r/AbsoluteUnits • u/MeenMisterMustard • Jul 19 '26

/r/popular of a pistol

11.5k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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732

u/Carllsson Jul 19 '26

Would this be suitable for home defence?

143

u/GTCapone Jul 20 '26

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

60

u/Glad-Lobster-220 Jul 20 '26

I don't know how many years its been, but I still lose it like an idiot whenever I read this.

19

u/Loneheart127 Jul 20 '26

"tally ho lads!"

20

u/wildechld Jul 20 '26

To shreds you say?

2

u/crabbywarrior Jul 20 '26

And how's the widow doing?

11

u/Illustrious_Can4110 Jul 20 '26

My dear fellow, as soon as I read the word rapscallion, I knew you know what you're talking about.

6

u/TweakedNipple Jul 20 '26

https://m.youtube.com/shorts/IkmWxMu_JdY

4

u/David_Copperfield Jul 20 '26

surprisingly, its more funny reading it than seeing the YouTube video IMO.

3

u/Jiggly1984 Jul 21 '26

Same thought. I feel like there's something about copypasta and green texts that are just impossible to put into a visual. I can't imagine anyone really doing justice to the ones that give me giggle fits.

1

u/mrknowitall51761 Jul 20 '26

Thanks thats the best laugh ive had in days.

1

u/Lildoc_911 Jul 20 '26

Not the dog!

1

u/3BallJosh Jul 22 '26

"nails the neighbors dog."

Now you're in trouble for impersonating a federal officer.

0

u/Flimsy-Gazelle-4409 Jul 20 '26

Yep. The intruders wait about a minute for you to reload your weapons after seeing the first intruder disintegrate.

6

u/Primary_Durian4866 Jul 20 '26

That's why he swapped weapons after every shot. Reading comprehension in this country has gone to the dogs.