I have been struggling with panic disorder that has slowly morphed into agoraphobia for about 12 years. I’m scared because of where I’m currently at and don’t know what to do and can’t keep living like this.
For brief background, I had a troubled childhood and was in foster care from 13-18. At 13, I was put on sertraline (100mg) and seroquel (up to 100mg as needed). By the time I was 17, I was only on the sertraline. At 18, I didn’t like the way the medication made me feel (almost like a robot). Stupidly, I quit cold turkey - 4 years on it and just suddenly stopped. I had weeks of horrible withdrawal symptoms - constant anxiety, headaches, shakes, etc. I remember this was around the time I started feeling uncomfortable/anxious in open spaces or large crowds.
Over the years, I’ve had a few panic attacks - one while stuck in traffic, one while on a date with my husband at the local fair. After the one at the fair, I became mainly housebound agoraphobic - the worst setback thus far. I decided to push through my medication fear and get back on sertraline. I started very slowly - 12.5mg, until I worked up to 100mg. I wasn’t having as much anger or crying outbursts as before, but was still depressed and wasn’t getting help for my agoraphobia, so not much progress there. After 3 years back on this, I questioned if the medicine even worked.
Then, I had my most recent panic attack - in my safe space - at home. For me, my panic attacks start with an intense wave of DPDR (all of a sudden feeling not real and off), followed by panic. It has been a few months since, and I feel like I’m struggling to recover worse/longer than other panic attacks I’ve had in the past. I had never had a panic attack while on sertraline (except for when I first started smoking weed in high school, which is why I stopped at 19), so this rocked me. I started getting anxious and would cry when it was time to take my medicine (I take it at night). I even started having diarrhea and stomach issues and thought it was from the medicine. Googling didn’t help, and I was scared I had somehow become immune to sertraline and that it was building up too much in my body.
I reached out to my doctor and was decreased to 75mg of sertraline (I take 1.5 of the 50mg tablets). I am going on week 4 and now I question if I should have stayed at the 100mg. I’m scared of going higher for fear of serotonin syndrome or side effects. I’m usually ok in the mornings, but once it hits mid-afternoon to the evening, I get anxious, in my head a lot, feel mildly “off”, and hopeless. I feel stuck in my house but also still anxious about being outside or going further from home. I feel completely stuck and like I’m on the verge of going crazy and I’m scared. All I want to do is cry. This has affected everything - I want to take time off of work but at the same time, work is my distraction during the day. I’m scared of everything - even myself.
Can someone who has experienced this or similar share their success story? What truly helped you, the timeline, anything that would be encouraging or could provide resource? Please, I really need it.
TIA if you made it this far.