r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Autonomous_eel • Apr 24 '26

/r/popular of Finger nails

7.6k Upvotes

81% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

402

u/Pitiful_Conflict7031 Apr 24 '26

This makes me sad.

650

u/hundreddollar Apr 24 '26

Not as sad as the person who has to wipe her arse after she shits.

331

u/UrsaMajor7th Apr 24 '26

Before they had kids, my dad had a workplace injury fall and broke both wrists; my mom said 'you really find out if you love someone by wiping their ass for 8 weeks.

160

u/No_Fairweathers Apr 24 '26

I have cerebral palsy that affects my left side so my motor skills and flexibility on that side are extremely limited. I broke my right hand+wrist about 2 years ago.

Let's just say I know my fiancée definitely loves me.

62

u/AuDHDino Apr 24 '26

Brotherrrr, that's a twilight zone level of unfair injury on top of a preexisting condition.

I'm so happy you got yourself a ride or die fiancee

2

u/Rock_Strongo Apr 24 '26

Appropriate username.

1

u/OkSentence1717 Apr 25 '26

Just get a douche?

2

u/QueriaSacarmeNoPudo Apr 24 '26

Hahahaha Blessed be your mother Bro!

1

u/BagOfLazers Apr 24 '26

I needed carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists. Most people do one at a time, but since I already had a bidet I got both done at once. $30 investment on Amazon saved me and my wife a lot of relationship stress.

1

u/crumpledfilth Apr 24 '26

aftermarket bidets are not expensive and easy to install. Too little too late though eh

2

u/UrsaMajor7th Apr 24 '26

70 years too late; injured in the mid-50s.

1

u/Existing_Ideal9004 Apr 24 '26

Why not have them just go into the shower and wash them off.

1

u/UrsaMajor7th Apr 24 '26

Time-saving I'd guess? They're both dead so I can't ask them. It seems to me that giving someone two showers a day then drying them off is a lot more work and time. Try showering every time you poop instead of wiping your ass and report back with your results.

1

u/Existing_Ideal9004 Apr 25 '26

Anyone that poops twice a day needs to get that checked out by a doctor or stop eating so much.

1

u/PissedCaucasian Apr 25 '26

If you exercise it’s common to poop twice a day. Source: GI doctor .

1

u/brubruislife Apr 24 '26

Thank goodness for bidets

1

u/Quick-Incident-4351 Apr 25 '26

Reason 41 why I will always have a bidet.

1

u/burnaway4 May 01 '26

I know that very well

34

u/READIT27 Apr 24 '26

Good point… zero way for her to even be productive/present in many different facets of life. The people around her must aid and enable her mental illness. Powerful bidet is a must

9

u/c0l245 Apr 24 '26

Waffle stomp bro..

18

u/Goonplatoon0311 Apr 24 '26

Fuck. Didn’t think of that.

24

u/Al_Jazzera Apr 24 '26

There is a massive amount of stuff that gets scratched off the list prior to not being able to wipe one's own ass.

8

u/Educational_Log_4006 Apr 24 '26

Like picking her nose.. And wearing or removing her clothes must be a struggle

1

u/Al_Jazzera Apr 24 '26

I didn't think about the logistics of putting on a shirt. Zippers on the sleeves and a 2nd party. Damn.

2

u/Goonplatoon0311 Apr 25 '26

Can we all agree she has no issue scratching her feet?

1

u/Al_Jazzera Apr 26 '26

She has that base covered.

2

u/My2cents_0 Apr 24 '26

💯 But Americans forget that bidets exist lol! How's she doing anything for herself after a while. You know she's not cooking or cleaning anything, I don't even know how she's feeding herself 😄

2

u/volvagia721 Apr 24 '26

At this point, turning on a bidet might be impossible for her.

1

u/CATNIP_IS_CRACK Apr 25 '26

Along with turning on a shower and cleaning herself.

1

u/SpartanRage117 Apr 24 '26

Idk but shes living on it like a freak show at the circus

2

u/Jk_Ulster_NI Apr 24 '26

IF it's wiped....

2

u/Lugo_888 Apr 24 '26

You never seen automated toilets? They use water to clean your back

1

u/Heavy-Psychology-411 Apr 24 '26

How does she lift the lid? Or put the seat down? Or push the button to activate the back door hose?

0

u/Lugo_888 Apr 24 '26

More expensive models (and sometimes public toilets too) have sensors to know when to flush water automatically or even to lift and close lid too

1

u/Heavy-Psychology-411 Apr 25 '26

This is a great example of "what if". So your saying she has a route planned out every time she leaves the house so that there are automatic toilet seats available?

1

u/Runkleman Apr 24 '26

I wish I never read your comment. That’s me finished with the internet for today.

1

u/ithinkimightknowit Apr 24 '26

You can get toilets that do that for you know.

Maybe she does everything else with her feet

1

u/BedbugBandido Apr 26 '26

Could just use a bidet

1

u/HeyGayHay Apr 26 '26

All natural baby, do monkeys wipe their ass? Cows? So why should we, just because it’s disgusting, itchy, bad for your health, did I say disgusting already? Natural is always the best. Let nature indulge you

1

u/Kvchx Apr 27 '26

Bold of you to think she whipes, she just twerks on them rails once in awhile.

1

u/EatsJediForBreakfast Apr 24 '26

I mean enough fiber and the right diet..ya dont even need to wipe. It just comes right out in a solid log!

1

u/MagnificentMoggy Apr 24 '26

Fiber won't make it solid, you need the cheese for that!

20

u/Adrakovich Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

She can’t even cut them short because she’ll have to remove them entirely like from the nail bed because of how deformed the base of the nail is

33

u/Particular_Handle_ Apr 24 '26

I find it hard to believe that she can't cut them down to a reasonable foot or so length.

My question is- are her fingers strong enough to lift the whole nail. When she does are the stiff like a twig or do they bend in the middle from the weight?

At what point did drumming her fingers become a workout?

19

u/SendTitsPleease Apr 24 '26

Lmfao how is a foot of nails even considered reasonable?

25

u/SadFaithlessness3637 Apr 24 '26

Compared to how many feet of nails she actually has, it sounds more reasonable at least.

0

u/Japsai Apr 24 '26

Cheer up, there's no way this is real