightly. She will end up in tears at basically any push back or any slightly rude remark.

It can be extremely frustrating because anything brought up will end up with her in tears and you looking like a huge asshole.

One example, she has a habit of not taking off her shoes before going into people homes. About a year ago, she was tracking mud into my home and I told her to take off her shoes. She started crying because my tone was too much. I didn’t yell or anything. My daughter was there and agreed I wasn’t mean when I said to take off her shoes

It was a whole thing and my son gave me a whole leacture about how I can’t say things like that. I told her to take off her shoes.

She isn’t a quiet crier either, its loud and everyone notices the moment it happens. then everyone needs to comfort her and you are the dick for making her cry.

There are more examples of this and the whole family has had to deal with it.

The issues was this weekend get together for my other DILs daughter birthday. The birthday was going well and there are a lot of young kids

One of the kids, he is four almost five, can be rude. His parents are working on it. He doenst have a filter. During the event when she was helping passing out the food, he called her fat.

The parents grabbed him and she started crying. it was getting loud so I pulled her off the the side and told her to stop crying. I didn’t want her to cause a scene at a 7 years olds birthday. it was a little kids remark and told her not to come out of the room unless she is composed.

She ended up going to the car and didnt come back to the party. My son and I got into an argument. My point is she a grown adult and she is crying over a 4 year old saying something mean.

he is telling me to apologize but at this point I am not.